In Your Eyes
By Rose Dincht
I'll never forget the day you came into my life...
Some people would say it was more like I came into your life. Kaneda and the other boys said that you never confined in anybody as you confined in me. They said that I was the only one you really opened up to, may it be anger, or happiness, or sadness. I don't know why you would come to me... I was never as strong as you were, or any of the girls that stuck with you guys.
Maybe that's what attracted us to each other. I remember the day we met perfectly. You were always so shy, so sad, and whenever you were introduced to something new, your face would light up like fireworks. I first met you around the time when you got your very first bike. The timing was kinda funny, because all the boys had girlfriends, or girls that would hang around them. They always were tailchasers... and Kaneda would always tease you into finding a girl.
I was walking to the dorms from the drycleaners when I saw you. I'd seen your face in the hallways in school, trying to make my way to class without getting bullied by some of the bigger boys, but they were merely glimpses. I saw your bike exit the large tunnel, your face shining in the sun, smiling in amazement, taking the rush and energy of the world speeding around you and turning it into joy. I was used to seeing bike gangs, and I saw what they had done to girls. When I saw your bike coming my way, I was frightened. I wanted to run, to hide, to get away from you...
But you saw me... you saw the worry on my face, and you stopped infront of me. You climbed off your bike slowly, and asked me what was wrong... and I knew you weren't dangerous. I could almost see it in your eyes that moment, when you looked with such concern, and then smiled at me. I smiled back, introducing myself to you, and you to me, and in the blink of an eye, I found myself on the back of your bike, my arms wrapped around your waist as we went speeding down the street. I was nervous on the bike... I was scared to let go, that I would fall. I had to hold onto you extra tightly, burying one half of my face into your back and squeezing my eyes shut. But when I opened them... even as I squeezed you tightly, I still saw the look of wonder and awe in your eyes, sparkling at the sky and smiling as the wind rushed against the both of us....
I think it was then when I knew I was supposed to be with you. I'll never forget how happy we were in that time. We would go everywhere together. It was a rare sight to see, espcieally for the boys in the group. Their girlfriends didn't like to ride... I was still kind of new to it as well, but when it was just me and you, or when the gang and the girls would go out together for an evening of fun or go out to lunch, we were always together. I always rested my head on your shoulder, you always wrapped your arm around me, we would listen to the music play and people laugh. Although the revolution was dawning and outbreaks of terrorism were coming up everywhere, when we were together... we seemed to always forget about it.
I don't think that you know this... but you were the first boy I kissed. I know that probably says a lot about me now, but it's the truth. And when we did kiss... it was very special to me. We were on your bike again, driving home from one of our hangouts with the gang, and you were taking me back to my dorm. When we stopped infront of the school, I got off the bike, and smiled at you. I told you I had a wonderful night, that I loved the night we had together with the group, and I enjoyed being with him. You said that you were happy I was there with you... that when I was with you, you didn't feel lonely or exiled. When you smiled then, you leaned up and I leaned down and our lips barely met at first. I didn't know what exactly was happening, my eyes were closed through the whole time. But I felt the pressure and power of your lips work against mine, the warmth and passion building against the soft flesh of our lips, and I knew what had happened. You pulled away, smiling, and then pulled a little "bad boy" stunt by driving away without looking back as I watched you leave, heart throbbing powerfully and my breathing weakening.
I felt as if I could fly in those last few years. Every moment I thought about you, about our kisses, about our times together. Everytime you went out on your bike, you would come back to me like you promised. And when you came back to me, we would either relax, or go out for some fun. It's so unique, what we felt and had. We were so young then... but what we had was real. So real... maybe sometimes too real. With our bondage growing powerfully and our trust and love building stronger each and every day, it wasn't much of a surprise what you decided to do next. But it was rather shocking when it happened.
That night, we didn't return to the dorms, like you said we would. You said that during a fight with the Clowns, you stole a biker's wallet, and found just enough money to afford a room in a motel. At first I thought that it was too late at night to return to the dorms without the dorm mother knowing, and I didn't want to get in trouble. But when you parked the bike and lead me into the room... I knew that we weren't here because of the dorm mother. You took me then, all of me, into the room of the motel, and you loved me in every way possible. We kissed again, stronger, powerfully, your hands carressing my back gently and softly massaging my shoulders. You laid me on the bed, climbing ontop of me, and your kisses grew stronger and even more powerful. When your kisses left my lips and moved down my neck, and your hands slid from my back to my sides and stomach, what we were here to do to, what he was here to do to me, had become completely clear to me.
