Because my computer totally sucks ASS (as in, every time I turned it on it made a 'beeeeeeeeeeeeep' sound), it took me a lot longer to update this than I had planned. And I still don't like it. At all. I'm really sorry ::bows:: But at least this story is finished.
Or is it? ::laughs::
My brother gave me the interesting idea of having another cell team leader give a sex ed talk. It really sounds amusing so I think I may. Anyways, I'd like to thank everyone for their reviews/encouragement :D
Isolde1(I love 'Tired'!!!), Ice heart (Wee! Thank you!!), chibified mistunes (well thank you for reading mine!!! :D), polka dot (Lol. Let's pretend then, hm?), Yumeko (lmao…FAN SERVICE XD), Korei47 (::glomps:: ), Kin Uchiha (always after those lemon, hm?? Lol you perv.) Nanashi2 (::blush:: too kind!), Yuen-chan (XD!!), HatoriLover (Lmao! Yes, you spelt it right :P), Misori Chan (Yay! Thanks, Miso-chan!), anime-wuver-016 (Blushing Iruka RULES!!), candy swirl (Yes!!! Someone likes Naruto's potty break ::hands you cookie:: )
Thank you all so much!!!!!! I know it's been a while since I started this fic and I'm sorry it's taken me so long. Thank you for hanging around :D
And now it's time for the final installment (maybe) of….
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sex Ed--Kakashi Style!
It was a day like any other day.
The sun had just about reached its peak as it was nearing noon, Sakura had been batting eyes at an uninterested Sasuke for the past four and a half hours with no reaction whatsoever, Sasuke in turn had been trying to catch an oblivious Naruto's eye for the past two hours but with no such luck, and Naruto was trying to decide which was better for lunch--miso flavored ramen or pork flavored ramen.
He hadn't decided yet.
So yeah, it was a day like any other day. Even when Kakashi arrived an hour later everything seemed normal, except for the reluctant chuunin he was dragging behind him. Kakashi smiled and waved a greeting at his team as Sakura and Naruto voiced their disproval of his lateness loudly.
"You're LATE!!!"
"Aa…I was fishing and I caught a dolphin."
"LIAR!!!" Naruto and Sakura yelled, pointing a menacing finger at him and not noticing a flustered Iruka standing behind their teacher. Kakashi's right eye arched happily as his team settled back down again (well, Sakura and Naruto. Sasuke didn't really do anything…).
"Now that everyone's here, it seems like we can start today's mission." Naruto's eyes went wide, excited at the prospect of doing something dangerous. As always, his mind immediately supplied him with images of shoguns in trouble and photographers being chased by evil yakuza(1). He imagined large castles that stored scrolls and scrolls of jutsu techniques being guarded by terrorizing ninja that were the strongest in the land. And he imagined himself beating them all, stomping a foot atop their defeated bodies and smiling proudly as Sasuke finally admitted that yes, Naruto was stronger than him.
Naruto jumped up, pumping his fist in the air wildly.
"What's our mission, Kakashi-sensei?!" Naruto yelled, energized at the prospect of hearing Sasuke say he was better. He paused as he finally noticed the pony-tailed sensei.
"Oi! Iruka-sensei!!! What're you doing here?!?!" Naruto exclaimed, running forward and hugging Iruka tightly. The older man laughed, ruffling Naruto's hair and offering a bright smile and greeting for a waving Sakura and Sasuke. When Naruto finally released Iruka, he glanced at Kakashi. "Sensei. Is Iruka-sensei coming along with us on our mission?"
"Something like that." Kakashi said mysteriously, causing his cell team to give him confused looks. Iruka smiled.
"Actually, Sandaime-sama sent me here."
"Really? The old goat??" The blond boy asked, receiving a scolding from Iruka at his disrespect for the Hokage. Sasuke resisted the urge to smile as Sakura raised her hand. "What does Hokage-sama want, Iruka-sensei?"
"Well, he didn't really specify," The chuunin said, smiling crookedly at cell team seven and rubbing the scar across his nose, quite embarrassed. "He just told me Kakashi-sensei would inform me."
Four sets of eyes looked expectantly at the silver-haired jounin who was currently nose-deep in a certain orange-bound book. Iruka clicked his tongue disapprovingly but said nothing more as Sakura and Naruto whined and complained about their perverted teacher.
Sasuke was still trying to catch Naruto's eye.
Kakashi looked up, snapping his book closed and pocketing it before his students decided to get violent. Not to mention Iruka. That man had a pretty hard right hook when the time called for it…
"Sou ka."
Four sets of eyes blinked.
"Sou ka…?"
"Iruka-sensei is going to help me." Kakashi interrupted, slinging an arm across Iruka's shoulders, pulling him close and causing the chuunin to blush. He quickly hid the grin before Iruka could see it, schooling his features to appear bored.
