"Hysteria" by Muse
It's bugging me, grating me
and twisting me around;
Yeah I'm endlessly caving in
and turning inside out.
As I sit here, I wonder. Why the hell am I here? I should be out there, with Harry… I should protect those that are left of my new family. But I can't do anything. 'Cuz here I am, stuck in this hellhole, with miserable thoughts left to control me. The Dementors are constantly controlling my mind, numbing it, freezing it, and burning my mind… It's torture to no extent. I can't stand it. It's ruining me. I wanted to live out long to protect my family and friends. I wanted to live and save lives! That was my plan after Hogwarts. I wouldn't play Quidditch like James; I wouldn't open up a joke shop like the whole Wizarding community wanted me to; I wouldn't join the dark side like my bloody parents… all I would do, is settle down with my girl and join the Order. I did. But it didn't last that long. It didn't end well, either.
'Cause I want it now,
I want it now.
Give me your heart and soul,
and I'm breaking out,
I'm breaking out.
Give me your complete control.
Sooner or later, I'll leave this place. They'll find that bastard of vermin, Pettigrew, slaughter him, and I'll be free. I never killed him. How can you kill that little roach? There's no possibility anyone would have the heart, stupidity… to waste their energy on that vomit. But when I get out of these chains, these walls, and these thoughts… I'll come back, all right. And everyone'll fear me. No one'll want to come back to me. I'll be restless. But I'll be out. I'll go back to the girl I so long to see and I'll tell that I own everything now. Those Dementors, the Ministry… they think they control me. But no one can control a Black. Black's are strong. Well some of them are. The others just fall off this world. But I'm breaking out. I swear, this place'll be a hundred miles away from here and I'll just hear the screaming of good ole' Lestrange two cells down. And I'll laugh.
It's holding me, morphing me
and forcing me to strive
to be endlessly cold within
and dreaming I'm alive.
I don't know if I can take much more of this. This feeling, the Dementors, its torture. No wonder people go crazy in here. They try to control me. I'm freezing, I'm hungry and I feel like I'm the living dead. This feeling, although so foreign, is so familiar. I experienced this putrid, cold, hatred before. It is all so familiar as the steam rises up to sting my closed eyes. Fog surrounds me, numbing my frostbitten legs. They force on me my past—the past I wish I hadn't have to live again. No matter how hard I hid it, they always seem to find it. Every day, I curse them, they come to me, and I curse them. I wish that everyone out there would experience this—experience this heart-wrenching torture, feel what we feel every day and night. 'Cos they won't be able to stand it. Not one bit.
'Cause I want it now,
I want it now.
Give me your heart and soul,
and I'm breaking out,
I'm breaking out.
Give me your complete control.
Every day I cry out for someone to find me, save me. But I'm lost. No one trusts the traitor Sirius Black. They have no proof that I even did it. I didn't do it. It was Pettigrew—the bastard. I never trusted him, honestly. He was always scared, unfaithful, and stupid. He never contributed to the chores of Marauding. I knew that he would want the power of the powerful Dark Lord (the yellow bastard). Pettigrew was always smitten for someone that was better, greater, darker, more powerful than he was (which was everyone). I'm surprised he actually had the courage to go up to the man (if he is a man…). So I give him my brownie points, but they're quickly taken away. Stay a little while, I have a story to tell you.
And want you now,
I want you now.
I'll feel my heart implode,
and I'm breaking out,
escaping now,
feeling my faith erode.
"Hello, Sirius."
My heart stops. That familiar voice, those warm black eyes, that comforting touch. The hair I rake my hands through. That gorgeous smile, those soft, delicate hands. Her heart. It's the one I had before all of this.
I smile weakly. I am weaker than I was before. They haven't fed me yet. She pulls out her usual biscuits and tea. I smile broader.
She never fails to amaze me.
So let me begin my story…