Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. Guess which two characters are mine?
Black Ice
By Be Boring
Chapter 19: No Simple Love
For the past four days, Kay had spent nearly all of her time with Paige. Her sight had come back yesterday, but the only person who had come in to see her since then so far had been Max. A brownout had trapped Brin and Zack in their sector, otherwise she was sure they would have come by. Jondy rarely came in because the two women didn't have anything to say to each other, but Kay could tell she was extremely curious about Paige. She was sure that eventually they would end up talking about babies, but that would be the end of it. Alec had come in several times to add some comic relief, which she desperately needed, but he never stayed for long. Zack had come to talk to her several times, but the conversation was often awkward and brief. Max and Brin were her most frequent visitors, with Logan following closely behind. Max and Brin were great for a good conversation, but it was hard to compete with Logan's food. He knew she wasn't quite as much of a fan of gourmet as Max was, so he branched out slightly with his menu. He could even make a hamburger taste great. It was like having a restaurant steak on a bun.
The one person who hadn't set foot in her room was Ben. Ever since their last conversation, Max told her that he now rarely left the office. He had cleaned it up considerably during the past few days, apparently it was almost safe for a human to be in now. He only left to use the bathroom and grab some food. Nobody could even tell if he was in an outright bad mood or if he just didn't feel like talking. None of them knew how to read him, not even Brin, who considered herself to be pretty close to him.
Kay had been working on regaining her strength, which was much more difficult than she had expected it to be. Her body ached more than it ever had before, her legs wobbled when she walked, and to make matters worse, even lying on the wounds was painful, so she hardly got any sleep. Logan had gone so far as to get some sedatives off one of his doctor contacts to help her sleep. Except to head for the bathroom, she hadn't left the room since she'd been there. She wanted that to change soon. As comfortable as the guest room was, it was no fun to look at it for the entire day that she'd had her sight back.
When Paige was sound asleep, Kay snuck to the door and stuck her head out. Logan had gone to the market and Max was at work, so other than Ben, who had probably locked himself in the office again, she was alone. She was still extremely hungry even though her heat cycle had ended three days ago. Now that there was no one to stop her, she planned on raiding the refrigerator. That would be so much more fun here than in Montana. Back then, she always ended up snacking on TV dinners. She walked happily down the hallway, only feeling her legs weaken occasionally, but they got their strength back quickly each time. She was just still a little woozy. That drug that the familiars had given to her still hadn't completely faded from her system, even though common sense told her that it should have. She suspected that it was her own mind playing tricks with her more than anything else. Just as she'd thought, it looked as though Ben was still in the office. As much as she wanted to talk to him, she knew it would have to be him that approached her. He wouldn't respond too well if she tried to push him.
Her eyes lit up when she spotted the chicken in the fridge. Funny how no one ever brought any of this back to me. Of course, Max was fiercely protective of her favorite foods, so if Logan had made this especially for her, she wouldn't have shared. Too bad, I'm at least taking a few bites. Well, "a few bites" was a bit of an understatement. By the time she had finished picking at the bones, she knew she was going to have to come up with a good enough excuse for polishing off the rest of those leftovers. She snatched a bottle of water from the fridge and started back down the hall, but she heard a faint scuffling when she passed the basement door. She pressed her ear against it and listened intently. It took her a few moments to remember that Logan had commented the other day about Ames being locked down there. She had forgotten all about that. Glancing around to make sure Ben hadn't come out of the office, she opened the door and slowly made her way down the stairs.
Ames jerked his head up when he heard someone coming, fully prepared to fire off with something sarcastic, but he froze when he saw Kay. Why was she down here? She looked absolutely horrible. The cuts had all scabbed over, the bruises had turned a nasty shade of green, and she walked much more slowly and carefully than he had ever remembered. Even when she was nine months pregnant, she had raced all over the house like she was being chased. "I'm surprised to see you."
"Likewise. Actually, it's not that I'm surprised you're here, I just can't believe you're still alive."
"Same with you. I didn't think you'd ever get away from them, especially with Sate there. I heard all about that part. Sate was always a fun guy."
"Sure, if you're idea of fun is mutilation and torture, he's a blast. You know, why don't you just tell Max where Ray is? She's not a completely evil person, she'll be nicer if you cooperate."