"Help you with what?" Sasuke asked, deciding he'd been silent long enough(2) and getting irritated at the way his teacher danced around the subject. Sakura felt her cheeks pink at the sound of Sasuke's voice and Naruto looked over at his dark-haired teammate. Geeze. He finally caught the blond's eye and now everyone had to be looking at him, too. Sasuke cursed his luck and wished he'd remained silent.
"Well, Iruka-sensei is quite good at public speaking so I figured he'd be perfect." Kakashi squeezed Iruka's shoulder, causing the chocolate-haired man to squeak quietly, reminding Kakashi of a certain set of bedsprings that had done some squeaking earlier this morning. He pulled his mind from the gutter long enough to notice the glares his three students were sending him.
"Perfect for what?!?" Sakura and Naruto shouted, exasperated beyond belief.
"Why for helping me give the mandatory Sex Education speech, of course!" Kakashi smiled brightly as Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke's eyes all went wide, and even as all of the color drained from Iruka's face. The chuunin fell backwards, unconscious.
"Iruka-sensei!!!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Mou, Kakashi-sensei! Look what you did! You killed him!" Naruto frowned, shooting a glare at his silver-haired teacher as he shook Iruka's shoulders harshly.
"He's not waking up."
"Wah! Please don't die, Iruka-sensei!!!" Naruto yelled, tears streaming down his cheeks at the thought of losing his favorite teacher and all the free ramen that the pony-tailed chuunin bought him. Naruto felt his lower lip begin to quiver. Sasuke, sighing heavily but mentally melting at how adorable Naruto could look when he was upset, gestured to Kakashi.
"Do you have any smelling salts?(3)" Kakashi said no.
"But there's a river near by. Go get some water." Kakashi instructed, Sakura and Sasuke (who was dragging a struggling Naruto who kept shooting Iruka's body tearful glances and shaking a threatening fist at his silver-haired sensei) trudging towards the water source, grumbling all the way.
Once alone, Kakashi couldn't hold back the evil look that crossed his face.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cell team seven probably wasn't the only one who heard the piercing scream that broke through the air as soon as they reached the water's edge.
Eyes going wide, Naruto scooped up a handful of water between his cupped hands and ran back to where his two teachers were. Sasuke followed, forgetting about Sakura who sighed heavily and leaned down to fill up her water jug.
And just when she was hoping to spend some quality time with Sasuke, too.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It had taken some time for Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura to get back to their teachers, as it appeared an elaborate genjutsu had been set up while they were away. When they had finally found a way around it, Sakura had immediately scolded her teacher at how rude it was for him to do that to them. Kakashi had laughed it off.
Naruto realized that the water in his hands had disappeared and he frowned.
"I had to get ready." He had said, and then gestured them to follow him to a small patch of trees. He smiled at their shocked expressions.
"What did you do to Iruka-sensei?!?"
And Naruto had every right to yell.
Umino Iruka was currently tied to a large tree, his arms bound to his sides by thick strong rope. He was also currently missing his flak vest and shirt, not to mention his pants. The only actual piece of clothing the chuunin teacher was wearing were a pair of dark blue boxers and the bandages that were wrapped around his ankles and calves. And he looked pissed.
Naruto made a strangled noise, running forward to release his favorite teacher but Kakashi stopped him.
"It looks like we're ready to begin. Now, if you'll all sit down." Kakashi said, pulling out a stick and smiling oddly at his students. Sakura felt the beginnings of a full-blown blush as she stared at her former teacher, taking in his toned body and imagining Sasuke in the same position. She couldn't stop the squeal that made it's way past her lips. Naruto felt so bad for his teacher and mentally promised Iruka he'd get him free as soon as the opportunity presented itself. Sasuke sighed heavily, knowing something perverted was about to happen and feeling bad for Iruka.
But it was better him than Sasuke.
"Now, as you're all over-due for this talk, and Iruka-sensei has so graciously decided to assist me," At this point, Iruka began muttering dark curses under his breath at Kakashi, " you should all pay attention closely."
When Kakashi smiled brightly, cell team seven looked wearily at their current sensei, a sense of dread washing over them.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It had only been thirty minutes and Sasuke had never felt so sorry for anyone in all of his life.
Well, except for maybe his clan.
But that was different.
Damn Itachi.
Sasuke glowered at the memory but pushed it aside when Naruto next to him asked another embarrassing question. Sakura covered her cheeks on his other side and told Naruto how inappropriate that was.
"But Kakashi-sensei brought it up!" Naruto pointed out, barely managing to dodge the punch that Sakura aimed at his head. Sasuke sighed.
