YES! Another chapter! I apologize for the extra-long delay. It is a bad habit of mine. Bad! Bad Alex!
Believe it or not, this story is nearing completion. And hopefully ::crosses fingers:: I'll be able to update again in the next few weeks.
Reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated.
Thanks to Spinereader and Skippy's Cat for reviewing the last chapter. Über-special-AWESOME thanks to Faraday, who has stuck with me since Chapter 2. And thanks to Serena B, Etowato, Rai Dorian, and Azaz the Unabridged for hopefully possibly PLEASE? continuing to read this fic.
Enjoy!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------After breakfast, Allen collected his traveling gear. "Where are you going?" Celena asked. Her brother's long blonde hair partially obscured his face as he bent over a mud-splotched leather bag. "We are going to the capital. They need me there on business, and while I can't get out of it, I can't leave you here alone, either." He stopped fussing with the buckles and straps, sighing. "This war hasn't been easy on anyone, and cleaning up is almost as bad as the actual fighting…" Celena was unsurprised to find herself again in her brother's fierce embrace, her view reduced to Caeli Knight blue and out-of-focus strands of gold. She returned the gesture with her own fierce hug.
"I wish I could stay here at home with you," Allen said softly into the top of her head. "This never should have happened to you."
"Brother," Celena said, moving back, "Don't blame yourself."
She had no idea how she looked to Allen then, standing in the sun-streaked golden aura created by their hair. She had no idea that her smile, meant to be reassuring, gave Allen the impression that he was holding an angel.
"Why shouldn't I?" His sadness showed in his voice and face. Allen shouldn't be sad. Allen shouldn't hate himself for what those monsters did!
Celena drew herself up, righteously angry on behalf of her chivalrous sibling.
"What those people did had nothing to do with you! It could have happened to anyone, in fact, it did happen to many people. And besides, without you, I wouldn't have survived to be here now. You keep saving me. You've always saved me. And…" she gulped slightly and looked down, "and you listened to me. About him."
"You're the only one who knows what it's like," said Allen. "Although," he continued, "I don't think I would have, before the war." Celena looked at him curiously, wanting to ask why. Before she could form the words, however, Allen told her.
"I always believed in my sword, in strong walls. Things I could touch.
"There was a girl, about your age, who came from the Mystic Moon. She came by a sort of magic, the magic of the Atlanteans that makes will into power. She claimed to be able to see the future, and I didn't believe her.
"But she was right. There was something I couldn't see, and it was true. I grew to care for her, and I wanted to protect her from everything, the same way I want to protect you from everything.
"But I couldn't. I would have put her somewhere safe, somewhere far away. But no walls could have protected her from her destiny. I was trying to save her from the choices she had to make, and it was through her choices that we were all saved.
"So, I still want to keep you safe and far away. But I know that locking you away and not listening to you isn't the way to do that."
Now that Hitomi's gone and Father's ghost is laid to rest, you're the only thing keeping me on my path, he suddenly realized. Though there's a demon in you, you're still an angel, and you're the one who's saved me. Allen contemplated his dumbstruck sister a little longer. Then, glancing at the clock, he became all business again. "I'll tell you the full story sometime," he promised. "Right now, you need to pack some clean clothes and whatever books you'll need for two weeks." And with that, he strode away and out the door, across the field and to the stable.
A slow, surprised grin spread over Celena's face. "Well, I suppose I'll pack, then," she said to the clock, and went back to her room.
As she mentally planned her luggage, her smile faded.
I'll bring this dress, the nice one in case we have to go to dinner, the comfy blue one in case I get tired of being proper, my night shift, two sets of underthings, these shoes, the good shoes, boots, a few ribbons, my brush, The History of Gaea, Plant Physiology, Collected Fables and Folklore of Fanelia, and Father's fifth journal, my second journal, Mother's necklace, and the monster in my head. Can't leave him.
