RUBY
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"You've got to be kidding me!" Jisoo, my best friend and now college roommate, squeals, throwing her purse on the floor of our tiny dorm room. She dances over to the full-length mirror tucked away in the corner of our shoebox-sized living quarters and checks to see how her hair fared after our long night. "I'm gonna love college!"
That's funny, because I'm thinking the complete opposite.
Just over a month ago, Jisoo and I relocated to the Windy City to attend our first year at the University of Illinois. I couldn't wait to rise above and conquer. I had dreams. Goals to take over the world…or at least a small portion of it. Jisoo, on the other hand, couldn't wait to become a sister. Both had different plans, both of us just as passionate.
When I thought about attending college in Chicago, I pictured historic building tours, breweries, and prestigious university lectures. Nowhere in my plans was there room for Greek life. Pledging. Sororities. And if it weren't for my best friend who begged and pleaded that we just try it out, I wouldn't have been caught dead participating in formal pledge week. A whole week wasted on a concept where mean girls rule the world. I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to hang in the parks and capture views of the gigantic fountain. Take a trip to the lake and snapshots of people enjoying the beautiful weather and sand. Instead, I spent it swearing to stay strong while holding my morals tightly in place, vowing not to fall for the long list of what we must become to rise up in the college social ladder.
And in college, it's exactly where a huge chunk of girls lose their way. Sorority life. A clan of girls who want you to be their sister for nothing more than to capture our souls and turn us into their own personal puppets.
Jisoo and I pledged. Let me rephrase that. Jisoo pledged. I may have been forced to participate in the nonsense, but the end result would always be the same: I, Ruby Jane Kim, refuse to be anyone's puppet. I had zero intention of becoming one of them. A fake form of what guys crave. Nothing was real about them, and not a single ounce of their once upon a time kindness was intact. I like comparing them as the start of a Stepford wife—a mold of a girl they once were. I wonder what parents think of their precious daughters who come home after months of being away with attitudes, much shorter skirts, and a sexual track record that would have their late grandmother rolling deep down in her grave.
College changes people. That's just a known fact. But a sorority transforms them. Turns once nice girls into mean bitches who want nothing more than to ruin others just to feel ahead. Prettier. Better dressed. It never ends. I know you ask how the hell I know, since clearly, I have no interest, nor want to become one of them. I know it because I've spent the last couple weeks observing. Dragged along to each sisterhood get-together: social mixer, pajama party, formal, semi-formal, dance, luncheon, pancake breakfast. Jesus, it didn't stop. While I was rolling my eyes, not falling for their bullshit spiel, my best friend was asking where she signed her life away.
And now, I stand in my dorm room after yet another party, listening to Jisoo go on and on about how amazing the life of a sorority sister is going to be. And I can't disagree more.
"Did you see how awesome that house was? Like, we could live there! That could be us. They all share clothes, Irene told me. I mean, never-ending closets! And, oh em gee, don't get me started on all the brand names. Sana, the redhead? She was decked out head to toe in Coach."
I toss my jacket on my bed and head to my closet. The last thing I want to do is spend another second in the outfit Jisoo forced me to wear. "Yeah, I also saw all the scrunched-up, Botoxed faces eyeing me like the outcast. They were probably horrified to think I was there because I actually wanted in their cult club." I peel off the black halter top, tossing it into her dirty laundry bin.
"Ruby, come on. They were not. Give them a chance! I think this'll be good for us. We can make a lot of friends doing this."
"Friends?" I turn to her, offering her my raised eyebrows. "Jisoo, those are not our friends. More like blood-sucking vampires who want to use us as their little slaves. Did you hear what some of the girls were talking about? The hazing? No thanks. I'm sorry, but I'm out. I was never even in to begin with."
Jisoo lets off a dramatic huff and starts changing for bed. "You know this isn't high school. Not everyone is how they were back home." And by that, she means cruel.