"Don't you think that was inappropriate, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura questioned, turning worshipful eyes to Sasuke. He ignored her, shooting his teacher a death-look and silently asking him how much longer this would take.
Kakashi had started out by pointing at random parts of Iruka's body, then naming it off and making them repeat it. That hadn't been so bad, until Kakashi had reached Iruka's groin area. It seemed he had gotten stuck in that section, and had pointed and prodded every part he could with his stick while Iruka screamed and hollered with a red-face.
And then came the 'positions'.
"…So you see, Military Style can be more creative with the use of toys."
Oh. My. God.
Sasuke suddenly wished Itachi hadn't left him alive.
"Does anyone have any questions?" Immediately Naruto's hand shot up and Sasuke heard Sakura whine under her breath. Perhaps the only good thing that had come out of this whole crazy ordeal was that Naruto actually had sex on his mind. Now if only Sasuke could--
"Can you pee while you're having sex?(4)"
Everyone blinked in surprise as Sasuke fell backwards, throwing his hands in the air and muttering something like "That's it! I give up!". Iruka was trying to gnaw his was through the ropes.
"That's an excellent question, Naruto!" The blond boy glowed with the praise.
"Hm, what do you think, Iruka-sensei?" With a few choice words, Iruka told him exactly what he thought. Naruto's eyes widened. Iruka-sensei had such an extensive vocabulary! Kakashi turned back to Naruto and smiled.
"How about a demonstration?" Kakashi leaned forward and tried to grab Iruka, the chuunin's eyes going wide. Iruka braced his back and hands on the tree solidly before lifting his legs and using his feet to keep Kakashi at bay.
"Don't even think about it!!!" The pony-tailed man roared, not quite wanting to believe Kakashi would be so perverted as to do something like that in front of other people. Sakura and Sasuke had gone deathly quite, their eyes dilated. Suddenly, Sakura let out a high-pitched squeal as her face turned dark red and she jumped up, yelling a quick goodbye and running home, wonderful images dancing through her head. Sasuke just swallowed before he leaned over and grabbed the back of a confused Naruto's coat and pulled him along.
He had some nice images of his own.
Kakashi finally managed to get a good grip on Iruka's legs and he pulled them apart, situating himself snug against Iruka's groin. The dark-skinned shinobi turned pink.
"K-Kakashi-sensei!! What about the…" Iruka trailed off as he realized that cell team seven was nowhere to be seen. Ah! They'd abandoned him! Just like back at the academy!!
Iruka mentally sobbed and cried, damning their lineage for all eternity.
"Aw, it looks like it'll be another private lesson, Iruka-sensei." Kakashi purred, running a finger over tan chest muscles. Iruka 'Eep!'-ed, looking around frantically for a means of escape.
He found none.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Ka-Kakashi-sensei!"
From behind a nearby tree, Sandaime felt the beginnings of a nosebleed coming on. He spared a glance over his shoulder and almost lost it.
About twenty feet away, still bound to a tree by strong rope, Iruka was currently being filled full of Kakashi. The scarred chuunin's hair fell unbound around his face as he tossed his head in all directions, his thighs pushed up to his chest as Kakashi thrust in and out of him, making the shinobi cry out in ecstasy.
"Uh!! Harder, Kakashi-sensei…!!!"
I didn't think he'd use him for that! The third Hokage thought, holding his nose to prevent blood from staining his robes and heading back towards his office. When Kakashi had appeared in his office that morning and requested the chuunin's help, Sandaime had been weary. Besides, he'd already set aside a nice big pile of paperwork for Iruka to do. But Kakashi had been insistent, and in the end, he'd won.
Sarutobi swore he'd never play jenken(5) with Hatake Kakashi again.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Later that night, Naruto learned that no, you can't pee while you're having sex.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
-photographers being chased by evil yakuza(1)---I've been reading too much Viewfinder lately ::laughs::
--Sasuke asked, deciding he'd been silent long enough(2)---I actually forgot about him! I had to go back through the beginning and add him. Whoops.
--"Do you have any smelling salts?(3)"---My friend Cody always carries smelling salts. No clue why.
--"Can you pee while you're having sex?(4)"---Kind of embarrassing, but for the longest time I thought that if you got too excited during sex, you'd pee. ::embarrassed laugh:: My friends don't let me live that down.
--Sarutobi swore he'd never play jenken(5)---I just beat my brother in a game of jenken so I had to add it. :P
So! It appears I'm done (if I decide to disregard my Author's Notes at the top)!!! Yay. This was nice, writing a KakaIru. I love them. And I'm really thankful for people who liked this story. I'm sorry this isn't written so well…it's just blah. I have too many people who want to do things with me and not enough time ::popular:: I wish. ::laughs::