Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate or any of its characters. I do love to write about them though.

This story is set after the television series when Atlantis is back in the Pegasus galaxy.

This is a story I have had on my mind to write for a long time. I hope you enjoy it.

Prologue

Somewhere in the Pegasus galaxy.

Standing on his favourite balcony by the control room John looked out into space and asked himself whether the trials and struggles had been worth it. So much loss and destruction, perhaps it was too much for one man to bear alone and right now that was how he felt – completely alone.

The stars were dim and distant, there wasn't a planet in sight, and he knew that if he emptied his mind of all negative thought, it could be peaceful staring at the vast emptiness of space – a never-ending dark void of nothingness. It was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. In fact, it reflected his current mood, one of loss and despair, with a hint of melancholy thrown in.

He'd had friends once, but they had all left him, died, or become sick and were dying. Perhaps that was the way it had to be, anyone who got close to him left him one way or another. It had happened time and time again over his lifetime and he often wondered if he was cursed.

Sighing he thought back to what had happened over the last decade of his life, and he never imagined it would lead to this. Alone again, like he had been at so many other times in his life. Perhaps loss was the price he paid for friendship and love, maybe it was always the price to be paid.

When had it all gone wrong, was it when they'd left earth, bound for the Pegasus galaxy once again or was it when he'd ended up in the Pegasus galaxy in the first place? Was it when he'd been shipped off to Antarctica after disobeying a direct order in Afghanistan – not that it mattered because he had failed to rescue his friends anyway? Maybe if General O'Neil hadn't asked him to fly to the secret research base on Antarctica, he would still be flying choppers in that cold desolate wasteland – at least there it was peaceful most of the time. Or did it start before that with the endless arguments with his father? Maybe it was after his mother died and his Dad wanted him to join the family business. His father was gone now, and his brother was barely speaking to him, but that didn't matter because his brother was on earth and he had no idea whether he would ever see him again. Not that he cared because there was too much going on in his life right now.

Perhaps it was the day they had left earth after being stranded there for over a year. Teyla had been happy at the chance of seeing Kanaan again – although he had no desire to see the man. Torren who had just turned two had no idea who Kanaan was, and he couldn't quite work out why his mother was so happy. Teyla had told him that Kannan was his father and the kid had just pointed at him and said 'Dad.' Teyla had quickly dispelled that by saying, 'no that is Uncle John, and he is not your Dad.' Ouch, that had hurt.

Ronon and Amelia had grown close to each other in the time they had been on earth as had Rodney and Jennifer, at the time he had wondered if there were going to be any weddings in the near future. But now things had changed, Ronon and Amelia were gone, and Rodney and Jennifer were constantly fighting.

Thinking back to the day they'd left earth; he concluded that the hardest part was that Woolsey would not be returning to the Pegasus galaxy with them. He had been promoted to Full-bird Colonel on Earth and given command of Atlantis. Lorne had been promoted to Lt Colonel and was given the job of Military commander and his 2IC.

Carson had come back to the Pegasus galaxy with them and once they'd arrived, he had immediately left to treat the sick and injured off-world, leaving Dr Jennifer Keller in charge of the infirmary again. Dr Cole had remained on Earth as had Marie, but they now had several new nurses on Atlantis and many good doctors. He still missed Carson though because he felt that Carson was the only doctor who understood him. Jennifer had got to know him better over the years and he had come to respect and trust her – but she still wasn't Carson.

Rodney and Zelenka had both come back to the Pegasus galaxy with Atlantis and they had become remarkably good friends spending a lot of their time together. They still bickered constantly, but it was clear that they respected each other.

Chuck Campbell and Amelia Banks had returned to the Pegasus galaxy as senior gate technicians and most of the other control room staff had returned as well, but now Amelia was no longer with them and Chuck was the most senior gate Technician they had left.

It had been three years since the day they'd left earth and now they were floating endlessly in space looking for a home. When they had started their current Journey, they'd had three full ZPMs, but now they were down to their last one and if they didn't find a place to land soon, they would be stranded forever in the endless void of space.

They'd had a home once, but that had been destroyed by an unknown enemy even more menacing than the wraith, leading them to their current predicament.

It had been horrifying as a beam of immense power had torn apart the planet. Before the planet had been destroyed, he'd seen the oceans boil and turn to steam and the mainland turn to molten lava. It had been their home for nearly two and a half years, so everyone who had witnessed the destruction of the planet had a haunted look in their eyes. The worst thing about it was that whoever or whatever had destroyed their world was still out there and he knew that there was every possibility that the enemy would come looking for Atlantis.

The nightmares since that time had been horrific as he'd lived the moment time and time again in his dreams. And in his dreams, everyone died, he often woke to the sound of his own screaming, and he wondered if anyone else had heard him. After the most disturbing nightmares, he had spent countless hours walking the deserted parts of the city. This led him to believe that sleep deprivation was a big part of why he felt so depressed. Looking at most of the occupants of the city, he suspected that they were having similar nightmares. From what he'd heard Doc Robinson was working overtime – but he had to wonder who she was seeing about her own mental health issues.

An annoying voice interrupted his contemplations," hey Sheppard I was looking for you."

"Now you've found me. What do you want McKay?"

"We should have power restored sometime in the next couple of hours."

"That's great McKay, but unless you can find us a planet to land on, it will make no difference."

"We're working on that."

"Well, why don't you get back to it and don't contact me again until we're ready to move!?"

He was relieved when Rodney left leaving him to his contemplations, he knew that he was being rude to his friend, but right now there was so much going on and he was sure that his friend couldn't begin to understand.

Turning back to look at the hauntingly beautiful view, he let his mind wander back to the day they had left Earth….

TBC…

Please let me know what you think.