AN: Another short one, sorry, little angsty, Sirius deals with some stuff.
Read. Enjoy. REVIEW!
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.
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Sirius Black was once again afraid for his life.
Remus Lupin, best friend for over twenty years, was now standing before him, looking entirely capable of commiting murder.
"You wouldn't be thinking of running away from the problem, would you, Padfoot?" groweled Remus, sounding every bit the wolf Sirius had come to know him as every four weeks.
"Remus..."
"Because I'm sure," Remus continued, "that if Harry were to find out his Godfather had abandoned him again, there'd be no telling what he might think or do."
Sirius looked at the floor as he answered, "Remus, Harry is better off without me here."
Remus did not look convinced. Not for an instant. In fact, he looked rather dangerous.
"I can't take care of him," said Sirius, "I can't help him, and he can't let anyone else be what he wants me to be until I am out of the way." Sirius looked up at his friend as he added, "You could be ten times the parent I could, but he won't see that until I'm gone."
Remus looked at his best friend. The one who had always been so confident that the sun shined out of his ass and there was nothing he couldn't do or have if he wanted it badly enough.
"Sirius, you've been gone for little over a month." Replied Remus. "Look at him."
Sirius shook his head. "Moony," he tried to protest.
"Turn around!" Demanded the werewolf. "turn around and walk back into that room and take a look at those scars on his arms."
Hesitantly, Sirius did as he was told. Although he had known about Harrys method of dealing, he hadn't seen the scars left on his arms where the cuts had been healed.
Between Harrys two arms, there were over forty scars.
"I can assure you, Sirius," said Remus. "there are twice as many on his legs."
Sirius sat back down in the seat he had been occupying a few moments ago. He stared for a minute longer at the boy before speaking again.
"I don't know how to be a parent, Moony" he said.
For the first time since Sirius mother had died, Remus heard a note in his friends voice that he had never wanted to hear again.
Terror.
Misery.
Worst case scenerios and even worse memories. What-if's and what-never- shall-be's all rolled into one voice.
"Neither do I." Stated Remus. "Neither does anyone else on the face of this planet. It's not something you can learn in books, it's a bit of trial and a lot of error, it's a job you have to feel out as you go, only you can do that job better than anyone else on the face of the Earth, better than Dumbledore or me, because Harry wants you to do it. You can't chose what he feels, Sirius. You can't choose on your own what is best for Harry."
Leaning towards his best friend, Remus continued.
"Padfoot, you are my best friend, but sometimes, I hate you so much that I can't even put it into words. You think that you are the only person who loves Harry? Well you're wrong! If Harry wanted me to be his guardian, if he came to me for help, I would do everything that I could for him. I would die for him if he asked it of me. Be he doesn't want my help, Sirius, he wants yours."
"No," Sirius argued, "he wants his fathers help, Remus, and I can't do that, I can't be his father, I can't be James!"
"Then don't try to be James! Sirius, Harry lost both of his parents, but he dealt with it. He lost you and nearly killed himself, his cousin and yours, I might add." Remus said with a smile. "I cannot help Harry because I am not you.
"Harry doesn't want you to replace his father. Harry wants you to be you. No, you can't replace James, but I can't replace you, and that will be what pushes him over the edge. Besides, you know that he won't talk to me about the self-harming, you never did.
Sirius looked up at his friend, guilt shining in his eye as bright as any star.
"I told you I was sorry about that." He said quietly.
Remus shook his head. "It doesn't matter now. It's over."
Remus abandoned his seat now to kneel in front of Sirius on the cold hospital floor, forcing his friend to look him in the face.
"Sirius, I can't help him with the harming, I can't help his grief, I'm worth less then nothing in a fight against Voldemort, and just to complete the list, I'm a danger to him because I'm a werewolf, and may I add, a relatively harder to control one when you aren't around."
The two old friends shared a smile at that as Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius shoulders, pulling him into a one-armed hug.
"Now, tell me again why you think leaving is the best option?"
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AN: Okay, for some totally deranged reason I simply cannot grasp, a small number of people seem to actually LIKE my story! Therefore, those people will be sad to hear that the next chapter will probably be the last for this story, with an epilogue being possible.
I will try to get them all up tonight, but it's unlikely, as I have sixteen minutes before my dad disconnects me to make me go to bed, so everyone who believes in miracles, clap your hands!
