Creation began on 03-10-22
Creation ended on 11-14-22
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Modern Day Legend of a Rage-filled Anchor: A Loving Demigod
It was the same as it was before he left on the last mission he ever participated in using the Eva. The same odor that gave the apartment a lived-in feeling.
"They must be at the base," Shinji sighs as he walks through Misato's apartment, stopping by the phone and picking it up. "If I'm going to do this, I should inform her."
-x-
Ring-ring! Misato heard her phone ringing, and she picked up.
"Hello?" She spoke.
"Hello again, Misato," she heard Shinji's voice, earning a gasp from her.
"Shinji! You're here?!"
"Where else would I be?"
"You're… Your father…you…what happened in… Just what are you going to do now?"
"Whatever I can do to mend the world…and then go back."
"You…you're really doing this? You're going to just…go after you're done?"
"I'm not the same person I once was, Misato. Things are different for me. If you've seen what I've seen, done what I've done…or even experienced what was done to me or others, you would see, you would know…that there's no going back from what was committed. I dispatched my father back to this world to let his fate be decided by whoever decides to deal with him; whatever befalls him is none of my concern. I called you to let you know that I intend to reverse the devastation caused by Second Impact so that people can rebuild and have a future."
Misato didn't ask where he was, but got the impression that he was close by.
"Just how different are you from before?" She wanted to know at least that much.
"Like I have two different childhoods to recall…because I do have two different childhoods to recall, one sad, the other sadder, one full of regrets, the other full of few pleasantries, but both desiring the same thing above all else. See you afterwards."
Before she could get anything else out of him, the call disconnected.
"Well?" Kaji asked her, and she looked at him and the others.
"He's very different from before," she explained. "Even though his voice seemed the same, it did seem like I was talking to two people at the same time. Two very different people…one very…very tempered soul."
"You mean two souls," Rei expressed; in her mind, even if there used to be two versions of Shinji, she still believed that there were two young men inhabiting the same body, just to different degrees, like a split persona.
"Their souls merged together, Rei. It's hard to tell them apart when they're both the same person with different pasts now intertwined in the present and heading towards a future that's literally theirs to write down however they choose."
"And idea where Shinji would start?" Asuka asked Misato.
"No. Wherever he starts…is wherever he chooses."
Everyone that knew about Shinji's ascension to would-be godhood, except for Gendo, that is, were at minor odds about what it was he was likely to do. While Gendo, despite his own injuries and bitter resentment towards his son, wanted to see him contained and exploited in the interests of personal matters, Misato, Fuyutsuki, Rei, even Asuka…felt that after what Gendo did to Shinji, the boy was entitled to his walk away. Who were any of them to try and decide what Shinji could and couldn't do after what he experienced, both against his father, who turned over fifty shades of hatred and killed a dozen lives to try and get what he was after from his son, who couldn't offer it up no matter what was done, and another man that gave up after he realized he was defeated by a young man that stood up for these poor women that didn't ask to be sought after because they were born with unusual abilities in their possession? Who were they to try and force a young man that, in one life killed himself rather than take the life of someone he loved…and in another life, was beaten to death by his father…and still became a god-like being with the power to decide his own future?
-x-
Setting the phone down, Shinji sighs as he turns to vacate, only to be stopped by a familiar face.
"Hey, Pen-Pen," he greeted the warm-water penguin.
Pen-Pen, despite having seen Shinji before, felt something was different about him and kept a safe distance.
"See you around," Shinji told him as he placed something on the table in the kitchen and left out the apartment.
When he was gone, Pen-Pen waddled over to the table…and gazed at what was probably the biggest fish he had ever seen, enough to leave him satiated for an entire day.
"Yap!" He squawked happily as he started to devour the fish.
-x-
Fuyutsuki had ordered Gendo be confined to his office for the time being, and nobody really bothered to question why; it was easily the smartest decision the sub-commander had made in NERV. As Gendo was under house arrest, Fuyutsuki gave Misato a simple order: Locate Shinji Ikari…and see what he would do next.
Locate Shinji and see what he'll do next, Misato thought as she drove down the streets. What could go wrong with such a task?
The only issue was finding Shinji; since she wasn't sure where he would be, all she could do was try his usual spots, from before the Twelfth Angel incident…and everything that followed after that day. But most of these places were abandoned soon after the more recent attacks, so this left her with just five spots Shinji could've been seen in, which included her apartment.
But even if Shinji did go back there, he wouldn't be there for too long, she realized as she turned left on the road. "Where are you likely to be, Shinji?"
"I'm right here, Misato," she heard Shinji's voice…as he appeared in the passenger seat of her car. "You've been trying to find me?"
Misato slowly pulled over and had to look at Shinji.
"You're…you're…" She uttered, confused and frightened.
"I'm here…and you're not going crazy," he responded, "and you're not wearing your seatbelt again. You're lucky the streets are empty."
"Commander Fuyutsuki only ordered me to find you and see what you would do next."
"Commander Fuyutsuki?"
"When your father left to find you and… Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki was more or less promoted to leader of NERV in his absence. His influence has been more positive and accepting than your father's. Look at you, Shinji. You look…"
"Slightly different?"
