Note: I apologize for spelling and grammar mistakes in this chapter and the previous ones. I recently got a new computer, and I hate Word Perfect. My spell checker sucks. I'm doing my best to fix things as I find them. Please bear with me.

-pixie

Disclaimer: You know we don't own KA or PotC, but we do own the pigeon.

Concerning Pigeons

Cerdic watched as the last of the Saxon army swam ashore. They had very randomly appeared in the ocean, and were now even more dumbfounded than usual.

"Father," Cynric said, squeezing water out of his ragged beard. "What are we doing exactly?"

Cerdic turned to glare at his half-wit son. "Well," he said, "What doesn't it look like we're doing? We're picking strawberries."

Cynric looked around, confused, "But..." He rubbed his chin in frustration, then brightened. "Oh! I get it! You were being sarcastic!"

His father patted him on the head patronizingly. "Child prodigy here," he muttered.

"What?" asked Cynric, scratching his ugly, bald head, bewildered by the big words his father used.

The Saxon leader rolled his eyes and shouted to the army, "Look for a tavern! When you find one, report back to me."

His men fanned out, but one rather stupid looking one stayed behind, staring around dazedly.

"What's the problem?" Cerdic asked the man, who stared at him stupidly.

"No mindless destruction and burning things?" he asked hopefully.

Cerdic thought for a moment then said, "I think I have a new game for you." He turned to Cynric. "You run as fast as you can in that direction," he told him.

"Oh. Okay," Cynric said, and tore off in the direction his father pointed.

"Now," Cerdic told the particularly stupid soldier, "The point of the game is..."

He handed him a lighter off of a nearby "I Love Port Royal" merchandise rack.

"The point is to set his beard on fire. Now...GO!" He shoved the man after Cynric and watched with delight.

---

Dagonet glanced out the window of the governor's parlor. He was surprised to see an unusually ugly Saxon run past, followed by another Saxon carrying a lighter. He smiled to himself and pointed it out to everyone else.

Guinevere didn't find it quite as amusing. "Saxons?" she cried. "What's next, pigeons with mohawks?"

The bird on the windowsill smoothed his new hairdo and flew off, offended.

Everyone stared out the window as the pursuing Saxon tackled the exceedingly ugly one and set fire to his beard.

"Are all Saxons like this?" Elizabeth asked, intrigued.

"Pretty much," Arthur told her.

Jack strode back into the room, swaggering more than usual, and stopped in front of the window. "Is that a cursed pirate?" he asked, squinting at the Saxon with his beard ablaze.

"No," said Will, "Just a Saxon."

Jack made a face. "Are they all that ugly?" he asked Arthur.

"No. He's just exceptionally ugly," Arthur answered.

"Good!" Jack sighed. "I don't think I could stand to see more than one of him at once!"

Guinevere shuddered at the thought. Elizabeth gagged.

Galahad entered the room from the direction of the kitchen. He hiccupped loudly. "You're out of wine," he informed Elizabeth.

"Looks like we'll have to go to a tavern then." Jack said. "Maybe if I get very drunk I'll forget about that." He gestured out the window.

"Oh no you don't," said Will sternly. "We need to figure out what to do with these Saxons."

"There's only one thing to do with them," Tristan said. "Kill them."

"They're your problem mate. Not mine," Jack told Will. "You're the one who killed our good friend the commodore."

"It's your sword!" Will objected.

Jack glanced around the room for someone to blame. He pointed at Elizabeth. "It's her dress!" he argued.

Bors and Gawain came back from the kitchen. "You're out of wine," Bors told Elizabeth.

"I know," she grumbled.

"Well?" asked Gawain, "What are we going to do about it?"

Arthur stood up. "If you weren't so drunk, you'd know that the Saxons are here."

There was a long silence in which Bors, Galahad, and Gawain stared at Arthur. The silence was broken when Galahad hiccupped.

Then Bors said, "Saxons? Damn. I was starting to like this place. Oh well. Let's get 'em."

"Wait," said Elizabeth with a smile, "I have a better idea."

---

Gillette's afternoon had been a busy one. The sudden abundance of ugly, hairy brutes had given the townspeople cause for alarm. He and his men arrested a few for arson, but most of them successfully evaded capture.

He was looking forward to a pleasant evening at home. He'd just seated himself in his favorite chair when the doorbell rang. Annoyed, he got up to answer it, ignoring the fact that he was in his bathrobe and fuzzy bunny slippers.

Whatever he was expecting, it was not what he found. Elizabeth Swann, Will Turner, Jack Sparrow, and the knights all stood on his doorstep. He glowered at them.

Elizabeth caught the door before he had a chance to slam it in their faces. "We have something important to tell you."

"What?" he groaned.

"Port Royal is in grave danger."

"Oh really?"

"Yes." She began rambling, "You see, there was this sword, and we accidentally brought some ancient warriors to Port Royal, and some of the are good, but some aren't, some are-."

"Big, ugly, and hairy?" Gillette guessed.

"And smelly," added Dagonet.

"How did you know?" Elizabeth asked.

"Lucky guess. Besides, they've been running all over town setting things and people on fire. Bloody pyros!"

"You should kill them," Tristan commented.

"What have they done that merits death?"

"They're Saxons," he said, as if that explained everything.

---

A drunken Saxon staggered up to Cerdic. "We found a tavern," he slurred.

The leader kicked him. "I can see that, you imbecile," he muttered. "Take me there."

Neither Saxon noticed the pigeon glaring at them from a nearby palm tree. It followed them all the way to the tavern. Then it sat by the windowsill and watched as Cerdic bought a drink and sat at the table by the window. The bird listened intently to the Saxon leader's plans.

"I don't know how we got here, but I don't like it. First thing tomorrow morning, we'll take some ships from the port and sail back to Britain."

"Do you know the way back to Britain?" asked a drunken Saxon.

Cerdic hit him over the head with a rubber mallet. "Don't ask stupid questions."

"Do what you like tonight," he continued, "But we leave tomorrow at dawn."

Seeing that there was no more information to be gleaned from the conversation, the pigeon took wing and left.

---

Cynric massaged his singed chin as he wandered aimless down the street. He stopped to sneer at a passing child, who was staring at his visage in horror.

This action did not escape the notice of a clever pigeon who decided that the stupid Saxon needed to be taught a lesson. Without further ado, the aforementioned bird pooped directly on top of Cynric's stupid, bald head. It then flew away, listening happily to the Saxon's screams of rage.

Thanks to reviewers! xStarryEyedx, Mustang Gal (yeah...pirates and knights in the same fic sighs), elvish-princess130990 (the nasal spray is Kait's doing)

-pixie