"Maybe she would think about it, but that other X5 wouldn't, that tall blonde one with the constant scowl on his face. He'd kill me in a heartbeat."
"Yeah, Zack would be perfectly happy to separate your head from your body, but if you pretend to be a good little boy, then maybe Max will be able to hold him off long enough for you to get away."
Ben stepped out of the office for the first time that day, rubbing his eyes and walking blindly for the kitchen. With his eyes still squeezed tightly shut to avoid the bright light, he reached out one hand to steady himself against the wall, but he nearly ended up tipping over. Isn't this where the basement door is supposed to be? He stopped and opened his eyes, squinting against the noon sun peeking in through one of the living room windows. Why had he let himself oversleep like that? Wait a second, more importantly, why was the door open? He didn't even have to step forward and look to find out. The voices carried up without making him have to focus.
"Sure, like she'd really take the effort of keeping him away when she wants me gone as much as he does. Come to think of it, I'm willing to bet you want me gone too."
Kay rolled her eyes. "Frankly, I don't care what you do. I'm willing to let you live as long as you never come near my daughter and me again. Of course, I'm not the one you're going to have to convince to let you go. Zack is the one who will have to be won over."
"Great, you may as well start digging a hole somewhere for me right now." He paused for a moment, then looked up at her in defeat. He hated having to ask anyone, especially her, for help. "The only way I'll stand a chance of getting out of here alive is if you talk him into it. He'll never listen to me, but he feels so guilty about what he did to you that you'd have no problem getting him to listen to you. I could be out of your hair by the weekend."
Ben really couldn't believe what he was hearing. Kay was going to help White escape after she claimed to have no feelings for him? He didn't care how indifferent she sounded down there, the fact that she was helping him get away spoke volumes more than her words. Kay, meanwhile, was grinning inwardly at how uncomfortable she knew Ames must be about having to depend on her. It wasn't going to be that easy, though. "Well, that all sounds great, but why should I go the extra mile to get you out of here? I said I wouldn't care about just letting you go, I never said I was going to fight for you. If you want me to help you, I'm going to need something first."
"Like what?"
She kneeled down in front of him with one arm draped across the opposite knee. "Well, for starters, I wouldn't mind getting some financial help. You were stocking up money like crazy in Montana, so don't try to worm your way out of that. I want most of what you have saved. Second, I want the names of everyone in the Conclave. Wouldn't that be a hard blow to your people if Eyes Only announced the names of the most influential familiars out there? Finally, I want you to stay as far away from me as humanly possible. Another continent is preferable. If I even see a sign of you, I'm not going to run, I'm going to come after you with everything I have, and I'm sure you've figured out by now that that's not something you should take lightly. Do you understand?"
He glared at her, but he didn't have much of a choice. He nodded firmly, hating that his life was basically in her hands. "You know, you could just untie me right now and we wouldn't even have to deal with Zack."
"Sure, but I'm not in top form right now. If I let you loose now, you'd be able to overpower me easily, and then where would I be? Dead, or at the very least right back where I started; missing my daughter and without a clue where to look. No, I think I'll leave you tied up for now. But this is a half and half thing. I want the number to your bank account right now, then the names of the Conclave just before I let you go. Got that?"
"Fine, but I want you to work fast on getting me out of here. Ray's been without me long enough."
"He can wait a little longer. Besides, at least he's not with transgenics this time. I don't even think there were any transgenics in Kalispell, unless whoever you left him with managed to fool you."
"How many transgenics do you know who are in their sixties?" he snapped irritably, wishing she would just go away. She had already made him agree with her plan, what else did she want from him?
Actually, she had just gotten what she wanted. "Just give me the number and I'll be on my merry way," she replied in a voice just as annoyed as his.
Ben wasn't quite sure what to think as he listened to White rattle the number off. She was getting something out of it, which took credit away from the idea that she was helping him because she cared, but the fact remained that she was going to let him get away when he was one of the most vicious threats against her. He quickly backed down the hall as Kay ascended the stairs. Just as he was about to pull his head through the doorway into the office, he noticed the broad, self-satisfied grin on her face. What had made her so happy? She closed the door behind her, but instead of going back to her room, she walked into the living room. He stepped back out into the hall and listened intently as she sat down in front of Logan's computer. The moment he heard the keystrokes, he was completely confused. What was this about?