That was a bit of an understatement to Misato, but she could see that Shinji, despite looking somewhat the same as before the Twelfth Angel and his dimensional displacement, was very different. It was in his eyes; even though they looked as normal as they had before he came into possession of something that bordered on divinity and enabled him to transubstantiate from mortal to something else greater, she could see that there was a strength in them that felt greater than anything he had ever done before. It was subtle (and maybe she had to really focus on them in order to see), but she could see the double irises in his eyes that indicated that he was two people, two souls inhabiting the same body, coming from different lifetimes, different beginnings and suffering from a situation that had similarities due to a man that had a role in their issues. And then, there was this subtle presence that she really couldn't tell much of.
"Tell me," she uttered, "did it hurt when it happened? Dying, I mean. Was it…everything people fear it to be?"
"Honestly? In my case…it was a little harder than falling asleep," he answered her. "The pain I was in from fighting my father was dulled by the adrenaline, but the pain of losing the people I came to love was many times worse than the harm to my body when thinking that this man, this monster, was going to lay a finger on them afterward…simply because there was something he couldn't have for himself. But even if things had gone his way, he wouldn't have been able to do any good with such a power. Even with a falsely-made source, he was already too corrupted by his own desires and contempt. In the past, before time immemorial, the people that became known as Tennin or even the more popular Tennyo, the heavenly women that were the obsession of some, rose and fell, time and again, learning from the mistakes made and having to live with them and correct them, going through a multitude of beginnings and endings, like the phoenixes of mythology, but they were no different from any of us when it comes to life; we all stumble and fall, needing to get back up and do better than before. But during that time, their evolution resulted in factors that they have yet to resolve…and may never resolve for another few millennia: The mana, or hagoromo, became a lifeline for them. A boon and bane that few tried to exploit for their own purposes…and even fewer tried to return to them when they learned of their existence. When deprived of it, the Tennin are as mortal as we are, able to live, grow old, even have children, but their souls become trapped in a state of purgatory, unable to move on until they've been restored of their mana, after which they are free to move on to a higher plane of existence or continue to live in this one. My ancestress from the other universe, Frenzia, has moved on from her willing purgatorial state. Whether or not I see her again is up to her. But when she left, she was happy for me. For us, my other self and I. The curse of our family was the Rage-filled Anchor, which made life agonizing upon our eleventh birthday when it first made itself known. But now that it's gone, all that is left to do is live and enjoy what life there is to be had in the present when all else is said and done."
"And what will you do? After all is said and done?"
"Live. I'm still fourteen…and for the first time in a long time…I can see hope without despair, like the sun that drives away the darkness."
Maybe having this strange power made Shinji wiser than normal, but who was Misato to question it? Sitting beside her wasn't the same boy she had met during the Third Angel attack…and he wasn't this young man that immolated himself to keep from killing a girl he was in love with because he saw a vision of himself killing her without intent, both of whom had walked a path of torment that they had escaped from. No, this boy, this young man, was very different; he was both…and neither, a melding of two souls into something new.
"No matter how smart I have become," he told her, "I'm still just a fourteen-year-old."
"Can you…read minds now?" She asked him.
"Heh-heh…no. I can see your confusion on your face, in your eyes. So…you know what I intend to do now. What will you do?"
"What can I do? You're not someone I can order to stand down, anymore…and this isn't related to NERV at all. So…you're very much free to do as you please."
"Do as one pleases. Back then…that wasn't something I could do because of the trauma of my falling out with my father shortly after the passing of my mother, and that's a relationship that will never mend. See you later, Misato."
Before she knew it, Shinji had just left her car, leaving Misato's car.
"Whoa," she shuddered. "He's like a ghost or something, able to come and go as he pleases. Well…at least he didn't…disappear in a puff of smoke or fire. Oh, crud, I was supposed to find him and see what he'd do!"
Then a note appeared on the passenger seat, and she picked it up.
"Where the end began," it read, "and where the beginning will undo the end."
Where the end… Where Second Impact began? She wondered.
-x-
Unbeknownst to the whole of NERV, Shinji appeared inside the chamber of Lilith in Terminal Dogma, looking up at the crucified form of the immense being that hung above for the secret few to see.
"Lilith," he spoke, noticing a human-like leg twitch among the legs from the larger left leg. "The mother of life on this planet, Adam's equal and opposite, and the source of organic material in Unit-01. Adam is gone, so I need to get rid of you to ensure there's no lasting despair for the rest of the world. And I know where you should go."
He raised his arms up and caused Lilith to lower from the cross. His memory of Rei telling him about this creature during their conversation on the hospital roof in Magatama echoing in his mind. Suddenly, he was seeing other things that seemed to border on events that occurred in at least another life and left echoes that reverberated across the realm of his soul; if there was such a thing as a multiverse, then there had to be a universe for souls belonging to individuals. A pocket universe where his soul could reside upon death, carrying with it the memories and experiences he accumulated over and over again in many lifetimes across the multiverse; all he had witnessed, all he had done, across time and space, the thresholds of reality, possible and impossible, like a museum of sorts dedicated to his very existence for any to see. There was probably a universe where he saw what Rei had dreamt of happening around her; his father shooting a woman that resembled Ritsuko Akagi, him standing in front Gendo…and then seeing his hand with the Adam embryonic organism grafted on.
