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Fallen Leaves - Chapter 6
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Time slipped away quickly, as time usually does when you don't pay attention to it. When our fourth year term ended, being separated from all my friends was difficult, as usual. It was never that I hated my home. It was just that I missed the sense of comradery I received while being with my peers, especially during those full moons that almost seemed too awful to bear alone. James, Sirius, and Peter were always there for me at school, and the time away from them was the time that I fully appreciated just how much they really meant to me.
And then there was Severus, who I had a much easier time communicating with than the others, through the journals he had given me for Christmas. At first we corresponded in this way quite often, although he would never give me any specific details as to what he was doing with his time other than to say he was reading a lot. Which I had no trouble imagining. Yet I always wished he would tell me more, and often I begged him to; when he stopped writing for longer intervals at a time as the summer progressed I explained the reason to myself as being that I had simply pushed him too hard. At least that was all I hoped it to be as the last few weeks stretched out without hearing from him at all.
"Hello there, Prefect Moony. Expect you've had a good summer?"
I looked up in time to see my three friends enter the train car I had chosen to take a seat in while waiting for anyone else to arrive. I found that I was the first there,probably because I had been slightly nervous about my new duties as a prefect from the moment I had received word that I had been made one. My relief at seeing them again was so great that I could only grin broadly as they all entered and sat down around me.
"Well, it's no surprise, really, Sirius. He's the responsible one, after all. Perhaps he'll keep us in line," James chuckled digging an elbow into my ribs playfully.
"Unlikely. Keeping you lot under control would take a lot more than a title and a shiny badge," I stated cynically, shaking my head.
"True," Sirius sighed as he lounged farther back in his seat. "But since we'll always have the threat of detention hanging over our heads..."
"Not like we haven't always, considering..."
"Can I wear your badge for awhile?"
While I was busy laughing at their three different comments, a figure appeared at the still open car door. It was Severus.
My immediate thought was that he had managed to grow several inches taller in the relatively short amount of time since I had seen him last, while his frame had not filled out at all. His hair, looped carelessly behind his ears, now hung all the way down to his shoulders, and he looked extremely tired. It took him all of two seconds to sweep a contemptuous sneer around the car (including me in that look, of course) before he moved on down the train. I looked nervously at the others to see them all gaping, but they recovered quickly.
"Looks like a ten-foot vampire who hasn't fed on fresh blood in weeks."
"I swear his nose istwice as big as before..."
"Ought to follow after him and hex him. Or get Remus to give him detention. He shouldn't be allowed to look at people that way."
I bent down, pretending to re-tie my shoelaces in order to hide my smile, caused partly from amusement and partly from the way my stomach had seemed to suddenly want to tie itself in excited knots. I really had missed him as well, and I longed for any opportunity just to talk to him.
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Things went smoothly when we finally arrived at Hogwarts. I had extra duties as a prefect, of course, but I didn't mind terribly. After the sorting and the feast I had to show the new Gryffindor first years around a bit, ending up at the common room, where I stopped to chat with my friends shortly before heading back out to make sure the halls were clear before curfew.
Humming to myself, I walked quickly, my thoughts currently full of my warm bed, being quite worn out after the long day. A shadow moving slowly toward me caused me to raise my lit wand a little higher in order to see what was there. The shadow shifted and turned into Severus, standing there and watching me with another one of his unreadable expressions.
"You almost scared me there," I said when I managed to find my voice again. "Severus. How are you doing?" I walked toward him, but he started to move around and continue in the direction he had been heading before.
"The usual," he replied shortly. A little confused, I shrugged and hurried to fall into step beside him. His long legs took such large strides that I was hard pressed to keep up.
"The usual? What does that mean?" Trying to be casual about it, I slipped my arm around his waist. Without warning, he jerked away, completely startling me. He glared at me while I did my best to regain my balance.
"Don't." His word, hissed so sharply with obvious pain, confused me even further.
"What...? Severus, what's wrong?" One thin, spidery hand was clutched to his side where I had tried to place my arm, and I stepped closer in concern. "Are you hurt? I--"
"No! Just... go away. Get back to your bloody hallway inspection," he sneered at me.
I sighed. "Being awfully rude to a prefect, you know." I was only half-teasing, but I could hear his teeth grit together in annoyance as he tried to push past me again. "Stop, Severus." He couldn't hide the way he winced when I grabbed his arm, and I held tight despite feeling bad about doing so. "I want to talk to you."
I pulled him along to the first classroom we came to, and he allowed it, although he still muttered curses at me under his breath. Pushing him down into a chair behind a desk, I stood and leaned against the chair in front of it. "Now, what's going on?"