It was nearly fifteen minutes before Kay shut down the computer again. Expecting her to come around the corner at any second, Ben ducked back into the office, but she surprised him yet again. The next thing he heard was the beep of the phone as she turned it on. The next time he heard her speak, it sounded as though she was crying.
"Hi, this is Ray's stepmother… I'm so sorry to bother you like this, but Ray's father has been in a horrible accident. He's been missing for the longest time, but I didn't want to call you because I didn't want you to actually let anything slip to Ray until I knew something for sure. I just found out that he was involved in a huge pileup in Seattle; he was only just identified yesterday… No, he didn't make it. The doctors said that it was instantaneous, so thankfully he didn't suffer at all… Yeah, that's why I was calling. I'm completely tied up in all the legal junk here and I don't have the time to come back and get Ray, so I was hoping you could send him on a bus. I'll reimburse you for the bus ticket, I promise. I just think it's really important that Ray be here… Thank you, this has really been such a difficult time… Yes, tomorrow would be great. Are you sure you can get a ticket that soon? … Well, that's okay, I can pay a little extra as long as Ray gets here in time for his father's funeral. Could you do just one more thing for me? I'd really appreciate it if you let me break the news to Ray, so please don't mention anything to him. Just let him know that he's coming to stay with Kay, that's what he knows me by… Thank you so much, you've been so much more generous than we deserve… Yes, thank you. Goodbye."
When Kay finally turned the corner, she couldn't have looked happier, but that was nothing compared to how she felt. When Ray showed up tomorrow, the others could kill Ames without delay. Actually, I should probably tell them beforehand so they can get rid of Ames before Ray gets here. It's best if they don't see each other. Actually, she knew the last part wasn't necessarily true. She just knew that if she let Ames and Ray see each other, she would begin to feel guilty. It would be so hard for Ray to be without his father again after getting to live with him for nearly a year. This time, though, it would be permanent.
Brin groaned as she approached Logan's sector. Ever since Zack blew the college up, getting in and out of this sector was notoriously difficult, even for a messenger. Zack, who was sitting right next to her on his bike, felt the same way she did. He knew it was a good thing that he had blown the place up, but it was causing huge problems with deliveries, and somehow he and Brin had ended up with every delivery in this direction. At least they could travel together and keep each other entertained while they waited in the ludicrously long lines.
As they sat and waited in yet another line, a young Asian woman started crossing through the traffic. Everyone moved aside, and as she passed near Brin, she slowed down and rubbed her belly tenderly. She had to be at least seven months pregnant, and she had the glow that every expecting mother seemed to have. She smiled briefly at Brin and Zack when she noticed them watching, and then continued on her trek across the street. Brin felt like she'd been hit in the face with an omen, especially after her conversation with Kay a few days ago.
"Why do you look so serious all of a sudden?" Zack asked, jerking her out of her thoughtful trance. She smiled and blushed slightly.
"Sorry, seeing that girl just got me thinking. Kay has a baby and Jondy's expecting right now. That's half of us. How long do you think it will be before we join them?"
Zack's stomach dropped at least a foot at those words. "You haven't missed a heat cycle, have you?"
She laughed and shook her head. "That's not what I meant. I wasn't saying that I was pregnant, I was just wondering if we were ever going to get to that point. I've always wanted kids. What about you?"
Even though he was relieved that she wasn't pregnant at the moment, he still didn't really like the direction this conversation was going. "Well, I don't really mind kids, but I don't know if I'd want one of my own. Not for several years anyway."
"Several years? That would make you practically sixty when your kid graduates from high school! Come off it, you know you like kids, and you would probably be thrilled to have one of your own. You don't ever wonder what it would be like to have a little boy or girl running around the apartment calling you 'Daddy'? I think you would spoil a kid rotten."
He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine, I like kids, but I don't think I would spoil one. When have I ever spoiled anyone?"
"True, but that's because you've never had anyone to spoil. Other than Paige, who I know you care a lot about, the only young child that I have gotten the chance to see you interact with as a grown man is Ray, and you were incredible with him. You weren't the closest to him, but you also weren't living in the same house as he was. Either way, though, you enjoyed spending time with that kid more than you would ever want to admit. Just think about how you feel every time you're around a little kid. I've made a few observations, but I guess you know more about what's going on in your own head than I do."
