Their journey back to Coruscant was long and uneventful. Obi-Wan is ashamed to admit that he thought of turning the ship back to Serenno more than once, even imagined everyone's faces when he returns to Serenno with Anakin in his arms. It's a far more appealing option than going to the Jedi Temple.
But he can feel Anakin's excitement and happiness to be able to see the Temple again, to train and live with other Jedi. And he knows his own friends are more than excited to see him back. Force, Obi-Wan doesn't want to go back.
He really, really doesn't.
Ironically, it's not Anakin who has a problem letting go of his memories on Serenno, it's Obi-Wan who was raised and trained to let go like a proper Jedi.
As soon as they landed, Obi-Wan ushered Anakin out of the ship, his suitcase full of Serennian clothes. Anakin held on his hand comfortably, dragging his own suitcase behind him. Lady Kenda and Lord Keren got out of the ship, their own suitcases with them.
"Do you need help finding your place?", Obi-Wan asked them, turning to face them. Yan had made sure they have their own luxurious suites in the 500 Republica, the tallest building in all of the galaxy which can house more people than entire planets. It sure does shine even between the tall and glassy Coruscanti buildings but it's always polite to ask.
"No no, a taxi is waiting for us to take us to our suites. Thank you for asking though, Obi-Wan.", Lady Kenda said with her usual warm smile. Obi-Wan smiled back, "No need to thank me, Lady Kenda."
"We agreed to have sessions with you both tomorrow in our apartments, if possible", Lord Keren intervened. "We thought it's best if we talk about how you feel after returning here, since it's a huge step, all things considered."
Obi-Wan nodded at them, glancing down at Anakin for confirmation. "Do you want to chat with Lord Keren tomorrow, Anakin?"
Anakin grinned and nodded his head enthusiastically. "Yeah! I want to tell him about everything I see in the Temple!"
Obi-Wan chuckled, turning back to look at the mind healers. "Then tomorrow it is, usual time?"
Lord Keren and Lady Kenda nodded, and after bidding each other goodbye, they left to catch their taxi. Here comes the next difficult part; actually going inside the Temple.
Obi-Wan took a few short seconds to gather himself, suppressing a sigh. He squeezed Anakin's hand tightly, pulling at it a little. "Come on, let's go inside."
Anakin squeezed his hand back. Obi-Wan carefully kept his turmoil away from his bright Padawan, who walked alongside him with a spring in his steps, humming one of his usual songs. There is no need to ruin Anakin's good mood with his silly speculations.
Here goes nothing. Obi-Wan thought as he and Anakin moved towards the great, ancient doors.
"Knight Kenobi, Padawan Skywalker", Master Windu said when they stood in the center of the Council room. "It's good to see you finally back."
Though Master Windu said it in his usual monotone and emotionless voice, Obi-Wan is no fool, he knows the hidden disdain in Master Windu's words is there. The Korun Master wasn't a fan of Anakin and Obi-Wan leaving for Serenno with Yan.
"Masters", though Obi-Wan let go of Anakin's hand the moment they stepped into the Temple, he could feel his Padawan's fear from their bond. He resisted the urge to kneel down in front of Anakin and embrace him to his chest, reassure him that the word doesn't mean anything like he once knew it to mean. "It is good to finally back."
It wasn't wise or worth it to lace his words with hidden disdain like Master Windu, so he just left it be. Obi-Wan truly doesn't want any trouble. He could feel the Councillors survey both him and Anakin with the Force, wanting to see how they are doing.
Master Yoda hummed, gaining their attention. More like Obi-Wan's attention, Anakin remained silent and staring at the floor instead of anyone, unusually still and quiet. Again, Obi-Wan wanted nothing more than to hold him close to his chest.
"Look better, you do, Obi-Wan. And so does your Padawan.", Master Yoda says at last, his eyes sharp but there was underlying warmth in them.
"Thank you, Master Yoda. And we do feel better.", Obi-Wan said in response.
"Little Ani?", Master Plo called the young Padawan, who looked up for the first time since they came into the room to stare at Master Plo. "Are you feeling better?"
Master Plo probably felt Anakin's fear, hence the reason he asked him. The Kel-Dor has a soft spot for younglings, Obi-Wan is once again reminded by how Plo Koon made Anakin call him dad. Ha. Obi-Wan will have to fight him over that title now.
"Yes, Teacher Plo", Anakin replied, voice small but even, unnerving Obi-Wan. "I am."
By the look on the Masters' faces, Obi-Wan wasn't the only one who didn't believe it. Master Plo hummed, before he got up from his seat and moved towards Anakin, kneeling beside him.