"This is ridiculous. I don't need you lording your new position over me like--"
"I'm not! I'm asking you as a friend. And as someone who cares about you. And you shouldknow that." He calmed slightly, but would only shrug in response. Sighing again, I went around beside him and began loosening the buttons on his shirt, which of course only set him off again.
"What... stop it! Lupin, you... you..."
"Shh." I looked at him with all the sternness I could possibly muster, and he deflated again in defeat.
"Fine. Prat. Don't know why I let you get away with these sorts of things," he mumbled, while I slipped my hands against his cool skin. He shivered, and I peeled his shirt aside, baring his chest and shoulders completely. My sharp intake of breath seemed to go unheeded as he only stared straight ahead stonily.
"Severus... what... how... whodid this to you?"
The sharp angles of his upper body jutted out in a way that left me feeling slightly uncomfortable, bu tthat was nothing compared to how I felt when I saw the network of bruises that covered his pale flesh. Fading yellow marks interspersed with livid blue and purple ones, creating a sight I would not have wished to see on my worst enemy. "Who?" I demanded again, inspecting the large fingerprints along his arms with horror.
"My father," he finally replied, his flat tone and expression not changing in the slightest. "Are you happy now?"
"No!" I exclaimed vehemently, tears building in my eyes despite my efforts to stop them. It was just too much to ask for. "Why?"
"Ah." A faint, ghostly smile flitted across his face, making his eyes look even more empty than before. "It makes me useful."
"Useful? My gods, Severus.. you're brilliant. How can you be not useful?"
"Maybe I am. But that doesn't make me useful now. I'm not old enough yet."
"Old enough for what? Severus!" His gaze was wandering around the room, almost as though he had forgotten I was there.
"Does it to my mum too. It's not like she isn't useful though. Expect I'll kill him someday."
The matter of fact way he stated these things sent a chill straight through me. "No... Severus, no." I grabbed his hand, finding it like ice again despite the warmth of the room. "Let's go to Madam Pomfrey, she can help you--"
"No. I can't explain it to her or anyone."
"Maybe Dumbledore..."
"No. He will kill me if I tell anyone. I'll be dead before anyone knows it." He finally looked at me, his clear expression leaving me in no doubt that he was completely in his right mind. Somehow, knowing as much made everything he had just told me seem even worse.
He pulled his shirt back on slowly as he stood up, his eyes fastened on me, watching a tear that was sliding down my cheek. "I'm sorry... I can't..."
"Don't," he said again, reaching a slim finger out to wipe it away. "No one cries for me. I don't want anyone to start either." I stared at him helplessly, unable to understand how he managed to bear it, wanting to ask, but...
"How do you... feel..." was all I could get out, the words choking up in my throat.
"After awhile... I just stopped feeling." Before I could react, he leaned forward and kissed me, his lips soft against mine. I wanted to touch him. I was afraid of hurting him. But he had already moved back again and was doing up the buttons on his shirt as I looked on in a sort of stupor.
"Well, you know a few secrets of mine now. Perhaps you'll finally see fit to--"
"Remus!"
The scene seemed to freeze before my eyes: me standing with tear tracks on my face in front of Severus with his shirt half unbuttoned... and Sirius standing in the doorway.
"What the bloody hell... is goingon here?"
Everything rushed back together again for me quickly. "Snape, he... hurt himself. It was an accident. I was just making sure he was alright. I'm a prefect," I added stupidly, as though that would justify it all immediately.
"Right." Sirius spoke slowly, his suspicious gaze traveling between the two of us. "And I suppose he tripped because he can't see too well past that enormous nose of his."
"Now, Sirius, don't--"
"I don't need your bloody 'help' anymore, Lupin," Severus suddenly snarled, giving me a vicious shove that caught me off guard and caused me to topple backward over the chair.
"You little prick," Sirius yelled, thankfully rushing toward me first. "Remus, are you alright? Ah shit, he's gone... I'll go after him and--"
"No! No. It's alright," I told him as he helped me up. "It's not worth it... just forget it."
"If you say so..." He looked unconvinced, a very odd sort of look remaining on his face. "But Remus."
"Yes?"
"I want you to stay away from him. I'm serious. He's trouble. You understand that, right?"
"I... yeah, I do," I replied quietly, unable to meet that look any longer. "I have to go."
I left the room, not waiting for Sirius to join me, not thinking of anything but Severus and what he had just told me. Not knowing that someday I would wish that I had been more concerned about what Sirius knew or even suspected.
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Almost a month passed while I got adjusted to another set of classes, my new prefect duties, and what I now knew about Severus' life at home. Some of these came much easier than others.
