Standard disclaimers apply.
HakkaixSanzoxHakkai.
----
I don't know what he's always smiling about. The simple curve of his lips, twinkle in his eye. It just comes so easily for him. Is it out of habit, of out of genuine amusement? If the latter is true, he must be really amused. I, for one, can't find anything to smile about. With the two very extremely highly intelligent idiots in the back seat constantly yelling and screaming, making a perfect nuisance of themselves, there really is nothing worth smiling about. But that's how Hakkai is. Always pleasant, never disgruntled, always patient, never raising his voice. Sometimes I wonder how he manages to keep so calm.
His long tapered fingers lie peacefully on the steering wheel, his face concentrated on the road ahead. I don't think he knows that I think about him constantly. Nor that all my thoughts about him are positive. I couldn't bear it if he knew. The frigid Sanzo actually having pleasant thoughts about one of his "servants"? No. It was more of, I couldn't bear it if Gojyo or Goku knew. They would be laughing their socks off.
He appeared delicate at first glance, but I was prepared. The three Aspects had sent me to capture a murderer after all. Even now I don't know why I helped him. Perhaps it was that Goku had a good impression of him, perhaps it was Gojyo's loyalty that compelled me; or perhaps it was that I noticed the soulful determination in his eyes, the familiar look of loss of a loved one. I wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do at that time, but now I know for sure, that my choice was a correct one. I'm still not sure of the reasons, but I'm sure that I'm glad I saved him.
I dreamt of him last night, and the night before, and the night before, and..
I've been dreaming of him every night for about 3 weeks now. Each night, I dream the same dream. We're always in a motel, sharing a room. In my dream, we'd be sleeping together, fingers entwined, sweat slicked bodies so close, facing each other, and we'd be simply staring into each others' eyes. There was no doubt what we've been doing before that, but I never dreamt about it. Perhaps I've no idea what would happen. I've been celibate all my life after all. And the moment I opened my mouth to say something, I would wake up. I always can't remember what I wanted to say. My dream is irritating me. Its boring the hell out of me. I need a new dream, hopefully a dream with more graphic images. Oh hell. Did I just say that? I'm taking my words back. Wait a minute, I'm just thinking to myself. Who would know?
A soft sigh escaped my lips. Seriously, I think my brain is dulling. I feel like the cockroach and the monkey's stupidity has rubbed off unto me. Great. I'm about to fantasize about Hakkai some night soon, and I'm getting dumb? Is that a sign?
I've been thinking too much these days. I think my mind needs a break.
"Sanzo, are you alright? You're unusually quiet today." A soft, cultured voice came from my right.
That could only have come from Hakkai. Those brainless baboons in the backseat could never talk so softly. I was a little short of words to reply, so I intelligently replied, "hnn."
Am I beginning to like Hakkai? It would be stupid, to open myself up to hurting again. But, I think I am. I realize that I begin to look at him more often. I often look to him for reassurance, looking to see if he's okay. I wonder if he noticed me staring.
---
I know he's been staring at me again, with those beautiful amethyst eyes. I can't help but ponder on what he's thinking about. Could it be that, could it be that he might be having certain feelings about me?
I sigh inwardly. And silently reprimanded myself. I'm letting my obsession drive me crazy. Why would Sanzo be thinking about me? He thinks of Gojyo, Goku and me all as his servants. I don't mind it. But I still hope that one day he might think of me as more than a servant, more than a friend.
He always looks so disgruntled. As if the world owes him something. I chuckle inwardly. Sanzo is such a different monk, and I wouldn't want it any other way. He drinks, smokes, curses better than, than, I don't know many people who curse. I almost smiled at my inward joke. I seem to amuse myself a lot more these days. I had better stop these jokes. They're going to ask me why I'm smiling to myself again soon. Another good reason for him being such a special monk would be that, he would break his celibacy vow without much thought. I almost laughed at that.
Sanzo brings so much joy into my life, without really knowing it. He looks like a fallen angel, so pretty, yet so dangerous. His blonde hair falls artlessly around his face, it shimmers, shines and glitters so brightly. I know why Goku thinks of Sanzo as his sun, but there's a deeper reason than that, though I don't like to think of that so much, as I tend to get jealous. I'm attracted to him physically, but more importantly, emotionally. Goyjo attracts me physically too. I don't really know when I started to like men; I had Kanan before this.
A big reason why Sanzo's become so important to me, is that we both have some kind of scar that can't be healed. During the fight with Homura, Dokugakuji, Goyjo's brother told him that there's no such thing as an inescapable past. It wasn't directed to me, but it had opened up new perspectives for me. Sanzo had been there with me whenever it rained, although I always seeked him out, but he has accepted my presence. And I'd like to think that he expects me when it rains. It's my way of salvaging some bits of my ego.
I won't tell him how I feel. It might make things awkward. I feel lonely some nights, but I can't tell him that I want to hold him in my arms. The loneliness really hurts some nights, but I can't risk telling Sanzo. I don't think I could bear it if he was cold to me. Or if he'd avoid me.
Suddenly, I notice the two fighting behind us, and I noticed Sanzo's lack of reaction. Without turning my head, I asked him if he was all right. He didn't exactly reply me, so I knew he was thinking too. I fervently hoped that it was me he was thinking of, and that brought another smile unto my face.
---
To be continued.
A/N: I know it sucked. I'm trying out different sorts of alternate Saiyuki pairings (meaning not the obvious 39 or 58). Pardon.