This is deplorable, his doppelgänger expressed. He's done this to Rei, to a version of ourselves from another lifetime, probably more than once. And the worst part is…
The worst part is that he keeps on doing it, believing that he'll get everything he wants in the end, he replied, seeing how several other versions of themselves from multiple lifetimes suffered because of the actions of their parents; the more they saw transpire, the more they understood and comprehended with scorn directed towards both their mother and father. Oh, jeez, there were even lifetimes where it wasn't directly him that caused us to suffer so much. It was our mother that played a cruel role in this tragedy. It's like they can't see past the Evangelion and the hurt it causes people. They choose it over what should matter to them…and they've done this too many times in too many lifetimes.
Even just once…is too many. It leaves scars that don't heal. A bitterness that can't be driven out of the heart. A poison so powerful…it destroys the light within the soul.
"Aaaaaaaaurgh!" They heard the reverberating scream of themselves in the lifetimes where the world ended because of what their parents did as he sat in the Eva.
But what they saw next was beyond nightmarish. There was a version of them, different from the rest, his hair a ghastly white and his face prematurely aged with wrinkles, and his eyes…devoid of any hope, of any future as he sat on a throne of bones.
"Just let it all end," they heard him say. "Please…just let it all end."
He's suffering more than the rest of us put together, they realized.
It was as though whatever this incarnation was going through, it was beyond the nightmare they never got to experience, what they were becoming fortunate to have escaped from.
"For him, it's a Hell far worse than anything we could endure," they heard a version say, dressed in a dark hakama, holding a kama sickle in his skeletal right hand.
"His pain reverberates throughout our own existence," another incarnation, this one a little boy with a big sword, expressed. "His pain masks his anger…and his anger masks his suffering."
"A soul that is being torture is a soul that longs for absolution from their torment," another incarnation, this one older than the rest of them were, probably in his thirties, with a prosthetic arm and some old scars. "Except the very person that forced this torment upon him is the very person that refuses to accept that not everything that was done were for the right reasons."
As Lilith faded from Terminal Dogma, the three incarnations were present in the chamber with Shinji, standing before him so that he got a better view of them.
"Who are you three?" He asked them.
"We are you," the little boy said.
"You are us," the man with the prosthetic arm added.
"In this ever-expanding multiverse, we are all facets of each other," the pale one with the sickle finished. "Regardless of how we began, how we came into existence or even how we ended, we share one thing in common with each other: Within us all is the same soul, shattered into pieces, lost in the labyrinth that is the flesh of our shared existence."
"Different lifetimes," Shinji realized. "Worlds in which things turned out different than expected for us. Probably lifetimes where the Evangelion wasn't a heavy influence upon ourselves."
"Or even, in my case," the prosthetic arm incarnation expressed to them, "the Eva was a constant presence, but not a controlling factor; it didn't take over my life when things changed, I took back control of my life and made it a positive force."
"What is to happen?" Shinji asked the three.
"A maddening escalation," the pale-skinned Shinji replied.
"The looming shadow of the soul left behind to wander in the darkness," the prosthetic-armed Shinji added.
"Either damnation or salvation will be received in the end," the little Shinji finished. "A final struggle between one and all."
"And you three?"
"We're part of the all," they all revealed. "We're all trying to protect what we have waiting for us back home."
"What do you have waiting for you?"
"My family," the prosthetic-armed Shinji says.
"My future with the people I don't want to live without in it," the little Shinji adds.
"To continue with my position as an incarnation of the end of all life in the universal balance," the pale Shinji finishes.
-x-
"…So, he's going to go to Antarctica?" Ritsuko asked Misato when she returned to the Geo-Front, showing them the note she had gotten from Shinji. "What was he like when you saw him earlier?"
"He's not the same person we used to see," she told Ritsuko, Asuka, Rei, Kaji and Fuyutsuki. "I mean, he still looks the same, but up here (she points to her head)…it's like…he's had whatever joy that teens are supposed to have…sucked out of him."
"Well, he was attacked by his own father for a family heirloom that wasn't going to be his just because he wanted it," went Asuka. "And he's probably still adjusting to being in the same class as his otherworldly ancestress."
"Attacked?" Misato questioned. "You mean, killed; no matter what was said during that conversation, we all saw how mangled Shinji was after his father threw him around on that boat. Even with adrenaline running through him to dull the pain, Shinji up and croaked because that man refused to back off."
"But he came back to life soon after."
"That doesn't change the fact that he was dead for a while," Rei expresses. "When the heart stops, even if it is only for a second, you hang between life and death, and if the heart fails to restart its rhythm, death claims you, no matter what happens later to restart your heart."
"Some believe that dying can change one's mental state to varying degrees," said Fuyutsuki. "Anyone that dies, even for just a moment, lose a part of themselves when they linger in the in between, either moving on…or manage to be resuscitated. Shinji is no exception to this rule."
"But didn't heart stop once during the Fifth Angel attack?" Asuka asked.
"That was different," explained Ritsuko. "He went into shock and needed a heart massage. He didn't die."
