Note: So, so sorry! I know we took forever to update, but we've been quite busy, and between work and school, it's hard to find time for random inspiration. But here we are with the seventh chapter, and it's still only 2004. I find that pretty impressive...so yeah.
All Around the Mulberry Bush
"Dead men tell no tales!" wailed Mr. Cotton's Parrot in a singsong voice.
The Saxon leader resolutely ignored him.
"Wind in your sails," he continued from his slightly too small canary cage. His tail feather were smushed up against the bars in a very undignified way.
Cerdic began to contemplate how hard he'd have to throw an apple for it to be deadly to a bird. He stared at the apple in his hand, and then, deciding against killing the bird for the time being, lifted it to his mouth to take a bite. A resounding SPLAT distracted him from his food.
"Incompetent fools," he muttered, and flung open his cabin door. The sight that greeted him was not what he had expected, to say the least. Come to think of it, nothing like this had ever even entered his cruel and twisted scrap of a mind. There before him, lay a disgruntled looking pigeon, and around him stood three Saxon soldiers, pointing their crossbows at him.
Cerdic raised an eyebrow, and the pigeon got to his feet straightening the small pirate hat he wore upon his head.
"Lower yer weapons," he growled at the Saxons, who dropped their bows from sheer surprise at hearing the pigeon speak.
The soldiers stepped back, and Cerdic approached the bird, who held himself up to his full height, wings folded across his chest in a very un-pigeon-ish way.
"Who are ye?" the pigeon said rather rudely to Cerdic.
Cerdic considered kicking the insolent bird, but maintained a civil attitude. He drew his sword and held it level with the pigeon's neck. "Do not anger me, bird. It would be no trouble for me to kill you at all."
The pigeon looked at him smugly, as if he knew a big juicy secret. "There'd be no sense killin' me." He grinned as well as any pigeon could, and went on, "I'm of too much value to ye."
"Really?" said Cerdic, choosing to humor the bird a bit longer, "And why is that?"
"I know where ye can find supplies. Ye left port quite low on them, ye'll run out soon." The bird lowered his voice to a whisper. "And...I know where treasure is."
This sparked Cerdic's interest. "Treasure?" He sheathed his sword. "What kind?"
The pigeon shrugged. "I doubt ye'd be interested, it's only gold beyond meausure."
"Where are these supplies you spoke of?" Cerdic asked, not wanting to seem too enthusiastic about the treasure.
The bird flew over and landed on Cerdic's shoulder. "Funny thing," he told Cerdic in his hoarse voice, "It just so happens to be on the same island as the treasure. On an island that nobody can find 'cept for those who already know where it is."
"Let me guess," Cerdic said sarcastically, "You just so happen to know where it is."
The pigeon nodded, smirking. "Aye, I know where it is."
Cerdic thought about this a moment. "You have a name, bird?" he asked the pigeon on his shoulder.
"Ye can call me Rush," he replied and flew over to the wheel of the ship.
---
Waves swept the deck as rain torrented down. The ship tossed and turned terribly. Jack stood at the helm shouting orders to his new crew. For their part, they tried hard to follow the orders, but when Jack mentioned such things as shrouds and sheets, they had no idea what he was talking about.
Will, being the most experienced sailor among the crew, worked harder than anyone else. He helped Galahad cleat down a rope that he'd been struggling with for some time. The knight looked rather ill from the tossing of the ship.
"Are you alright?" Will asked.
He nodded vaguely, still looking greenish. Then he looked up at Jack. "How can we find the Saxons," he shouted over the rumbling of the thunder and roaring of the waves, "With a compass that doesn't point north?"
Will shrugged, the compass had faithfully gotten them to Isle de la Muerta on their last insane adventure, but that was the only place it ever pointed to. "Maybe it's a magic compass," he suggested.
"A magic compass?" Galahad repeated, "How's that work?"
"I dunno," Will said, as another great wave tossed the ship. "Why don't you ask one of the pigeons!" he yelled sarcastically.
Galahad pondered this for a moment.
Just then, a bird skidded across the sopping wet deck. Will and Galahad stared at it. It was not a pigeon, as they had half-expected. It was Tristan's hawk.
"There you are!" Tristan cried as the bird flew over and landed on his arm. It was wearing a tri-cornered hat and brandishing a sword.
"Well alrighty then," Arthur said, raising his eyebrows.
"Yeah, that about sums it up," Lancelot agreed. He smiled weakly and then puked over the rail.
---
"This is the island?" Cerdic asked, eyeing the pigeon traitor with extreme dislike.
"Aye sir," he replied, "Ye'll find all the provisions and…'supplies' ye could ever need."
