Something's Changing

Disclaimer: Raynar Thul, Eryl Besa, and any other mentioned Star Wars character, ship, or thing do not belong to me. They belong to George Lucas, Del Rey, or whoever the kriff. I'm just borrowing them to have my own angsty fun. The song lyrics are by Finger Eleven, "Conversations."

Summary: Post-NJO, songfic. In the future, Raynar Thul reflects on a lost love.

Characters: Raynar Thul and Eryl Besa

Author's Note: Hope you enjoy it! Feedback would be highly appreciated, especially since this is my first time writing either character.

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Raynar Thul fingered the holo in his hand, watching the 3D image of the young redhead woman look up at him. Lifting one hand from the base of the holocube, he fingered the air surrounding the image, skimming it gently over her short red hair, moving down past her face, his eyes soaking in the detail of her green ones, the number of freckles on each cheek, the serious smile that ripped at his heart. The image stopped at the top of her chest, but all the Jedi had to do was close his blue eyes and he could see her again, whole and in front of him, the curves of her body, draped in a flowing brown Jedi robe like when he first met her.

Tears trickled down his cheek as he opened them. His hand moved back down the base of the holocube and with one small tap of his finger, the image of the woman flickered and vanished.

It had been seven years since he had lost her, since that Jedi Strike team, since their mission to Myrkr. He frowned, a sudden coldness replacing the sadness in his cool blue eyes as he stared out into the dark vastness of space. Memories of that time came rushing to him, the reasons why he gone, the events that happened on the way to Myrkr, at, and after. He had joined the group to avenge his broken heart, not expecting to have it mended and then torn in two all over again.

Sometimes when he was alone at night, alone in his quarters on the flagship of the Thul fleet, he cried. Raynar cried for Lusa, whose death had become a dull pain he always carried with him, and he cried for himself, selfishly, for all the pain he had been forced to go through in his life. He never cried for her though. Or at least not until her father, that space racer whose name Raynar couldn't remember for the life of him, gave him that holocube. With that image.

And he began to relive the memories all over again.

Something changing
The secret is building
Almost over and somehow seems a beginning
Losing focus
It must be boring
Looking forward never turns out the wrong way

"Don't tell me you're going dressed like that."

Raynar looked up from his holomessage to his mother, pressing the pause button on the recorder. He turned around in his seat, eyeing the woman who stood in his door frame. He had seen her a few times before on Eclipse, usually one of the Jedi in Anakin Solo's group of followers, but she had never paid him much mind. And neither he to her until the proposal of the strike team. Even then, they had barely spoken much until boarding the Lady Luck. His blue eyes glanced over the Jedi, focusing mostly on her cropped red hair. A flutter in his stomach caused Raynar to stumble as he tried to stand from the desk.

She chuckled and he blushed, feeling the flush extend to the roots of his spiky blond hair. Hoping she wouldn't notice, he looked at her curiously, a question instantly popping out of his mouth, as per normal for the nineteen year old Jedi. "What's wrong with my clothing?"

He looked down, taking in the customary purple, red, and gold of his Alderaanian merchant house. Today he wore a gold tunic with dark red pants, the purple represented in the form of a sash. He blinked at her, his blue eyes confused.

"It's bright," she stated matter-of-factly, inviting herself into the room he was sharing with Zekk. "Garishly so."

"Well, I didn't ask you," he stammered out, feeling the heat rise to his face again. Who was she to question the colors of the House of Thul anyway?

She smiled at him. "It's rather a bit of a shock. From what I could tell, asking questions might just be your favorite activity."

Raynar nodded, not sure else how to reply. She had seemed to be one of the more quiet, less outspoken members of Anakin's team, although he had noticed how passionate she argued during some of the more heated debates. Feeling that fluttery sensation in his stomach again, the young merchant Jedi tried to shove those memories out of his head. Now wasn't the time. Not this soon after Lusa's death. Not…

"What's your name again?"

Her voice interrupted his thoughts, and he looked away from the wall, straight into her green eyes. "What?"

When had she gotten this close to him?

"You're not the only one who is capable of asking questions. I asked you for your name, young man."

Oh. A name. "Raynar. Raynar Thul."

"Well, Raynar Thul, I'm Eryl Bes-"

"Young man?" Raynar's outraged question interrupted her statement. She was only a couple of years older than him. Young man?

"You're what? Nineteen?"

He nodded, not quite seeing her point. "So? You're not that much older than me."

"Point is: I am older than you, young man."

She flashed him a teasing smile and Raynar felt his heart flutter. Eryl walked over to his desk and Raynar took a couple steps away. She looked quizzically at the holocomm, picking it up. Raynar rushed over and snatched it from her grasp before she had a chance to hit the play button. He accidentally hit her arm to the desk in the process, and mumbled a quick apology before trying to fix his blue eyes into a glare.

"That's private," he said sternly.

"I was just curious." Her face seemed to soften to Raynar, and for a moment, she looked much younger than she claimed to be. "Who's it to?"