"Either way, he's just not the same as he was once before," Misato stated. "I saw his eyes and, even for just a brief second, they were not the same. It was like he was there…but he wasn't by himself. This other Shinji, his alternate or doppelgänger from that other world, was with him, speaking at the same time, saying the same things."
"They were in sync," Rei believed.
Beep! A computer gave off a small alert, and Ritsuko went over to access it.
"One of the research vessels in Antarctica just reported something bizarre," she revealed to them.
"How bizarre?" Kaji asked, and Ritsuko displayed something on the screen.
It was Shinji, bathed in light, looking as he did when he revived from death with Frenzia's hagoromo, floating over the lifeless ocean water with his arms stretched out…and the water starting to shift away from him.
"That's bizarre," said Fuyutsuki, seeing Shinji sink into the water.
-x-
It was a strange feeling, being in the water again. It wasn't like when he was hit by that lucky wave or taking a bath to recover from his back injuries. It was…like wandering around in the darkness, with God-knows-what lurking in the shadows. For Shinji, it was the feeling of being vulnerable to anything that was out here, waiting to devour him or capture him. But as he sank into the abyss below, he felt the lifelessness of his surroundings, which helped to quell his fears of being here.
There used to be life that clung to the snow and ice here, he thought as he looked up, unable to see any light from the surface above. When Second Impact occurred, everything down to the last microbe was purged away from here, making this ocean a true sea of the dead. A despair brought upon by the people that sought the end. An artificial doomsday that some believed to be an act of the gods. But no gods did this great act of cruelty. This was not divine punishment for anything as trivial as unearthing a being that should've remained buried or ignored for all time. This was simply human arrogance brought on by people that live in the deepest darkness, men and women that think they know what needs to happen, whether it's to save the world or themselves. But this was just inhumane humanity, trying to achieve a sense of godhood by forcing the rest of the world to pay the bare minimum for everything else. Nobody deserves to be reborn as a part of the divine…if countless lives are treated as expendable. Nobody that chooses this path deserves to be rewarded…if the road towards the goal is paved in the blood of innocence that masks immense guilt. So…let's do something right and turn back the hands of times for the people that were forced to pay for the sins of those who wanted this devastation. Give them land to rebuild their fallen homes, grow more food, reclaim as much of their past as they can.
When he was as deep as the human body could possibly sink, so deep that all light couldn't penetrate the darkness, he let his glow shine like a firestorm, illuminating the undersea realm. The Earth, as he understood it, was not meant to be a place with its coastal terrains underwater, with ruins of cities, deserts that were once forests that stretched for miles or other parts of the world where the lands were so messed up that people couldn't live there and just…build something to benefit their society. In his mind, even with glimpses from other lifetimes, his very existence in a mirror that had been shattered beyond recognition, he cared nothing about "brighter" futures that his mother had intended for people; he wouldn't have known what a "brighter" future was if nobody that knew more than he did and thought they knew better than he did went and showed him what was represented by such a belief. For Shinji, all he really needed to understand…was having a future where he could decide what he wanted, who he wanted to be with…and what he didn't want…was to have his fortunes dictated by people that only wanted one thing above all, willing to tear down what was in order to get it.
Beautiful world, he thought, erased of its indelible sins.
His light burst from the ocean as the waves formed into waterspouts over a hundred or so meters.
-x-
"Weather patterns over in Antarctica are going off the scales!" Ritsuko claimed as she received new updates from the vessel there. "What in the name of…"
"What is it?" Fuyutsuki asked her.
"The ocean levels are…dropping."
They were now viewing the world of Antarctica from the satellites above the planet, seeing only a bright light and storm-like clouds.
Suddenly, the ground shook a little as something like an earthquake came.
"What the Hölle is that?!" Asuka demanded.
People around the base were panicking; not a single one of them were aware, even in the slightest sense, that someone that once piloted one of their Evas, believed to have been dead in the aftermath of the Twelfth Angel, was alive and performing his own miracle.
Ring-ring! Fuyutsuki's phone rang, and he answered it.
"Yes?" He asked calmly. "No, we have no idea what is happening yet. It seems to be an earthquake. Ocean levels decreasing across the planet? Sorry, I can't comment on that."
He hung up and wondered how long it would be until the shaking ceased.
If this is your doing, Shinji, it's unlike what you were expected to do, he thought.
And the problem with doing what is expected of oneself to do, he heard Shinji's voice in his head, is that what is expected…and what one desires…are two very different things here. What I'm doing of my own volition, Mr. Fuyutsuki, and what was originally expected of me to do, as if desired by someone that is not even willing to divulge their intentions in their entirety…are different in these two ways: This is my first and last miracle for this world…and I have nobody manipulating me for the sake of a goal I want no part of.
"First and last miracle?" Asuka uttered.
"Did…anyone else just hear Shinji's voice?" Misato questioned.
"All I heard," went Rei, "was Shinji saying that the Eva is a curse that needs to be erased, otherwise it will condemn people again."
"All I heard was that the people responsible for causing Second Impact will pay, one way or another and never see the light of day again," added Kaji.
The satellites showed something new happening in Antarctica: Whatever weather was happening there had started to lessen, revealing large areas of white.
"Ice?" Misato wondered.
