((A/N: Once again, I don't own Dynasty Warriors. This is a kind of humor piece, from Cao Cao's point of view… I'm sorta tired of seeing him absolutely turned into the worst possible man EVER on … so that's where this is coming from partly.
Here are the REFERENCES which you will NEED TO KNOW in order to understand the piece.
Guanzhong- Luo Guanzhong wrote the Three Kingdoms (which I suggest you read, because it's really good).
Liu Bei's horrific story- It's all true.
Sun Jian's story- Also completely true.))
-
Really, they antagonize me much more than they should.
These court-officials, messengers, and anyone that would.
I'm really not so bad a man as they all say I am…
They call me 'Traitor to the Han' and 'Rogue-Plague to the land!'
But honestly, I'm not an evil crook like they all say.
Forcheck in Guanzhong's writingsfor the follies of Liu Bei.
-
Now gather round me all of you who care to give some time,
And hear how ever-right Liu Bei on a woman's arm did dine.
Though at the time he did not know, he could not help but hear,
And when the grim news reached him, tears of gratitude appeared!
The butchered lady's husband soon was draped in fine array.
And all these riches were (of course) awarded by Liu Bei!
So tell me now, dear readers, was that not a horrid tale?
The worst that I've digested is some not-so-tasty ale.
-
And what of Sun Jian's sly techniques? Hiding the Imperial Seal…
I always did mistrust that man- that slippery, thieving eel!
If he had only turned it in- how many lives he'd spare!
But did he? No. He had to go and stash it off somewhere.
The Wu clancalleditdestiny- a fate the gods' set loose,
But who on Earth believes in that!? A pretty poor excuse.
And so I say it once again, I'm not a lousy snake,
Both Sun Jian and Liu Bei show we all make some mistakes…
-
Admitting I have maimed and slaughtered more than can be named,
I'd like the chance to tell you: Wu and Shu have done the same!
So really,just give Weia rest, it's getting awfully old.
Only so many times can the same tale be told.
So if you consider spending much more time than what you're worth
On degrading me and my Kingdom until we can't seem much worse…
I'd like you please to take some time and think the whole thing through…
And if you do it anyway? Bah, to hell with you!
-
((A/N: Not my best... whatever.))