She turned and hiked out to the stables herself, lugging her two traveling bags with her. As she opened the outside door, the light momentarily blinded her.
Gods. I wish I could leave his memories even more. Remembering her dream, how close she had felt to that monster, how she had been Dilandau, she felt a sense of dread oozing over her, followed by hopelessness.
I'm never going to escape. I can't escape, I was him, maybe he's me...He'll always be there, I'll always be a danger to everyone, Allen and any friends I happen to make and especially Van…
No! The despair triggered grief and determination. They welled up in her as she gave her bags to Allen to tie to the horses' saddles. I can't let Dilandau get Van or anyone. I don't want to be a killer, and I don't want to make Allen sad.
She wanted to vow bravery and strength and victory over the evil inside her. She wanted to be as unequivocal as her brother's sense of justice. But she couldn't. It was all she could do to hope in the face of all that fear, let alone try to vanquish it.
I am a small, weak thing.
She got onto the horse feeling almost nauseous with dread. She forced a smile for Allen while he helped her into her stirrups, but the world around her was fading to inconsequence beside the problem of her inner demon, and she made much of the journey staring fixedly at the back of her horse's head.
When they arrived in the capital, Celena and Allen were greeted by a beautiful sunset and the royal family. Feeling generally miserable, Celena hung back, content to let her brother do the talking. She was too tired to interact with strangers.
"Allen! It's so good to see you! I'm so glad, I thought we'd never see each other for months, with everything." After dismounting, Celena looked up to see a blonde woman hugging Allen. Maybe that's Millerna, she thought. A look at the woman's wardrobe brought a start of surprise. Allen never said anything about pants.
The woman turned in time to see Celena looking at her with a puzzled expression.
"Oh Allen, she looks just like you!" the princess exclaimed. Walking over to the reticent Celena, the older girl caught the younger in a cheerful hug. "It's a pleasure to have you visiting us! I'm not sure how busy I'll be, but I hope we can spend lots of time together and be friends!"
"Uh…thank you…" murmured Celena uncertainly. She looked pleadingly at her brother. You never said anything about making friends!
If Allen understood her horror at being confronted with someone so overwhelmingly bubbly, he ignored it. "I'm sure you will be. You two have much in common."
Is he joking?! Her personality is all over the place!Before she could brood over it any longer, they were ushered through the palace to their rooms in the guest quarters. Normally Allen had a place in the special Caeli barracks, but he wanted to stay close to Celena. Their small but comfortable rooms were next door to each other, on the third floor with windows overlooking the bay. Celena could not remember seeing the ocean.
"It's amazing," she said, captivated by the view through the glass. "The way it moves…it's beautiful."
"It's one of my favorite things about the capital," said Millerna, coming to stand beside Celena. "I don't get to go to the seashore nearly often enough."
She turned suddenly to the younger girl, an excited smile on her face. "Oh! I could take you there while you're here! We could pack food and go swimming. It would be lovely to get away from all the official business for a day. What do you think?"
Celena was still not used to talking with much of anyone besides Allen, and the princess's benign interest in her was overwhelming. "I…would like to see the ocean." She blushed at her verbal clumsiness and looked at her feet. "It is gracious of you to offer."
The bubbling princess smiled her dazzling smile. "Wonderful! I'll talk to people about arranging it. We can go in a few days, once you've gotten used to everything.
"I'm sorry, but I have to leave you now. Many things to get done," she excused herself, leaning in to hug Celena one last time. Then she turned and left, a whirlwind of hair and cheer.
Celena sank to the chair beside the window. What was that? She'd never met anyone like the princess.
She's nothing. Why should she intimidate me? So she talks a lot, so what. I answered her just fine, didn't I?
So tired.
She started to undress for sleep. The sea looks nice, though. I'm glad she offered to take me, not that I need a chaperone.
She looked out the window once more, in time to see the fading purple of the sky shimmer on the water. The sea is beautiful. She smiled.