"May I come closer?", Master Plo asked, Anakin nodded hesitantly. "Thank you, Little Ani."
Anakin whispered a no biggie and then continued to look down, but unconsciously took a step closer to Obi-Wan. And perhaps, for his own sake, Obi-Wan pretended to trip on his feet a little bit so he could stand even closer to Anakin. Master Yoda's gaze is on him but he doesn't find it in himself to care.
"We aren't slavers, Anakin. Remember what I told you before you left? What the word Master means?", Obi-Wan has never been more grateful for Master Plo's gentle voice when he speaks to younglings more than now. It seemed to calm Anakin down and he could feel his anxiety decrease.
Anakin nodded. "That all the Jedi are actually teachers and earn the title of Master because they know how to use the Force well."
Master Plo nodded approvingly. "That's correct, young one. None of the teachers here mean to cause you harm or plan to cause you harm."
"Quite the opposite, we are here to protect you and keep your safe, Padawan.", Master Billaba added, giving Anakin a warm smile.
Words, even if they were without actions, always calmed Anakin down a little bit. Obi-Wan could feel his young Padawan's relief at the words, no matter how small, but it was still a success. He himself relaxed at Anakin's newfound calmness, but the Masters still looked conflicted.
"Doing good, you are. Mind healing works for you, no fear or anger I sense from you, young Skywalker.", Master Yoda said.
Obi-Wan had to reign himself in from looking at Anakin in surprise. How could the Council not feel Anakin's fear or anxiety? It's not like he has been hiding them away, and for a new Padawan, his shields are supposed to be fragile. Still, Obi-Wan can feel Anakin's emotions as if they were his own, it's a wonder how the Councillors couldn't feel Anakin's powerful presence.
Is it strange? Yes. Is it creeping him out? Absolutely. He's definitely going to ask Anakin about it once they make it to their quarters.
Master Plo had moved back to his seat, and it just hit Obi-Wan that Master Plo didn't feel Anakin's fear, he just observed him and did this one act of kindness because of the way Anakin behaved. It warmed Obi-Wan's heart greatly to know that his Padawan is met with such warmth now, after they all were cold to him the first time he stood before them.
Perhaps, that is the reason why Anakin is afraid of them now. Why he shut himself off from everyone but Obi-Wan in this room. Obi-Wan felt honoured to be worthy of Anakin's trust.
Anakin didn't reply to Master Yoda, or even lift his gaze back from the floor. Obi-Wan wanted to put a hand on his shoulder and tell him everything will be alright, that the Council is not to be feared.
"Excited to be a Jedi?", Master Shaak Ti asked Anakin, a gentle smile on her lips. Anakin looked at her with wide eyes before nodding hastily, his giddiness now can be felt through the whole room.
Master Shaak Ti's smile widened, the sight making Anakin relax even more, his shoulders drooping further from their previous tense position. It just hit Obi-Wan that while the Council may seem cold and unapproachable, they have a deep fondness for their own younglings, especially Padawans.
It's rather adorable, really.
"Knight Kenobi, we would like for you to debrief us about several things alone. Master Feemor will be staying with Padawan Skywalker outside.", Master Windu said.
Obi-Wan was once again surprised to know that his Padawan-brother agreed to meet up with them and do the job of the babysitter, but he was grateful for Master Windu's thoughtfulness to ask Feemor to wait with Anakin. Out of everyone in his lineage - Yan excluded - he trusts Feemor the most with Anakin. The man is gentle and warm, things Anakin needs in a place where people hide how they feel.
"Of course, come along Anakin.", Obi-Wan's hand flew by itself to hold Anakin's outstretched hand. He winced inwardly at the act in front of the Council but ignored it in favour of taking Anakin to meet with Feemor. He can explain it all to Anakin thoroughly later.
The moment the doors opened, one of the guards was already facing them, waiting. Obi-Wan recognised him and smiled, Feemor smiled back, bowing to him.
Obi-Wan returned the bow. "Feemor, I'm happy to see you well."
"As am I, Obi-Wan. And this must be the newest addition to our lineage.", Feemor's gentle gaze turned to Anakin, who eyed him with distrust.
Obi-Wan nodded, pushing Anakin in front of him, hands on his shoulders. "This is Anakin Skywalker, my Padawan. Anakin, this is Feemor, he is my Padawan-brother, he was trained by Qui-Gon too."
When Anakin still looked wary, Obi-Wan knelt beside him, hands still on his shoulders. "Feemor can never even hurt a fly, little one. I trust him."
Some of the distrust dissipated from Anakin's gaze, Obi-Wan took it as a win. Will you be alright, Padawan? Obi-Wan asked him through their bond. Anakin responded with a mental nod. Alright, I'll be right back. Try not to cause Feemor much grief.
