A/N: Thank You reviewers!!! Hugs for everyone. Back by request, I have another chappie! Songfic again. I hope there's no hidden rule that says how long a songfic is supposed to be because I think I might have broken that rule. Beware, there are LARGE gaps between the lyrics in the beginning and it bunches up towards the end. POV goes as follows Lily, James, Lily, James, Lily, James, and finally back to Lily. Inspired by "Cigarette" by Yellowcard. Review please!
Disclaimer: (Of course) I don't own Harry Potter.
Cigarette By Lady Spirit
Exhausted and sluggish, Lily moved toward her kitchen counter. She absentmindedly dropped her wand on the smooth granite surface and quickly shed her heavy cloak. Unable to walk the last few steps towards her telephone, Lily stumbles and falls to the ground.
'That's gonna leave a mark in the morning' she thought as she rubs her left knee, the knee that broke her fall. Even with flaming red hair, a bit dull from overwork, sprawled across the floor, this tired Lily Evans is still a sight to see. She closes her eyes and lets out a content sigh. The carpet felt comfortable enough…
'It would be funny if Michelle finds me here…MICHELLE!' her mind screamed. Lily was often forgetful outside the hospital because she spent most of her normally excellent memory at work. 'I forgot to call her and tell her I was doing more shifts at the hospital (which is an understatement because she set the record for most shifts done in a row), Michelle must be worried sick. Damn, I should call her now.' She quickly thought. Lily tried to lift herself from the floor but her arms gave way and she collapsed on the ground again. As if on cue, the door opens and in comes Michelle, fellow Hogwarts graduate and roommate for 3 years.
"LILY EVANS, WHERE in HELL have you BEEN?! Have you any idea where I have searched. I was about to report you as a missing person to the police station as soon as I got a bite to eat. Merlin, I was worried sick!" screamed Michelle. She paused for a second and a confused look crossed her features.
"Lily… what are you doing on the floor?" asked Michelle.
"Er… I was exhausted from work…and er… I sort of collapsed. Can you help me up?" Lily asked. She raised her right hand hopefully at Michelle. Michelle, completely oblivious to the Lily's hand, went along talking.
"My stars… you've been at the hospital that ENTIRE time?" said Michelle in awe.
"Umm… yeah. So could you please help me up?" asked Lily again, with a frustrated undertone. Michelle's entire demeanor changed.
"Honey, you shouldn't stress yourself so." Michelle started. 'Oh Merlin… she's doing her motherly thing again' thought Lily.
"I can't believe you collapsed, maybe we should take you back to the hospital," Michelle continued.
"NO! NO! NO! Not back to the hospital. Just help me up to my room. Please." Begged Lily. She was not going to back the Hell/Hospital for a very long time if she had a say in the matter.
"Ah… fine Lily. You're the Medi-Witch. Here, swing your arm around my shoulder," said Michelle as she supported her friend. Lily thanked Merlin that Michelle was an Auror at that point because her training had made Michelle very strong. They slowly walked to Lily's room and Michelle dumped Lily onto her lily flower printed bed sheets (A/N: sort of stupid, I know). Lily could finally relax and she did. Michelle smiled softly as she watched her best friend snuggle in her comforter.
'She has been way overworked. Lily needs a fun night out sometimes." Michelle thought.
Before exiting and closing the door, Michelle whispered,
"I'm running to the store and buying somethings to make you some chicken noodle soup. I'll be back in an hour. Sweet dreams Lils."
Lily could only hear "sweet dreams" before she, ironically, slipped in a dreamless sleep.
When she woke up, Lily realized that a bubble bath had been drawn out for her because she could smell the blueberry bubbles and creamy vanilla bath salts.
'Michelle is the best' she thought. Lily quickly put on her fuzzy bathrobe and walked to the bathroom unnoticed. After her calming bath, Lily dried off and walking back to her room to put on pajamas. She found a steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup on her bedside table with a steam-wrinkled note underneath it.
Hey Lils,
Hope you like the soup and please relax and try to enjoy a quiet evening. I got a call from the office and I have to run. Probably be back late so don't wait up for me. You need your sleep. Goodnight.
Love Always,
Michellle'Aw… She is too much. And… hummm…she's telling me that I'm overworking. HA. But I guess someone has to save the world from the Deatheaters. What a funny pair we are. She saves the world and I patch up the wounds.' Lily thought. 'There's might be another Auror that you would be good pairs with…' her mind drifted. She could see his boyish grin and outrageously messy hair.
"Not again…" she said to herself.
Watching the days burning out like a cigarette,
Just a few drags to go.
You built me up
And you broke me down,
Somehow.