I try not to let her comment hurt me. "I know it's not. But it's all the same. Girls who just want to control you until, eventually, you turn into a spitting image of them. I don't need to join a sorority to make friends. Sorry." And I don't. I've never needed a large group of people to make myself feel whole or wanted. I have my small circle, and I'm okay with that. But Jisoo wants more. In high school, she was much more popular than I was. She never dealt with bullying and mean girls. I always wondered why she even stayed friends with me. Our families were close, so I chalked it up to that. In a different life, we wouldn't even be on the same axis when it came to the social circle.
"Look, just stick it out. Come to the mixer tomorrow night, and if you still totally hate it, I'll get off your back. They said it's the best party that wraps up Greek week. Irene said anyone who's anyone comes. The chances of us both meeting a guy is huge!"
Strike two on her selling me. I have no interest in meeting a guy. No interest in being another notch on a college guy's bedpost and falling for their bullshit. I came to college to get away from the manipulating and promiscuity.
I throw on my flannel pajama pants, grab my laptop off the old built-in desk, and settle onto the bottom bunk. When we moved into our dorm, the first thing we did was turn our beds into bunks to give us more floor space. Jisoo said it would give us more room for yoga, like I ever did a yoga pose in my life. I just shook my head and agreed, knowing I would use the space for my photography layouts.
"Either way, just promise you'll come. We're each other's wingman remember? I can't do this without you."
I chuckle and open up my laptop. "And when I stick to my guns, what will you do then?"
"Well…I'll cry or beg until you change your mind. Or maybe a boy will. Or a man? We're in college now. We no longer deal with boys."
I roll my eyes so hard, it's gonna take a dozen boys to move our steel bunk bed to help find my eyeballs that just fell behind it. "Just because we're in college doesn't mean there aren't boys here. Hello, they came to college too. Chandra Bronsen? He's here. Along with half the soccer team. Did the douche squad that pranked you and left you and stole your gym clothes automatically turn into men once they hit college?"
The answer is no. They probably turn into bigger douches, with bigger intentions to fuck over girls. They just have a bigger campus to do it on.
"Ugh, you're right. And fuck Chan Bronsen. I hope he gets herpes and his dick falls off."
"Who's to say it hasn't already?" That boy had his junk in most of the females in our graduating class. I can't imagine he didn't pick up something along the way. Actually, I can't imagine how many things he picked up along the way. I heard the whispers in the halls and read the writing on the bathroom stalls. Chan may have been one of the hottest boys in high school, but that didn't make him or his dick invincible.
Jisoo responds with a loud laugh. She grabs her phone and climbs up the makeshift ladder my dad built to get to the top bunk. The bed jiggles, always giving me a quick jolt. It was made with love, as my dad put it, not stability. He also said it's not meant to hold more than one person on top or bottom, hinting no boys could sleep in 'em. It's a shame a little wobble didn't plan on stopping Jisoo and her college must-do bucket list.
We fall silent for several minutes. I check my email and respond to a message from my parents asking how things are going so far. We've only been at school a month, so honestly, there isn't much to report. Besides getting to know the campus, Jisoo and I spent our time before classes began sightseeing. We had our parents drive us up a week early so we could take some time getting to know our new surroundings for the next four years. Chicago was a big, scary place compared to our small town in Oklahoma. That's why Jisoo and I made a pact our first day of high school. It was our mission to get out of the O-K. And that required kicking ass at school. Our first choice was New York. They had a great art school and business program, but one of us didn't get accepted. To this day, I swore I also got denied just to save her feelings, but our second choice was Chicago, and thankfully, we both were accepted.
Jisoo was gunning for a degree in communications while I was on a scholarship for business. Our families may have been friends for eons, but it didn't mean we came from the same parts of town. Unlike Jisoo's, my parents couldn't afford a four-year school. If I wanted to leave, I knew I had to make it happen on my own.
"Casey Meyers just posted a picture of her doing a keg stand. Real classy, Racy Casey," Jisoo jokes, using Casey's well-deserved nickname. "Oh man. That kinda looks like fun. How come our school doesn't advertise these sorts of things?"
"Because we're attending one of the top ten elite schools in the state. I doubt they want to be known for holding raging keggers."
