Standard disclaimers apply.
HakkaixSanzoxHakkai.
****
I hold out the newspaper Hakkai got for me, slid on my glasses, and tried to read the paper. I say tried, because I couldn't process any of the news. Hakkai's eagerness to sleep with me tonight is making my thoughts run wild. I can't help hoping that he'd mean something more, yet also hoping he didn't mean something more. It's all such a paradox. It's all so complicating.
To make things worse, he just entered our room. I think he finally placated Goku for having to sleep with Gojyo and vice versa. I feel his presence coming towards me; I don't want to look up from my paper, although I'm not really reading it. I'm afraid that my imagination would run even wilder.
Damn. What do I want? I want Hakkai, yet at the same time, I don't want to want him. Damn.
Hakkai had come up to my bed where I sat at. I feel my pulse racing; I wanted to open my mouth to speak; yet I didn't know what to say. You soon solved my problem though.
"Sanzo, could I speak to you?" You said in your ever polite, ever pleasing, ever melodious voice, as you sat next to me on the bed.
"Hnn." I still couldn't trust my own voice.
"Sanzo, we've been on this journey for 3 years now, and I," he faltered here, "I'd like to thank you."
Damn. That didn't sound good. It sounded like he was going leave. But I knew he would not leave in mid-journey. It was his sense of responsibility, or something. I really don't like the direction our conversation was traveling. Sigh; at least I don't have to worry about what I want now.
****
"For what?"
The tone of your voice sounded so cold, that I almost couldn't continue with my declaration. I tried to reassure myself, that you always sounded like that; it was nothing new. I still had my chance for you. But I couldn't look at you and continue anymore. I averted my eyes, and began talking to the floor.
"For everything you've done for me, saving me, being a friend."
There was a pregnant pause and you said, "Welcome." There might've been a hint of disappointment in that one word, but I wasn't sure. These days, I couldn't be sure about anything. Feeling slightly dejected from your lack of conversation, I still forged ahead. Knowing the moment I spoke those words, I could never hope to take them back, knowing nothing would be the same again. Yet, I still had to tell you.
"But, Sanzo, I don't just want to be your friend. In this time, you've taken over Kanan's place in my heart."
You remained silent. Not sure of what it meant, I continued, "Do you get what I'm saying, Sanzo? I love you. It's okay if you don't love me. It's really okay. You just have to tell me." in that nervous state, I was beginning to rant.
"Why?"
Some response at last, but, "Why what?"
"Why me?"
"Why not you? I don't know how I fell for you, but I did. I don't what in you particularly attracts me, but I love every bit of you. If it weren't you, who could it be?"
"Gojyo."
"He's just a friend, he means nothing more than a good friend."
And, you fell silent again. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Throughout the whole time, you've been looking at the paper. Then you slowly looked up, your usually steady violet gaze was now clouded with confusion, emotions, and other things that I couldn't identify.
We looked at each other for what felt like the longest time. For the first time, I didn't have to hide the love in my eyes. We didn't move the slightest bit. Then I decided to take a chance. I love you too much to not try my best to make it happen. I leant forward, fully intending to kiss you. Since you didn't move away, I did.
You tasted so inviting, so good, better than I ever imagined. You parted you lips ever so slightly. I took that as a yes. And I slid my tongue in your warm mouth. Desire coursed through my veins, as my hand ran through your silken locks. I heard you moan so softly. In my mind, I smiled.
Reality was always better than fantasies. Oh god, I love you so much.
****
I didn't know how to react. I had just talked myself out of the chance that you might profess. And you simply had to prove me wrong. I don't know if it was a good thing or not. Can I take the chance, and risk losing you to the youkai attacks? You mean too much for me to risk it. Can I? I really don't know.
And then, you kissed me. And then, I seemed to have lost my reason, my train of thought. I heard a moan, did that come from me?
Then I heard someone say no. I realized it was my long gone inner voice. I can't do this. I can't risk loving Hakkai if my loving him would bring him more troubles, and harm. I don't have to be with him to love him, I'd rather we go through this short period of pain, and go on life as per normal. Making up my mind, I whispered, "no."
He didn't stop as I thought he would, he simply whispered back, "yes." And kissed me with more ardour than before. Hakkai's hand slid under my top, moved it upward, exploring all the newly exposed skin. I, I, don't know. What harm can a night do? And, I gave myself up to his tender ministrations and passionate kiss.
Still, somewhere in the haze of my passion, I heard the soft insistent voice inside of me, repeating "no".
****
To Be Continued.
A/N: At first, I wrote quite a bit more graphic scenes, but I realized that this fic is under PG-13. So, I had to delete most of it. So the graphic scenes don't really link, cause I'm trying to finish it in a hurry. Actually, all the scenes in this chapter don't really link. Haha. Thanks for all the appreciative reviews though.
