AN: This one's THE one. Really fluffy (Sirius sings and everything) so
those of you who were just after a bash-the-Dursleys fic, abandon all hope
here.
Warning: this fic deals in depth with self harm from this point onwards. It
the issue distresses or disturbs you, hit the back button now and go find
something else to read.
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.
#
With a little coaxing, and several death threats, from his best friend, Sirius Black had ended up staying at the hospital that night, dozing in the chair beside Harrys bed inti the first whispers of dawn appeared behind the curtains and the sounds of a jaw popping yawn alerted him to the awakening of his Godson.
He watched as Harry slowly came around from the stupor, offering a weak smile as his Godsons eyes came to rest upon him. This was the moment of truth. Remus had assured him earlier that harry now knew that Sirius really was back and that he wasn't losing his mind.
The rest was up to Sirius.
"Hey," He offered.
"Hey," Harry returned.
After a few minutes of awkward silence, Sirius tried again.
"How do you feel?"
Harry shrugged. "Not too bad." He replied. "Kinda achey."
"Dumbledore told me what happened." Said Sirius. "About the Ministry in June and everything else." Harrys face didn't change. "Yeah. You wanna talk about it?"
"No," Harry said casually. "I'm okay, thanks."
"Well, no," Sirius retorted. "You're not."
"Sirius, this had nothing to do with you."
"You getting beaten up by that muppet Muggle has everything to do with me," Sirius replied hotly. "But that isn't the point."
"So there is a point?"
Taking a deep breath, Sirius hesitated. Maybe it was too early to let on that he knew? Maybe Harry would clam. Logically, Sirius knew that the longer he left it, the harder it would be, but that hardly helped.
"Harry," He began, "there's something I want to talk to you about, but odds are, it's not something you're gonna want to talk about."
Now Harry was nervous.
"What is it?"
"I know exactly what those cuts are on your arms and legs, I know how they were caused, and I want to understand why you did it."
Sirius had had a difficult time from keeping it all from coming out as one massive word, but he thought he'd managed okay. Now, there was nothing left to do but wait for Harrys response.
"Sirius, I..."
Not the response he wanted.
"I'm not mad, or disgusted or even that shocked," he told his Godson. "believe it or not, I understand self-harm, but it is not a healthy option to take and I want to help you stop because if you allow it to continue, it will become much harder to stop. After a few months, it becomes almost impossible to stop."
Harry didn't want to sound like he was prying, but curiosity overcame him, and he simply had to ask. "How do you know that, Sirius?"
This was it. Time to admit the truth, Sirius, he told himself.
"Because I began self harming when I was nine years old, and I continued until I was sixteen."
"What happened then?"
"Remus and your Father found out." Sirius looked down at his hands as he continued. "Do you want to know why I started?"
Harry nodded.
"You've met my mother, I believe. Well, she always hated me that much, I'm afraid, and when she was alive, she did more about it then simply yelling. She was abusive, Harry, and sometimes, I would just be so...I don't really know, it was like some feeling that didn't fit into any category was just there inside me and there was only one way to get rid of it."
"Cutting," Harry stated.
"Cutting." Replied Sirius. "But Harry, that is not the right thing to do. It's not healthy, and it certainly doesn't help in the long run, not when you get hooked on the physical reactions your body has to the injury and you cannot stop until you nearly kill yourself doing it and your two best friends have to tie themselves to you to keep you from doing it again. Harry, you do not want that, believe me. It doesn't make you feel better, in fact, it makes things worse. You stop trusting your best friends and you lose the only method of dealing you ever had."
Harry and Sirius looked at each other, straight in the face, for the first time since the conversation had started. And there was understanding there. Both giving and receiving on both parts.
"You never told Remus and my Father a lot of this, did you?" Harry asked.
Sirius simply shook his head. "Self harm isn't something they understand, Harry." He replied. "It's not something you can understand unless it's something you've been through."
Harry nodded. He knew Sirius was right.
"Look, Harry, I know it's not something that just goes away. I mean, I'm here now, I'm safe, and I plan to stay that way. You can talk to me about anything, and even if I don't understand, I'll listen, I promise. I'll try and help you, if you promise me you'll talk to me before hurting yourself again. Okay?"
Sirius smiled at his Godson, and his heart started doing little flips when the boy smiled back.
"Okay."
And now, Sirius didn't care about Harrys reation. The hard part was over, they were still standing, and as Sirius pulled Harry into a hug, he felt he could easily be the happiest man alive.
"Good." He said realeasing his ward. "Do you think there's any chance you can get some more sleep? You'll heal a lot faster, honest."
Harry shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe."
Sirius just nodded.
"Okay. Please try." He said as he rose to leave his Godson in peace.
"Sirius?" Came a voice behind him.
"Yeah?" he replied.