I finish off my email to my parents and scroll through social media, which has been a complete shit show since graduation. When you grow up in a small town, going nuts once you leave is no surprise. Everyone from the band geeks to the jocks are posting about their big, bad breakout from small town USA and how awesome their new life is. Steven Morrison, head of our high school football team, posts, "koolest place on earth." Idiot. It's a shame he isn't spending his time in college learning English.
Kids from our graduating class were all around the country, letting their hair down and enjoying their freedom. Curfew is a thing of the past. School is optional, and most of my female classmates no longer need to hide their hickeys and bite marks. Yeah, it's true. I come from a town where there's nothing to do but drink and screw. Sounds like a country song, right? But it's the truth. Our parents did it. Our parents' parents did it. And the ones before that. It just is what it is in the O-K.
So, I bet you're wondering when I start bragging about my bold, sultry nights with the football linebacker or the rugby star. Well, I don't. My experience with sex goes as far as a one-night stand with Jongin Kai, and it lasted about a whole thirty-seven seconds. It hurt, and it was quite embarrassing. More for him—not me. He was drunk, and I didn't want to be a virgin anymore. I allowed him to kiss me, or shall I say slobber on me, which was closer to the truth of what he was doing. When it finally came down to the sex part of it, it stunk. Both literally and figuratively. He farted the entire time. Once he was done, he told me keg beer gave him horrible gas.
I decided no feeling or sensational explosion I read about in romance books was worth attempting that again. I also heard the following weekend Kai took Itzy Holloway in the back room at a party and vomited while eating her out. Yes, build that mental picture. If it's not coming, I'll help you out. He barfed all over her snatch.
Gross.
Either way, I escaped high school without any great stories to tell. But on a good note, I was disease free, along with gossip free. Well…not completely. Rumors of me having a sugar daddy started. But they didn't compare to the rumors that poor Itzy had the clap for the second time her senior year and most likely gave it to half the tennis team.
Closing Facebook, I slide my laptop under the bed, crawl under my covers, and lay my head on my pillow that still smells like home.
"Hey, Ruby?" Jisoo calls my name, sounding almost asleep.
"Yeah?"
"Promise me you'll just come with me tomorrow night? So I don't have to do it alone. I've never done anything without you."
Her words guilt me and annoy me all the same. She's done so much in her short life, I envy her spirit. She has bypassed me in so many ways, and the fact that she still acts like we're equals astonishes me. It also makes me feel guilty.
"I'll go with you, Chu." The words taste bitter, but I fall asleep convincing myself our friendship is stronger than sorority sisterhood.
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"Stop tugging at it. It's supposed to show your cleavage."
"Cleavage is one thing, exposing my nipples is another. Jesus, where did you find this thing?" I ask, pulling at the top of the dress Jisoo managed to force me into. She convinced me the color made my emerald green eyes pop—not that anyone will notice my eyes with my boobs spilling out.
"Karina, the girl down the hall, let me borrow it. Don't spill anything on it. I promised it back in good shape—hey, look, there's Irene!" Jisoo snatches my arm while waving like a buffoon, then drags me the rest of the way up the stairs to the Beta Phi Alpha sorority. The house is lit up like a Christmas tree. Girls dressed to the nines flood the lawn and stairs, surrounded by what seems like every male who attends this school. I tug at the dress again, feeling super insecure with my outfit. Thankfully, I have a hoodie stashed inside my purse I plan on throwing over this nonsense dress—if you can call it that.
We enter the house and move down the long hallway that meets the kitchen before coming face to face with what seems to be my best friend's new idol. "Hey, we made it! This is so awesome. I can't believe you all live here."
And I can't believe what a kiss-ass my friend just turned into.
"Oh, it's just a house. It's nothing compared to the rest of the perks." Irene smiles and turns her eyes on me. Her lips drop a smidge, but she manages to put them back in place as she greets me. "Ray, right?" she says, making a poor attempt at remembering my name.
"It's Ruby, actually," I remind her with the same sourness in my tone.
