Saving Money
By Jerle Shannara
Author's Note
Yeah I know the title's lame. This is a Fic inspired by a very annoying series of television commercials. I suppose you could say it's a parody. Anyway, it's a series of vignettes. Right now it's pretty short but I may do some others.
Leo and the Elders
The Elders sit in their courtroom type place with the accused, Leo Wyatt.
Elder 1: You are charged with disobeying direct orders, leaving whenever you feel like it and, in pride of place, asassination of a fellow Elder.
Leo: I only killed Gideon because he was after my son!
Elder 1: But you killed an Elder. Surely that kind of act should be punished. (A junior Elder rushes in and hands the Elder 1an envelope. Heopens it and scans the contents.
Elder 1: Well, there does appear to be some good news.
Leo: What? You're gonna let me go back to my family?
Elder1: No. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Chris and Darryl
The scene is the police station. Chris Perry sits in handcuffs and Darryl looks at him triumphantly.
Darryl: You really screwed up this time. You stole a car, then the girls got you out of jail. Then you even tried to escape back to the future. Looks like you're gonna be doing some hard time.
Chris: I didn't do anything.
Darryl: There is some good news.
Chris: You're letting me leave.
Darryl (laughing wildly): Letting you leave? No way! I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. (Seeing Chris' indifferent expression) What? I thought that meant something! Isn't it good that I actually saved some damn money? All right, now you're really gonna get it!
Barbas and his Victim
Barbas, the Demon of Fear, stands over a terrified young Witch, his eyes blazing with triumph.
Barbas: It appears I haven't lost my touch after all. I still inspire terror. We all know what a horrible thing it would be for mortals to suddenly universally overcome their fears. I'd be out of the job. Fortunately though, there seems to be some good news for you guys.
Witch: You're leaving?
Barbas (laughing): Leave? When I'm having fun? I don't think so! I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Wyatt and Gideon
Gideon stands in the nursery with an Athame in his hand. Wyatt is lying on the floor. Gideon gazes down at the child and prepares to strike.
Gideon: I'm sorry I have to do this, but you're just too powerful. Piper and Leo may believe you can be saved, but I know better. The only way to save the future is for you not to be a part of it. But there is a little good news to share before you go. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Gideon looks down at Wyatt, who simply stares blankly back at him.
Gideon: What? You don't care that I saved? I thought that meant something! (runs out of the room, crying hysterically).
The Cleaners and their Victim
The Cleaners stand before a young Witch who just exposed magic to an entire country.
Cleaner1: Well now you've done it. There's no choice but to eliminate you.
Witch: It wasn't my fault!
Cleaner1: Whose was it then, God? The Devil? Bob?
Witch: Uh---that last one.
Cleaner1: We're wasting our time!
Cleaner2: There is some good news though.
Cleaner1: Oh yes, we can't forget that.
Witch: What? You're gonna let me be?
Cleaner2: No. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
This pronouncement doesn't have quite the effect he expects. His partner suddenly goes ballistic and beats him senseless.
Cleaner1: Now I shall save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Then I can be on one of those commercials. (With those words, he snatches up his partner and vanishes, completely forgetting about his victim).
By Jerle Shannara
Author's Note
Yeah I know the title's lame. This is a Fic inspired by a very annoying series of television commercials. I suppose you could say it's a parody. Anyway, it's a series of vignettes. Right now it's pretty short but I may do some others.
Leo and the Elders
The Elders sit in their courtroom type place with the accused, Leo Wyatt.
Elder 1: You are charged with disobeying direct orders, leaving whenever you feel like it and, in pride of place, asassination of a fellow Elder.
Leo: I only killed Gideon because he was after my son!
Elder 1: But you killed an Elder. Surely that kind of act should be punished. (A junior Elder rushes in and hands the Elder 1an envelope. Heopens it and scans the contents.
Elder 1: Well, there does appear to be some good news.
Leo: What? You're gonna let me go back to my family?
Elder1: No. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Chris and Darryl
The scene is the police station. Chris Perry sits in handcuffs and Darryl looks at him triumphantly.
Darryl: You really screwed up this time. You stole a car, then the girls got you out of jail. Then you even tried to escape back to the future. Looks like you're gonna be doing some hard time.
Chris: I didn't do anything.
Darryl: There is some good news.
Chris: You're letting me leave.
Darryl (laughing wildly): Letting you leave? No way! I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. (Seeing Chris' indifferent expression) What? I thought that meant something! Isn't it good that I actually saved some damn money? All right, now you're really gonna get it!
Barbas and his Victim
Barbas, the Demon of Fear, stands over a terrified young Witch, his eyes blazing with triumph.
Barbas: It appears I haven't lost my touch after all. I still inspire terror. We all know what a horrible thing it would be for mortals to suddenly universally overcome their fears. I'd be out of the job. Fortunately though, there seems to be some good news for you guys.
Witch: You're leaving?
Barbas (laughing): Leave? When I'm having fun? I don't think so! I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Wyatt and Gideon
Gideon stands in the nursery with an Athame in his hand. Wyatt is lying on the floor. Gideon gazes down at the child and prepares to strike.
Gideon: I'm sorry I have to do this, but you're just too powerful. Piper and Leo may believe you can be saved, but I know better. The only way to save the future is for you not to be a part of it. But there is a little good news to share before you go. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Gideon looks down at Wyatt, who simply stares blankly back at him.
Gideon: What? You don't care that I saved? I thought that meant something! (runs out of the room, crying hysterically).
The Cleaners and their Victim
The Cleaners stand before a young Witch who just exposed magic to an entire country.
Cleaner1: Well now you've done it. There's no choice but to eliminate you.
Witch: It wasn't my fault!
Cleaner1: Whose was it then, God? The Devil? Bob?
Witch: Uh---that last one.
Cleaner1: We're wasting our time!
Cleaner2: There is some good news though.
Cleaner1: Oh yes, we can't forget that.
Witch: What? You're gonna let me be?
Cleaner2: No. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
This pronouncement doesn't have quite the effect he expects. His partner suddenly goes ballistic and beats him senseless.
Cleaner1: Now I shall save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Then I can be on one of those commercials. (With those words, he snatches up his partner and vanishes, completely forgetting about his victim).