Obi-Wan smiled when Anakin scowled, the scowl resembling a pout due to Anakin's young features. Feemor watched them in amusement, then surprised Obi-Wan by sitting down at the floor to be able to look into Anakin's eyes properly. Anakin gradually relaxed further, Obi-Wan noted with a hint of gratitude.
When he made it back into the Council room. They were waiting for him patiently, their calm gaze giving Obi-Wan some sort of peace. He bowed to them once more, and they returned it.
"We wanted to discuss Padawan Skywalker's health and progress without him in the room.", Master Billaba said as an explanation.
Obi-Wan nodded in understanding. "The healers on Serenno said he was malnourished at first, but after months of working on his appetite. He can eat almost anything now. His medical files have been sent to the Temple."
"And they have reached us", Master Windu said. "Was he vaccinated?"
"Yes."
"And his mental health? How is he doing?"
"Considerably better, the mind healer said the things they're working on are disturbing and will take great time to fix them properly but he's doing well."
"His studies? I take it now he can read and write yes?", Master Plo asked.
"Oh yes. He caught up very well, he's an eager learner. He can take the classes with others his age.", Obi-Wan replied with a hint of pride in his voice.
"His training?", Master Mundi asked for the first time.
"I've taught him about the Code and what it means, and the katas that younglings his age know alongside the meditation. He's doing amazing.", Obi-Wan said.
The Masters looked on in approval. "Done well, you have.", Master Yoda told him.
Obi-Wan flushed. "I'm merely a guide, Anakin is the one to do it all."
"Couldn't do it, without you. Much more credit, you should give yourself.", Master Yoda replied.
Obi-Wan stuttered a thank you, gaze on the floor. "That's all, Knight Kenobi", Master Shaak Ti said gently. "You may leave now."
With one last bow, Obi-Wan left the room. The sight that greeted him surprised greatly but warmed him just as equally. Anakin and Feemor sat side by side on the floor outside the Council room, Feemor seemingly explaining to Anakin about the great halls of the Temple and telling him the stories of the ancient Jedi who lived in this very Temple. Anakin looked at him in such an expressive manner that had Obi-Wan's heart lurching with relief.
The moment they spotted him, Anakin shot up to greet him, arms outstretched before he put them down immediately. Obi-Wan sent have a wave of fondness through their bond, just to reassure his Padawan that he is just as happy to see him as he is. Feemor followed Anakin's example and stood up as well.
"It was a pleasure to meet you, Anakin", Feemor said, giving Anakin a bow, one Anakin returned. "And a pleasure to see you again, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan returned Feemor's bow. "Likewise, Feemor."
When they made to leave, Anakin had turned back and waved at Feemor, loudly saying Bye Feemor! which was met with Feemor's loud Bye Anakin! while Feemor waved.
Obi-Wan had to pursue his lips to keep himself from smiling.
When they made it into their quarters, Obi-Wan had to hide himself completely from his side of the bond so he won't project his dreadful feelings into the chambers. They look nothing like the elegant room he lived in at Serenno, and the scenery outside the window is just the usual dull and tall buildings, not the buzzing life of Carannia or the glistening sea.
To think he will probably never get to see it all from his room back on Serenno once more makes his heart ache.
"Obi-Wan?", Anakin asked him, snapping him out of his thoughts. Obi-Wan looked at him in question. "Why are the Jedi so..", he trailed off, looking to the side.
"Emotionless?", Obi-Wan guessed, making Anakin nod. "Well, my dear, remember what Grandfather told you? That the only emotion a Jedi feels is peace?" Another nod. "Well, since the only emotion we have to feel is peace, we shouldn't be showing or projecting any kind of emotions, we should always draw a calm expression on our faces."
"Everyone should do that?", Anakin asked, eyes wide.
"Yes dear one, but no one expects you to learn it all immediately. It will take a great time.", Obi-Wan reassured him, kneeling down to hug him. Anakin clung to him, obviously missing the touch.
"Obi-Wan?", Anakin asked again. Obi-Wan hummed in response, encouraging him to continue. "Why aren't we supposed to hug or tell each other we love each other in front of the Jedi?"
Obi-Wan drew in a sharp breath, thinking on how he should explain it to Anakin. Finally, after a long moment, he pulled back to look at his child in the eye, keeping his loose arms around him. "A Jedi should not be forming attachments, or show affectionate acts which are usually done between families. We are a big family but each to their own."
"But a family helps each other!", Anakin protested. "Like our family! Grandpa Yan helped us a lot!"
"That's true, Anakin. But here, other younglings don't have families or know what it feels like to be part of a family. They are all used to the idea that each one has to deal with their emotions on their own."