I'll do fine here. For the first time in days, Celena felt assured. I can be here and talk to people other than Allen and enjoy myself. I can live a life without Dilandau.
She could hear the muffled and distant sounds of the city, and the not-so-muffled sounds of the palace courtyard. But as Celena lay down to sleep, her mind was blessedly quiet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The next several days to go by were remarkably pleasant. Her whole life, Celena had never had anything like a friend: there had been no other children at the Schezar estate when she was a child, there were no other young people there now, and in Zaibach…well, trust had been too painful.
Celena found out soon enough that Allen was right about her and Millerna. While the princess's outgoing, chatty nature was vastly different from her own reserve, the two girls discovered early on a mutual affinity for science.
Celena had been surprised by Millerna, but nothing about the princess was more surprising than her medical studies. Celena had taken her to be friendly and charming and not much else, so learning that there was significant drive and intelligence behind the cheer astounded her.
"You performed surgery on Allen?" she asked, awed.
"Well, yes. I tell you, don't ever do that if you have any other choice, because it was the hardest, most nerve-wracking thing I've ever done. We're all lucky I didn't make a mistake."
Celena felt a strong combination of admiration and guilt. This 'silly woman' saved my brother's life. I misjudged her.
From then on, Celena opened up to Millerna almost entirely. She talked described her hunger for books, stories, anything written, and her particular fascination for plants.
"It's just amazing how they work. You know why they lean towards the sun? Well, for energy, of course, but the actual mechanics of the leaning? There are tiny parts that collect where more sun is, and they're heavier than other places on the plants, so the plants lean."
On her end, Millerna offered information freely, though not very private information. Celena soon heard that she had two older sisters, one surviving, how long Millerna had been studying medicine, how long she had known Allen, certain stories from the war. She too had things to say about Hitomi.
"She was completely weird. Weird clothes, weird attitude, always swinging that necklace around, fainting or trying to predict the future."
All in all, it was a good beginning to a good friendship. Both girls saw qualities in the other that they could admire, and their differences made conversation interesting.
Celena's confidence grew as fast. Soon she was comfortable with Millerna and in the palace, and was starting to become comfortable in the city. She might have been happy, if she had been comfortable with herself.
The closer she got to Millerna, the more afraid Celena became. She doesn't know, she hasn't said anything about him or asked me if I'm well…she doesn't know. And when she finds out she'll stop being my friend. With good reason.
Walking through the city, her eyes darting from place to place but her attention focused inward, Celena brooded. Millerna didn't notice, and continued to point out interesting landmarks or shops she liked. She giggled at the sight of a street performer putting on a children's play.
I don't need her. She makes too much noise, anyway.
Celena was soon distracted when Millerna dragged her into yet another shop. She didn't seem convinced that the younger girl had enough clothes to last her stay in the capital. Celena obliged her, feeling little interest but just as little inclination to resist. In the late afternoon, they returned to the palace with two new dresses and various accessories for Celena, a new pair of shoes and some medical disinfectant for Millerna. Celena didn't even remember some of the things she had bought.
"Thank you for buying these for me, you really didn't have to…" you REALLY didn't.
"Oh, don't worry dear, it's the least I could do. Besides, now we can dress up for dinner tonight!" Celena still couldn't figure out why such things delighted Millerna so. Ah well.
It will be fun to sit with her some more.
At the thought of spending more time with her exuberant friend, a tentative smile lighted on Celena's face. "I'd like that."
Millerna's jubilant grin dazzled Celena, who found herself laughing at the giddy feeling that rose up in her. Millerna joined in as she grabbed her fashion protég's wrist and dashed off to her chambers.
"Let's use my room! I have a big mirror, and brushes and combs and perfume, oh you must wear this particular fragrance, I think it's perfect for you…"
In her bewilderment, Celena was nonetheless happy.
Perhaps there's something amusing about this "dressing up" after all, if Millerna likes it so much.
Heh. I wonder what I look like all prettied up?