Charmed: The Geico Chronicles
By Jerle Shannara
Author's Note
After quite a few favorable reviews for the first chapter I figured I'd write another one.
Darryl and Sheridan
The scene is Darryl Morris and Inspector Sheridan. Sheridan gazes coldly at Darryl, her gun pointed at him.
Sheridan: You really screwed up this time Morris.
Darryl: What? We got Chris. What do you want now?
Sheridan: He got away, again!
Darryl: Dammit! I swear the next time I see the Halliwells I'm gonna---
Sheridan: There does appear to be a little good news though.
Darryl: What? You got him back?
Sheridan: No. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Leo and the Seer
Leo stands before the Seer, begging her to tell him who's been sending the Creature Heads that recently started flying by him and biting him in the butt.
Leo: Pleeease! My poor ass is a wreck!
Seer: Hmmm...let's see....nope, nothing. (Pauses) Wait a sec, I'm getting something.
Leo: I swear I'm gonna find him and wring his scrawny neck. I haven't been able to shag Piper since the first time she saw the toothmarks on my ass.
Seer: I've got great news.
Leo: You found him?
Seer: Nope. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. (For a long moment nothing happens. Then Leo keels right over in a dead faint).
Leo and the Avatars
The scene is Leo sitting on a couch in Avatar Castle, engrossed in a vivid sexual fantasy about Piper.
Leo: Uhhuhhuhhuhhuhhuhhoh baby.
Avatar Alpha (looking up from the National Inquirer): Remember what I said about those fantasies of yours. You can have 'em as long as we don't have to hear 'em. That one you had last week woke up the entire Collective.
Avatar Beta(coming over with a cup of coffee): Fantasizing about Piper might give you a good time, but it won't save you any money on car insurance.
Avatar Gamma (appearing out of nowhere): Geico. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. (Alpha and Beta nod soberly).
Avatar Beta: That reminds me! I need to call Geico so we can save!
Paige and Kyle
The scene is Paige and Kyle lying in bed.
Kyle: There haven't been any new leads on the Avatars in weeks!
Paige: They'll turn up. They've been taking chomps out of Leo's poor ass for ages. Sooner or later they're gonna come back for more.
Kyle: I wish they'd hurry up. Then I could kill one of 'em.
Paige: There is some good news though.
Kyle: What? You know where they're hiding out?
Paige: No. I just found out I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
Zanku and the Jail Warder
Zanku, the most feared demon in all the Underworld, is sitting in a jail cell being rather depressed. A warder comes to his cell door.
Warder: Well, you sure got yourself into some hot water. 'parrently you were caught shagging a hot and sexy female Whitelighter.
Zanku: But she had the best boobs, and those legs...god I wish demon chicks had legs like hers. Give me a hot leggy blond any day of the week!
Warder (smiling slightly): Damn straight. Well, we can't do that. There does appear to be some good news however.
Zanku: What? I get to get outta here?
Warder: 'Fraid not. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
For a moment there's stunned silence. Then Zanku buries his face in his clawed hands and begins crying pathetically.