Anakin still looked indecisive. "But what if I want to tell you I miss you or I love you in public and I can't?"
Obi-Wan hummed, stroking his chin. Sign language? No, many Jedi already know that, and the last thing he wants is a lecture from the Council about attachments. Perhaps, something else, something like...
Obi-Wan's eyes lit up with the promise of idea. He gently took Anakin's hand into his, squeezing it gently before tapping on it thrice with his thumb. "This for I love you", he tapped on it twice with his thumb. "This is for I miss you."
Anakin bit his lip, head tilted to the side, demonstrating the movements and mouthing the words to himself. Obi-Wan found it all quite adorable, and he couldn't resist to hug Anakin in his arms once more, squeezing him with a bit more force than the last time. Anakin clung to him just like he did the last time.
"Now", Obi-Wan said as he pulled back and stood up. "Why don't you go to your room while I check what we have in our kitchen, hmm?"
Anakin nodded enthusiastically and ran past the living room and into the hall where his and Obi-Wan's room reside across from each other. The first time they've been here, Anakin had chosen the room on the right, now, he chose the one on the left. Obi-Wan didn't mind, as long as Anakin is comfortable, then he's happy.
After turning to the right and opening the kitchen door, Obi-Wan started to hunt the cabinets for any foods or snacks, still, as he predicted, there was nothing in there. Perhaps he will have to go to the refractories to get something for him and Anakin to eat.
Just as he was about to tell his Padawan that he will be right back, the door to his quarters opened - and he should really change the pass code - to reveal Quinlan with his Padawan, Aayla Secura. Quinlan had a huge grin on his face and ran to crush Obi-Wan into a giant hug.
"Alright! Alright! I missed you too now, please! Let go of me!", Obi-Wan grunted, trying to sneak himself out of the hug. Quinlan only hugged him tighter, making Obi-Wan groan in pain.
"This is for disappearing for almost a year!", Quinlan said as he finally let Obi-Wan go. Obi-Wan heaved, taking in deep breaths. "Now! Where's the squirt?!", Quinlan said as he looked around.
"If you hug him like that I'm going-", Obi-Wan started in a murderous tone.
"Woah! Relax! I'm just gonna tell him that I missed him!", Quinlan said with his hands in the air. Behind him, Aayla rolled her eyes.
"It's good to see you, Knight Kenobi.", Aayla said with a gentle smile.
"It's good to see you too, Padawan. And no need for formalities, call me Obi-Wan.", Obi-Wan replied with an easy smile.
"Obi-Wan?", came Anakin's voice from down the hall. Obi-Wan looked behind him to see his child standing indecisively, projecting awareness through their bond, Obi-Wan reached out a hand to him, and Anakin came closer slowly, eyeing both Aayla and Quinlan with distrust.
"Anakin, these are Quinlan and his Padawan, Aayla. You remember Quinlan right?", Obi-Wan said gently, hand on the boy's shoulder. Anakin nodded, hiding a bit behind his leg.
"Hello!", Quinlan said in his usual happy tone. "Look at you! You've grown! Though you still look small!"
At this comment, Anakin scrunched his nose in annoyance. "I'm not small!"
Obi-Wan chuckled, his hand ruffling Anakin's hair. "That's right, Anakin is a growing boy and one day, he will be taller than you and I, Quinlan."
Anakin smiled smugly, puffing his chest with pride. Aayla watched in amusement as Quinlan thought of a comeback safe enough to say in front of a child. She stepped forwards, dropping to her knees so she can look into Anakin's eyes when she spoke to him. "Hello, my name is Aayla Secura, I'm Knight Vos's Padawan."
Some of the wariness disposed from Anakin's eyes, he stepped away from Obi-Wan's leg a bit, but his hand still clutched on his trousers tightly. "Are you free now? Like me?", he asked in a small voice.
Aayla's eyes softened. "Yes Anakin, I am. I've been free for years. No Twi'Lek or Togruta here is a slave."
"Really?", Anakin asked in disbelief.
"Yes Anakin. Really.", Aayla confirmed.
Finally, Anakin stepped away completely from Obi-Wan's leg and moved to stand in front of Aayla directly. "Do you want to see my models?", he asked.
Aayla nodded with a gentle smile, making Anakin grin before he pulled her by her hand to his room. Obi-Wan watched them go with a soft look on his face.
"Well", Quinlan said from behind him, and Obi-Wan turned to look at him. "Looks like we don't have to worry about our Padawans getting along then!"
