Ack hi I WAS going to reply to reviews but I really can't be stuffed now because this thing screwed up the several essay-length replies I had written... well, not quite that long, but, well... I'll reply to people next update. Sorry about that... urge to kill... rising... rising... falling... rising... RISING... falling... falling... gone. ::sighs with relief:: sorry about that

Well anyway please review because I have a bad feeling that this chapter is screwy and wrong in many ways but I don't know anymore... so tired... hmm. Thankyou to all those people who did review last chapter and all the other chapters... forever indebted to you... especially to the extensive review from Marikili... hehehe well the whole review was dedicated to how much she liked it so I'm very happy : ) sorry, I really am a bit too sarcastic for my own good. Well thanks everyone anyway (no sarcasm there for once).

Chapter IV

::::Fowl Manor::::

"Artemis, we have a proposition for you," the elder Artemis said to his son at the dinner table.

"Yes, dear. We've decided that, seeing as..." Angeline began, but Artemis II cut her off.

"Mother, Father, before you say any more, I have decided, after much deliberation, to comply with your wishes for now. I'm sure you will agree with me when I say that this whole issue is becoming rather tedious."

The boy looked at each of his parents in turn, and then addressed himself to his meal. His father suppressed an audible sigh of relief, although he did relax quite significantly. Angeline, on the other hand, acquired a somewhat victorious look on her face, and her son knew how lucky it was that he was due to leave in only three days.

"So, Tim, how is that business deal going?" Angeline was anxious to start another conversation after the awkward silence they had just experienced. The younger Artemis, on the other hand, preferred to hear as little about the deal as possible. Being entirely legal, it was being done very inefficiently and much of the profits were going straight into the pockets of idle lawyers, and there was nothing that got on the boy's nerves so much.

"It's quite alright dear. In fact, it is exactly the same as it was last time you asked me about it, about twenty minutes ago. But something that I am keen to know about is how our Artemis' project is going. What is it you're making again, son?"

"I had an idea of a machine that can read any medium just by placing the item on top of it, father. It can also detect satellites monitoring a specific area and transmit real-time, perfect sound. I worked out almost precisely how to build it in my head, but there are a couple of parts that I think I must have imagined during my meditation, because I certainly can't find any trace of them on the internet to buy them. A minor hold-up, though, I am sure I will be able to construct the parts myself, given the time."

'Timmy' nodded, interested, and Angeline looked very bored.

"Must we talk of technology at the dinner table, dears? I find it rather leaves me out of the conversation, and you know how I hate to be left out. Let us instead talk of the plans for the various trips we shall be embarking on."

"Mother I am afraid that, on the note of trips taken, I must return to my room and pack. As I am sure you are aware, I leave in three days."

"But have you had enough dinner, dear? Go on, have a little more, it's very nice..."

"I've had quite enough, thankyou. Good evening, mother, father."

And Artemis left to pack his computers, and any clothing which would fit after that.

::::In Chester::::

Helen Brown was panicking. This boy, of wealth and status akin to royalty, was due to arrive in just three days. No, two days, twenty hours, and thirty-five minutes. Jenny and David were no help, they just sat around complaining. What was the point, she asked herself. Still, she'd committed to it now, and had to go through with it. And the boy would be charming. You just don't grow up in such a situation without having some manners. Maybe he would be able to bring the other two around. Yes, that would be it. But so much preparation to do! Can't have the boy thinking we're paupers, now. Although I suppose, compared to him... dear me. So much to be done. Chop-chop, now.

::::In Haven::::

Holly was chatting to Foaly during her break. Not face-to-face, though. No, the paranoid centaur had refused to let anyone in, saying that the computers were in a very sensitive mood today, and might explode. The elf was talking to the camera which had so recently been threatened with a Neutrino, and making very frustrated gestures at it which confirmed Foaly's opinion that he should keep the door firmly locked. Although, he mused, she probably wouldn't be so aggravated if he hadn't locked her out in the first place.

"Foaly, while I'm sure we've covered this before, are you going to let me the hell in or not?"

"Sorry, Holly, but the computers, they're fragile... and your present mood... do you really want a lockdown of the whole of Haven just for the sake of socialising?"

"You've got something in there that you don't want me to see. That, or you've been crying about your secret love for Root. Hey, maybe that would go well on the main noticeboard..."

