A/N: Hello, and welcome to the Reverse of the King Chapter 4!!! Yay! Anyway, we'll see exactly what's been going on with Faramir in Osgiliath. In our next episode we'll catch up with Legolas and Gimli.
Boromir Aragorn
Frodo Gimli
Gandalf Pippin
Gimli Sam
Legolas Frodo
Merry Merry
Pippin Legolas
Sam Gandalf
Denethor Eowyn
Eomer Denethor
Eowyn Theoden
Theoden Eomer
Gollum Gollum
Saruman Grima Wormtongue
Grima Wormtongue Saruman
Chapter Four: What's going on over that River there?
In Osgiliath...
"Hey, anyone hear that suspicious noise coming from over yonder?" Asks Ranger 4.
"It's the ORCS! They're here to kill me!" Faramir wails, pounding his head against a rock wall.
"It's OK, sir, we'll get through this." Ranger 3 says comsolingly.
"No we won't!"
"Sir, we've got scouts in Cair Andros, so we've got warning from the north." Says Ithilien Ranger Leader Dude (IRLD).
Suddenly, a Ranger gets shot with an Arrow!
"They're not coming from the north! HELLO!!" Faramir says, handing out swords and running to the River.
"Faster and draw swords, you scurvy dogs!" Says Gothmog, who will now be called Blown Up Peep Dude.
"Uh, since when did you become a pirate captain?" asks Orc 1.
"Since today!" Blown Up Peep Dude says.
"Good enough." Orc 1 says.
"Hurry, to the River!" Faramir says.
"Please don't kill me!" Ranger 6 says, praying to the Valar above.
"Oh, grow up!" Ranger 2 says.
Suddenly the Orcs start pouring in.
"RARRRRRRRRRRR!" Faramir yells, jumping out and stabbing some Orcs.
Soon, a massive battle is happening and there's much blood and gore. Yay. Unfortunately, the Orc Slaughter turns and it soon becomes a Ranger Slaughter. Among the dead (and/or dying) is IRLD.
"Hahahaa! The Age of Men is Over!! The Age of the Orc is here! PARTY!" says Blown Up Peep Dude.
Faramir and Co. ride back to Minas Tirith. Unfortunately, the Nazgul appear. Right at the very second.
Sam and Gandalf (Samdalf and Pippin) ride out of the gate, Sam cursing about the Nazgul having to show up NOW!
"Come on, you damn walking staff thing, TURN ON, DANGNABBIT!"
"SAM! All you have to do is thwunk it against your head!" Gandalf says.
"Thanks!" Sam says, thwunking the staff over Gandalf's head.
"Ouch..."
The Gandalf Flashlight turns on and scares away the Nazgul.
"Good show, Samdalf!" Gandalf yells.
They ride in the Gate of Minas Tirith and soon Faramir comes up to Gandalf.
"Mithrandir! They took the bridge and the west bank." Faramir says.
"That's interesting..." Sam says.
"Wait...he's Gandalf." Faramir says, pointing to Gandalf.
"Actually, I'm a Hobbit." Gandalf says.
"Yeah, I'm Gandalf." Sam says.
"Oi vay." Faramir says. "Well, anyway, Gandalf and...his hobbit friend...they broke through our defenses. The city is lost, etc. etc."
"Thank you." Sam says.
"Oh, by the by, are you in cahoots with a freakishly pansy Elf and a dwarf in need of Anger management?" Faramir asks.
"Why, yes we are! Frodolas and Samli!" Sam says cheerfully.
"Frodolas and Samli?" Faramir asks, looking scared.
"Well, their real names are Legolas and Gimli, but they're playing the part of Sam and Frodo, so they're Frodolas and Samli."
"And who might you be?"
"Well, I'm Samdalf, and this is..."
"Gandalf. I got the part of Pippin. NOT FUN!" Gandalf whines.
"Is this why my 'father' is now Eomer of the Mark and my real father is running about being a crossdresser?" Faramir asks.
"Exactly." Sam says.
"Well, if that's not disturbing with a capital D, I don't know what is."
"By the way, what's up with Frodolas and Samli?" Sam asks.
"They took the road to the Morgul Vale."
"WHAT?" Gandalf yells.
"Is that bad or something?" Sam asks.
"Hot Hellfire it's bad!"
"Faramir, can you tell us everything?" Sam asks.
A few moments later...
"So, wait, lemme get this straight...you sent the Ring...into Mordor...in the hands...of a freakishly pansy Elvish prince with a confused sexual identity and a dwarf in need of anger management??" Eomer says.
"Well, yeah." Faramir says.
"Oi vay, my 'son' is STUPID!" Eomer screams.
"Well, what would you have me do?"
"Bring the Ring BACK! DUR!" Eomer yells.
"Well, SORRY for not wanting to get corrupted today!" Faramir yells back.
"You know what? You're a MOPE! You're brother, what's his face, that Aragorn/Boromir person (Let's call him Aramir) would have brought it back!"
"Uh, he would have taken this thing for his own and if he came back you wouldn't have known him!" Faramir says.
"YEAH RIGHT!" Eomer yells, but his ulcers start to kick in and he goes delirius!! He sees Aramir (aka Aragorn) over Faramir's shoulder. Aragorn is having a wild n' crazy time in the Islands, doing the Limbo with some hot dead chicks.
"ARAMIR!! ARAGORN!!!" Eomer yells.
"Uh..."
"GET OUT, YOU FOOL!" Eomer screams, ordering a 500 piece bucket of chicken wings from KFC Minas Tirith.
A/N: I hope you liked this issue. Sorry for taking so darn long with it. Anyway, I love the phrase 'oi vay' (it's sheer genius!). Anyway, if you care to leave a review, go right ahead. I shall be eternally grateful.