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.
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Sirius Black was once again afraid for his life.
Remus Lupin, best friend for over twenty years, was now standing before him, looking entirely capable of commiting murder.
"You wouldn't be thinking of running away from the problem, would you, Padfoot?" groweled Remus, sounding every bit the wolf Sirius had come to know him as every four weeks.
"Remus..."
"Because I'm sure," Remus continued, "that if Harry were to find out his Godfather had abandoned him again, there'd be no telling what he might think or do."
Sirius looked at the floor as he answered, "Remus, Harry is better off without me here."
Remus did not look convinced. Not for an instant. In fact, he looked rather dangerous.
"I can't take care of him," said Sirius, "I can't help him, and he can't let anyone else be what he wants me to be until I am out of the way." Sirius looked up at his friend as he added, "You could be ten times the parent I could, but he won't see that until I'm gone."
Remus looked at his best friend. The one who had always been so confident that the sun shined out of his ass and there was nothing he couldn't do or have if he wanted it badly enough.
"Sirius, you've been gone for little over a month." Replied Remus. "Look at him."
Sirius shook his head. "Moony," he tried to protest.
"Turn around!" Demanded the werewolf. "turn around and walk back into that room and take a look at those scars on his arms."
Hesitantly, Sirius did as he was told. Although he had known about Harrys method of dealing, he hadn't seen the scars left on his arms where the cuts had been healed.
Between Harrys two arms, there were over forty scars.
"I can assure you, Sirius," said Remus. "there are twice as many on his legs."
Sirius sat back down in the seat he had been occupying a few moments ago. He stared for a minute longer at the boy before speaking again.
"I don't know how to be a parent, Moony" he said.
For the first time since Sirius mother had died, Remus heard a note in his friends voice that he had never wanted to hear again.
Terror.
Misery.
Worst case scenerios and even worse memories. What-if's and what-never- shall-be's all rolled into one voice.
"Neither do I." Stated Remus. "Neither does anyone else on the face of this planet. It's not something you can learn in books, it's a bit of trial and a lot of error, it's a job you have to feel out as you go, only you can do that job better than anyone else on the face of the Earth, better than Dumbledore or me, because Harry wants you to do it. You can't chose what he feels, Sirius. You can't choose on your own what is best for Harry."
Leaning towards his best friend, Remus continued.
"Padfoot, you are my best friend, but sometimes, I hate you so much that I can't even put it into words. You think that you are the only person who loves Harry? Well you're wrong! If Harry wanted me to be his guardian, if he came to me for help, I would do everything that I could for him. I would die for him if he asked it of me. Be he doesn't want my help, Sirius, he wants yours."
"No," Sirius argued, "he wants his fathers help, Remus, and I can't do that, I can't be his father, I can't be James!"
"Then don't try to be James! Sirius, Harry lost both of his parents, but he dealt with it. He lost you and nearly killed himself, his cousin and yours, I might add." Remus said with a smile. "I cannot help Harry because I am not you.
"Harry doesn't want you to replace his father. Harry wants you to be you. No, you can't replace James, but I can't replace you, and that will be what pushes him over the edge. Besides, you know that he won't talk to me about the self-harming, you never did.
Sirius looked up at his friend, guilt shining in his eye as bright as any star.
"I told you I was sorry about that." He said quietly.
Remus shook his head. "It doesn't matter now. It's over."
Remus abandoned his seat now to kneel in front of Sirius on the cold hospital floor, forcing his friend to look him in the face.
"Sirius, I can't help him with the harming, I can't help his grief, I'm worth less then nothing in a fight against Voldemort, and just to complete the list, I'm a danger to him because I'm a werewolf, and may I add, a relatively harder to control one when you aren't around."
The two old friends shared a smile at that as Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius shoulders, pulling him into a one-armed hug.
"Now, tell me again why you think leaving is the best option?"
#
AN: Okay, for some totally deranged reason I simply cannot grasp, a small number of people seem to actually LIKE my story! Therefore, those people will be sad to hear that the next chapter will probably be the last for this story, with an epilogue being possible.
I will try to get them all up tonight, but it's unlikely, as I have sixteen minutes before my dad disconnects me to make me go to bed, so everyone who believes in miracles, clap your hands!