"Holly! You disgust me. You really do. And such underhandedness!"

"Or perhaps the PA system... one of your specialties, Foaly..."

"Shut up right now, you stupid elf, or I'll tell Chix Verbil about your secret crush...over the PA system, if that's what you'd like..."

"Okay, okay. No need for that. (evil bloody donkey, she muttered just loud enough for him to hear) Look, why won't you let me in already?"

"Because I'm an evil bloody donkey, as you well know."

"Screw you, Foaly."

"Why thankyou. Well, seeing as you've been so civil about asking me, I might actually tell you why I won't open the door. Then again..."

"Must I repeat myself? Ah well, I will anyway. Screw you."

"Just shut up for once in your life, Holly. I won't let you in because there's something afoot, and I need to keep certain things private from Beetroot. If I open this door, a little red light starts flashing in his office, and he storms down here like nobody's business. Satisfied?"

Holly's face lit up.

"Something afoot? What is it? Come on, you can't just leave me hanging now, donkey boy, that's not fair. Go on, tell me, I won't tell Root, come on..."

"Sorry Holly, can't tell you any more than that. It is, as you know, actually written in my contract that I am required to drive as many members of the LEP insane as I possibly can while I work here..."

"Bloody hell, Foaly. Can you at least just make something up convincingly so I can pretend that I believe you and retain some semblance of reason? Because, you know, if I return to Root laughing manically and going cross-eyed, he is going to wonder about what's going on."

"Okay then, let's see, we've got random militia trying to rally goblins in the southern ghettos. Not telling the general LEP about it because then they'd go off and attempt to be helpful. Subtlety and surprise the main things here, and as I'm sure you know, the LEP specialise in neither."

"...Right... I'll just believe that, then. Or try to."

"Yes, do that, Holly. As you know, it is very much a lie, a complete fabrication with no more basis in reality than the effect Root's anger management classes are having. Remember that it is entirely false. If Root asks you, it is a load of..."

"It's true, isn't it Foaly."

"Er, of course not. No truth whatsoever. As you well know."

"Mm-hmm. If you say so. Probably best that you don't confirm anything to me anyway, eh donkey-boy, wink-wink etcetera."

"Captain Short, I expect that it is time for you to return to your duties, seeing as your break ended five minutes ago and the Beet is coming down the stairs at this very moment."

"D'Arvit. See you around, Foaly, and thanks for the marvellous work of, er, fiction you have supplied me with."

"Yeah, yeah, just go will you? Or else he'll want to come and join the conversation... bad, bad idea..."

Holly nodded and trotted back up the stairs to her cubicle, stifling her laughter until she reached it. She passed Root on the way, but he merely nodded to her and went on his way, to her great surprise and delight.

::::Fowl Manor, three days later::::

"Goodbye, Mother, goodbye Father. I expect to communicate with you when I reach the Browns' residence. If I am unable to do so, enjoy your trip to Inverness."

"Oh, Arty, I'm so proud of you for doing what we asked you to do, and I'm sure you'll just love them and..."

"Yes, mother. Father, if you will give my regards to Aunt Francesca, I will be most obliged. Enjoy your stay there."

One almost might have detected a twinkle in the boy's eye as he said this, although of course that would be impossible. Artemis Senior narrowed his eyes very slightly, then wondered how his son knew of his opinion of Aunt Francesca.

"Ah, thankyou, Butler," Artemis II said as Butler emerged from the house carrying the last few computer peripherals that were to join the huge pile in the boot of the Bentley.

"Artemis, I don't know if I really approve of you taking all those computers. After all, you are going to try living in a normal family for once, and most families have never even heard of half of those things, much less own them or have access to them. How about you put them all back and choose just two to take with you? Any two of those things. Here, your laptop, maybe, and what else?"

Artemis was standing motionlessly, frozen with horror at the thought of spending any length of time without any given piece of his computer equipment.

"But mother, I need all of it, I really do. You see, these items are for security, these are for..."

"Artemis let's not get into technology again. You know how I hate it. And..."

"Son, why exactly do you need to keep your computers so secure anyway? I'm sure you told me you were going to give up the shadier business you were involved in. So why so much security?"