I didn't actually see Severus much during that time; my visits to the library at night were fairly restricted with everything else I had to do now. Occasionally we would exchange a few words with each other through our journals, but even my opportunities to do that had dwindled. Unfortunately, it also seemed that my other friends, and Sirius in particular, were redoubling their efforts to torment Severus, who of course didn't help matters by fighting back and being horribly nasty in his own right, from what they told me afterward. I could do nothing but shake my head and tell them to try not to get into so much trouble.
Wasn't that all I could do?
It was close to ten o'clock one night when I ran into Severus again on the seventh floor, almost the same as before. "Looking for me?" I grinned up at him. "Gods, you are so much taller. I haven't told you that yet."
"Oh yes, I was looking for a bloody prefect.Exactly what I wanted. Andeveryone says that, so kindly refrain from doing it again."
"Heh. Haven't lost any of your charm over the summer, have you?" He only glared in reply. Chuckling, I led him to the side of the hallway and pulled his head down to kiss him. "Mmm? You're a bit unresponsive."
He shifted from one foot to another, now avoiding looking at me totally. "Didn't think you'd want to do that again since... you know."
"Don't be absurd. I like kissing you. Certainly you know nothing is going to change that." After another silent moment he grabbed me tightly and kissed me again, this time differently than he ever had before. It was fierce, and... well, amazing. And it continued for so long that a small area in the back of my brain began to worry that maybe this was leading to something that would take past curfew to complete.
"Mmf.. mm.. Sev.. are you..."
Footsteps sounded from somewhere down the hall, along with a familiar voice calling my name. Which actually didn't surprise me at all at this point. Severus pulled away quickly, whipping his head around to peer down the hall.
"Not again," he hissed. Grabbing my hand, he half-led, half-dragged me away from the voice, although I wasn't entirely sure he knew where he was going. I tried hard to keep up, but every now and then he gave my arm a painful jerk because I couldn't quite manage it.
"Severus! Where are we going?" I whispered frantically, watching him as he scanned all around as though searching for something.
"There," he replied, staring ahead at a door I had never seen before.
"That... where did that come from? There was never a door there."
"Just shut up and get in." Severus opened the door and shoved me through, entering after and shutting it carefully. "There's a lock. This is good," he muttered, turning it before joining me in inspecting the room itself. It was rather plain and nondescript, dimly lit by a number of candles on several small tables, and otherwise only containing a bookshelf full of dusty-looking books and a...
"A bed? What... what kind of room IS this?" I said, feeling my face flush slightly.
I don't know, exactly. Sometimes when I really need a place to... get away from everyone... it just appears. And it usually contains something I've been thinking I want to do," Severus was saying as he walked over to the bookshelf and leaned down to inspect it.
"Oh, so whatyou were thinking about was reading," I snorted, folding my arms.
"Not totally," he snapped back. "Although... there's this really great book of hexes here that I never have managed to get my hands on before..."
"Severus!"
"Fine," he growled, turning and stalking toward me. "You had better be prepared to deal with the consequences, in that case." I blinked. He was coming at me very fast. I didn't have time to move or even think before he was looming over me again, reaching his hands down around my back and crushing me to him as he kissed me deeply. My senses returned and I responded to him at last, enjoying the feel of his tongue against mine as my hands roamed down his back and lower. His mouth moved away and he bent down far enough to bite my neck.
"Your... teeth... don't do that so hard!" But he didn't relent, and it didn't feelthat bad... and my body my reacting almost of it's own accord... my hips struggling to push against him...
"Do you want to fuck me?"
"What?" I'm afraid I almost fell over backward when Severus whispered this in my ear. He pulled back and looked me straight in the eyes, leaving me no way to escape.
"Do. You. Want. To. Fuck. Me."
"I... I know what you said! Just... could you be less blunt?"
He shrugged. "It's easier to come straight out and say it. So. Do you?"
"I... are you sure you wantme to... to... do it?"
"You're the prefect. Be in charge," he smirked at me. Normally I would have made some comment about how he really did have a sense of humor after all, but I had never before been alone in a room with him when he was at the moment unzipping his bloody trousers. I licked my suddenly dry lips as I struggled to come up with a response.
"What... makes you think I even want to..."
Severus stopped and looked up from what he was doing, rolling his eyes in disgust. "Either you want to, or you keep your wand in a very uncomfortable area of your body, at a rather impossible angle, and it's a lot bigger than I thought it was."
"Severus!" I might have laughed. At some other time. If he hadn't been standing in front of me, half naked. And reaching out to start on my trousers.
All the innuendo and playful situations I had instigated over the past year to him, andnow I was completely flustered. It made perfect sense. Of course.
"So if you want to stop, just say so before it's too late."