"Potter, what are you doing to me?" she asked quietly. She decided that it was time again. Time again for a walk down memory lane. She swung herself down from the bed and proceeded to crawl under it. Lily crawled out with a large hatbox. It was circular and shiny black. Her trembling fingers lifted the top and white paper envelopes spilled from it. She grabbed one that had fallen onto the carpet. Lily gingerly pulled a crinkled old letter from a tattered envelope.
My Dearest Flower,
I'm sitting here in Charms, wishing that you were right next to me right now. Not only to help me with the newest Charm that Professor Handel is trying to teach us, but also so I can watch you gracefully scribble down notes and so that I can stare into your brilliant green eyes. How I could use such brilliance in such a dull class. Sirius is now looking over my shoulder… I guess I have to stop writing for the sake that Sirius might read what I already wrote and call it a ridiculously mushy love letter. I know this is a bit short but I'll make it up to you later. Meet me in the Common Room at midnight. Don't stay up too late doing homework…
With All My Love,
James Potter
'James… you contradicting fool. And you don't need any help in charms, you got too much of it anyways. How I miss our midnight escapes and break of dawn adventures. What I would give to have that back and go back in time. What I would give to have you back, even though I wouldn't say that aloud to anyone. Your inability to say the right word and your betrayal runs deep, but maybe, just maybe, my love for you runs even deeper." She thought.
Everything just seemed so clear to me
Nothing left to know.
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure,
Right now.
Then Lily saw a card with beautiful lilies on the cover. She grabbed it and opened it.
Dear Lily
I know it's been years, but I would never forget your birthday. I hope work isn't as stressful for you as it is for me. May this day be as wonderful as you are and may you enjoy it with the people who will always be there for you. Happy Birthday, Lily.
Forever Yours,
James Potter
'Why? Why James? Why do you have to be so nice? It would be so much easier to hate you if you were different. Even though I never send you anything, you still never forget my birthday. Year after year, I can always expect a beautiful card from you. Even if I were friendless and lonely, you would never forget me. And why do you sign every card with "forever yours". Do you really mean it or is that what you always write when signing something for a pretty girl? So many questions that will never be answered." Lily pondered.
"Hey Prongs! You better get down here now. Your birthday guests are all going to arrive before you are!!!" screamed Sirius, stressing guests, from the bottom of the stairs.
"I'll be right there!!!" James yelled back. 'Impatient Sirius, but you gotta love him.' Thought James. Sirius was the one that planned a birthday party for him. James didn't want anything big but knowing Sirius… well, just let us just say that Sirius isn't the small celebration type. Sirius and Remus, his other best friend from Hogwarts, sent out invitations to his coworkers and they was all supposed to meet at the Ministry's Ballroom (Sirius somehow got it for my birthday, I think it has something to do with the new witch he's dating). James quickly pulled a deep chocolate turtleneck sweater over his head and ran into the bathroom to give his hair a quick brush.
'What the hell, it's been like this for 22 years. It's not going to change." James thought as he hopelessly dropped the comb. He grabbed a jacket and headed downstairs to meet Sirius.
"About time, mate. You don't want to be late, even if it is fashionably late." Said Sirius in an exasperated voice.
"Right, right. Let's get going before Moony yells at the both of us for being late." Said James, pushing Sirius through the door.
Michelle was sitting on the couch waiting for Lily to finish getting ready. She grabbed Witch Weekly and started to flip through the pages.
"Oh Michelle, I don't know how you got me to go to James Potter's birthday bash," whined Lily, stressing Potter. Inwardly, she was giddy as a schoolgirl. She then walking into the living room and Michelle looked quite pleased with the outfit that she picked out for Lily. Michelle then motioned with her hand to signal Lily to twirl around. She thought Lily looked good in a white sleeveless turtleneck, a deep green beaded cardigan, and a jean skirt. But Lily would look good even if she wore a banana costume to the party.
"Stop complaining Lily. I need someone I can trust to be there for me. Besides after all those gorgeous birthday cards he's sent you for all those years, you owe him and yourself a favor," said Michelle as she stood up and got ready to Apparate.
"What do you mean, " you owe him and yourself a favor"? Wait… How do you know about the birthday cards?" asked Lily.
"Oh… James always asked me the day after if you got the card and if you like it at work." Said Michelle nonchalantly. Lily's eyes narrowed slightly.
"What else do you know?" she asked suspiciously.
"What, that you have been Potter obsessed since seventh year? Or that you dream about him and moan through your lips "James…" at night?" said Michelle doing a slight impression of a frustrated Lily when she said James. Lily stood there shocked. Her mind blanked out.