"Can you...um..."
Sirius turned back to his Godson, his face etched once more with concern. "What's up?"
"Can you stay here?" Harry blurted out. "I mean, you don't have to stay long, just...I think I might sleep a little better, you know..." Here, harry just allowed his voice to trail off as his face turned crimson.
"Some things never change." Muttered his Godfather.
"What do you mean?" Harry asked.
"When you were a baby, you used to sleep better with me around," Sirius told him toeing off his shoes and clambering onto the bed beside his Godson.
"Really?" He asked.
"Really." Replied Sirius. "Sometimes you wouldn't sleep at all unless I put ou to bed." He smiled to himself and added "Drove your mother mad."
"Huh, strange."
"Yeah, it is."
"No," said Harry, "I mean...well, I didn't remember you form when I was a baby, but I remembered your voice."
Sirius looked at him incredulously. Harry made an effort to avoid his eyes. "You remembered my voice?"
"Yeah," he replied. "Sometimes when I couldn't sleep, I'd hear it in my head."
"What did it say?" asked Sirius, curious.
"It didn't speak," replied Harry, blushing again. "It sang."
"You remember that?" Sirius laughed.
"Yeah."
"Poor you."
"Ha ha." Said Harry sarcastically. "You're singing isn't that bad, you know."
"Oh yeah?" said Sirius still chuckling. "I recon the years have messed with your memory."
Harry chewed on his bottom lip a moment before speaking.
"Refresh my memory them. Sing something."
Sirius shook his head with resolve. "I'm not singing."
"You used to when I was a kid." Harry argued.
"That was different." Sirius retorted.
"How?"
"It just was."
"Please?" Harry begged.
"No!"
"Please?" This time, Harry accompanied the voice with his best Puppy Dog eyes.
"Damn, you are gonna clean out my bank vault with that look when Christmas comes."
"Nah," Harry joked, "I only use my powers for good. Now come one, sing something."
"Fine." Sign Sirius. 2But you don't ever tell Remus, got it?"
"Got it." Said Harry, crossing his fingers under the blanket.
As Harry settled against his Godfather, he heard from above him and deep, smooth voice begin to sing, just the way be remembered it, and he let himself drift back into sleep, and for the first time in a long time, Harry slept peacefully without the aid of drugs or potions while a voice above his head continued singing the familiar tune...
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, You make me happy when skies are grey You'll never know dear how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, You make me happy..."
#
Okay, that might be it, might not, not sure, review and let me know. Totally outta time now, so I'll do responses 2morrow. Bye!
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.
#
With a little coaxing, and several death threats, from his best friend, Sirius Black had ended up staying at the hospital that night, dozing in the chair beside Harrys bed inti the first whispers of dawn appeared behind the curtains and the sounds of a jaw popping yawn alerted him to the awakening of his Godson.
He watched as Harry slowly came around from the stupor, offering a weak smile as his Godsons eyes came to rest upon him. This was the moment of truth. Remus had assured him earlier that harry now knew that Sirius really was back and that he wasn't losing his mind.
The rest was up to Sirius.
"Hey," He offered.
"Hey," Harry returned.
After a few minutes of awkward silence, Sirius tried again.
"How do you feel?"
Harry shrugged. "Not too bad." He replied. "Kinda achey."
"Dumbledore told me what happened." Said Sirius. "About the Ministry in June and everything else." Harrys face didn't change. "Yeah. You wanna talk about it?"
"No," Harry said casually. "I'm okay, thanks."
"Well, no," Sirius retorted. "You're not."
"Sirius, this had nothing to do with you."
"You getting beaten up by that muppet Muggle has everything to do with me," Sirius replied hotly. "But that isn't the point."
"So there is a point?"
Taking a deep breath, Sirius hesitated. Maybe it was too early to let on that he knew? Maybe Harry would clam. Logically, Sirius knew that the longer he left it, the harder it would be, but that hardly helped.
"Harry," He began, "there's something I want to talk to you about, but odds are, it's not something you're gonna want to talk about."
Now Harry was nervous.
"What is it?"
"I know exactly what those cuts are on your arms and legs, I know how they were caused, and I want to understand why you did it."
Sirius had had a difficult time from keeping it all from coming out as one massive word, but he thought he'd managed okay. Now, there was nothing left to do but wait for Harrys response.
"Sirius, I..."
Not the response he wanted.
"I'm not mad, or disgusted or even that shocked," he told his Godson. "believe it or not, I understand self-harm, but it is not a healthy option to take and I want to help you stop because if you allow it to continue, it will become much harder to stop. After a few months, it becomes almost impossible to stop."
Harry didn't want to sound like he was prying, but curiosity overcame him, and he simply had to ask. "How do you know that, Sirius?"
This was it. Time to admit the truth, Sirius, he told himself.