He frowned for a moment, looking down towards his boot clad feet, not sure if he really wanted to talk about something so personal. Looking up again, he met Eryl's eyes and actually smiled. There was something in them that told him he could trust her for some inane reason.

"My mother. I just wanted some sort of message to get to her, just in case. She lost my father a few years back and I guess… if I were to die, I'd want her to know how much I love her."

Raynar blinked back a few tears at the memory of his father's death. He died a noble death, one befitting for a member of the House of Thul, sacrificing himself to prevent Tarkona from spreading the Emperor's Plague in her attempt to wipe out humans. Although this happened almost five years ago, it still hurt to think about it sometimes.

Clearing his vision, he looked into her eyes, surprised when he found sympathy gazing back out at him. He hadn't expected that. Nor did he expect her next words and the slightly forlorn smile on her face. "My mom died when I was little and I never really got a chance to know her. It's been me and my father all my life. At least you had a chance to know your father before he died."

"I'm…I'm sorry."

The smile on her face startled him. "Don't be. We can't live in the past, young man. We have to move on."

Conversations alone
Complicate us together on our own
Conversations alone
So alone

No one calling
But someone is bound to reply
No one out there
But someone hears every word
I know we're playing the same game
Easing the conscience by

Raynar drummed his fingers along the durasteel railing that ran parallel to the large window, watching as other ships in his mother's fleet, his fleet now too, floated by in the darkness. He remembered that initial conversation, and all the subsequent ones that would follow. For a brief time, he had thought that everything could be okay. She had seemed to understand him in a way no one else ever had, and all their small talks had made such a horrible journey…not as bad. He had honestly thought it could be fine. He'd get over Lusa with her help, the voxyn and the Yuuzhan Vong would eventually be defeated, and all would be good with the galaxy again.

But that never happened. Sure the Vong conflict over, and somehow, he had survived, but she didn't. She died before he ever really had a chance to see where their flirtation could lead. Part of him still liked to dream that it never happened. That he'd wake up the next day, and she'd be beside him. But he knew that wouldn't happen. His time spent with Lomi Plo and Welk taught him he had to face the facts. She was dead. He watched it as her body was dragged away by a hungry voxyn. He heard the belch, saw the spray of acid from its cave.

It had ended before it began.

The road was taken
The path led on
'Til a new one's left to clear
The signal's given
The show turned on 'til emotion cut too near

"Hand me that bacta patch over there," Eryl asked Raynar, not waiting for an answer and reaching across his bare chest to where their share of the medical equipment lay scattered on floor. Her arm brushed against his skin and he shivered. After all the time they had spent talking on the Yuuzhan Vong ship and tending to the other's wounds, he should have been used to her forward nature by now, but it still took him by surprise at times.

"I could have gotten that you know," he replied standing up to rearrange himself so he could more easily apply the patch to her back.

"Sure," she quipped. "But then I would have had to wait ten minutes for you to stop staring at me, young man."

Raynar felt his cheeks burn and bit his lip from retorting to the young man comment. Sometimes, he felt that she was teasing him, using the slight difference in their ages to give him some sort of odd pet name. Yet, at other times, she wondered if she really meant it, and was using it to remind him not to get attached, like a lost little bantha cub that followed her home. He frowned, wishing that for once, her emotions could be clear for him.

"What, no questioning response?"

Raynar chuckled, still slightly embarrassed. "I don't ask questions all the time," he protested.

"Sure." The red haired Jedi leaned into his touch as he gently washed her wounds. "I don't believe that for a second."

"It's true. Besides, asking questions is a good thing, right?"

She laughed and Raynar sighed. Sometimes he felt like he'd never win around her. "Eryl. It's not that, uh, funny."

Apparently she couldn't hear him as she kept giggling. Her laughter was doing that funny thing to his stomach again, and he wanted it to go away. But it was the first time since they started talking that he had heard her laugh and he loved it. His ears couldn't get enough of the sound, and his eyes. Even from the back, he could picture the mirth in her green eyes, and he watched as the more shaggy pieces of her copper hair shook with the movement.

She finally turned around, and Raynar blinked his blue eyes rapidly. She still had a smile on her face, one unlike any of the other smaller grins she had flashed to him in their time spent together. It did funny things to his heart. Before he could register what was happening, she leaned in and kissed him fully on the mouth.

Wow, he thought, already semi incoherent. Much better than talking.

The road was taken
The path led on
The signals given
The show turned on
Still receiving
And still believing
The time that you take isn't gone

Raynar placed the holocube in his pocket, the dull grey metal lost in the sea of reds, golds, and purples. He was happy that her father had found time to stop by the Thul fleet and give him this reminder. Despite the pain, the loss, the suffering, he was happy to have one. It was time to move on though, he decided. She wouldn't want him to keep mourning.

Looking out at the stars once more, Raynar whispered a soft goodbye. Tomorrow, he would start anew.

Still receiving
And still believing
The time that you take isn't gone

Keep us from together on our own
Together on our own

-Fin-