There was an awkward silence at this point. Artemis Junior tried desperately to come up with a reasonable excuse, which for some reason he could not think of at all. Angeline had tuned out at the mention of security again, but then realised they were actually talking about morality and waited expectantly for her son to reply. Artemis Senior was silent out of worry that his son had indeed not kept to his word, and his heart was sinking with every millisecond that the boy delayed answering.

After what seemed an age, Artemis II finally replied.

"Alright then. I shall leave all but my laptop and wireless internet connector behind. You are right, Father, so much security will not be necessary now that my less legitimate transactions have been ended. Are you satisfied, Father, Mother?"

Artemis I smiled with relief. Angeline, on the other hand, was ever so slightly disappointed that her son was not going to say something controversial for which she could correct him. Nevertheless, she smiled too, and their son nodded and explained to Butler which items should be returned to his room.

When Butler had left, Angeline frowned and said,

"Arty, dearest, I don't know about you having Butler go along with you. It just doesn't seem... well, most normal people in normal families don't have bodyguards hanging around, and also I don't think the Browns will have prepared anywhere for him to stay."

Once again, the boy was struck with horror. First denied his computers, then his bodyguard? This was just too much.

"Mother, I must beg to differ. I'm sure that Butler can find himself somewhere to stay nearby, and I don't think that Butler would appreciate being left behind. I don't believe he's ever been to Chester before."

Artemis Senior frowned. "Artemis, could you give us a minute?" he said, and his son obligingly busied himself with his laptop.

"Angeline, I'm all for this 'normal family' idea and all that, but you do realise that you could be putting Artemis' safety in jeopardy by denying him Butler, don't you? Whether he's staying with a normal family or with one of the richest families in the world, he's still the same boy with probably the most combined resources in the world, with his intelligence and bank account. Just, well, make sure you know what you're doing. Apart from that, it'll take a fair bit to convince Butler, so I hope you're prepared for that. Here he comes now; perhaps you'd like to discuss it with him then."

Angeline, slightly ruffled, nodded, took a deep breath and turned to the huge bodyguard.

"Butler. We, well, I need to speak to you about a certain matter. Well, you see..."

Mrs Fowl continued to tell Butler that he wasn't to go to Chester while Mr Fowl went over to talk to his son.

"Artemis, your mother isn't going to back down on this one. I don't know if she quite understands what she's doing, but I need you to look out for yourself while you're at these people's place. There has been a company pressuring me to sell them software that they know is of your design, and they may approach you while you are in Chester. These people are dangerous, Artemis, and whatever your views on trading with the shady side of the law, I would advise you not to associate with them. Especially if Butler is not going to be there. Do you see what I'm getting at?"

The boy nodded.

"Thankyou for the warning, Father. I shall do my best to avoid such people... would I recognise them from, for instance, a CIA file? Can you give me names to put to faces? I assure you that, apart from your wishes which you have already made clear, I have never had any intention for my software to be used by the underworld. It is too powerful entirely and could result in destruction greater than even I could foresee."

"I believe they were brothers... Fred and Brian Fenwick, I seem to recall. Also, have you heard of a character called Mo Digence? They were asking me if I'd heard of him, it appears they were hoping to disembowel him. If you've heard of him... well, warn him at your discretion, I suppose. But anyway. Try to enjoy yourself, son."

The elder Artemis wrapped up his serious speech quickly as he noticed his wife approaching. He patted his son on the shoulder and stepped out of the way remarkably gracefully (for a man with a prosthetic leg) as his wife swooped towards Artemis II, arms outstretched to smother him with affection. Artemis I walked over to Butler, who by now had a very sour look on his face, and attempted to console him. Without much success. Butler simply nodded and climbed into the driver's seat of the car to drive his charge to the airport.

Artemis II climbed into the Bentley as soon as he escaped from his mother's embrace, and stared out the window in thought as the car pulled out of the long driveway.

Well there you go. Sorry about lack of Jenny & Co. but you'll hear heaps more about them... just as soon as whats-his-name arrives. Artemis, that's the one. Goodbye now then. Oh by the way please review, even if you say it's a load of D'Arvit because it means I get a review which makes me happy. And even if you do say it's stupid I will probably agree with you or else have reason to be indignant, another of my favourite pasttimes. Okay, well bye then.