Hi people! Well I will answer your reviews now because I love you all so much for giving them!

And no, Arty dearest doesn't have his memories back yet. Although you will find a couple of hints of them along the way. See if you can find them...one last chapter and one this chapter. I promise I'll put in more interesting stuff next update. And Holly will feature in the story. Just as soon as I figure out how...(any ideas please feel free – R&R!!!)

Ahava: 1: thanks! 2: yes I agree 2 is a cool number :) 3: yes I was a bit worried about that and I'll take a bit of care not to make her a mary-sue...please keep reading and tell me if she turns into one 4: yes I can assure you there will be NO romance because I am incredibly useless at writing romances...unless anyone wants some corny cheese – that could be arranged –

hehehe

...sorry anyone who wanted them to get together... : )

Dainie: thanks, I'll post more and hopefully you'll like it more

Chuthulupenguin: well after your second review I'm not sure what you were worried about in my story but I WILL be careful... everyone at my school has to do religion, I'm just being a bit unimaginative, and I guess theory has been on my mind lately...AMEB theory exams tomorrow ARGH well yes. I will be careful about mary-sues!

TrunkZy: thanks for the advice and I'm glad you like it so far...good luck in your exams!

Princess-Perfect: thanks muchly. I just love writing Artemis dialogue it's so much fun!

Chapter II

Artemis Fowl Sr. was annoyed. Annoyed about his son, annoyed about his work, and particularly annoyed by the phone call his wife had just received from her aunt. Aunt Francesca was, while a wonderful person, sometimes rather, well, hard to get on with. And now, she was recovering from 'the op', and she had requested that Angeline come and to bring him.

He wasn't sure what he could possibly do. The fact that Francesca loathed all forms of technology (she even had an icebox instead of a refrigerator) would prove a terrible problem for him, especially with this deal he was trying to arrange. Completely legal, incidentally. He had almost forgotten what it was to be discussing matters openly and without fear of the CIA hacking into his computer at any given moment. It was a great feeling; so relaxing and he could talk about his achievement with people without having to have them assassinated afterwards. Well he'd never had anyone assassinated, but that wasn't the point. No secrecy was required, apart from ordinary discretion.

The eldest Fowl pondered for a moment his situation. He was fairly sure that there was no way he could escape the visit to his wife's aunt's place in Inverness. He wondered what to do with his son Artemis while they were there. Of course, the boy would never agree to go to the Browns'. He wasn't actually invited to Inverness, either. Angeline would never agree to let her son stay at Fowl Manor while she was away; even with Butler around she had become somewhat paranoid about leaving him on his own for long periods of time. So, what to do about the boy? And what to do about the deal? He took a swig of coffee from the mug on his desk, screwed up his face with disgust (it was cold) and turned on his computer. No point wasting time when he could be negotiating with CEOs around the world.

::::::Meanwhile, in Artemis's Lab::::::

There was no way Artemis could have known that, at the very moment he emerged from his meditative thoughts, a girl living in Chester was being remarkably boring in her typically musical way. Artemis, indeed, would not have wanted to know anything about her, and wished that she would stay the hell out of his life. The boy's meditation had been disturbed by the Brown family's appearance throughout the designing of the microchip, and he had achieved nothing in the forty-five minutes he had been sitting on his cushion on the floor. Now he was even crankier than he had been prior to meditating, and what's more had no ideas for his project. He did not trust himself to remain completely civil if he left the privacy of his laboratory, and so began to tinker aimlessly with another chip he was designing. He found this activity good, if not better, for thinking about topics unrelated to electronics, and indeed therapeutic in some cases.

Artemis had been taken out of school three months ago after it had been confirmed that he had indeed written several of the textbooks used throughout the curriculum. The last straw had been one of the boys dobbing him in for possession of two legally acquired Masters degrees in Psychology and English Literature. That, and the principal of St Bartleby's discovering that his self-help books, 'Principles for Principals' and 'The Essence of Pomposity: The Necessary Personality Traits of the Modern Principal' had been written by Artemis (well, Dr. F. Roy Dean Schlippe) and in fact had been dedicated to him. And inspired by him. But he didn't know about the last one. Nevertheless, Angeline had received an email from the school which went along the following lines:

Dear Madam Fowl,

It is with great regret that we must advise you that your son Artemis can gain no further benefit from remaining at St Bartleby's. It appears that we are highly unable to cope with his brilliance and, as much as we have appreciated your many contributions to the Parents and Friends Fund, we must suggest that you take Artemis out of the school and perhaps organise supervised tertiary studies for him. Many thanks for your continued support of the school and its fundraising ventures.

Yours sincerely,

Principal Eric Guiney.

After a lecture from his mother about publishing educational materials without asking, and a few well-disguised grins from his father throughout the lecture, Artemis was taken out of the school and given a tutor. The gentleman in question stayed for about half an hour until he could no longer stand the embarrassment of the patronising teenager proving all of his great theories and philosophies wrong in quick succession. Angeline had been quite ready to advertise for another, but the combined arguing power of the two Artemis's of the family was sufficient to save her the bother.

Artemis smiled as he recalled these events. He really was quite used to getting his own way. Obviously, if he didn't want to go to the Browns' domicile there was nothing anyone could do to make him short of brute force. Funny how that phrase sounded. 'Short of brute force'. Odd. Probably another part of a dream. Strange how he never remembered these dreams, though. But dreams were interesting things, and he was considering doing his next thesis on them. Unfortunately that would involve interaction with other people, supposing he was to do his own research and not base the thesis on the work of other scholars. Which was, as always, an option. But it didn't quite give Artemis the same thrill he got from finding things out for himself. Ah well, he had his current project to be working on for the time being. Future plans could be considered at a later date.

