Chapter 12: Girly Bonding

Lizzie: The Stevens' House, The Back Porch: 12:07pm: 13 June

It was nice outside and I needed some alone time. I'd been hanging out with Ren and everyone every single day, and I just needed to think without them. Everything was so weird in my head. The Stevens lived in a nice neighborhood that reminded me of mine back home. I was having a good time, and was yet to get homesick, but I couldn't stop thinking about this certain thing that bothered me from home. It bothered me a lot, and bothered me even more than it was bothering me.

Kate.

She was here. Sacramento. That was so weird, and the biggest coincidence ever, and Ren met her. That was even weirder. She didn't mention her again after that day in the food court, and I wanted to bring it up, but I felt weird because Ren was practically a stranger. She was nice, and all, but I just couldn't talk to her about it. She wouldn't get it anyway. I was obsessing over a girl. I didn't even get it. I wasn't obsessive over just any girl, it was a girl that treated me like complete shit since middle school, that my friends would kill me for even being friends with. I was friends with her really, we had a kind of secret friendship that no one knew about, not even Miranda. I could hear her now. She'd go off on how Kate was just acting friendly to me when I thought no one was looking because she was getting a laugh out of making an ass of me. That wasn't true. Sometimes she looked at me, not just looking at me, and not making faces. She just looked at me like she wanted to say something. Then she would walk away and never would.

When I saw her at the mall, I wanted to just go say hi or something friendly, but I didn't. I sat there thinking about every single possible thing that could happen if I did, and then by the time I was about to get up and say it, she was gone. I sat there and stared, and thought about doing something until the whole opportunity was gone. I was usually so impulsive, and it got me into so many stupid situations, but not with Kate, I always had to think everything out so perfectly because I didn't want to screw up. It was like I wanted to impress her, but I didn't. I didn't want to be in with her group. I just wanted her to be my friend, just her.

"Hey."

I looked up. It was Tawny. I hadn't heard her come out, but she plopped down in the chair next to me, and interrupted my thinking, "Hey, girl."

"Want another free session?" She smiled.

I shrugged.

"You look like you need to talk is all."

"I'm just thinking."

"Gotcha. Wanna talk about it? I'm here. Free of charge too."

We sat quietly for a few minutes, then I said, "I think you're covering something up."

"Do what?"

"You…you're covering something up with how you are."

She turned in the chair to face me more directly, "Do explain me to me, Lizzie."

"No…it's just…you remind me of someone…" I was thinking of Kate again.

"Someone fake?"

"No, you're different. It's just like you're hiding something, or over-compensating for something…" I stopped, and waited for her to comment, but she didn't, so I continued, "You go around and help other people with their problems, and it makes you seem like you have none, but…but it's more like you're doing that on purpose…to try…and…and seem like you have none…when you do. Maybe helping other people gets your mind off of everything with you, I don't know…"

She looked at me, and didn't say anything. She started biting her bottom lip, and looked thoughtful, then said, "What else?"

"I heard you date a whole lot of people, but none for very long, and you do stuff with a lot of people-"

"Not sex."

I nodded, "I know not sex. You covet your virginity." She smiled slightly at my comment. "It's like you're trying to…I don't know…cover something up…"

She didn't seem to be able to come up with anything to say, and just sat there again.

"I suppose I should tell you something about me now since I went and just tried to tell you about yourself, and I don't even know you."

"Quid pro quo, yes. It is only fair."

"I've been thinking a lot about this person I know back home…and I dunno why really…"

"You like them?"

I wondered if she picked up on my non-gender specific pronoun, "I don't know…I don't know how I could."

"What? Why's that?"

"They're just so…out of my reach…on many, many levels…they don't like me, and they don't treat me very well, so it really doesn't make sense that I'd manage to like them like that…"

"Masochist?"

"Me? No…"

"Ever kissed a girl?"

That was a weird, unrelated question, and not a smooth subject change at all. Did she figure out that I was obviously talking about a girl? "What?"

"Can I kiss you?"

It couldn't hurt. It really couldn't, and then I could say I'd kissed a girl before, and it was some girl I met in Sacramento while I was on vacation. Maybe this whole Kate-obsession-thing was a phase, and I needed to get it out my system and just kiss a girl, even if it was a random girl I barely knew, "Um…" I smiled, "Yeah, if you want."

"Come here." She leaned over, looking amused, and motioned with her hand. I did so, and felt her lips against mine, and her hand on the back of my head, deepening it.

I wished she were Kate, and placed one of my hands on her side. Then she pulled away as soon as I was barely touching her. That was a little confusing. She did, though, kiss substantially better than anyone I kissed previously, and it was nice.

"I can't do this!" She screamed and stood up. "I give up, Louis! You win! You fucking win!"

Ren's brother walked around from the side of the house, "You can't quit! I want to win this fair and square! I want to win because I'm right, and not because you quit!"

"I can't do it anymore, Louis! It's wrong!"

"I told you!" He shouted back.

She turned back to me, "I'm sorry…I just…I'm sorry. Excuse me," She said and then jumped off of the porch, "I'm going to kill Louis."

The boy let out a weird squeal like some kind of small animal, and ran away with Tawny chasing after him.

Underneath, Kate is someone very likeable, and I know she can be that person. No one would believe me, but it's true. I had no idea what Tawny and Louis were yelling at each other about, and I wondered if I was right about Tawny. She seemed to be at a loss for words, and that never seemed to happen. People from Sacramento are weird. Definitely weird.