The Dead Teacher Sketch
By T.K.
Warnings: OOC, AU, the fact that even when I rip off an idea from Monty Python's Flying Circus I still suck, shounen-ai, stupidness XD
It was a perfectly normal day for Kakashi the owner of the local teacher store. So he did what he normally while working the cash register. He rested his head in a comfortable posistion on the counter and slept. "Nngh..." Kakashi twitched slightly, drool dripping on to the counter. Until he was rudely woken up.
"Hello. I wish to register a complaint." He heard a slightly aggitated voice say. Making a another small 'nnngh' sound, he shifted abit, but never looked up at the owner of that aggitated voice. "Hello, Miss?" The customer said, while prodding at the silver haired man's head. "Hey! Wake up sleepy head breakfast is on the table!!! GODDAMMIT!!! WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!"
"Nuh...okay...okay, you don't need to yell..." Kakashi said before actually attempting to open his eyes or even move for that matter. The customer, who we have finally confirmed is in fact male, rolled his eyes and watched impaciently as the owner wiped the drool from his face and stretched. "So..." Kakashi said, as he looked the man standing in front of him over. "What's your name, beautiful?"
The other man rolled his eyes and contemplated killing the other man on the spot, but he was not about to go to jail because of some retarded ,lazy, incompetent, jerkoff. "My name's Iruka." He said while mentally trying to ward off the on coming headache all this was causing him. "
Mine's Kakashi." The silver haired man said all too happily. "So...what can I do ya for?" (That sounds so retarded. XD)
"Well, Miss-" Iruka began, but was cut off by Kakashi before he could finish.
"What do you mean 'Miss'?"
"I'm sorry, I have a cold."
"Quite alright."
"I wish to make a complaint."
"Sorry, we're closin' for lunch." Kakashi stated casually as he watched the way Iruka's eye twitched.
"Never mind that. I wish to complain about a teacher, what I purchased not a half hour ago from this very boutique."
"Oh yeah, you mean the Mizuki? What's...what's wrong with him?"
"I'll tell you what's wrong with him! He's dead that's what's wrong with him!" Iruka yelled, his eye twitching so violently you'd think his head would vibrate. 'Mmmm...' Kakashi thought, 'sexy...'Of course his thoughts were cut short when Iruka pulled a huge bag that nobody had noticed before out from behind him. Diving his hand into the sack he halfway pulled out a body.
"No, no, he's not dead. He's just...ah...resting."
" Look, Kakashi, I know a dead body when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now." Iruka shook the body slightly to emphasize his point.
"Well, I'm actually quite sure he's resting."
"Resting?" Kakashi nodded.
"Yep, he's resting. Remarkable teacher isn't he? He has such beautiful hair!" The older man exclaimed happily. "Pet it!"
Iruka glared for a second then reluctantly petted the dead teacher's hair. 'Well, he was right about one thing...'the brown haired man thought. 'Wait a minute...what am I doing?!' He abruptly stopped petting and shot a death glare at Kakashi. "Goddammit! His hair has nothing to do with the fact that he's dead!"
"He's not dead he's resting!"
"Okay, if he's resting then I'll just wake him up." Suddenly Iruka yanked Mizuki all the way out of his bag and begins to shake him relentlessly. "HELLO, MIZUKI! ARE YOU THERE?! IF YOU WAKE I'LL GIVE YOU MONEY! WAKEY WAKEY!! GOD FUCK-" In the blink of an eye Kakashi jumped over the counter and pushed the dead teacher into Iruka.
"There, he moved! Happy now?"
"No he didn't that was you pushing him!"
"No I didn't."
"Yes, you did."
"No I didn't..."
"Okay have it your way." Iruka said as he began to slam Mizuki's head against the counter. "WAKE UP MIZUKI!!!! THIS IS YOUR NINE-O' CLOCK ALARM CALL!!! WAKE UP YOU FUCKING CHILD MOLESTER!!!!!" He shook Mizuki one last time before throwing him on the ground. "See he's dead...."
"Nope, now he's stunned." Iruka's eye twitched so hard this time his head did vibrate, although only slightly. "S-s- stunned?"
"Yep, you stunned him, right when he was waking up too."
"Look, I've had just about enought of this. That man is dead. And when I bought him not a half hour ago, you assured me he was tired out after being hit by a truck."
"Well, it was a BIG truck!!!"
"I took the liberty of checking his goddamn pulse. And guess what."
"What?"
"He doesn't have one." By this time Iruka's twitchy eye was on full force his head was vibrating furiously, making a slight 'rrrrrrr' sound with every vibration. Kakashi just smiled.
"He's stunned."
"GODDAMMIT!!! He is not stunned he's dead! He's passed on! He's kicked the bucket! If I were to draw him right now his tongue would be sticking out of his mouth and his eyes would be X's! He's pushing up the daisies! He's met his maker! This is an EX-TEACHER!!!" Iruka's head made a rather loud 'rrrrrr' and suddenly died down with most of his anger. Kakashi looked at he brown haired nervous wreck before him and and chuckled lightly.
"Well, I better replace it then." Another loud 'rrrrrr' was heard as the older man went to look for another teacher. "Sorry, Iruka, looks like we're out of teachers." Iruka sighed and rubbed his temples.
"I see...."
"I've got an eraser."
"Does it teach bratty little children?"
"No, I don't suppose so."
"....." Iruka slammed his head against the counter hard. "Why God? Why?" Kakashi looked at him sympathetically.
"Do you...ah...wanna come over to my place?" He asked while rubbing the back of his neck nevously.
"Okay, alright."
Well, that was a horrible horrible fic. Ah, well, I hope you enjoyed it. X3 And any grammer/spelling mistakes are my fault. I don't have spell check or a beta reader so... yeah. XD Until next time I try to rot you peoples brains out. See ya.