When Quinlan and Aayla left, Obi-Wan finally had the chance to talk to Anakin about how he hid his fear from the Council. Anakin relaxed visibly when the other Jedi left, and that left an aching hole in Obi-Wan's chest. Anakin never acted this way on Serenno, he was always talkative and social, now, he's quiet and clings to Obi-Wan.
"Anakin?", Obi-Wan calls, snapping Anakin's attention towards him. "How did you learn how to shield? You did it earlier in the Council room."
Anakin froze, gaze wandering around before he looked at Obi-Wan in the eyes again. "Pa taught me how to.", Anakin mumbled it so lowly that Obi-Wan had to strain his ears to hear it.
Pa taught him? Who's this Pa? And how can they even teach Anakin how to shield if Anakin has never been with them before. Obi-Wan mentally recalled all of the people Anakin has been around for the past six months and was horrified to learn that he knows nothing about someone called Pa.
"Pa? Who's this Pa, Anakin?", Obi-Wan asked calmly though internally, he wanted to scream and panic.
Anakin fiddled with his sleeves. "They are the Force. They spoke to me on the night after my first meditation. They've been teaching me things ever since!"
This cannot be possible so Obi-Wan instead chooses to think about it as a situation where there's someone in Anakin's head and they lied to him and told him they are the Force. Only sensible explanation.
"Are you sure, Anakin? They don't feel dark? Cold?", Obi-Wan asked. Anakin shook his head.
"No. They feel amazing! And so kind and warm too!", Anakin said happily.
Not helping. Definitely not helping.
"Can you tell them I need proof in order to believe them?", Obi-Wan asked. Anakin nodded his head before closing his eyes, brows furrowed in concentration. For a moment, Obi-Wan thought that nothing is going to work and Anakin will admit to him that it isn't the Force.
But then-
Hello, Obi-Wan Kenobi. A voice said from inside his head, not like someone who bonded with him and spoke to him. No. It sounds like someone who has been there all along. All his life.
Fret not, I'm truly the Force. Anakin isn't in any danger. The voice - it's warm and soothing - said in his head once again.
Obi-Wan stared at Anakin in shock, who simply stared back with an I-told-you look on his face. Of the weirdest things he had encountered in his entire life, this has to be the top of them all. Why is the Force speaking to Anakin? What does it want? Why has it been teaching him things and should he tell the Council of Anakin's new development?
I love Anakin, he's my child. The Force said again. He is extremely powerful and needs special training, and it's better not to tell the Council now.
Okay. Okay fine. Obi-Wan trusts the Force. If the Force doesn't want to tell the Council, then he won't.
Obi-Wan felt a tug on his trousers, and he looked down to see Anakin staring at him in concern. "Are you okay?", Anakin asked, gaze inquiring. Obi-Wan nodded, making a mental note to ask Anakin more about what he learned from the Force.
"How long have you been speaking to the Force? And how does it even teach you?", Obi-Wan asked in wonder.
Anakin shrugged. "Since I meditated for the first time, and Pa meets me in my dreams! They're really awesome!"
Obi-Wan hummed absentmindedly, still thinking about what he just learned. Anakin seemed like he doesn't have a single care in the world that the Force itself claimed him as it's child and is communicating with him. But oh well, that's Anakin.
With a tired sigh, Obi-Wan told Anakin he's taking him to tour around the Temple once more, give his memory a restart. Anakin brightened up and held his hand tightly, but then quickly removed it after remembering Obi-Wan's earlier words.
Obi-Wan gave him a small smile, sending waves of reassurance through their bond to make it clear to Anakin that he would like nothing more than to hold his hand, but given their circumstances, he can't. Still, Anakin didn't seem to mind and understood why they can't show physically or verbal affection in front of the other Jedi.
"I want to see the green room.", Anakin demanded.
Obi-Wan chuckled. "Alright. It's called the Room of a Thousand Fountains, Padawan."
"I know. The name is too long, green room is shorter.", Anakin quipped back, springing along Obi-Wan.
After strolling through the Temple and the Room of a Thousand Fountains - the place no longer felt like a scenery out of a forest, more like something made up, Obi-Wan blames the months spent on the lush Serenno - they went to the refractories. Obi-Wan can't really cook, courtesy of Qui-Gon who can't cook either, and while Obi-Wan is still a better cook, his food is barely edible. He can hope Anakin will forgive him for his awful cooking skills.
Quinlan quickly ushered him to the table where the rest of their friends sat, Obi-Wan was greeted with many hugs. There was a small boy sitting close to Siri, his dark Padawan braid barely reaching his jaw. It took only seconds for Obi-Wan to realise that this is her Padawan.
"Hello there, seems like you've got a new Padawan, Siri.", Obi-Wan said in amusement. The child in question didn't look phased by Obi-Wan's observation, but he still flickered his gaze towards him.