At first I didn't want to.... I wanted this to stop, I wanted to go home. It was becoming almost scary for me. I opened my mouth to speak, to protest, but nothing but a moan emerged. Your hands where under my shirt, stroking and massaging my breasts, which then lead to the removal of my shirt. Your kisses spread further, across my chest, and I soon found myself whispering your name, pulling the shirt over your head and kissing your lips once more. That moment marked the night where I experienced the true beauty of our bondage. You made me scream... you made me laugh... you made me cry. You touched me where no man has touched me before, you gave me pain, but the touch of your skin and the warmth of our bodies replaced it with pleasure and trust as I held the pieces of our hearts and souls together with my limbs. I'll never forget that evening... I'll never forget waking up that morning, before the sun came up, and seeing your face resting against my bare chest, how innocent and beautiful you looked. For you... my Tetsuo, the innocent, loving, caring boy, would soon disappear from me... from my lips, and from my arms...
Time passed... we began to slowly drift apart. You seemed to have forgot about my love... or at least my devotion to you. But I always kept my faith. You would always come to me, still confining in me, trusting me with your feelings. I don't know what had happened for you to change so much. Maybe I grew afraid of you, afraid of your strength, afraid that you might unleash a terrible rage that would be strong enough to hurt me... maybe even kill me. The night you never came back, a part of me died. When Kaneda and the others returned, when they said you were in the hospital, I was so scared. I roamed the school alone, saddened, afraid that you would never come back. Even as distant as we were, I wanted to see you again, I wanted to hold you in my arms. I was so terrified that you were dead. It ruined my mood the entire day...
And then, when I was at the drycleaners... you appeared. My heart seemed to have skipped a beat, then skyrocket. It was almost funny... it was never like you to just never show up. I was mentally kicking myself for doubting you. We snuck out of the drycleaners and seated ourselves beside the fence, staring out at the buildings and the slums of the city. I think that night, I was really starting to grow hopeful. You told me you wanted to run away... no... you said we'll run away.The both of us... I think it was then I knew that you hadn't forgotten about me... about what we had. I was more shocked than afraid that night, as we sat outside the drycleaners, planning our escape. You didn't know where we would go... how we would make our living... what we would do to survive on our own. But one thing was obvious to the both of us.... at least we would have each other, at least we wouldn't be alone. Whatever happened to us, we would still be together. Even if it meant stealing Kaneda's bike and driving off far, far away, even though I was scared... I wanted to be with you, to stay with you.
When the bike stopped, when the bikers came, you have no idea what kind of fear I felt then. I felt the painful throbbing of the strike across my face and head as I fell and hit the ground. I remember the fierce grip of the biker's hand on my jaws, looking me over like a peice of property, a way you would and never have looked at me before. My scream pierced the air as his hand tore off my shirt, exposing me against my will.... then punching me. I thought I died that moment. I thought he killed me... I thought that I was going to face my judgement without you by my side, I was scared of being alone in my death, and not have you. But mostly, I was scared of what would happen to you, already weakened and now outnumbered.When I woke up, I felt the sticky warmth of my own blood pouring from my nose and the throbbing of my black eye. I felt the warmth of Kai's jacket around me, and I heard the screams and impacts of your punches against the Clown.
But what hurt me was not the hemmorhaging nose or the black eye, or the bumps on my head, but what you did after. I moved towards you... I tried to speak to you... and you pushed me away. There were tears in your eyes, you were going through so much pain and torment... I wanted to help you. I wanted to say something that would make you feel better... and you pushed me away. When the government came and took you away, when they pushed Kaneda down from trying to run to you, I knew there was nothing I could do to reach you. Again, I was afraid of never seeing you again, and I didn't know if you were going to live or die.
Then I saw you on the TV. I thought they were just more terrorist bombings... but then the chants came from the city, following you, calling you the name Akira. I didn't know what was going on, I never heard anybody address you as Akira in the past. When the explosions fell from the sky, when the city crumbled around me and the people surrounding me fell to the ground dying at my feet... I was terrified. I didn't know what was happening. All I knew is that I had to get to you, and the ruckus was over the Olympic collisium, at least, that's what I heard. I made my way there, surprisingly not stopped by any security... and I found you....
Tetsuo..... Tetsuo please....
Why are you hurting me?
Why are you crushing me....?
How come I can't breathe... why aren't you stopping? How come you can't stop...?
Tetsuo.... Tetsuo....
Why are you killing me...?
Akira and it's charactersis copyrighted to Pioneer.