'Am I obsessed? No, I can't be. I have gotten over him… Yeah right, keep telling yourself that," thought Lily. Her shocked face slowly changed into a more passive look and she hung her head.
"It's okay Lily. Look on the brightside, you'll see him tonight," said Michelle sympathetically.
'Like that is going to take away any of the betrayal and hurt' Lily thought.
"Hey mate, look at that pretty red-head by Michelle," Sirius whispered into James' ear. He instantly perked up at the word "red-head". This has been the most excited he has been all night.
"Where?" James asked, a little too loudly.
"Where what?" asked Remus, who had heard James from 5 feet away. He walked over to his two best friends.
"There's a red-head over there that has caught Prongs' attention," replied Sirius.
"Red-heads can catch Prongs' attention fast enough, but only one can hold it," Said Remus, obviously hinting at something. James wasn't listening though. He was entranced and slowly walking toward the mysterious red-head.
'James, what are you doing? Hey feet, stop moving. Stop! Come on. Hopeless…" thought James. His mind and body were thinking in two different directions.
"Should we stop Prongs?" asked Remus.
"No," Sirius replied bluntly. 'I want to see good old Prongs make a fool out of himself' thought Sirius.
Michelle was looking over Lily's shoulder and saw a certain James Potter walking over. She smiled evilly.
'Lily won't know what hit her. Good thing she has her back turned." Michelle thought.
"Hey Lils, I see my boss over there, I guess I better say hello. Don't come with me. He's fifty and flirty, trust me, you don't want to get hit on by him," said Michelle as she grabbed her drink and left. She walked to the far right corner and when she saw that Lily wasn't watching her anymore, she doubled back to spy on her best friend.
"Hey beautiful," said James as he approached her from the back. Lily turned around so fast that she almost spilled her champagne on him. His hazel eyes widened.
"You're Lily" he stammered.
"And this is your birthday party. Congrats for surviving 22 years birthday boy," said Lily with a sardonic smile.
"Umm…er…thanks," said James.
'Always trying to find the right words.' Thought Lily. An awkward moment of silence followed.
"So… Lily, want to go outside to talk? Catch up on old times?" asked James.
'He's playing tricks with me. Make out with me one second and dump me the next." Thought Lily.
"Back to old ways Potter? Always trying to get a pretty enough girl to show off and a stupid enough one to fall for you." Lily said sharply. Those words were like razors upon his heart. He couldn't stop the bleeding.
How can you say,
That it's too late To save us now
"I just wanted to talk to you," said James sadly.
And I would wait for you, ooh
If you would wait for me, yeah.
I will wait for you, ooh
if you will wait for me, yeah.
Lily felt like a train off tracks had hit her. He hadn't said anything sarcastic or hateful back to her.
'But…He's supposed to hate me." Thought Lily.
Intoxicated the edge is serrated,
So easily torn from the core.
I blushed the first time,
But you blushed the last time
My eyes hit your mind
Regenerated these feelings of hatred,
I long for your love evermore
You built me up and you broke me down
This time.
James never wanted to be sucked into a black hole more than right now. He wanted to feel the sweet blackness of unconsciousness or even just the comfort of his bed. He could Apparate but there would no explanation for his friends, or even Lily. Besides, he couldn't run away from Lily forever. He throat felt like a nomad in the desert trying to find an oasis. His lips were parched like an old dry paper. He couldn't find his voice to speak. After what seemed like hours but were actually minutes, James spoke again.
"I'm sorry Lily, for everything. Goodbye," He then turned on his heel and left.
And I would wait for you, ooh
If you would wait for me, yeah.
I will wait for you, ooh
if you will wait for me, yeah.
'You can't even begin to imagine how sorry I am. How much I suffer inside just to see you again." James though.
Déjà vu hit her hard.
"I guess I'll give you a little more time to think about it," said Lily. Without as much as a hug goodbye, Lily got up and walked toward the castle. She felt like something was missing when she was alone. A feeling that would never go away for the rest of her life. She looked back at a James whose face was buried deep within his hands. She couldn't even begin to imagine the emotions he was hiding between his fingers.
Goodbyes were always hard for them. Separation tore them apart the core. It was always simpler when they were together.
'I wish wasn't the one left behind.' She thought staring at a blank white wall mindlessly.
How can you say,
That its too late
To save us now?
(How can you say)
Cigarette- Yellowcard
A/N: Soooo… Like it? Or did I lose my author license because I murder writing in general? As an inexperienced author, I NEED feedback from my audience, but still, NO flames please. If anyone has a suggestion as to what song might be perfect for this story or the next chappie, please tell me. Also, tell me how far you want this story to continue.
Thanks
L.S.