A Week from the Journal of Pyro

Hey folks! L1701E here! I hope you like this little sequel I have to "A Week from the Journal of Starchild". This time, we take a look at the East Coast Misfits' resident Australian nutball, Pyro!

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel Comics and Sunbow Entertainment or are my own creation. The idea came from CallistoLexx's journal fics, and I thought I could do it with some of the characters in my own version of the Misfit-verse. I hope you like it.

Warning: We are about to enter the mind of Pyro. If you are pregnant or have heart trouble, do not go any further and read another fic.

Sunday:

Hello, mates! I am the King of the Flaming Pits of Yantar and the Master of the Dogs of Fiery War. But me mortal friends call me St. John Allerdyce, or mostly Pyro. When I'm not setting my armies of flame on all things flammable and on Sally Struthers (She wants to kill us all. She's in this program with the governmentand Kathy Bates, you see), I drum for the hot rock band the Superstars, I'm a gothic romance novelist, and basically an all-around success. Ooh, lookit that pretty dress. Anyway, did you know that Magneto plays with dollies? I saw him do that once. It was weird. That's man's nuts. Anyway, we just messed around today, nothing special. I set the X-Mansion on fire! YEAH!!! I love fire. It's me mistress in a way.

Monday:

Lavinia threw Dr. Hammond onto the ground, and then she ripped off her…Oops, wrong file! Ahhh, I'll delete that later. Anyway, I walked into the room and I saw my beloved Fire Angel, Angelica Jones, sitting in front of the television. She was watching some boring soap operas. If I was writer, I'd have all the characters get set on fire! I'd be great! Anyway, she looked at me with those green eyes. Those eyes are like emeralds: Precious and incredibly beautiful. She told me to go get myself shot. Ahh, she's warming up to me. According to Pietro, Kitty Pryde, the X-Bird who can go through walls, told Angelica about this girl from Chicago who had powers like Angelica's, and a little like mine, and was crazy about me. He also told me that Angelica was celebrating and told Kitty to bring this 'Lisa Blaze' girl over. I don't know. My Fire Angel is my one and only. She really does fall hard for my rockstar mystique.

Tuesday:

Man, Beach-Head's a grouch! Make one swan out of fire as a gift and he starts screaming at me and threatening to torture me in sick and perverted ways with his jeep. And somehow, it ended up completely scorched. I don't know. Beach-head's a nice guy, but he's so angry all the time. I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and GET OUT OF MY BLOODY HEAD, SALLY STRUTHERS!!!! YOU MAY HAVE GOT CHARLIE, ALAN, AND HENRY, BUT YOU WON'T GET ME!!!!! YOU WON'T GET ME, YOU FAT WITCH!!! YOU HEAR ME?!?! NEVER!!!! I SHALL FIGHT YOU TILL THE DAY I DIE!!!!! Where was I? Oh yeah! I went to the mall today for an autograph session (my book's a hit), and the minute they heard I was coming, they called the Fire Department! Sheesh! People really are obsessed with security these days, huh? Oh well, what can you do? I gotta go. Cover Girl's screaming about the chair being on fire again. Not my fault. I get bored.

Wednesday:

Another day, another 24 hour period to put up with that stupid voice in my head that tells me to burn things. It's also been lately been telling me to kill the President. I ignore him at that point. I don't like our current President, but someone else can kill him. Someone really crazy, like that Charlie Manson guy. I found my beloved Fire Angel in the kitchen, trying her hand at cookie making. Now, the moment I walked into a room, I could tell she was fighting the urge to grab me and give me a great big kiss. Typical Angelica. SYDNEY ROCKS!!!! Always so afraid to express her true feelings. Anyway, she threw some batter at me and screamed at me, the little minx. Then before I knew, the last thing I saw was a frying pan heading for my face. Man, she's got strange tastes in flirting. I gotta do some band rehearsals. I told the band about this awesome idea I had for a pyrotechnic thing, and Lance nearly put me into the ground. I get no respect. I want my Fire Angel to cuddle me right now…I need ice cream with hot sauce right now.

Thursday:

Ah yes, another great day. It was my turn to do the reveille this morning, hee hee. I did it real good, too. Everybody jumped up and shouted along with my awesome drum solo. YEAH!!!!!!!! PYRO ROCKS!!!! WHOOOO!!!!! Man, what great day, even though everybody looked at me funny. PRETTY BIRDS!!! HALIFAX!!! WICKY WICKY WICKY!!!! I need my magic happy pills. It's probably going to be a slow day today. Thursdays always are, you know. For some reason, no super-villains or Cobras want to try any evil stuff on Thursdays.

I suggested to the other guys that we go down to the prison and protest Martha Stewart's imprisonment. The other guys' were…less than enthusiastic. Oh well, c'est la vie. FREE MARTHA STEWART!!!!!! SHE DIDN'T DO IT!!!!!

Friday:

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!!!! 3.5563.545.4.t970ght'5lrp,hr6;.ge4,gepreg.,4-65.u. Just some subliminal messages for you. Kathy Bates uses stuff like this to control people's minds, you know. After all, I was the one who discovered the whole conspiracy between Kathy Bates, some in the government, and the world's horses. They want to rule the world with toejam. Don't ask me, it's their evil plan. HALIBUT!!!!

Anyway, tonight was movie night, and it was Fred's choice. We got to see "Gremlins 2". You know, the one with the Gremlins in the big futuristic skyscraper. The girl one is kind of cute. She reminds me of the She-Hulk a little bit, with the green hair, and muscular legs. Look at my wallpaper. It's nice wallpaper. Anyway, we went to a pool, and my Fire Angel looked wonderous in a bikini. I asked her if I could rub lotion on her back. I got a golf club to the head. I think she's trying to show how much she cares. She could just give me a kiss…she doesn't need to be so rough. Anyway, I…hey what…who are you?! AAAAAAAGH!!! HELP!!! THE HORSES STOLE MY PANTS!!!! AND THEY JUST LOCKED ME IN A ROOM WITH NOTHING BUT GREEN EGGS AND HAM!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!

Saturday:

Ah, Saturday morning. My favorite time of the week. CARTOONS!!!! That's right, I get up early every morning and watch the Saturday morning cartoon shows. Saturdays are so chock full of them. They were pretty good this week, although Channels 6 and 7 ran nothing but re-runs. I don't mind the occasional re-runm but that was a bit freaking much! I can't talk much today, I have to go line the roof with tin foil, then set it ablaze so Katy Bates and Sally Struthers can't hypnotize my friends. See ya!

Yep, that's a week in Pyro's life. Disturbing, huh?