"Oh, yeah, that's right. I knew it was some sort of boy's name." Before I can kill her with my gaze, she turns her attention back on Jisoo, dismissing me. "So glad you could make it. It's beauties like you we're looking for in our house. I'd love to give you a tour, if you're up for it. Unless you have to stay here and keep—"
"I'd love a tour!" Jisoo beams, letting go of my arm.
So, I guess that's that. She doesn't need me anymore.
"Hey, you okay for a bit? Mind if I—"
"Dude, totally go. I'll just be here, playing the perfect sister, drinking their fancy pink champagne until you return." I give Irene a look, and she regards me with distaste before taking Jisoo by the hand and escorting her away, leaving me by myself.
I take in the surroundings, and even though I was totally joking about the champagne, low and behold, I spot a counter full of it.
"Jesus, this is what nightmares are made of," I mumble under my breath as I walk deeper into the kitchen, searching for a real alcoholic drink. I spot the bourbon and smile, then offer myself a two finger pour into a pink Solo cup, because of course it would match the champagne, and slam it. Knowing I'm gonna need a strong buzz to get through this night, I refill my cup, then turn, almost colliding right into another girl.
"Shit, sorry, I wasn't—"
"Paying attention? Clearly." The girl, who I recognize from the other night, swings her perfectly dyed blonde mane over her shoulders, checking her dress for spills.
"You're Suzanne, right?" I lie, knowing that's not her name.
"Rosé. And you're the girl with the strange name." Brushing me off, she turns her head and offers a wide, fake smile to another girl walking by. "I'm actually surprised to still see you at these things. Didn't picture you as the pledging type."
Well, at least we agree on something. "I'm not. I'm here for my friend. Not that I get what she sees in all this." Rosé watches me with narrowed eyes. I can sense she's trying to figure me out. Find a way to talk down to me. Hurt me in a way that will make her feel superior. I want to quit the bullshit and tell her I'm no fool to people like her—mean girls who feed off other's insecurities. Her confidence doesn't faze me. It actually makes me chuckle on the inside. Because people like her? They aren't confident. They're the most insecure. That's why they use the power they inherit in places like this against people like me.
"Well, at least it won't hurt as bad when we turn you down. Obviously, you didn't think you would be accepted, right? You're not one of us. Nor is there hope for you to become a sister."
It takes everything in me not to toss my drink in her face, but that would show my cards. She's not under my skin, but near the open wound. I don't need to be part of a cult to feel okay about myself, but it never feels okay to be rejected. "Oh, don't worry. I can't fathom having to waste my time kissing someone's glittered ass just to feel wanted."
Rosé's facial expression fights off my remark. "Honey, I get it. We just aren't your type of girls. I'm sure there's a club somewhere on campus you can join. A girls girls club, if you know what I mean."
I take a quick step forward, closing in on the space between us. I know my actions may affect Jisoo's ability to pledge here, but she doesn't need people like Rosé in her life anyway. Lifting my hand, I slam back my drink and dump the cup, making it accessible to take a swing at her, when a group of girls come barreling through the back door.
"Oh em gee! I cannot believe you found it! Let the games begin!" I look over Rosé's shoulder to the group of girls entering the kitchen. Some I remember from the other night. Rosé takes the opportunity to step out of my reach and turns to her pack of wolves.
"Oh, look who decided to make an appearance."
All the girls spin to her, their smiles dropping as fear settles onto their faces. "Hey, we were on our way over, but we got a call from Sana's sister about the club. Turns out, it's the right place! We drove by it, and sure enough, there's an abandoned-looking door in a back alleyway. No signs or anything!"
Curious what they're talking about, I turn to Rosé, who looks like the evil cat who just caught the helpless canary. "Are you sure it's the place?"
The girl, Sana, steps forward. "Totally sure. We waited for a bit and watched people come in and out. The way they were dressed, there's no doubt. We found it."
"Found what?" I ask without thinking. They all shift to look at me, questioning my existence, until Rosé turns my way and steps forward.
"Trust me, this is nothing you'd be interested in. You're lacking in too many categories for this kind of fun. Plus, I doubt you have it in you to enter a place like this."
