"Father, are we really going to help repair a fence tomorrow?" Kurt asked, pulling his blanket up to his chin.
From across the loft, Georg laughed as he continued to rock Marta gently. "Don't you think it's the least we could for Herr Meinhard?"
"Oh, yes," the boy answered quickly. "But I don't know how…"
Georg smiled at him. "It's not a test, Kurt, and it's not that hard to hammer a few things together."
"Can I help?" Gretl asked from her mother's lap.
Maria laughed lowly and smoothed the girl's hair. "Maybe we can feed the animals tomorrow," she suggested, "and let the boys take care of the hammering."
"Can we feed the chickens?" Brigitta asked.
"Are there any chickens left?" Louisa quipped from her lounging position next to Brigitta.
Georg laughed. "They were more than generous to us," he mused. Marta looked up at him, and he smiled as he stroked her face. He looked over at Maria who nodded.
"Helping them will be a nice diversion from our journey," she started, "but how long do you plan to stay here, darling?"
Georg frowned. "We'll probably leave the day after tomorrow. But I do hope they don't prepare such a meal for us again."
"I liked the meal," Kurt said, yawning.
"Of course you did, silly," Friedrich said, laughing. He stretched his arms upwards. "What time is it?"
"Time for us to be sleeping," Georg answered, his eyes traveling around his family and noting the full meal had left them all content and sleepy. He stood and scooped Marta into his arms. The little girl's eyelids were droopy and she yawned dramatically. He kissed the top of her forehead as he placed her down between Louisa and Brigitta. Pulling a blanket over her, he stroked her cheek before looking over at his other two daughters. The girls smiled lazily, and he winked at them. He stood and surveyed the rest of the family. Only Maria remained upright, still rocking a drowsy Gretl.
"She's fighting it," she whispered as their eyes met.
He smiled and walked around to the far wall of the loft, leaning against the window frame. He sighed as he stared at Maria's back, which was hunched over. She was stroking Gretl's hair, lulling the girl to sleep.
Maria's behavior and mannerisms were starting to concern him. While she continued to smile encouragingly and was willing to help anyway she could, he noticed that her strength seemed to be depleting every day. Her cheeks had become pale, her smile less bright, her eyes losing their sparkle. No matter how hard she tried to maintain her cheerful demeanor, she was just getting more and more drained.
He had noticed that, despite being tired, she seemed unable to relax. Even the night before, the first night they had a roof over their heads in days, he felt her fidget in his arms as the family slept. The dark circles under her eyes showed how tired she was, but she didn't seem capable of falling asleep.
She hadn't touched the fish from the night before, and she had barely eaten any of the meal Eva and the girls had made. Georg remembered her surprising reaction to the fish: she had always been a hearty eater, and to see her recoil from just looking at food was not like her at all. Even eating the berries had seemed to unsettle her. Georg set his chin in frustration; she couldn't go on like she was.
She was also more emotional; the sight of her tears had startled him at dinner. Her dismissal, that she was just happy that her family was finally eating, hadn't sat well with him then. He still didn't believe her; there was more to her emotional reaction than relieved happiness.
Georg exhaled and rubbed his hand over his face, unsure what to make of his wife's strange behavior. He shook his head as his memory took him further back. She's acting just like Agathe did when…
Georg stopped breathing. He stared at the back of his wife, his gaze boring into the gentle slope of her fatigued frame. His eyes widened in realization. No appetite, changes in moods and emotions, constant fatigue riddled with inexplicable agitation and inability to sleep. Georg felt his palms start to sweat while the color drained from his face.
Maria was pregnant.
Georg's stomach dropped. The cool air of the barn rapidly turned stuffy and heavy. He inhaled sharply, trying to cool himself but not succeeding. The dim light of the lamps suddenly became horribly bright, and he covered his eyes with his hands.
She's pregnant, she's pregnant, kept repeating in his mind. His hands fell lifelessly to his sides, and his feet become rooted to their spot. He wanted to turn around and recompose himself, yet he found himself compelled to stare at her.
The doubt and fear he had felt a few days ago returned to him with such force that he almost had to sit down. He bowed his head, his mind swimming with the awful revelation that there was now one more life he was risking. A life that had no defense and no voice. Just like everyone in his family, this life was depending solely on him to bring it to safety.
Georg's throat went dry. The others could take care of themselves. Even Marta and Gretl could walk along a path for a while. And the older children were more than eager to help in any way they could. His children would be alright.
