Friendship, Growth, & Feelings
Disclaimer: I don't own anything pertaining to the GMW franchise; it just gives me a lot of feelings.
Summary: The one where they all have to clean up the mess that has happened since Texas, and the domino effect of everything after. Zay knows stuff, and Riley learns some truths. Farkle is a bit confused, but still supports his friends. Lucas eventually makes his own choice, and fights for what he wants. Maya digs her heels in as much as possible. /Lucaya ending/
Chapter 1
It hadn't started in Texas, not really. But the door had been opened, and he and Maya had both had a small glimpse inside, to what could be. But it was too big, it was overwhelming to even think about, that this girl who he'd grown so fond of had allowed him to sneak under her walls enough that she could have those kinds of feelings for him of all people. He was so stunned by the idea of her feelings, and confused by his feelings for Riley, that he couldn't sort through his feelings and what it all could mean until it was far too late, and Maya had taken the decision out of his hands entirely.
It didn't occur to Lucas to notice exactly how protective he'd grown of Maya until they went on the ski trip that screwed everything up. He'd seen her fight to smother her love for art when the board had planned to shut them down, but inevitably she'd fought for herself… her future. He'd been proud of her. Not long that triumph, her pain takes a front seat when Mr. Matthews' history class digs up the past in the form of forgiveness. She'd bared her abandonment to an entire classroom, and knowing she was hurting, hurt him too. He'd always thought Riley's mom was right when she said Maya was fierce. Maya was one of the strongest people he'd ever known. Lucas had offered what little comfort he could in that moment, silently wishing, not for the first time, that the ease that Farkle had with the girls could be shared with him. But he knew nothing could compare to the years of childhood friendship that they had cultivated. And then, during their school trip to the mountains, when everything was held together by threads, he watched her nearly fall off a cliff to save Farkle. He'd never been so furious at her. But even then? He still didn't get it.
Maya defended Riley's actions toward 'cabin boy', which wasn't unexpected, but made him annoyed nonetheless, even if he couldn't explain why. Lucas knew Maya operated in shades of grey when it came to her friendships. He also couldn't explain why he felt jealousy over Riley's innocent conversation, and even though Maya's giddy flirtation towards Josh Matthews was more annoying than it used to be… somehow it wasn't the same. Her excuses for Riley felt like just a Band-Aid to cover other problems. Lucas had noticed it more and more since the bomb Farkle dropped on New Year's, the way Maya did her best to put Riley between them. He didn't blame Maya. How could he? They were all one step from being pulled into quicksand now. And her loyalty always laid with Riley… even over herself.
If Lucas was honest with himself, Maya's lack of regard for her own feelings made him equally sad and angry.
Somehow, between all the sarcasm and distractions Maya threw at him that weekend, he did finally get her to be serious for about five minutes. He finally asked a seemingly stupid question that had been itching at him for a few months. It wasn't stupid though, and he thought he knew the answer, and it was clear from the look on her face that she suspected they were on the same page. But he had to ask. Because things between them didn't just start in Texas. It had been steady as falling snow that finally triggered an avalanche that they were trying to fight their way through.
He'd known for some time that Riley liked his more polite and docile demeanor… the part of him that had dealt with serious consequences to thoughtless actions, and prevented him from letting loose. Lucas sometimes thought about that day in history class, when Billy had finally owned up to what he'd done and apologized. It wasn't really a coincidence that he'd written Mr. Perfect on his head, or that he'd easily chosen Mayaville months later. Could he stay out of trouble? Absolutely. Was it mind-numbingly boring? Sometimes.
He never felt bored with Maya. Sometimes 'not bored' fell into terror inducing.
Lucas would call 'Mr. Perfect' a facade, but it's the part of him that Riley likes. It's the part Maya peels from him effortlessly, like a second skin. And he not only lets her, he encourages it.
Maya likes him for who he is… which is why she dumped the smoothie on his head, not just because it was a story he'd charmed Riley with.
"I never needed you to be a hero", she finally said through clenched teeth. She knew he already knew. He understood her. She was a bit annoyed he made her say the words. "And I like when you don't think you have to try to be perfect."
And then somehow, she broke his brain and convinced him that he wanted Riley.
He wasn't ready for Maya, not really. He wanted time. And she'd thrown him toward the ocean of commitment with a cinder block around his ankle. Forever with Riley or forever with her… there was no in-between. So, he did what she wanted even though the memory of her grin after the date they'd attempted at Topanga's still made his chest hurt.
Maya would never even consider herself an option if she thought it would hurt Riley, even though the course the last few months had taken had pushed them closer than ever. She'd let him in, more than she'd probably planned.
00
It was the weekend after they came back from the cabin in the mountains when Zay knocked on the door to Maya's apartment.
"I know you think you did the right thing here", Zay said as she shut her bedroom door and he took up residence of her bean bag chair under the window.
"I did", Maya insisted.
"It's gonna blow up in your face", he shook his head. "I know you did it to protect your girl, but is it going to be worth it in the end when they figure out what happened?"
"Let's hope is not until senior year", she gave a fake smile.