Beep! Ritsuko checked on the computer and discovered that ice and snow were reforming in Antarctica from the excess water that was created due to Second Impact.
In one life, I've seen snow in a way that wasn't a marvel or a relic of the past, she then heard Shinji's voice in her head. I've experienced snowflakes on my tongue, snowballs being thrown, snow angels being made on the ground, and every single one of them a magnificent joy to behold when snow falls from the sky. What one wouldn't do to have those experiences again. What I would give…just to embrace such a wonder.
But Shinji…what is to stop what happened fifteen years ago from happening again? The faux-blond had to question.
Those that fail to learn from their mistakes are the ones condemned to repeat them until the end of their days…and those that are willing and able to condemn others for their own failings are the ones condemned to fates worse than condemnation. I can't force anyone not to echo what befell the planet before I ever drew my first breath…just as I won't let my estrangement with my father be a factor in how I choose to view you in your relationship with him.
What? What are you talking about?
What is it that adults can it? Omniscient, the god-like power of knowing things? My last encounter with my father left me with an abundance of knowledge I was better off without about everything he ever did, including what he either did with you or your mother…or to you and your mother. I will say this, however, Dr. Akagi: You can do better than that man. You can do much better. Don't make the same mistakes that ruined him.
The shaking of the ground soon stopped.
-x-
Standing in front of a vast wasteland of snow and ice, Shinji was mesmerized by such a cold terrain that had been taken from the Earth before his time. The only thing missing was the animals that were known to live in a land that was said to be devoid of life. But as he smiled, Shinji wasn't done with this godly act he was doing; the ocean waters here were restored to their previous state, allowing the microorganisms to gather and redevelop into lost species.
The Earth remembers, he thought, walking towards the edge of a large cliff where he could see the water leading towards the great beyond. The waters remember. Stones and water remember the past. When they contain the history lost to the present, they restore the past and reinvigorate the future. In the past, what felt like dreams, in the here and now, what seems like a fantasy…become real once again. Become real…and live once again.
From within the icy-cold ocean, something big emerged from the deep blue. Not as big as an Angel, but big enough to impress the eyes and minds of young people while returning wonder to the minds of people that used to see them. It was dark, malformed in a strange way, but full of life as it splashed back into the water.
And there it was… These deep, haunting and beautiful sounds they were known to make when they vocalize. They could be heard in greatness as Shinji sat down on the ledge of the cliff. A tear escaped from his left eye as he saw more of these ancient and majestic creatures that dwelled within the deep, blue sea.
Behind him, he could feel the presence of a dozen or so smaller creatures as more life began to form the microbes that held the memories of these organisms that thrived in this frozen wonderland that people could scarcely understand. Taking a small peek behind, he could see creatures that were reminiscent of Pen-Pen, only larger and not of the same species as the modified bird.
"As long as he has the will to go on, anywhere can be like paradise," his mother's words were uttered in his mind, and he sighed in disgust towards them.
Oh, how he came to hate those words, like they were some sort of mantra he didn't want to hear any longer. It wasn't that he didn't believe in her words… He just didn't believe…in her, in what she did, what she wanted, because the path she took…disheartened him towards her in this life. There was no way that he could follow her beliefs, even when he had the power to turn his own beliefs into reality.
If people were destined to become like the gods they either chose to revere or vilify, then it was a flawed destiny; people were diverse because of their beliefs, and some of those beliefs were what made them capable of anything, good or bad, right or wrong, and they gave Shinji great concern for many of the things he had no control over, that he didn't want to have control over.
The Eva is nothing more than a false god made by people that have lost their faith and their way, he thought as he tried to reflect upon the promise he made before he returned. But I can't force people to change their ways toward the notion of actual deities and living in the world they gave us to call our home. All I can do…is hope that they learn from their mistakes and never repeat themselves for the sake of their future. Divinity isn't a goal that should be desired by any. Even he is no deity; he never asked for eternity. Eternity was an unwanted gift…and he has sought to get rid of it for as long as his suffering has plagued his soul. He can't even remember their names, let alone their faces. All he can remember…is the hurt he wants to end and be free of.
His promise to return to his new home, to the people waiting for him, to close the chapter of his life here…and begin anew where he wanted to be. He had every intention on returning once he was through here. While he did feel a twinge of guilt in his decision, it was to be bitter and brief; people would move on, move past the hurt while still alive. And it wasn't like he had a future here; so long as he possessed something that made him comparable to a god, there would be people that would do anything to possess him, to control him, to not give him any peace and quiet or try to possess the power for themselves. And even if there were people willing to fight for his right to be free of these restraints, there would always be something else to hinder such a desire to live like regular people, so he had to leave as soon as he was done.
Even if I expose the people responsible, there will always be someone else to pick up where they left off, like a passing of a torch that carries a dark flame, he realized as he got up from the cliff side and levitated into the air. I'll leave the duty of exposing the men and women responsible to those that have greater impact than a fourteen-year-old that should be finding out what they want to be when they grow up.
-x-
"…He restored Antarctica?" Gendo asked Ritsuko as she informed him of the action committed by Shinji, three hours after the planet was revealed to be back on its axis like before.