I want to take her hair and rip it out of her scalp. Possibly shove my fist so far down her throat, she gags on my elbow. But I allow my mouth to run away from me. "For your information, you have no idea what I'm capable of. I'm pretty sure I've done and seen a lifetime more than your cute little doll club could imagine. What, you find some sort of secret sex club or something?"
Rosé laughs. "As if you know anything about a sex club." Her entourage follows, giggling alongside her at my expense.
"Well, considering I've been to my fair share of them…"
A few of them gasp. And mentally, I do too. Because what the hell did I just say? I have no idea where that came from. One minute, I'm standing there not needing to prove myself to these mean girls, and then out of nowhere, I word-vomit lies. Fair share of sex clubs? Really, Ruby Jane?
All four girls, including Rosé, stare at me, stunned.
"Wait, so you've been to a sex club?" Sana steps forward, but Rosé blocks her from getting too close.
"I call your bluff," she interrupts, crossing her dainty arms over her too tight push-up bra.
Sana continues, more curious than a damn cat. "What's it like? Is it like the romance books?"
I shrug my shoulders as if it's no big deal. "It's nothing to call home about."
A sex club is nothing to call home about? Stop while you're ahead! Ugh.
"You lie. You've never been in one."
"Why would I lie?" Because, apparently, I want to lower myself to your level. "What, haven't you been to one?" There's an audible gasp from the others as I challenge their queen/at my challenge toward their queen.
Rosé stumbles on her words before she speaks. "I've been to clubs, don't try to undermine me. But this is no ordinary club. It's taken us all summer to locate it. Secret society kinda club. You must be chosen. And if you are, contracts are signed, if you know what I mean."
"Whips and chains, subs, doms, yadda yadda, so what?" I watch their jaws drop right before they berate me with questions.
"Holy shit, you have been to one!"
"Have you ever signed one? A contract?"
"Are you someone's sub? Do they hurt you?"
"Have you—"
"Enough!" Rosé raises her hand, silencing her flock. Her spiteful eyes lock with mine, the hatred for me building with a fierce quickness. "Okay," she begins, "if you say so, prove it."
Crap.
"Prove what, exactly?" I ask in return.
"That you've been to one. If you say you're so capable, go. Get in. Get your hands on a contract and bring it to us. Prove you're not a fake like your tacky knock-off dress, I dare you." Her eyes blare with contempt. Mine bleed with hatred.
"I don't need to prove anything to—"
"Actually, yes, you do," she cuts me off. "You see, I don't believe you. I think you're lying through your teeth, and I want you to prove me wrong. Or, in this sense, prove me right."
That I am, but I'm in too deep now to admit it. There's also no way I'm entering a sex dungeon. I feel the eyes of her squad staring me down, waiting on my next move. Why did I open my fat mouth? Why couldn't I just let it go and walk away from her? All that I stand for, and she got under my skin within seconds.
"And you're assuming I care what you think of me. Think what you will. I'm outta here." I turn to leave, hoping beyond hope I run into Jisoo on the way out so I can snag her and get the hell out of there, but the sound of Rosé's icy voice stops me.
"Prove it, or I'll make sure Jisoo's name gets blacklisted from all pledge lists."
I almost trip over my own two feet. I stop and turn to lock eyes with the witch herself. "She has nothing to do with this."
"She most certainly does. Seems your bestie wants nothing more than to pledge Beta Phi Alpha. How hurt would she be if she found out you ruined that for her?"
"Sounds like I'd be doing her a favor."
"Doing who a favor?" We all turn to see Jisoo, smiling wide next to Irene. "Whatcha guys talking about?"
I want to tell her how evil this place is and that she doesn't need these people in her life. I want to protect her and, even if she hates me in the end, know I did the right thing. But the smile she wears stops me.
Rosé steps forward. "Oh, we were just talking about pledging. Ruby was just telling us how much you want to become a sister at Beta Phi."
It takes all of me not to pull out the football moves my dad taught me and bum-rush her.
"Oh my God, yes! I would love it here. This is like my dream house. You girls are all so awesome!" Again, my stomach drops with guilt.
Rosé continues to dig the winner's knife in my back. "So, what do we say, Ruby? Up for a little field trip?"
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