"Oh yes. Ferus, this is my friend, Obi-Wan Kenobi and his Padawan Anakin Skywalker. Obi-Wan, this is Ferus Olin.", Siri gave her new Padawan - Ferus - a nudge and he bowed.
"Nice to meet you.", Ferus said after he straightened up.
"Nice to meet you too, Ferus. Anakin, say hello.", Obi-Wan nudged his own Padawan. Anakin mumbled his small Hello and stepped closer to Obi-Wan. Oh it will probably take him a great time to get used to all the people here.
"I'm so happy to meet you again, Anakin.", Bant said with her warm smile on her face. Anakin gave her a smile, already taking a liking to her.
"Hi Bant.", Anakin said in the previous small tone but it held a small amount of cheerfulness in it.
"So Bant gets a Hi Bant and I get nothing? Kid! I'm your uncle! I want a hug!", Quinlan complained, grinning at Anakin.
Aayla elbowed him. "Master, it will take Anakin some time to get used to us. It's alright, Anakin, if you don't want to give us a hug."
"I wanna hug you!", Anakin chirped, but then immediately put a hand over his mouth. "And you too, Knight Vos."
Quinlan grinned and stood up to lift Anakin in his arms. "I'm uncle Quin now! No Knight Vos!"
Anakin giggled - the sound giving Obi-Wan immense relief - for the first time since they entered the refractory. Quinlan pulled Aayla by her arm into the hug, saying something about Anakin wanting to hug her too. Aayla rolled her eyes but wrapped her arms around them both.
"Jedi aren't supposed to be showing physical affection.", Ferus said quietly from where he sat next to Siri.
Anakin scrunched up his nose. "Well, maybe Jedi are wrong about that one rule."
"The Jedi aren't wrong. A good Jedi shouldn't show so many emotions.", Ferus replied, brows knitting together.
"So a robot?", Anakin snarked, his lips turning into a scowl.
Before it could get more heated, Obi-Wan stood up and took Anakin into his arms, sending calmness-relaxation-affection through their bond. Anakin visibly relaxed, latching onto Obi-Wan's presence in his mind.
"Many Jedi are different, Ferus. A simple hug doesn't make you a bad Jedi.", Siri said in a calm tone.
"But we shouldn't do it often so we won't rely on it and become attached.", Ferus continued.
Siri nodded. "Correct."
This is so very stupid! They're afraid of a simple hug?! Obi-Wan heard Anakin's voice clear in his head, probably not meant for him to hear but he did hear anyway. I told you, dear one, Jedi don't show emotions, a Jedi doesn't allow their feelings to blind them.
Anakin scrunched up his nose and furrowed his eyebrows together in a look Obi-Wan related with annoyance. He chuckled internally at the adorable sight.
He knew what Siri is saying is right, to some degree. But he can't imagine himself not hugging Anakin or giving him the love the child so desperately craves. Because Jedi teachings be blasted, Anakin is his child in every sense but blood.
When they finished their food, each went to their quarters. Obi-Wan made a mental note to go get some food supplies from where they keep the food tomorrow. And take Anakin with him, the youngling seemed so excited to roam around the halls.
"Obi-Wan?", Anakin asked him when he was dressing him in the pyjamas Jenza insisted to give him when they were packing.
"Yes dear?", Obi-Wan asked as he adjusted Anakin's sleeping tunic.
"Can I sleep with you tonight?", Anakin asked, yawning.
"Of course dear.", Obi-Wan smiled, standing up and holding his hand out to Anakin. Anakin took it in his own, following Obi-Wan to his room.
As Anakin fell asleep in his arms, all Obi-Wan could think about is how much he wishes he is still on Serenno, sleeping to the sound of the breeze and the howling wolves in the forests.
He thinks he will never be able to recover from staying on Serenno for five months.
"Jedi are cold", Anakin said in a deadpan voice. "I don't like it. But I'm starting classes tomorrow! And I like Aayla and Uncle Quinlan! They're so wizard!"
Mr Johan gave him a smile. "Are you excited for that?"
Anakin nodded his head vigorously. "Yeah! Very much! I get to be a real Jedi now!"
Mr Johan chuckled. "Even if Jedi are cold?"
Anakin paused to think of his answer. "Yeah", he said after a while, shrugging. "I won't be like them though, so I won't be cold! I will be nice!"
"They're not nice?", Mr Johan said with a furrowed brow.
Anakin shrugged again. "They are, they just feel so.. what do you call someone who isn't there? Like someone you can't see how they feel?"
"Detached. Emotionally detached.", Mr Johan answered.