"He did that, turned several deserts of sand into forests, was seen in former population centers that were abandoned due to severe radiation, was even reported walking into Aokigahara with a white tiger and wolf following him. Though, the last one is unconfirmed with the exception of him going into the forest." Ritsuko revealed. "He's going to nearly other part of the world that he has some knowledge of, but he has made no attempt to return here."
"Why hasn't NERV sent anyone to go retrieve him?"
"Commander Fuyutsuki and Major Katsuragi have given no orders to send anyone after Shinji. If Shinji has made a conscious decision to refrain from returning, we're in no position to influence his actions. And there's something else, too. He appears to be aware of everything that was done, things he should have no knowledge of."
"Of course, he would possess such knowledge; that Frenzia Ikari's hagoromo he inherited has given him the powers of a god. He is capable of whatever he desires. It's the reason he's undoing most of the devastation caused by Second Impact."
"He's also making plans to leave once he's done."
"That traitor."
"It's not his fault if he leaves, sir. You did kill him when he refused to listen to you…and you made an attempt to endanger the lives of the people that matter to him in that world, so he sees no reason to stay in this one. In a sense, he does belong there now."
"He's just running away from the difficulties here."
"He has a life there that is still his to live out."
"Where is NERV regarding the Angels?"
"That's…a sour note from the restoration situation that Shinji has taken. The Lance of Longinus is gone, lost in lunar orbit after being used to dispatch two Angels that came in one day. The damages to Units-00-02 were extensive, so Unit-03 was used with the Second Child as the pilot. And…there's something else. Lilith has disappeared from Terminal Dogma."
"What are the chances that the Third Child had something to do with it?"
"Based on everything else that has happened, the chances are probable. But on a personal level…yes, he is responsible for the Second Angel's disappearance. It's likely that he's removing whatever traces of what can be used to cause a repeat or worse version of Second Impact to occur, effectively preventing any doomsday scenario from ever happening."
"He can't prevent the future from happening."
"He's not trying to prevent the future, just the end of the world."
But in Gendo's mind, they were one and the same; no controlled Third Impact, no Human Instrumentality Project, no saving the human race. His son had, effectively, doomed them all to this slow-motion extinction because he couldn't do anything right.
For you, nothing I do will ever be enough, he heard Shinji's voice. Nobody can ever be perfect, so I won't even try to explain myself to you.
You ruined everything, Gendo responded. You humiliated me, caused irreparable damage with your absence, obtained and acted on questionable information with questionable judgment. If I ever see you again, I will have you incarcerated and dissected.
Which is why after today…you will never hear from me for the rest of your life. I'm just letting you know that, after today, the way the world carries on…is up to the people. How they rebuild, what they build, who they choose to be with, how they choose to live, it's all up to them. I've said all that I need to say to everyone that I know here…and shall fulfill my promise to the people waiting for me back home.
You're running away from the hardships here. I'll tell the world about you! I'll tell them how you abandoned everyone in favor of some life in another world Second Impact never happened and where the people you know were better than they are here!
Then do it, Father, he was told by Shinji, without even the barest hint of sounding worried. Tell everyone you know, everyone that has an opinion about you, about how you caused your only son to die at your hands because you felt you were entitled to an heirloom of the Ikari family in another dimension…simply because you married into the family in this dimension, thinking that the rules of inheritance applied over there…when they do not. Just because you married my mother in this world doesn't mean you were married to her in a neighboring world where history was different. Tell them how you threatened the women in my life, the friends I promised myself to never let come to harm by you, and how you took something similar to what I inherited…and still wanted more because you felt entitled to it. Tell them everything. The good, the bad and the celestial. Let them be the ones to decide for themselves who's in the right and who's in the wrong. I just hope they have more sense than you do. There's still no word, to this very day, to call any parent who has lost their child or children. There are words to define husbands and wives that have lost each other, even words for children that have lost their parents, but no words for parents that have lost their children. And…in one life, my mother lost me because I took my own life to keep from taking the life of someone I love…and it affects me more than when I thought I lost my mother over here. And when I saw her face for the first time in years, heard her voice, felt her hands… I felt a sense of warmth and relief I haven't had since I was little…and would rather continue to experience over there…because I can't have that here. Not that I was ever going to if I did stay here. Not from you two.
How dare you?
Say what you will, but you can't stop me from going. I'm no longer bound by your designs or ambitions. Your agendas are null and void and whoever you made deals with are as meaningless as you. But I guess I should still say this to you: Thank you, Father, for you have shown me that your heart is as devoid of any light as your soul is full of spite. I will find a way to endure life without you involved in it. Goodbye.
Gendo clenched his fists as he felt nothing but disgust towards Shinji, for his decision to leave this world in favor of the other one where Second Impact never happened and where he himself never married Yui, where Yui herself had a history of indirection that led her down a path that resulted in her less-than-impressive life.
"Sir?" Ritsuko spoke.
"That petulant ingrate has left," he told her.
The door to the office opened and in came Fuyutsuki, Katsuragi, the First and Second Children and Kaji.
"What is the meaning of this?" Gendo questioned.
"I think you know exactly what has happened," Misato replied. "He's done what he came back to do…and has left again."
"He said what he had to say to everyone he had something to say to," went Kaji. "What did he say to you, if he said anything to you at all?"