He absolutely hated admitting that she was right. "Yeah yeah, so I like kids a lot. Does that mean I have to become a father right away?"
She had to smile, but she made sure to turn away from him so he wouldn't see it. She knew he was only getting defensive in the hopes that it would make her lose interest in the topic and drop it, but he should have known better. When her face was straight again, she turned back to him. "No, that's not what it means, I'm just wondering what you would think about having them someday. If you really want to have kids when you're an old man, then fine, I can deal with that. I just want to know if you would ever want kids of your own."
"This isn't because of Jondy and Kay, is it? I know that got you thinking about it in the first place, but are you getting some sort of maternal need from seeing them?" He looked so uncomfortable that Brin had to laugh out loud, even though she knew he absolutely detested being laughed at.
"Maternal need? Zack, just answer the question! My God, it's like pulling teeth!" I'd better not use that expression around Ben.
He threw up his hands in defeat. "Okay, yes, I want kids! And sure, I wouldn't mind having them fairly soon. Not right this minute, but maybe in a year or two."
"And I'm assuming that you already have the mother chosen?" she taunted, knowing that it would just irritate him.
He shot her a sharp look. "That's a ridiculous question, unless you were hoping I would choose someone else. If I wanted to, I could have a herd of my own kids. Who says I have to choose one mother?"
She rolled her eyes. "Now you're just being an asshole. JamPony messenger!" she called out, raising her badge as Zack did the same. As they walked through the checkpoint with relief, she added, "I didn't mean to put any pressure on you, I was just asking because that girl walked in front of us and made me think of it. Let's not worry about this for a while yet, okay?"
He sighed and jumped back onto his bike. "Fine with me."
Kay had been dozing lightly after her victory over Ames for nearly an hour when she became aware that she wasn't alone in her room. Unlike the last time she'd felt that sensation, however, now she could look around and see who it was. When she lifted her head from the pillow, she saw Ben sitting in the chair on the opposite side of the room. That was where he had been last time too, if she remembered correctly. He was staring quietly at Paige, who had been given a rather snug little bed on the floor made up of any stray pillows and blankets. She seemed to find it suitable enough.
It was a while before Ben noticed that Kay had woken up and was watching him. They stared at each other for a moment, then he said, "How did you figure out where Ray was?"
She was surprised, she'd had no idea that he overheard her telephone conversation. "Does this mean you overheard my discussion with Ames as well?" When he nodded, she continued, "Well, if you heard the part where he commented that the person who was taking care of Ray was in their sixties, that nearly secured it for me. He probably doesn't even remember telling me, it was quite a few months ago. He was telling me about this huge strike that a lot of the younger guys at the feed mill were planning, and an older woman was the one who managed to convince them not to do it. He described her as a very nice woman, and he seemed to be fonder of her than he is of most ordinary people. I know he could have easily sent Ray to someone else, but she was the only lead I had, and even if she wasn't the right one, I at least had the age thing to go off of. I just happened to get lucky. I got her number off the Internet, plus I hacked into Ames's bank in Kalispell and transferred his money to an account that had been set up for me during one of my last missions at Manticore when I had to stay in Tacoma for several months. I'm just lucky they never shut it down."
"So now that Ray is on his way and you have the money you need, you're going to let Zack kill him?"
"Yeah, that's pretty much the plan."
"What about the names of the Conclave? Were you really interested in that at all?"
She shrugged. "Maybe a little bit, but there are other ways of finding out who they are. Ames isn't our only venue. He thinks that might be incredibly important to me, but I'm just more concerned with protecting Paige and making sure I don't get separated from her ever again." They were silent for a long time, then Kay had to voice the question that had bugged her all along. Now that she was stronger, she felt like she could handle a heavy argument with him, which was what she was sure this would end up being. "So, why did you take Paige in the first place? I don't even understand what you were doing in Montana."