Anakin's eyes lit up. "Yeah! Thanks Mr Johan! So I can't feel the Jedi or see how they feel, it's weird. I was always able to tell everyone's feelings."
Mr Johan hummed. "Well, I'm sure they can't feel you too. Has anyone ever said something that made you feel unwelcome?"
Anakin shook his head. "Not really. Why?"
"Just making sure", Mr Johan reassured. "Now, how are you feeling?"
"Absolutely confused whether I should quit being a Jedi or just continue to be one.", Obi-Wan answered Lady Kenda's question.
"Since when have you been feeling like this?", Lady Kenda asked.
"Since I went to Serenno, a few months after. I only wanted to stay there.", Obi-Wan admitted shamefully.
"Why is that?", Lady Kenda counters back.
"I have a home there", Obi-Wan answered. "A family. Someone who I know loves me and cares for me. People who will do anything for me. I feel like I have no one here."
"What about your friends?"
"They've been supportive, and I appreciate having them around. But.. it's not like how it was back on Serenno, not like the support and understanding I got there."
"You simply miss having a familial influence in your life?"
"...Yes."
"And you can't find that here?"
"Yes."
"And you feel ashamed because you're a Jedi and a Jedi shouldn't long for familial relationships or love."
A wry smile. "Exactly."
"Obi-Wan", Lady Kenda said, making him look at her. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling like that. There's nothing wrong with your feelings, all of what you're feeling and thinking is completely valid and understandable."
"But I have amazing friends here who are willing to go to great lengths to ensure that I'm doing well.", Obi-Wan protested.
"True, and I'm sure you're thankful for that. But, that doesn't mean that your desire for wanting something more, something basic, is invalid or wrong."
"But a Jedi shouldn't be feeling like that."
"Jedi are still sentient beings. I'm sure many Jedi crave what you crave, there's absolutely nothing wrong in what you are feeling. Now, repeat after me; My feelings are completely valid."
"...My feelings are completely valid."
"There is nothing wrong with me."
"There is nothing wrong with me."
"I have every right to feel like this."
"I have every right to feel like this."
"I can be a good Jedi while feeling like this."
"I can be a good Jedi while feeling like this."
"I can get through this."
"I can get through this."
Lady Kenda smiled triumphantly. Obi-Wan returned her smile, deeply amused.
"Feeling better?", she asked.
"Much better.", Obi-Wan said and he did indeed feel much better than before. Lady Kenda's idea worked really well.
"Good. Now, I want you to know that there can be a life for you outside of the Order. Maybe someday, when you finish training Anakin.", Lady Kenda said.
"Anakin is my life. I would always want to be by his side.", Obi-Wan said honestly.
"Alright, and you can do it together. He's part of your family, after all, you're not alone.", Lady Kenda said.
Obi-Wan chuckled. "It will be hard to forget that I'm not alone with him. He's going to make me grey before thirty."
"Don't all of our children?", Lady Kenda said wistfully.
"True.", Obi-Wan said with a smile.
The rest of the session went smooth after this one conversation.
"Good morning, little one!", Obi-Wan smiled at a still ruffled Anakin. Anakin mumbled something unintelligent back, rubbing his eyes.
Obi-Wan chuckled at the adorable sight. "How about you go and get ready while I fix your things for you classes, hmm?"
Anakin nodded, walking slowly towards the refresher. Obi-Wan watched him bump into the door before finally opening his eyes and opening it. Still laughing, he made sure all of Anakin's supplies are in his backpack, seeing that some of them aren't inside of it before rushing to get them.
By the time the bag was ready, Anakin was ready as well. Obi-Wan carried his backpack, motioning for him to follow him.
"Where are we going, Obi-Wan?", Anakin asked, hopping alongside him.
"To the refractories, we are going to have breakfast.", Obi-Wan answered, shifting the weight of the bag. Anakin hummed, still hopping.
After having their breakfast and sending Anakin to class, Obi-Wan set to the halls of training. It's been so long since he actually practiced.
Anakin felt uncharacteristically shy when he entered the classroom and saw all the other Padawans already sitting in their places. He knows he's a bit short for his age and that certainly served to his advantage to make himself as unnoticeable as possible.
The teacher who teaches the class introduced him to the class, telling them to be welcoming towards him and they all said a Yes, Master in unison. Anakin sat somewhere in the middle seats.
He's not blind or stupid, he knows they're all staring at him, some of them whispering. He shrunk in on himself, trying not to look at any of them or do anything wrong in front of their watchful gaze. The other Padawans stared at him throughout their classes till lunch time.
Anakin sat alone on one of the tables. No one approached him or tried to talk to him, and he looked in longing at the sight of all the other Padawans chattering and joking together. He missed Kitster and his other friends back on Tatooine.