"I... no. I want to," I said, feeling as though my heart would burst out of my chest at this admission. I assisted him in the removal of my trousers and pants, feeling my face burn as I knew he was staring at what had been revealed. "Er... I... my shirt?"
"Never mind that," Severus scoffed, turning and laying down on the bed. He stretched out, watching me evenly; my own eyes strangely seemed to want to land anywhere on his body except on what Ireally wanted to look at.
"Stop standing there gawping at me like an utter git. Come over here and do it." These words shocked me out of whatever daze I was in, and I hurried over, lowering myself down gingerly on top of him. Our mouths met again, and most of my reservations fled at the wonderful sensations produced when my almost painfully hard flesh slid over the smooth skin of his upper thigh. He in turn was pressed against me, and it felt so good that I was satisfied merely to kiss him and rock slowly against the slight hollow of his hip for what felt like a long time. But it was probably less than a minute before he pushed me away.
"Stop. I want you to do it now."
"Er... shouldn't we do more... first? I thought..."
"No. Best to just do it straight out now."
"Severus... you really have no sense of romance, do you?"
"Oh, get off it. I'd rather you just did it now. I don't need... I just need... you." He actually looked a bit embarrassed at last, and I smiled before giving him another small kiss.
"Alright." I moved backward and knelt awkwardly between his long, outspread legs, my heart hammering in my chest once more. "Now, what--"
Severus quickly grabbed his wand from the bed beside him, pointing it between both of our legs in turn and muttering some spell I didn't quite catch. "That's what," he said, leaning back again.
"Ah. And where did you learnthat particular trick?" I asked him, a bit suspicious.
"Dolt. As though I wouldn't want to prepare myself beforehand for when this finally happened. I've wanted it to." I supposed I should have been shocked by this, but thinking about it, it was no more shocking than anything else he had already said this evening.
"Well... alright. Now... er... you're a bit low," I said apologetically, fetching my own wand. "This should help." A small levitating charm, centered on his hips, raised them enough to make what I had to do possible. Although I could hardly believe now that Iwas doing it... I noted how Severus' hands were entwined tightly in the bedsheets, and found reassurance in the fact that I wasn't the only one who was nervous.
Moving forward, I lightly held on to his upper legs and started to lean in. "It... it's going to hurt, you know..." I said slowly, hesitating as I found my voice shaking slightly. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.
"Of course," he said, the tremor in his own voice minimal. "The difference is, I want you to." Our gazes locked together for a time, and I nodded in understanding.
At first my motions were slow and erratic, awkward and shallow. But as I became more confidently eager, I moved faster, deeper, as I tried to memorize the picture of Severus laying there beneath me, his ragged hair spread out on the pillow, biting his lip to keep from crying out, his hand moving in the same rhythm as my body...
At last I cried out in completion, and not long after he allowed himself to as well. I lowered his body entirely back down on the bed and we both simply stayed as we were for awhile, gasping from exertion. "It's such a... a...mess," I said sheepishly, taking the opportunity to cast a quick cleaning charm.
"Wonderfully observant, aren't you. I don't suppose you expected itnot to be," he replied sarcastically.
"No, no, just... ah, Sev." I collapsed on top of him and he grunted my chest struck his.
"Regrets?"
"No! I'm just... couldn't you be..."
"Oh, fine. It was fine. You did well. My arse is going to be sore for awhile, but--"
"Severus!"
"--it was enjoyable enough."
I stared at him incredulously, then just burst out laughing. "Severus, you're... just too much, you know that?"
He gave me a rare, genuine smile. "Apparently. And now... how much trouble do you expect we're going to be in as it is well past curfew and we're nowhere to be found? And you a prefect. Shouldn't you have known better?"
He was still smiling. Almost unable to believe it, I gave him my best imitation of his own typically angry face. "You're lucking I'm willing to overlookyour breaking the rules," I chided while we both got up and began replacing our scattered clothes. "Otherwise I'd have to punish you."
"Oh?" he said lazily, stopping to bend over me again. "I suppose I wouldn't mind being punished by a prefect like you." His breath was warm in my ear, then his tongue started tracing slow circles along my neck. "As long as it was a... private affair."
"Sev... er... us... we're... leaving, right?"
"As you wish," he shrugged. "I'll leave first. Of course we shouldn't be seen together." He turned to go, but hesitated at the door. "Remus."
"Yes?"
"Thank you." Without pause to look at me, he left. My knees were shaking, I discovered. But I wasn't worried yet about the excuses I would soon have to come up with.
Mostly I was concerned about when we would get the chance to do it again.
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You have to remember they're teenaged boys, eh? That was the entire basis for my last line. Ahem.. :P Hope everyone liked this chapter. I'm pretty sure it won't take a month for the next.