"Three years?!" Zay looked at her like she was crazy.
She shook her head. "Oh. No. Senior year of college", she clarified with a tight smile. "With any luck, they'll be married by then."
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Yikes."
"Oh, relax. Everything will be fine-"
"She says, before Mount Vesuvius erupts", Zay finished.
She shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time."
Zay huffed, very acquainted with her stubbornness. "Do you know what I thought when I first got to New York?"
"'Wow, that's a lot of goofballs in one friend group'?" she suggested.
"Besides that", Zay rolled his eyes.
"You're one of us now", she teased, pointing a finger in his face.
"Yeah, okay. I'm a weirdo like the rest of you", he rolled his eyes. "What I thought was-" he pointed a finger back at her when she opened her mouth again and she scrunched her nose and plopped on the end of her bed, making a gesture for him to continue and then covered her mouth with her hand.
He stared at her suspiciously for a moment and continued.
"Honestly, when I lived in Texas? I thought Lucas was making you guys up. Or maybe he was exaggerating. I didn't think there was any possible way that he would find himself with people like you."
"Because New Yorkers are stereotypically rude?" Maya mumbled behind her hand.
"After barely two years, he was closer to you guys than any of our friends back home. And something about you in particular-"
Maya glared at him.
He snorted and waved her off. "Girl, I'm not scared of you. You chilled him out, Maya. You made Lucas one of your goofballs."
Maya softened slightly and uncovered her mouth. "I'm glad you came here, Zay."
"Me too. I'm glad I got to know all of you… and even more? I'm glad that I got to know this version of my best friend."
"Is he really all that different?" she asked quietly.
"Let me just say that four years ago? He wouldn't have let you tease him the way you do."
She shakes her head. "I never would have been afraid of baby face Ranger Rick."
"Probably not", Zay agreed. "But he wouldn't have let you close enough to be friends the way you are either."
"If it actually bothered him, I wouldn't do it!" Maya protested. "He's the one pulling a flower out of his giant cowboy hat and putting it in my teeth, and playing the harmonic behind me while I'm mocking him-" she cut herself off when she noticed Zay staring at her with wide eyes. "What?!"
"Nothing. Just sometimes my best friend is a massive dummy. He likes when you're happy. He grins himself absolutely stupid when you smile", he said exasperatedly. "You two have really strange ways of being affectionate."
"Do not", she muttered.
"You call him Ranger Rick multiple times a day", he said seriously. "Are you gonna try telling me it's not affectionate? Isn't your BS why he literally grabbed you by the face-"
She scowled. "Shut up."
Zay just laughed.
00
"Something's not right", Lucas muttered for the third time as he through down his pen and got up to pace.
It had been several months since Riley had taken Maya on a field trip to 'find herself'… whatever the heck that meant… and come home painted like Riley's collage of purple cats. Shawn had proposed to Katy and they were planning a wedding. And then there had been the disaster at the ski lodge.Things have been easy with Riley, but the three of them were back at Topanga's studying without the girls, and Lucas couldn't help but feel unsettled about the last few months.
"What are you doing?" Zay asked watching Lucas warily.
Lucas shrugged. "Having a crisis?"
"I was afraid of that", Zay muttered.
"Zay-"
"Man, we've been through this."
"Something isn't right-"
"With Maya", Zay finished, letting out a loud sigh. He'd warned her this would happen.
"No, no. You don't want to poke the bear", Farkle stared at Lucas incredulously. "Let the bear hibernate for the love-"
"Farkle… I know you want to protect Riley", Lucas said earnestly. "I get it. That's what Maya wants too… but who's protecting Maya?"
"The Maya who would rip your arms off for even suggesting that?" Farkle asked.
"I know." Lucas grimaced. Then he shook his head. "But everyone needs to be protected sometimes, Farkle. Do you remember when she drew you in a bird's nest? You asked her if she thought you looked like a bird… What did she say?"
"That she thought I needed to be protected", Farkle sighed.
"She's been taking care of you and Riley for how long?" Lucas said a bit sympathetically.
Farkle grumbled a few things incoherently and finally came back to the conversation. "Do you and Maya actually have anything in common?"
Zay raised his hand for half a second. "They're a lot more similar than you might think. Maya is ridiculously protective of the people she cares about. She may not always do the right thing, but she owns her mistakes… and usually the person that gets hurt the most by her actions is her. She would throw herself under a bus instead of hurting Riley." He shrugged. "Lucas was always the protector in our group of friends… and then he met Maya. And even though she protected you and Riley, he started to want to protect her too. And then she let him."
"You're right about that", Lucas agreed.
"Yeah, but-"
"Nobody is all one thing, Farkle", Lucas shrugged.
"Yeah", Zay offered with false humility, "Look at me! I'm both sexy and clever." He received incredulous stares for his self-assessment. "All I'm sayin', man, is I've been watching you and Maya doing the Cha Cha Slide while you've been doing the chicken dance with Riley."
"Riley does like the Chicken Dance", Farkle sighed.
Lucas stared at his oldest friend. "I don't think-"
"Everybody clap your hands!" Zay said flatly.