Cerdic continued to stare at the island. "What is that?" he asked, pointing.
The bird followed his gaze. "Hmm...that wasn't here last time I was. It's a sign for 'Jack the Monkey's Magical Island Adventure'." He suddenly became angry. "Damn that monkey, he's started a theme park on my island."
Cerdic started to question him, but they were interrupted by the arrival of several more Saxons at the stern.
"Father," Cynric grunted, wringing water out of his matted, road kill-looking fur shoulder thing.
"You again," Cerdic muttered, and then whispered to a nearby Saxon soldier, "I thought I told you to make sure he drowned!"
"Sorry me lord." The guy shrugged. "We thought he looked dead enough."
Cerdic rolled his eyes.
"Father," Cynric whined again.
"Just shut up and tell the infantrymen to explore the island."
Cynric scowled, but didn't dare disobey. He ordered his men to the boats.
---
"I think we're catching up!" cried Galahad from the crow's nest.
"Do you see them?" Elizabeth asked.
"No! I just think we're catching up!"
"I you can't see them how do you know?"
He stared at her. "I don't know I just think we're-."
"WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF WE'RE GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!" she screamed up at him, obviously irritated.
At that moment, there was a great gust of wind, and it caught Elizabeth words. All Galahad heard was: "...WE'RE GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION..." Satisfied, he turned back to the completely unnecessary task at hand, lookout duty.
Back down on deck, Elizabeth continued to shout, but thanks to the wind, the young knight heard only selected snippets of her ravings.
"GET DOWN HERE!" she shouted. "STOP IGNORING ME!"
Everyone else stared at her. Finally Dagonet asked, "Is she always like this?"
Will shook his head in bewilderment. "I don't know why she's acting like this."
"Maybe it's hereditary," Gawain suggested.
"She's not crazy," Will replied defensively. "She's just upset."
"Must be PMS," Lancelot concluded as Elizabeth gave up shouting and went below deck.
Bors nodded knowingly. "Best to just leave her alone. It's safer that way." He looked at Will. "She doesn't have access to weapons of any sort does she?"
---
"This is it," said Rush grinning evilly at the Saxon lord.
Cerdic stepped heavily out of the rowboat, Rush swaying slightly on his shoulder.
All of the Saxons who had come ashore stared around at the theme park.
"Guys, where are we?" asked one.
"You idiot," said another. "We're on an island."
"I know where we are!" shouted a Saxon infantryman named Mario. "We're on 'Jack the Monkey's Island of Adventure'!" He pointed to the sign.
His brother Ollie groaned and shook his head. "We noticed that you dumba-." He became suddenly distracted. "Oh look! A monkey!"
It should here be mentioned that Ollie suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder.
Everyone turned to look at the monkey. Upon seeing the creature, Rush the pigeon went into a fit of rage and flew off after him.
"No!" cried Cerdic. "Stop that bird! He's going to lead me to the tre- I mean supplies!"
A dozen Saxons immediately began to chase after the monkey and the pigeon.
"Kinda like that song!" said Cynric excitedly to his father. "You know, with the mulberry bush?"
Cerdic stared at his mentally challenged son for a moment before a wonderfully twisted idea came into his head. "Of course! I know how to catch the monkey and get the pigeon back!"
Cynric looked bewildered. "Really?"
---
twilight-pixie looked at Mr. Ribbits, puzzled. "The mulberry bush?" she asked.
Mr. Ribbits did not reply. He just smiled the evil little smile of his, and pixie wondered why she trusted his advice at all.
Kait-the-Pirate glanced over her sister's shoulder. "The mulberry bush?" she asked, looking quizzically at the stuffed frog.
"Don't ask," pixie muttered, going back to her writing.
---
"Here's the plan," Cerdic told his commanders. "Three of you chase the monkey and Rush into the Tunnel of Love, and the rest of you wait at the end of the tunnel. The monkey and the bird won't see you because you'll be hidden behind mulberry bushes. Then, when they come out-POP!"
Ollie scratched his head. "But, there are no mulberry bushes in the Caribbean," he protested.
"There aren't any pigeons in the Caribbean either," Cerdic pointed out. "To catch a pigeon, we have to use mulberry bushes. Do you follow me?"
"Follow you where?"
"Never mind."
"I think the tropical heat's melted his brain," Mario muttered.
Thanks to the marvolous (can't spell, but you know what I mean) reviewers! Adarthang Lomedur, Mustang Gal, C'est Magnifique, chiefhow, LadyRiddle62442, Hunter-the-Potatolover (Monty Python? Really? We're incredibly flattered), we love you very much!!!