But now Maria, Maria and this child… It was clear she was in no condition for this, and it was only going to get worse. He had no idea how much farther their journey on foot would last, and what, exactly they were going to do once they got to Switzerland.
Maria needed to rest. She needed to go to a doctor. She needed a calm environment, with her children and husband fussing over her every wish. She needed to take care of herself, and hiking over the mountains with no clear destination in sight would only make her fragile situation more perilous.
He had been wrong in forcing his family to flee like he had. There had to have been another way; he was too hasty in insisting they leave so suddenly. He and Max could have concocted another plan. Maybe they could have taken a train to Italy, claiming the family needed some time before he left to Bremerhaven. Maybe he could have left sooner, in the daylight, not allowing the Nazis the benefit of waiting for them outside their home. Maybe he should have taken the commission. At least Maria would be home with doctors he knew; she'd be warm and safe.
Georg looked up at her again, watching how she continued to rock Gretl. For what seemed like the first time, he noticed the other children surrounding her. All of them were either sleeping or on the verge of doing so. Except for his agitated stance against the window frame, the family was more peaceful and relaxed than it had been in days.
As he looked back at Maria, he wondered if she knew. Whenever he had questioned her about her afflictions, she'd claimed that it was the stress of their situation and the constant changes they had gone through in the last two months.
Maria was the most honest person he knew; her emotions were usually written all over her face and in her demeanor. Almost immediately after they'd formed their initial friendship, he'd learned how to read her almost as well as he knew himself. He'd know if something was consciously troubling her.
No, she didn't know. She wouldn't be able to keep something like that a secret. He wondered how long it would take for her to figure it out.
I have to tell her, he thought. But not tonight. Let her rest tonight. He cast a look upwards, closing his eyes in a silent prayer for his family's safety. Opening his eyes, he glanced down at his watch and frowned. He had promised Daniel that he and the children would help in any way they could first thing in the morning, which would be upon them before too long. He pushed himself off of the wall and walked over to Maria and Gretl.
As she heard him walk over to her, Maria looked up at him and smiled. His heart filled as he stared down at her, and he tried to shove his apprehension away for just one more night.
Maria noticed it immediately anyway and narrowed her eyes, mouthing What to him. He shook his head and gestured to Gretl.
"Is she sleeping?" he whispered. When Maria nodded, Georg reached over and took the girl from her mother's arms.
"Georg," Maria protested, not wanting to remove the contact. She watched him place Gretl next to Liesl and drape a blanket over his daughters. When he turned to look at Maria again, her objection vanished at the expression on his face.
He smiled as he sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her. "You need to rest too," he whispered and kissed her cheek. Gently, he guided her to the relative comfort of the hay-ridden floor.
Puzzled by his enigmatic yet loving statement, Maria found herself relishing in allowing herself to relax. The emotion and strain of the last few days seem to flood over her, and she closed her eyes, falling asleep in her husband's arms before she could even bid him good-night.
Georg stared her peaceful face and reached over to stroke her cheek. The dim light of the lamps flickered, and the quiet noises of the slumbering animals below them created a calm, rested atmosphere. As he continued to watch her, Georg felt the corners of his mouth curve upward and the tightness in his stomach lesson. Despite his fear, he couldn't help but marvel at the return of an old, familiar, and wondrous emotion. For a moment, his anxiety faded away as he thought about becoming a father again. Just as he had been for each of his children, Georg was amazed at the humbling sensation.
It had been a blessing he had only allowed himself to barely dream of: having a child with Maria. For a few, stolen moments during their engagement, he'd fall into his reverie, envisioning a child with Maria's shining eyes and beautiful smile. A child that would be a tangible symbol of their love. He couldn't have dared to hope that God would bless him more than He had, but now that dream was a reality. In a matter of months, Georg would receive yet another reason to go on living. For that reason, and for all the others lay sleeping either around him or in his arms, he was determined to bring them all to safety.
Georg set his jaw and squeezed Maria a little tighter in his arms, filled with an unwavering resolve. God had given him this beautiful gift, and he would do all he could to protect it. He would get them to safety and ensure Maria received the care and attention she more than deserved.
Georg leaned over to kiss his wife's cheek again and noted that, regardless of her pallor, Maria's inner glow not only remained, but now had only gotten brighter.
To be continued…