He eyed her warily. He wasn't quite sure how she was going to take this. "The fact that I was in Montana was pure coincidence. I had no idea you were there, and I certainly didn't know who Paige was. I didn't even know why the cult was after her. I came across a female familiar, the black-haired woman who had Paige at first, and I thought it would be interesting to try out my 'hobby,' as you always liked to call it, on one of them. I followed her to a meeting with someone who told her that they were going to get a baby and kill White, but it was very clear that the baby was the most important thing. I followed her to your house, and when she found Paige and started running with her, I decided to get to her before anyone else. You saw how many familiars were in the woods that day. I would have just killed them all then, but Max showed up. That's when I figured that if I could get the baby and use her as bait, I could lure those familiars somewhere where I could hunt them. Then I ended up coming to Seattle and getting trapped in the blackout, so my plans got put on hold until you showed up and everything came out."
Kay couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her eyes grew wider in indignation with every word she spoke. "So you're telling me that you took my daughter and endangered her life merely for your own entertainment? What made you think you had the right to do that? It didn't even necessarily have to be my daughter; you have no right to take any child at all from their home to use them as a little pawn in one of your plans. That's one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard. I knew you had some problems, Ben; believe me, I knew from experience, but this was downright sick. I don't think there's anything out there that can help you, you're completely messed up. What the hell was Manticore thinking when they put you together? You couldn't have turned out any worse if they had tried!"
Every muscle in Ben's body tensed in barely controlled rage, but he knew why she was acting this way. He had involved her daughter in what he had realized later was a ridiculous, spur-of-the-moment scheme that really put her young life in danger, no matter how good of a job he thought he was doing in protecting her. White had still managed to find him, hadn't he? No, he really couldn't blame her for being angry, but that didn't mean he had to like being insulted like this. "I'm not the only one who has pulled something like this, Kay. If I remember correctly, you used several hundred transgenics as pawns when you made them escape from Terminal City and go to the big fight. Everyone was a pawn to you, no matter how important they had once been to you. Even Joshua, who I know you cared about, was someone that you manipulated into doing what you wanted."
"Excuse me? I didn't manipulate Joshua into anything. You weren't there, you didn't see what was happening. I know Chris told you as much as he could, but he could never have fully understood everything that was going on. He wasn't a transgenic, he didn't stand a chance of understanding. I'm sick and tired of being accused for things I didn't do, and for having what I actually did exaggerated. It's completely unfair. Pretty much everyone else has decided to forgive me, even if they haven't said the words out loud, but you can't seem to be able to. Why not? I've been perfectly honest with you. I even admitted to still loving you, but you can't even soften up. The person I used to know can't be completely gone, because I know you cared a lot about Paige, but you can't seem to show that person to me. Do you want me to just flat out say 'I love you'? Fine! It's embarrassing to have to yell the words at you like this, but if it gets through to you, then it will be worth it. I love you! What else do you want?"
He stood up so quickly that he knocked his chair over. "I want this all to be over! You know what, you can stay here. Feel free to stay here as long as you like, because I'm leaving. I thought I could deal with this, I actually thought that I wanted to, but I just can't. I've never been cut out for this kind of thing, and I don't want to put up with it anymore. I'm glad you're all right, and I'm extremely happy that you're back with your daughter again, but I can't stay. You can tell the others for me, but I'm out of here."
Kay could only stare after him as he strode hurriedly out of the room. She didn't know how she felt as she watched him go, especially considering the fact that she wasn't in good enough condition to go running after him. She had said the words to him, which was an extremely difficult thing for her in the first place, but to have him just walk out right after she said them was worse than if he had slapped her in the face. She loved him, all those deep wells of emotion had been uncovered again as she said the words, and now he was just going to leave? After being separated from someone she loved so much in a completely different way, she hated the thought of being separated from him. Even as they argued, she felt so much joy at simply having him in the room, even though she tried to pass it off as discomfort. Even if they never became as close as they used to be, she would be perfectly happy with him just being able to tolerate her. If they could just talk occasionally, it would make everything so much better. Still, she knew that wouldn't be enough. She wanted to be held, to just be able to stand there in his arms with her head resting on his shoulder and forget about everything that was troubling her. That had been her favorite thing when they were together. She simply loved hugging him. Everything else was great too, but just that simple hug was enough to make her worries go away.
When the front door slammed and she saw him walking down the sidewalk from her window, she leaned down and lifted Paige out of her bed. She had thought that getting Paige back would settle everything, but now she was even more confused than before. What was she going to do now?