::::::In the Parlour::::::

"Timmy dear, would you come in here for a minute?" called Angeline from her couch in the sun. Artemis Senior had the slightest air of dejection about him as he entered the room; he had been attempting to sneak past without being seen by his wife, as he knew what would inevitably come at their meeting.

"Sit down, Timmy. I need you to think up a hole-proof argument for why Arty should go to the Browns'. They're such lovely people, and I know he'd fit in just fine, and otherwise I just don't know what to do with him while we're away in Inverness. Aunt Francesca won't want him there, she's never liked him much, and we both know he'll practically wither away and die if he doesn't have technology around him. I don't know what to do. We certainly can't leave him here."

Angeline Fowl's voice was, as a rule, birdlike and happy. While she retained a degree of these qualities, there was an easily detectable note of exasperation in her speech now. Her husband shook his head, frowning, and replied,

"I really don't know, Angeline. It's very hard to make him change his mind once he's decided on something. Unless...but it probably wouldn't work. Actually...does Artemis know that he isn't invited to Inverness?"

"No...no, I don't think he does. In fact, I don't think he's aware of the trip yet at all. I certainly haven't told him. Why does it matter? We can't really drag him along with us. It would be awful for everyone involved. Cruel, in fact. And Francesca would never approve. You know how she is about these things."

"Well...you see, if we told him that he had, well, a choice between coming to Inverness and going to Chester, then I'm fairly sure of which he'll choose. He need never know that he couldn't go to Francesca's anyway. And it could be just the...stimulus...he needs. What think you?"

Angeline thought for a minute. It was a good plan. But, they were trying to outwit the great Arty Fowl here. He wasn't called a boy genius for nothing.

"It's a very good idea, Timmy. But wouldn't he know? I mean, as far as we know he has this room bugged and is listening to everything we say. And with all his psychology and so on...well...how good are you at lying? Have you ever tricked him before? I'm not subtle enough, he'd know instantly, especially because I've been pressuring him so much to go to the Browns'.

"Well all we can do is try, dear. It's the best I can come up with, anyway. How about we try at dinner tonight? That should be as good a time as any. Anyway, I must go, I have a web-conference scheduled at twelve. See you later."

Artemis I stood up, gave his wife a quick kiss then walked out and up the stairs to his study.

::::::In Chester::::::

"Jenny! Where are you? Come here please," called Mrs Helen Brown to her daughter. She waited a few seconds, then called again. "Come here please! Now!" Not receiving any response, she stormed along the hallway and knocked on her daughter's door loudly.

"Open the door please!" she cried. Jenny sighed from within and said, "Just a second." She slowly stood and picked her way across the floor strewn with unidentifiable objects.

"Now!" yelled Mrs Brown. Jenny opened the door a crack and asked,

"What is it? I'm trying to study theory," she said. Her mother was always doing this, and rarely with good reason.

"Come to dinner please. Now."

"But I'm going to fail!"

"It's your own fault. You should have been more organised. Come now. Don't you close that door on me!" But it was too late. Jenny had already retreated into her room.

"Jenny you'd better be out of that room before I count to three or I'm coming in! Besides, I was going to give you some very interesting news and if you aren't here when I tell your father..."

Jenny wasn't worried. She knew her mother had lost the key beforehand. In fact... well, the key was missing, and we'll leave it at that. But this news caught her attention. Her mother had been acting weird all week and Jenny was definitely curious. Time to give up on the theory (again) and allow her mother a small victory. Just this once.

She opened the door and slipped out, then walked down the hall and into the dining room.

"I thought you'd come," announced Helen with a smirk. "Well, eat up and I'll tell you the news."

Jenny was all ears as she picked at her soup. Watery pea soup. Shudder.

"Well, David, Jenny. As I'm sure you are aware, I have some interesting news for you. You may remember that I receive a magazine every three months with regard to my profession. In 'Teaching Periodical' one may find many articles, from how to teach a child to hold a pencil to the finer points of Advanced Calculus." Jenny nodded. It was, indeed, a large magazine.

"In the last edition, there was a certain advertisement. It was placed by a school in Ireland called St Bartleby's. They requested families throughout Britain for student-exchanges. It seems that they have a large proportion of very wealthy students, and they were looking for ordinary families for them to live with for a while to get a taste of normal life. I applied and hopefully one Artemis Fowl will be arriving in three weeks. Now, I must be preparing tomorrow's classes. Enjoy your dinner. Goodnight." And she left the room without another word. A tense silence accompanied her departure. Until Mr Brown finished his soup. At which point silence was overthrown.

"Did you hear what your mother just said?" asked David slowly and dangerously. "I don't believe I quite caught it. Did she really say that a rich kid from Ireland is coming to stay at our house in three weeks? I certainly hope my hearing's giving out on me, because if this Fowl is coming to stay in our house, eat our food..."

"Dad, don't worry. Actually...scrap that. Worry is not a bad thing. But let's come up with a plan about this. I delegate you to come up with the plan, while I try to prevent my inevitable failure of this stupid exam. Tell mum the soup was great. Well, don't, she'll know I'm being sarcastic, as usual. See you later."

Jenny left the room and returned to her own to study theory. Damn everything, she couldn't concentrate now. This stupid... was it a boy or a girl? She didn't know whether Artemis was a girls' or boys' name. Well, more pressing matters at hand. Theory, theory, theory. Shudder.

And I think that will do for that chapter...was it too long or anything? I have a bad feeling nothing much has actually happened so far... review it pretty please with a cherry on top and lots of sprinkles! And tell me if Jenny is a mary-sue or not...I really don't want her to be too annoying but give me lots of tips and I promise I will take them to heart and be better next chapter!