Title: Bittersweet Love

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: PG

Pairing: SaekiFuji

Disclaimers: not ours, no profit and… you know…

Warning: A bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

(Saeki's POV)

I blame you not.

It hurts, but the feeling is not wholly mine. I know you also feel the pain. I know that the feeling of guilt consumes you from inside. I blame you not, not only because I know you, but also because I think the fault is mine.

I am not easy to be broken. You know that. Then again, I think that's why you have chosen to talk to me straightforwardly. You know, sometimes I hate your honesty, but now I cannot say any complaint.

I have known you, Fuji Shusuke, since the time you haven't yet known me. I have loved you for my whole twenty years of life. The first time I saw you, you were walking like an angel, and I knew not that time that the angel will soon be mine.

Have my lips tasted your kisses, and you leave them bleed. You granted me with regard and respect when I was still without name. I have leaned my body to you, as you have put all your soul into mine. You know my heart, my passion, my all.

And now, you have left me. Your lips were not showing any kind of tremble when you say those words to me, but I know better, of course I know. You said those words plainly without any mean to sweeten them. But you know, I prefer it that way.

Is it possible that you know me that deep so you also know that part of my mind…?

Ah, I think I don't have any chance now to find the answer, do I, Shusuke?

So I walk the road on which we used to walk. It's cold, cold without your presence, cold without your smile. They say that a smile can brighten the most stormy day and heaten the coldest place. I never meet anyone who can smile as warm as you, Shusuke, so how am I supposed to brighten and heaten my days now?

I see the tree as I walk further and further more. If you are here, I believe you'll also remember it. We have carved our name on that very tree when we were just fourteen. In the springtime, the cherry blossom will bloom. And there must be two lovers sit under the tree like we had done in the past and read our name. They will know our story, and maybe they will follow our step and carve their own names beside ours. So we won't be alone again, I won't be alone again. They will kiss as we have kissed, but I do hope that they will not be parted as we have parted.

Our lives have divided us. The vivid colour of youth is faded, and the soft shards of our love were flown by the wind of time. I could not find anything to clasp the fading image of you, nor can I now. I could only watch in pain as your figure started to disappear from my sight.

And now, what is left for me? Just a grave of the one I love so much, yet cannot love nor be loved anymore.

I face you now, Shusuke. Even if it's just a silent grave, but still it's you who sleeps within it. Without any word, death has won the fight. It has taken you away from me.

And inside the grave, there is no love. Only the darkness covering the body of the man whom I love and once loved me so dearly. But my love cannot reach him anymore. Inside the grave, memories are forgotten, desires are neglected, and passions are forbidden. Inside that grave, my Shusuke sleeps. I cannot say any word of love again to him.

His body surely has turned into ashes now, like what they said in his funeral. And ashes cannot smile, and ashes cannot love.

Am I wrong for still loving a man who has turned into ashes?

Am I wrong for keeping my heart remaining in the past?

Yet I don't have any regret of loving you, Shusuke, my Shusuke. What I can do else than love you, anyway? You, Fuji Shusuke, has brightened my days and given warmth to my heart. You are the one who has loved me in the way that no one else had ever done to me before.

I love you, Shusuke, and I blame you not for leaving me.

I have walked my way, with and without you. I have found my path. I have known the meaning of my life; you are the one taught that to me. I have made my choice, and though you are not here with me again and our time together has passed away, I have found that loving you is the most precious thing in my life.

So, then, how about you, Shusuke?

I smile and look at the grave. Even though ashes cannot smile, Shusuke can. And I believe he is smiling now somewhere out of my reach.

- the end –

(AN : yosh… that's a SaekiFuji fic for you. This fic is inspired by Oscar Wilde's Bittersweet Love. Hope you have a nice reading. Comments and all are highly appreciated )