HakkaixSanzoxHakkai.
----
I don't know what he's always smiling about. The simple curve of his lips, twinkle in his eye. It just comes so easily for him. Is it out of habit, of out of genuine amusement? If the latter is true, he must be really amused. I, for one, can't find anything to smile about. With the two very extremely highly intelligent idiots in the back seat constantly yelling and screaming, making a perfect nuisance of themselves, there really is nothing worth smiling about. But that's how Hakkai is. Always pleasant, never disgruntled, always patient, never raising his voice. Sometimes I wonder how he manages to keep so calm.
His long tapered fingers lie peacefully on the steering wheel, his face concentrated on the road ahead. I don't think he knows that I think about him constantly. Nor that all my thoughts about him are positive. I couldn't bear it if he knew. The frigid Sanzo actually having pleasant thoughts about one of his "servants"? No. It was more of, I couldn't bear it if Gojyo or Goku knew. They would be laughing their socks off.
He appeared delicate at first glance, but I was prepared. The three Aspects had sent me to capture a murderer after all. Even now I don't know why I helped him. Perhaps it was that Goku had a good impression of him, perhaps it was Gojyo's loyalty that compelled me; or perhaps it was that I noticed the soulful determination in his eyes, the familiar look of loss of a loved one. I wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do at that time, but now I know for sure, that my choice was a correct one. I'm still not sure of the reasons, but I'm sure that I'm glad I saved him.
I dreamt of him last night, and the night before, and the night before, and..
I've been dreaming of him every night for about 3 weeks now. Each night, I dream the same dream. We're always in a motel, sharing a room. In my dream, we'd be sleeping together, fingers entwined, sweat slicked bodies so close, facing each other, and we'd be simply staring into each others' eyes. There was no doubt what we've been doing before that, but I never dreamt about it. Perhaps I've no idea what would happen. I've been celibate all my life after all. And the moment I opened my mouth to say something, I would wake up. I always can't remember what I wanted to say. My dream is irritating me. Its boring the hell out of me. I need a new dream, hopefully a dream with more graphic images. Oh hell. Did I just say that? I'm taking my words back. Wait a minute, I'm just thinking to myself. Who would know?
A soft sigh escaped my lips. Seriously, I think my brain is dulling. I feel like the cockroach and the monkey's stupidity has rubbed off unto me. Great. I'm about to fantasize about Hakkai some night soon, and I'm getting dumb? Is that a sign?
I've been thinking too much these days. I think my mind needs a break.
"Sanzo, are you alright? You're unusually quiet today." A soft, cultured voice came from my right.
That could only have come from Hakkai. Those brainless baboons in the backseat could never talk so softly. I was a little short of words to reply, so I intelligently replied, "hnn."
Am I beginning to like Hakkai? It would be stupid, to open myself up to hurting again. But, I think I am. I realize that I begin to look at him more often. I often look to him for reassurance, looking to see if he's okay. I wonder if he noticed me staring.
---
I know he's been staring at me again, with those beautiful amethyst eyes. I can't help but ponder on what he's thinking about. Could it be that, could it be that he might be having certain feelings about me?
I sigh inwardly. And silently reprimanded myself. I'm letting my obsession drive me crazy. Why would Sanzo be thinking about me? He thinks of Gojyo, Goku and me all as his servants. I don't mind it. But I still hope that one day he might think of me as more than a servant, more than a friend.
He always looks so disgruntled. As if the world owes him something. I chuckle inwardly. Sanzo is such a different monk, and I wouldn't want it any other way. He drinks, smokes, curses better than, than, I don't know many people who curse. I almost smiled at my inward joke. I seem to amuse myself a lot more these days. I had better stop these jokes. They're going to ask me why I'm smiling to myself again soon. Another good reason for him being such a special monk would be that, he would break his celibacy vow without much thought. I almost laughed at that.
Sanzo brings so much joy into my life, without really knowing it. He looks like a fallen angel, so pretty, yet so dangerous. His blonde hair falls artlessly around his face, it shimmers, shines and glitters so brightly. I know why Goku thinks of Sanzo as his sun, but there's a deeper reason than that, though I don't like to think of that so much, as I tend to get jealous. I'm attracted to him physically, but more importantly, emotionally. Goyjo attracts me physically too. I don't really know when I started to like men; I had Kanan before this.
A big reason why Sanzo's become so important to me, is that we both have some kind of scar that can't be healed. During the fight with Homura, Dokugakuji, Goyjo's brother told him that there's no such thing as an inescapable past. It wasn't directed to me, but it had opened up new perspectives for me. Sanzo had been there with me whenever it rained, although I always seeked him out, but he has accepted my presence. And I'd like to think that he expects me when it rains. It's my way of salvaging some bits of my ego.
I won't tell him how I feel. It might make things awkward. I feel lonely some nights, but I can't tell him that I want to hold him in my arms. The loneliness really hurts some nights, but I can't risk telling Sanzo. I don't think I could bear it if he was cold to me. Or if he'd avoid me.
Suddenly, I notice the two fighting behind us, and I noticed Sanzo's lack of reaction. Without turning my head, I asked him if he was all right. He didn't exactly reply me, so I knew he was thinking too. I fervently hoped that it was me he was thinking of, and that brought another smile unto my face.
---
To be continued.
A/N: I know it sucked. I'm trying out different sorts of alternate Saiyuki pairings (meaning not the obvious 39 or 58). Pardon.