"He had nothing to say to me," Gendo lied.
"Then why did you threaten to tell everyone about him if he left?" Rei asked him. "And why did he say for you to tell them why he chose to leave?"
"He didn't even try to call your bluff," Asuka told Gendo. "He probably told people he knew what you did, so even if you tell anyone, your version of events won't matter if you omit your misdeeds or try to make yourself look like a victim when you're far from it. And even if he did stay, you wouldn't have allowed him to do as he pleases; you couldn't let anyone with such power exist outside of your control."
"And you killed him once before," said Fuyutsuki. "You killed your own son over something that would never be yours due to how it was meant to be passed down from his ancestress. It could only be passed down to someone born into the Ikari bloodline's fifth or sixth generation, which meant you couldn't obtain it at all. And once he got it, it was his to exploit however he desired. He is not a god…but did what people have believed gods to be capable of doing."
"He didn't need to say much," went Ritsuko, "but he said enough to indicate that he knew everything he needed to know about whoever he was talking to. Maybe it was omniscience. But there was no telling what he would or could do if crossed by someone that refused to step back."
"Ikari-Kun wouldn't kill," said Rei, "but he'd likely make it so that whoever tried anything to him would live to regret their actions toward him."
"He's a coward that can't do what is necessary," Gendo told them.
"Then…you should contact the Committee," Fuyutsuki replied. "They're expecting your call. Failure to do so will result in a harsher repercussion."
They all turned to leave the office, but Kaji stayed behind to say something else to Gendo.
"You call your son a coward who can't do what you think is necessary," he told him. "Just what is necessary? Murder? If that's what you think is necessary…then why do you think he chose not to kill you? Maybe he doesn't have it in him to desire revenge for the wrongs committed against him, even if the ones that did so actually deserve whatever punishment they may receive in the future. Or maybe…he just doesn't want to deprive other people of their pound of flesh. Even if Shinji made his choice not to end your life…I doubt he made his choice to save it for a selfish reason. Whatever happens with you from here on out…is simply due to Shinji not killing you…but just know that he didn't save you, either."
Then he left the room, leaving only Ritsuko with Gendo.
"I think you should call the Committee," Ritsuko told Gendo.
-x-
The ride back to Misato's apartment was quiet after Fuyutsuki gave the personnel the order to go home and rest up. It wasn't that the Renault's occupants (Misato, Asuka and Rei) had anything to say. It was because they were worried about what they were to expect when they came to their destination; they knew that it was unlikely that Shinji would be there, and the sky above had this twinge of color as the sun went down that it didn't really have after Second Impact. In Rei's hands was the mirror that they used to observe Shinji while he was in the alternate world; nothing happened to indicate that he had gone back yet.
"Anything on that mirror, Rei?" Misato suddenly up and asked.
"No, Major Katsuragi," she answered.
The Renault had reached their destination and the three women climbed out of the vehicle. They went up the elevator and reached their desired level.
"How is it that it doesn't feel like the end of the world," said Asuka, "but it feels like nothing can ever be the same?"
"Because nothing can ever be like it was before!" They heard a boy's voice up ahead of them, seeing two teen boys and a girl in front of the Katsuragi door.
It was Kensuke Aida, Toji Suzuhara and Hikari Horaki, all three looking as though they had been affected by the same turn of events as the three NERV employees had been.
"What are you three doing here?" Misato asked them.
"Did you three…speak to him before he left?" Toji questioned.
"Yes," Rei answered. "Did he…speak to you?"
"He did," Hikari responded. "He…didn't sound the same when he spoke. He said not to worry about him, that he'd be fine where he was going."
"He said he couldn't stay here, anymore," added Kensuke. "If he stayed, he'd never be able to live his life because of what he did to fix the problems of the world. Was he lying?"
"What?" Misato reacted. "No, he wasn't lying. If he stayed, people wouldn't leave him alone; his newfound sense of divinity would make people more influential in other parts of the world want him for reasons that would go against his own interests."
"They would want him as a resource or a weapon, you mean?" Toji suggested.
"Yes."
"And…he couldn't and wouldn't control people in order to make it so that he could live here without any of that craziness affecting him," Hikari stated.
"He wasn't going to deprive people of their right to make their own choices," Asuka explained.
"His father," went Kensuke. "He really did kill him before he became a demigod of sorts…didn't he? It's part of why Shinji couldn't stay when he came back to fix the world…isn't it?"
"Yes," Rei revealed.
"He didn't deserve that, you know," Toji claimed. "He didn't deserve what his parents did to him, no matter how screwed up the world was. Please, tell me that his father isn't going to walk away from what he did."
"Shinji chose not to kill him," Misato told the teens, "but he didn't spare him any punishment he deserves for whatever he did to anyone else."
"So…what now?" Hikari asked.
"All we can do is…move on," said Asuka.
Gasp! They heard Rei as she raised up the mirror.
"What?" Misato asked her.
Rei turned the mirror around to face them…and they saw what she saw. The mirror displayed Shinji, who was inside Misato's apartment, sitting in the living room with Pen-Pen.
"Why is he inside the house?" Misato wondered.