Farkle was staring like Zay was crazy. Nothing new there.
"Alright. Ya'll are no fun. Raise your hand if you've actually talked to Maya about her feelings", Zay sighed and raised his hand again. "Right. Just me."
"You talked to Maya-?"
"About feelings-"
"And you're still alive?" Lucas finished incredulously. "Wait- what do you know?"
"Oh, I know lots of stuff." Zay laughed in his face. "But I can't help you. Do I look like I have a death wish?"
"Sometimes", Lucas said pointedly.
"Okay, first of all, rude. Second… I can't tell you what she said."
"Come on, man! Help me out", Lucas whined.
"I will say that you made it really easy for her."
Lucas frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"I know Maya's the terrifying option here, but you never did tell her if you had non-friendly feelings for her. Not even a little bit… and Maya's no chump. She saw the writing on the wall. She figured the only way for Riley not to get hurt, was to let her make the decision. But Maya always thought it should have been the three of you. And for the record, I'm not an idiot. So don't think I didn't notice that the way you flipped out about her leaving the trail to save Farkle… and that it was equally as angry as she was at you for getting on Tombstone."
"I said we weren't just friends", Lucas defended with a bit of a pout.
Zay just looked at him like he was an idiot.
Lucas groaned and banged his head on the table. "Damocles", he grumbled.
"And don't get me wrong. I love Riley. Anyone who doesn't like Riley is a monster. You and Riley would probably have a really easy relationship, but the Lucas I knew would have appreciated a bit more of a challenge. I know you've changed, but I think that's still part of who you are. And then there's the other thing", he said making a face.
"What other thing?" Farkle asked.
"Riley wants Prince Charming", Zay said honestly.
"Yeah, well, look at him!" Farkle gestured to Lucas's face.
"Riley has this certain idea of who people are supposed to be. When they don't do that… she gets a little angry. It's a lot to live up to sometimes."
"But he literally called Riley a princess and put her on a white horse."
Lucas groaned.
Zay snorted. "Do you want me to tell him?"
Lucas just sighed, looking like he wanted to take a nap. "It was Riley's unicorn. Maya knows a guy."
Farkle stare. "What? How? How did I not know about that?! Is my whole life a lie?"
"Maya came to me and asked me if I wanted to borrow her horse. I asked why, and she said 'so that Riley can be a princess. Duh.'
Farkle's eyebrows went up. "But she dumped two smoothies on your head!"
"That's exactly what I wanted to do!" Zay threw his hands up. "Recycling conversations you had with her best friend is just tacky", he scoffed.
"Yeah", Lucas shrugged. "And she doesn't look at me like I was the one who shot Bambi's mom when I get mad!" he said exasperatedly.
"It seems that I may have made a miscalculation", Farkle muttered, looking a bit confused.
"Look, man. They're both special", Zay said. "Riley makes you feel like you can always the best version of yourself. And Maya… she keeps you grounded, because she understands that making mistakes is inevitable. She doesn't try to be perfect. What do you want?"
00
Lucas always looked to Maya. It had become a habit he didn't even know he had. She was usually the best gauge of what was going on. So when he looked for Maya and found her absent from their shared Biology class for the third day in a row, he knew he had to do something about it.
Instead of going to class the following day, he tracked Maya down, finding her in an abandoned corner of the school library.
"I don't like when we fight."
Maya slowly removed her nose from the chapter she was studying in Geometry. She looked up to find Lucas staring down at her more intensely than she was comfortable with. "Are we in a fight that I don't know about?" she glanced back at her notes, pencil wiggling between her fingers.
"You never would have said anything if Riley hadn't out-ted you", Lucas said staring her down.
"Obviously not. I'd take it back if I could", she shrugged, shooting him a warning look before going back to her text book. She was actually still low-key furious about Riley airing her feelings the way she did… and attempting to close the chapter of the Riley/Lucas will-they-won't-they saga by telling a massive lie.
She appreciated even less, that now she got vaguely nauseous whenever Lucas was around. Riley swore they were butterflies, but Maya didn't believe it. But if they were butterflies, Maya would murder them all eventually.
"Maya-"
She shook her head and looked back up, eyes looking over his shoulder. "Nope. We aren't doing this." Then Maya frowned. "You're supposed to be in class."
"You skipped Bio. Again."
"Still trying to be like me, Lucas the Good?" Maya teased.
He sighed, mouth twisting in frustration. "Maya- aren't you tired?" he asked quietly.
She met his gaze for a few long seconds. "All the time", she muttered before going back to the worksheet she was filling out, silently dismissing him. Her willpower wasn't strong enough for them to keep this up.
She wanted- It didn't matter what she wanted.
Maya didn't look up until she long after the sound of his shoes against the floor faded.
The next day, she slipped silently back into their class, deciding to pretend that the last few days hadn't happened.
00
A/N: I wrote +8,000 words of this on my phone over the last week and a half, while I've been re-watching the show, so it's mostly done. There will be four chapters total. (I'm just doing some formatting, cleaning a bit up and adding a few stray thoughts.)
This is posted on both my AO3 & FFN accounts.