Summary: Post Chosen: Buffy and Company are headed away from the now closed Hellmouth and to L.A. What will a heartbroken slayer do with herself now? Not as much angst as what Joss gave us. Will be Spuffy of course.
Disclaimer: Joss owns all.
Beta'd by the lovely spikespetslayer. ( Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and advice! )
Song at the end is Uncle Kracker. "Writing it Down"
Title: Saying Goodbye
Prelude: The Beginning of the End
Faith slowly made her way down the aisle of the school bus carrying the Scooby's and newly powered slayers away from the hole in the ground that was all that remained of Sunnydale. She sat down in the seat with Buffy, who had her face pressed against the cool glass, letting it soothe her.
Buffy turned to Faith with a slight smile. "We made one hell of a dent didn't we?" Buffy softly stated.
A smirk gracing her dust covered face, Faith replied, "Yeah B. You know how I always liked making an exit."
"Yeah usually your exits usually end with someone in a coma or in prison. Come to think of it so do your entrances." Buffy smile grows a little as Faith tries to look insulted.
"Hey not always...anyway I got something to give ya. Spike gave it to me before we left the house. Made me promise to keep it safe." Faith hands Buffy a long yellow envelope that has here name scrawled across if flowing script. Buffy just stared down at the handwriting. Faith starts to leave but sits back down. "You know for a vamp he was really wasn't all that bad. He talked to me, didn't treat me like I was broken, couldn't be trusted. It was kinda nice, reminded me of how things were before I- ya know. Anyway he kept saying if he didn't make it out that I was to give that to you. Told him that he could give it to you himself, but he made me promise. I guess he kinda knew what was comin'."
The brunette got up and began to make her way back to the front of the bus. Buffy was still staring at the package, tears stinging her eyes. She gripped the envelope with both hands as she tore it open and tilted it so that a small journal slid out. There was a several pieces of paper folded in the front of the book. She took it out and began to read, tears welling up in her eyes again.
Dear Buffy,
I know that there is a very slim chance that I will make it through this fight. I know that things have never been what I wanted them to be between us. But Buffy loving you was the one thing in this world that I was sure of.
I was born on the cold side of the mountain
I wanna wake up on the warm side of the bed
How I start here
And how I end there
That is the part I ain't worked out yet
I know that no one will be singing my praises or hailing me as the bloody hero. But that's not what I wanted anyway. I know that this amulet is powerful, I can feel it. I've been around enough to know the power that this type of magic always comes at a price.
You see it's not heroic at all, it's cowardly if anything. I know in my soul that I could not live in a world without you again, and if giving my unlife makes it so you and Dawnie can go on with yours then it really no decision at all. And I would do it all again as many times as it takes.
Every day I climb a little bit higher
Every night I learn something new
I'm writing it down
In case I forget
One day it'll be my story for you.
I know that I told you that you belonged in the dark with me, but I was wrong. Yes you do belong in the night; you're a slayer after all. But at night your a bright shining star, the brightest in the sky, with your light you drew me to you, like a moth to a flame.
This journal is for you. I started writing in it after I came back from Africa, just small things at first; mostly just to try to sort things out in my mind. About you and how much I loved you, your beauty, inside and out, your courage, your strength, your determination, your heart and how much you loved the people around you. I wrote about how unworthy I was of you, how you could never love someone like me. But also wrote of hope that someday things might change and somehow I might be worthy of just a small place in your heart.
On every page you will know how much I love you
In every line you will see how much I care
With every word we'll grow a little closer
Even though we both know I can't be there
I know... what a bloody poof. But I had to write everything down, so that I would know that it all actually happened. That even for a brief moment that we were together. Maybe not as two people in love but as two people that needed each other, and for a short time that was enough. To get to hold you in my arms and hope that someday it could be for real.
That's why I'm writing it down down down down down
Ohhhhhhhh I'm writing it down
For you and for me
And for the whole wide world to read
Ohhhhhhhh I'm writing it down
The book is yours to do with what you want. Read it, store it away, burn it, it's your choice but I would like to think that you would keep it. This and my empty grave in England are probably the only things left to prove that I was even in this world that you've saved so many times. It's full, not one page empty. I know that the poetry's not the best but please know that all of it is from my heart, and not all of it is bloody awful poetry. Some are pages are about us, demons we faced together, time we spent talking. A lot of pages are just things that I wanted to remember about you, you in the moonlight walking after patrol, you arguing with Dawn about doing her chores, you standing defiant against the big bads of the world.
All my life I've been hoping and praying
For my time to finally arrive
To put down this pen
To say it's the end
And wake up back home with you by my side
Most of all I just wanted to let you know that you were loved. Even if it was a love that you really didn't want in the first place. It has to mean something right? I like to think that it means there is hope, for everyone no matter who they are that everyone can find love. And I hope someday that you can find yours. Who knows maybe someday we'll see each other again. All this saving innocents has to get me somewhere, right? Tell the nibblet I love her, and tell the Scooby's that they fought a good fight and I hope they all made it out.
Love eternally,
Spike
On every page you will know how much I love you
In every line you will see how much I care
With every word we'll grow a little closer
Even though we both know I can't be there
That's why I'm writing it down down down down down
As Buffy wiped the tears from her face and began to flip thru the book, finding that all the pages were full, and stuck in the middle was two pictures one of her, Dawn, and her mother. The other was of her, Willow, and Xander. Buffy turned to stare out the window as the tears silently fell down her cheeks. And she knew that Spike had indeed found himself and place in her heart.
Ohhhhhhhh I'm writing it down
For you and for me
And for the whole wide world to read
Ohhhhhhhh I'm writing it down
I was born on the cold side of the mountain
I wanna wake up on the warm side of the bed
How I start here
And how I end there
That is the part I ain't worked out yet
TBC