"Maybe he wanted to see us all before he left," suggested Toji. "It's never wrong to see someone and confirm or reaffirm things…before they leave and are gone forever."
They went inside the apartment and straight into the living room, seeing the young man they were talking about, sitting there in front of them.
"Hey," he greeted them. "Some day it's been, huh?"
If this was Shinji trying to show some sense of humor after what he did, it was very mellow…and nobody was able to laugh due to the seriousness of his god-like actions.
"Yeah," went Misato; despite the lack of humor in her voice, she was happy to see him again, even if it was under different circumstances. "You're here."
"For the moment," he stated.
"So…you're really leaving?" Toji asked him.
"Yeah."
"And…nothing any of us say or do can make you change your mind?" Hikari added.
"That's right."
"Just how are we supposed to move on after, knowing that you left?" Kensuke wanted to know.
"People move on, eventually," he told them. "It's not the end of the world, anymore. Not yet, at least. Not for a long time. I made certain of that."
"But…what of the remaining Angels?" Asuka questioned; he was gone and they had been attacked by three Angels, so maybe hearing that they were still showing up would at least make him stay a while longer and help them.
"There's only one left, and he's not going to do anything to anyone, for anyone," he revealed. "Everything associated with Second Impact and its aftermath, the fear of a Third Impact, the First Angel, the end of all life on the planet, the delusion that some deity was enraged by the arrogance of humanity, no longer a concern. The only things you should be concerned with…is how to live after the next day…and the day after…and the day after. Wars come and go, cities fall and are often rebuilt, and people find a way to move on."
"But…what will happen if people, the ones that have seen what you've done…try to come after you?" Rei questioned.
"They won't be able to," he expressed. "They can try, try, try all they want, for as long as they want. They can can spend a hundred years, pouring their collective knowledge and resources into looking for men…and they will never come close."
"And what of your father?" Misato asked him.
"I'm not worried about him. He has his own problems that he will never be able to avoid. All he can do, with the time he has left, is face whatever comes his way, either on his feet…with his head held high…or on his knees…begging for absolution that will never be granted."
"You already know his fate, don't you?" Asuka suspected. "That's why you didn't…do it yourself. You knew he was on someone else's list."
"There's an old saying about making pacts with people that are worse than the ones you know of. I'll just skip right to the important piece: When Death comes knocking, nothing and no one is going to stop him from coming into your home. All you can do is face him. And it's not the dying part that people should fear. It's what comes after dying. Either paradise…or agony, depending upon your life's history of actions, both good and bad."
So whether Shinji knew or not, he wasn't going to divulge upon his father's fate.
"It…it kinda sucks, you know," went Toji, "that you're leaving. You practically did what most dream of doing and you're not sticking around to see what happens next. Nothing is going to be the same."
"Nothing is meant to be the same," Shinji expressed. "The more things change, the more you realize that nothing is the same as it used to be. And my life… My life is hardly my own here. The very name that is Ikari has been tainted by its previous generation and the current one can't wash the stains off. Sure, I could try to, but I don't want to. I just want…to live without the stains reflected upon me."
Somehow, they all understood what he meant by that. No matter what he did, or how hard he tried, so long as he remained here, he wouldn't be able to have a life of his own, wherever he wanted or with whoever he wanted. So, he had to leave, to live his life without any form of persecution or ties to the past.
"Just tell me one thing, Shinji," went Kensuke. "Will we ever see you again?"
Shinji thought about it, looked away from them all…and smiled when he looked back.
"You'll get a glimpse of me every now and then," he answered. "I should be going now. I won't say goodbye again. Instead, I'll say…see you later…and I will see you later."
And then, in the space of a heartbeat, Shinji Ikari was gone, like a ghost or whisper.
"Whoa," Toji and Kensuke reacted.
"Yeah," added Asuka.
Misato went over to where he sat down and sighs. Then, she looks at Rei.
"Can you see him in the mirror again?" She asked her, and Rei brought up the mirror again.
"He's…walking down a sidewalk next to a beach," she revealed, and everyone looked at the mirror to see him.
He was walking towards a house by the beach. Upon reaching the front door, he pressed the doorbell and waited for a response. The door opened…and they saw a young woman that had a similar appearance to Rei, only not an albino and with an emotional expression on her face as she looked at Shinji.
"I'm home, Mother," they heard him say to her.
"Welcome home, Shinji," they heard her reply as she hugged him, tears flowing from her eyes. "Welcome home."
To be continued…
A/N: I was going to add a scene in which Gendo has to contend with the repercussions of his actions, along with what some are probably wondering was going on in the mind of one of the other characters that wasn't seen or spoken much about, but that will be included in the next chapter. For now, what did you think of this chapter? I didn't want Shinji to be too much of a deity, but he was more and less than what he was after receiving Frenzia's hagoromo and being able to start his world back on the path of rebuilding. Also, he exhibited some degree of detachment that was due to the sense of omniscience he experienced, but he didn't want to be too detached from the people he knew from his life in the Eva universe before he left to live in the Ceres universe. His encounters with his other selves from the Evaflowne universe, Immortal Ikari universe and the New Cause universe provide for the possibility that he may be included in what's to come in the future. As I await the reviews from people that enjoy this story, I hope that you are staying active, sane and full of creativity.