Title: Life

Author: ReticentSurprise

Rating: R for uber-angst, extra depression, and doing mean things to Mark & Co. (Incidentally, "R" for "ReticentSurprise" as well. Whee!)

Pairing: Roger/Mimi, Maureen/Joanne. Several years post-RENT. Sorry, no Mark/Roger.

Disclaimer: I have a playbill with their names in it! Does that make them mine?

A/N: This started out COMPLETELY different. Well. Okay, not completely. But I realized it wasn't going to go where I wanted it to go, and then I realized that was because I forgot to include a fairly essential element in pushing the plot that direction. So I have no idea where this is headed. Scary, ni? And regarding the chapter titles: I've never been a fan of using lyrics as titles, don't know why. But when I started titling the chapters, I started at 4 and worked my way backwards, and found myself using lyrics.

Chapter One A/N: Pretend you walked into the loft and found Mark's camera, sitting by itself. Pretend you pressed "REWIND," then "PLAY" when it reached the end. This is what you'd see. In this universe, at least.

-------

Chapter One: Another Empty Life

-------

"October 1st, 6 pm, Eastern Standard Time. Pan around the empty loft. A far cry from a few years ago. Benny's gone: Allison moved him to the west coast and we haven't heard from him since. Collins will wander in for a visit from time to time, but one person paying the rent on Angel's old apartment is cheaper than splitting the loft rent, so he lives there. Maureen's still with Joanne: when they're not at work, they're working on their relationship. They've already sent one psychiatrist into therapy.

"Mimi's getting sicker. Roger's taking care of her, but soon they won't be able to afford the rent down there. They'll move back up here when that happens, but they like the privacy of her place while they've got it. Not that I'm much of an intrusion. I try not to be, anyway.

"Zoom in on the fridge. Empty, like the loft. I sometimes wonder if I'm really living here."

-------

"October 8th, 8 pm, Eastern Standard Time. Another day, another dollar I wish I was being paid. Pawned the hotplate Mom sent a few Christmases ago that I've never used. Except that one time, trying to keep Mimi warm. That Christmas we almost lost her. Managed to buy enough food for the next month, at least. Glad I like store-brand cereal. Roger says he'll go busking with the accoustic tomorrow if I feel up to facing Mimi's PMS without male backup. I asked if he remembered how long I put up with Maureen.

"Mimi hates it up here, I can tell. She misses her apartment. I don't blame her: I hate it here too. The loft smells like -- shit, I can't even identify it any more. Years of Chinese food, pizza, cheap beer, love, cigarettes, death, drugs, sex, and blood have given the loft a distinctive odor, a life of its own. It's suffocating, suffocating me, killing me.

"Killing Mimi.

"I gotta get out of here."

-------

"October 11th, 3 pm, Eastern Standard Time. Pawned off another of Mom's Useless Gifts, this time a blender. What the hell do I need a blender for? Didn't buy food with it though. Didn't buy anything. I'm saving up for something, I just haven't found out what yet.

"It'll come to me. I can wait."

-------

"October 14th, 10 pm, Eastern Standard Time. Mimi was feeling great this morning, so we went with Roger busking. He played, Mimi danced, I kept an eye out for petty thieves and cops. Roger's busking license wouldn't cover Mimi, and we can't afford legal bills on top of hospital bills. Made pretty good money; split it five ways -- equally split between the three of us, AZT, and food. I guess they thought I'd buy film or something. I'm still saving up, though. I'm beginning to get an idea about what I'm saving for."

-------

"November 7th, 3 am, Eastern Standard Time. Mimi's in the hospital. Roger spends all his time there too. I spend all my time working. This is the first chance I've had to pick up my camera in at least three weeks -- I got a job at Life Cafe during the day, and at a bar at night. The bar's pretty sleazy, but we really need the money. Mimi was the only one of us to pull in steady money, and now Roger's not gigging or busking.

"I'm so tired. I don't know how Roger's keeping awake. I don't know how he's keeping it together, either. I think Mimi's giving him some of her strength, and I'm scared of what that implies.

"Joanne and Maureen keep dropping food off t the loft, but no one's home to eat it. I usually end up dropping it off for Collins, or the homeless shelter around the corner.

"I went to the airport last week. I've got enough in my stash for a one-way ticket to LA -- provided I don't intend to rent a car once I get there and I don't mind sleeping under a boardwalk. Hah. Can't you just see that? Mark Cohen, beach bum. Filming the teeny-boppers and suntanners by day and the whores and homeless at night. It has a certain disgusting appeal to it.

"Not that I could leave now. Not with Mimi like she is.

"But it's a thought."

-------

"Oh God. Oh God. I'm trying to . . . I'm calming down. I'm . . . just like I used to. Calm down, Mark, calm down. Okay.

"November 16th, 3 am, Eastern Standard Time. Just got back from . . . just got home -- oh, god, i'm going to be sick again --"

-------

"November 16th, 4 am, Eastern Standard Time. I think I'd be okay if I could just stop throwing up. And if I had the courage to call someone . . . "

-------

"November 16th, 7 am, Eastern Standard Time. Called in sick to Life today. Tony didn't believe me at first, but I was sick on the phone and he got worried. Said if he saw someone I knew he'd send them over. I don't know if I want them here or not.

"Oh, God . . . I gotta keep something down, or get to sleep, or something . . . anything . . . "

-------

"November 16th, 9 am, Eastern Standard Time. An hour ago I started coughing up, throwing up blood. I'm dizzy . . . can't get off the floor. I should call someone . . . call Collins . . Collins is at work . . . call Joanne -- at work . . . why? . . . who else? . . . god . . . "

-------