UPDATED Michelle-Note (5.14.08): This chapter may have been one of the reasons this was originally rated M, but I cannot be sure (I really can't remember anything, and as I read over this it's like a completely amazing and new story to me...haha). Kate drops the f-bomb a lot...which I don't think makes this more than T-rated, per se. I have a 15-year-old brother, and I've heard how he and his friends talk these days...I suppose this is a warning for anyone offended by the f-word, y'all.

Chapter 4: Arrival Of Potential Adversarial Forces

Kate: The Hilton, Room 615, Sacramento: 11:57pm: 8 June

Hell with changing my clothes. I was way too tired. Flying always made me insanely sleepy, but I can never sleep on planes very well. I dropped my bags on the floor, plopped down face first on the nearest bed, and kicked off my flip flops. This was a stupid idea: going to Sacramento with Ethan's family, and bringing Claire too. I hate getting my way sometimes. I wish they had said no. I whined to Ethan until he talked his parents into bring her along too. I guess it was better than sitting at home by myself though, even if I had to deal with Claire still. I had told her that Ethan's family invited me to come with them on their final family vacation before he went to college, and she invited herself. I couldn't say no.

It isn't really that I didn't like Claire, she was my best friend, I was just tired of her. We were together all the time, and had been for years. We were going to different colleges and I was actually relieved. I wanted to start over with people, and not have her there to tell me what to do. I was stupid to let her do that in the first place, but it was a bit late now, and I figured it wouldn't hurt much more to let her have her way for a little while longer.

I quite missed the days when I was friends with Lizzie. It was times like this when I missed her the most, times when I was laying alone in a bed that wasn't mine. We still managed to be friends on random occasions when no one was looking. My friends had problems with her, and hers had problems with me, so the occasions were few and far between. I talked to her online a lot, and sometimes we did school projects together, but when people were looking we acted like we hated it.

"Kate, I want that bed to myself. You sleep with Ethan." Claire said loudly, poking me in the side. Ethan's parents had a room, and the three of us had a room.

I groaned and got up, kicking my shoes toward my things, and I laid down next to Ethan, who had already fallen asleep on top of the comforter like I was planning on doing on the other bed. Why hadn't he laid down on the same bed as me? Claire could've just had that other bed then, and I wouldn't have had to move. She had actually changed into clothes to sleep in, and was rearranging her pillows, "Don't wake me up in the morning, k?"

"Alright. Don't keep me up all night fucking Ethan. I know how loud you are."

I rolled over, so that I wasn't facing her anymore, "He's asleep, and I'm too tired, so just don't wake me up in the morning for any reason whatsoever."

"Fine. Don't be a bitch."

I wasn't. I was tired. I wished I could argue with her. Everyone thought that I was the boss, and she followed me around, but it wasn't that at all. She influenced every single decision I made to the point that I just acted in a way I knew she would approve, thus no one saw her snapping at me or lecturing me on the proper things for me to do.

"What? Are you not talking to me now?" She said in a very aggravated tone.

"No, I'm tired. It's 12 o'clock, and I'd like to go to sleep, that's all. Leave me alone."

"Whatever."

I heard her rustle around in her bed, and mumble things under her breath, but of course, I didn't say anything. I missed Lizzie, and wished she were here instead. It would be nice if it were her next to me instead of Ethan and his fucking snoring. I was having such dumb ass thoughts lately revolving around her. We were coming up on yet another transition like the one between elementary and middle school when we went our separate ways. We were going to the same college, but I'd probably never see her. I hadn't seen her all summer, she was always with Gordo and Miranda, and I was always at parties or with Claire and Ethan. Her sidekick, Miranda, was also going to said college as well, and they were rooming together, as expected. As long as she was around Lizzie wasn't permitted to act as if she cared about me in any way because I was a stuck-up bitch, and she could do better than me. Miranda was bitch, a judgmental bitch, and wouldn't give me a chance for her life, and wouldn't believe Lizzie, even if she swore that I wasn't such a terrible person. Maybe it was because I was prettier than her, or maybe she liked Ethan, and was jealous, or maybe she liked me. That last one was funny, but then again, it wasn't.

"Kate?" Claire whispered.

"What?" I said, as nicely as possible, so to not make her angry.

"Are you breaking up with Ethan after this?"

"Yeah." I had told her that a few days ago, and I looked at Ethan carefully in the dim light to make sure he was still asleep.

"Would you mind if I dated him? He's really hot, and you're an idiot for breaking up with him, but I can't tell you what to do."

That was fucked up, "No, it's fine, Claire."

She got quiet again. Was it fine? It was really fucked up that she would do that, but I didn't really care. She could have lots of sex with him, and then break up with him; it didn't really matter to me, and he was too stupid to realize that was all she wanted. I'd just been going out with him for the title anyway, and because he was one of the most sought after boys in our school. We broke up on and off, and everyone seemed to think we'd end up together forever. Even his parents - that's why they'd invited me, they kind of saw me as part of their family. I was going to break up with him the final time the day we got back from this. I was just using him for the chance to get away from my house. God, I was such an asshole. I really was a bitch. How could I do something like that to a person, and what about his family? Block it out, that's how. Pretend it never happened, and avoid thinking about it for the moment.

Miranda…back to her. She was a total bitch to me, and I didn't do anything to her. It wasn't unheard of for people to be asses to the people they cared about the most. I did it, and had for years. There was no way Miranda could actually care about me though because she never had a civil conversation with me, and knew nothing about me. She could've just thought I was hot because I was, but that wouldn't result in her being mean because she secretly attached to me, but knew she could never have me. What a dumb thought. She just hated me because it was the cool thing to do. She was the unpopular girl who despised the popular girl, and was going against the grain just to be going against it. My popularity was merely a comfort of some sort that brought me safety. Knowing that guys fantasized about me and that other girls wanted to be me made me feel safe. Safe, but not happy. I always chose safety over happiness. I couldn't tell anyone that though.

Who is it that I am most unnecessarily mean to?

Lizzie McGuire.

Those were the stupid thoughts that had been rampant in my head for months now. It had turned into a secret obsession. I couldn't tell a single person, and certainly couldn't act on it. What an idiotic thing all of this was. Let's have the popular girl with the popular boyfriend develop a girl-crush on the not-so-popular girl, who had a great boyfriend in one of her best friends, but kept turning him down. It would never work, and she was straight anyway. Shit, I was straight as far as anyone was concerned, and I always will be. I kept up with her fucking lovelife and with her friends, and acted like it was just some sick fascination with plans to sabotage any chance of happiness for the girl, for no reason other than I was a bitch. She should have hooked up with Gordo, but she didn't. Even after the Rome trip, she didn't, despite my attempts, and attempts after that. He was a good guy and didn't think I was quite as evil as everyone else, and it would have been fine with me if they'd gone out. She deserved someone like him. She said she didn't want to make their friendship awkward, and who the hell am I to approve of who she goes out with?

I never thought much of my little affliction with her until a while back, when she decided to go out with one of my ex-boyfriends. I realized I had a problem with it, enough of a problem with it to mention it to her. She thought it was because I still liked him or something, and got pissed at me. I thought it was that too at first, but it wasn't at all. He was a dick, and she could do better, but heaven forbid I tell her that because then she'd know I actually cared, and did so a bit more than I should. I couldn't care about her. She wasn't my friend, much less anything else. They broke up after a few weeks, and I was glad, but those words never came out of my mouth.

This entire thing was stupid, and had been from the beginning. I couldn't actually like her. I needed to get over it. A complete lack of all contact with her would do me good. That was what this vacation was for, to make me stop being an idiot.