"Because I began self harming when I was nine years old, and I continued until I was sixteen."
"What happened then?"
"Remus and your Father found out." Sirius looked down at his hands as he continued. "Do you want to know why I started?"
Harry nodded.
"You've met my mother, I believe. Well, she always hated me that much, I'm afraid, and when she was alive, she did more about it then simply yelling. She was abusive, Harry, and sometimes, I would just be so...I don't really know, it was like some feeling that didn't fit into any category was just there inside me and there was only one way to get rid of it."
"Cutting," Harry stated.
"Cutting." Replied Sirius. "But Harry, that is not the right thing to do. It's not healthy, and it certainly doesn't help in the long run, not when you get hooked on the physical reactions your body has to the injury and you cannot stop until you nearly kill yourself doing it and your two best friends have to tie themselves to you to keep you from doing it again. Harry, you do not want that, believe me. It doesn't make you feel better, in fact, it makes things worse. You stop trusting your best friends and you lose the only method of dealing you ever had."
Harry and Sirius looked at each other, straight in the face, for the first time since the conversation had started. And there was understanding there. Both giving and receiving on both parts.
"You never told Remus and my Father a lot of this, did you?" Harry asked.
Sirius simply shook his head. "Self harm isn't something they understand, Harry." He replied. "It's not something you can understand unless it's something you've been through."
Harry nodded. He knew Sirius was right.
"Look, Harry, I know it's not something that just goes away. I mean, I'm here now, I'm safe, and I plan to stay that way. You can talk to me about anything, and even if I don't understand, I'll listen, I promise. I'll try and help you, if you promise me you'll talk to me before hurting yourself again. Okay?"
Sirius smiled at his Godson, and his heart started doing little flips when the boy smiled back.
"Okay."
And now, Sirius didn't care about Harrys reation. The hard part was over, they were still standing, and as Sirius pulled Harry into a hug, he felt he could easily be the happiest man alive.
"Good." He said realeasing his ward. "Do you think there's any chance you can get some more sleep? You'll heal a lot faster, honest."
Harry shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe."
Sirius just nodded.
"Okay. Please try." He said as he rose to leave his Godson in peace.
"Sirius?" Came a voice behind him.
"Yeah?" he replied.
"Can you...um..."
Sirius turned back to his Godson, his face etched once more with concern. "What's up?"
"Can you stay here?" Harry blurted out. "I mean, you don't have to stay long, just...I think I might sleep a little better, you know..." Here, harry just allowed his voice to trail off as his face turned crimson.
"Some things never change." Muttered his Godfather.
"What do you mean?" Harry asked.
"When you were a baby, you used to sleep better with me around," Sirius told him toeing off his shoes and clambering onto the bed beside his Godson.
"Really?" He asked.
"Really." Replied Sirius. "Sometimes you wouldn't sleep at all unless I put ou to bed." He smiled to himself and added "Drove your mother mad."
"Huh, strange."
"Yeah, it is."
"No," said Harry, "I mean...well, I didn't remember you form when I was a baby, but I remembered your voice."
Sirius looked at him incredulously. Harry made an effort to avoid his eyes. "You remembered my voice?"
"Yeah," he replied. "Sometimes when I couldn't sleep, I'd hear it in my head."
"What did it say?" asked Sirius, curious.
"It didn't speak," replied Harry, blushing again. "It sang."
"You remember that?" Sirius laughed.
"Yeah."
"Poor you."
"Ha ha." Said Harry sarcastically. "You're singing isn't that bad, you know."
"Oh yeah?" said Sirius still chuckling. "I recon the years have messed with your memory."
Harry chewed on his bottom lip a moment before speaking.
"Refresh my memory them. Sing something."
Sirius shook his head with resolve. "I'm not singing."
"You used to when I was a kid." Harry argued.
"That was different." Sirius retorted.
"How?"
"It just was."
"Please?" Harry begged.
"No!"
"Please?" This time, Harry accompanied the voice with his best Puppy Dog eyes.
"Damn, you are gonna clean out my bank vault with that look when Christmas comes."
"Nah," Harry joked, "I only use my powers for good. Now come one, sing something."
"Fine." Sign Sirius. 2But you don't ever tell Remus, got it?"
"Got it." Said Harry, crossing his fingers under the blanket.
As Harry settled against his Godfather, he heard from above him and deep, smooth voice begin to sing, just the way be remembered it, and he let himself drift back into sleep, and for the first time in a long time, Harry slept peacefully without the aid of drugs or potions while a voice above his head continued singing the familiar tune...
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, You make me happy when skies are grey You'll never know dear how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, You make me happy..."
#
Okay, that might be it, might not, not sure, review and let me know. Totally outta time now, so I'll do responses 2morrow. Bye!