Good luck to your exams too, Hakkai-san. (
HakkaixSanzoxHakkai.
****
I hold out the newspaper Hakkai got for me, slid on my glasses, and tried to read the paper. I say tried, because I couldn't process any of the news. Hakkai's eagerness to sleep with me tonight is making my thoughts run wild. I can't help hoping that he'd mean something more, yet also hoping he didn't mean something more. It's all such a paradox. It's all so complicating.
To make things worse, he just entered our room. I think he finally placated Goku for having to sleep with Gojyo and vice versa. I feel his presence coming towards me; I don't want to look up from my paper, although I'm not really reading it. I'm afraid that my imagination would run even wilder.
Damn. What do I want? I want Hakkai, yet at the same time, I don't want to want him. Damn.
Hakkai had come up to my bed where I sat at. I feel my pulse racing; I wanted to open my mouth to speak; yet I didn't know what to say. You soon solved my problem though.
"Sanzo, could I speak to you?" You said in your ever polite, ever pleasing, ever melodious voice, as you sat next to me on the bed.
"Hnn." I still couldn't trust my own voice.
"Sanzo, we've been on this journey for 3 years now, and I," he faltered here, "I'd like to thank you."
Damn. That didn't sound good. It sounded like he was going leave. But I knew he would not leave in mid-journey. It was his sense of responsibility, or something. I really don't like the direction our conversation was traveling. Sigh; at least I don't have to worry about what I want now.
****
"For what?"
The tone of your voice sounded so cold, that I almost couldn't continue with my declaration. I tried to reassure myself, that you always sounded like that; it was nothing new. I still had my chance for you. But I couldn't look at you and continue anymore. I averted my eyes, and began talking to the floor.
"For everything you've done for me, saving me, being a friend."
There was a pregnant pause and you said, "Welcome." There might've been a hint of disappointment in that one word, but I wasn't sure. These days, I couldn't be sure about anything. Feeling slightly dejected from your lack of conversation, I still forged ahead. Knowing the moment I spoke those words, I could never hope to take them back, knowing nothing would be the same again. Yet, I still had to tell you.
"But, Sanzo, I don't just want to be your friend. In this time, you've taken over Kanan's place in my heart."
You remained silent. Not sure of what it meant, I continued, "Do you get what I'm saying, Sanzo? I love you. It's okay if you don't love me. It's really okay. You just have to tell me." in that nervous state, I was beginning to rant.
"Why?"
Some response at last, but, "Why what?"
"Why me?"
"Why not you? I don't know how I fell for you, but I did. I don't what in you particularly attracts me, but I love every bit of you. If it weren't you, who could it be?"
"Gojyo."
"He's just a friend, he means nothing more than a good friend."
And, you fell silent again. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Throughout the whole time, you've been looking at the paper. Then you slowly looked up, your usually steady violet gaze was now clouded with confusion, emotions, and other things that I couldn't identify.
We looked at each other for what felt like the longest time. For the first time, I didn't have to hide the love in my eyes. We didn't move the slightest bit. Then I decided to take a chance. I love you too much to not try my best to make it happen. I leant forward, fully intending to kiss you. Since you didn't move away, I did.
You tasted so inviting, so good, better than I ever imagined. You parted you lips ever so slightly. I took that as a yes. And I slid my tongue in your warm mouth. Desire coursed through my veins, as my hand ran through your silken locks. I heard you moan so softly. In my mind, I smiled.
Reality was always better than fantasies. Oh god, I love you so much.
****
I didn't know how to react. I had just talked myself out of the chance that you might profess. And you simply had to prove me wrong. I don't know if it was a good thing or not. Can I take the chance, and risk losing you to the youkai attacks? You mean too much for me to risk it. Can I? I really don't know.
And then, you kissed me. And then, I seemed to have lost my reason, my train of thought. I heard a moan, did that come from me?
Then I heard someone say no. I realized it was my long gone inner voice. I can't do this. I can't risk loving Hakkai if my loving him would bring him more troubles, and harm. I don't have to be with him to love him, I'd rather we go through this short period of pain, and go on life as per normal. Making up my mind, I whispered, "no."
He didn't stop as I thought he would, he simply whispered back, "yes." And kissed me with more ardour than before. Hakkai's hand slid under my top, moved it upward, exploring all the newly exposed skin. I, I, don't know. What harm can a night do? And, I gave myself up to his tender ministrations and passionate kiss.
Still, somewhere in the haze of my passion, I heard the soft insistent voice inside of me, repeating "no".
****
To Be Continued.
A/N: At first, I wrote quite a bit more graphic scenes, but I realized that this fic is under PG-13. So, I had to delete most of it. So the graphic scenes don't really link, cause I'm trying to finish it in a hurry. Actually, all the scenes in this chapter don't really link. Haha. Thanks for all the appreciative reviews though.
Good luck to your exams too, Hakkai-san. (