If they were here, he wouldn't be so lonely anymore.
The remainder of his classes were pretty much the same, no one approached him or tried to talk to him. He pretended not to see them pointing at him and whispering.
Maybe it's just for the day, maybe they will change once they get to know him better.
They in fact, did not. No one tried to approach him even after two weeks and he's left for himself in the lunch breaks. He nibbles on his food and tries to ignore the feeling of sadness threatening to drive him into tears. It's not like they're being mean, they're just not doing anything and pretending he doesn't exist and that's the worst part.
It's like he's nothing to them, like he's not worthy.
Anakin watched as they all played together, making each other float with the Force with aching longing. Maybe be should ask if they wanted him to play with them, or maybe just let him sit with them, he won't talk.
"Hey umm", Anakin asked one day, after he finally got the courage to go up to them. "Can I join?"
They all stared at him in confusion and disdain, and Anakin resisted the urge to curl in on himself. After a deafening silence, one of the Padawans shook his head, "No, you can't. We don't want you."
The rejection made him freeze in his place, his throat constructing with the pain of it. "O-Okay, I'll be going.", his voice was small as he said it, feet hurriedly running to where he sat before he embarrassed himself in front of everyone.
He was so stupid for even asking. As if they would ever accept him or want him around.
He asked them thrice when they were playing if he can join. They refused.
He asked them if he can just sit with them two more times. They refused.
Soon, after a month of staying at the Temple, their silence turned into words. Somehow, his asking for joining them has given them the courage to speak to him.
But not the good kind of speak. And definitely not the good kind of words.
Words like slave, freak, stupid, unwanted Padawan became familiar to him in the span of a month and two weeks. They started telling him of how he's just so unwanted by Obi-Wan because Obi-Wan never wanted him, he's only training him for Qui-Gon's sake. They started telling him how he's so different and weird because he didn't grow up in the Temple like them. They started telling how he's worthless because he was born a slave and once a slave always a slave.
In the quietness of the night and his room, Anakin sobbed silently at all the jibes that have been thrown at him. Wondering not for the first time if he's truly holding his Master back and if he's just a means to no end for him. A dead man's promise.
But Obi-Wan would never care for him or take care of him like that if he didn't at least like him. Obi-Wan told Anakin he loves him before, he still does, right?
Lunchtimes are now a complete nightmare and he wants nothing more than to run away from this Temple and never come back. This wasn't what he envisioned when he thought of being a Jedi. Jedi aren't supposed to be like that. Jedi are supposed to be nice.
During one lunchtime, one of the Padawans 'accidentally' dumped all of his lunch over Anakin's head. By accidentally Anakin means the Padawan was literally walking next to where he sat and told one of his friends to bump into him so he could have it as an excuse to throw food over Anakin's head.
Angry tears had made themselves known in Anakin's eyes and he ran to his and Obi-Wan's quarters, backpack forgotten, trying to ignore the sounds of laughter coming from the refractory. He was relieved to know Obi-Wan wasn't in their quarters and changed his clothes quickly, throwing his food covered clothes in the trash.
By the time he made it back to class, he was breathing heavily in his attempts to stop himself from hysterically sobbing. His class were all smiling and watching him with amused glints in their eyes. Some of them even chuckled when the Master reprimanded him for being late.
Anakin's eyes stung with tears at the unfairness of the whole situation. And he put his head down on the table.
Obi-Wan is concerned, and he thinks he has every right to. After all, Anakin had all but stopped hugging him or telling him he loves him after their first month and two weeks at the Temple, and while it stung, it still worried him that the once talkative child barely speaks to him anymore. Or to anyone.
His Force signature feels distressed and bothered all the time and it's almost able to suffocate Obi-Wan himself, nevermind Anakin.
Whatever had made his boy this upset?
Obi-Wan truly had no idea how to approach Anakin or confront him about what's been upsetting him, he knows he should probably ask Yan but his grandfather is probably too busy on Serenno at the moment, and the last thing Obi-Wan wants is to distract him. Tomorrow he has a mind healing session, perhaps he could use Lady Kenda's advice.
When tomorrow's morning arrived, Obi-Wan found himself readying Anakin's bag for the day as his Padawan went to ready himself. Perhaps he could use some time to meditate in the Room of a Thousand Fountains, after he drops Anakin off to his classes for the day.
Anakin entered the living room with slumped shoulders, face downwards. Obi-Wan watched him stand in front of him in concern, he has never seen Anakin behave like that before, the dulled look doesn't suit his boy's eyes. Kneeling in front of the child, Obi-Wan put one finger under his chin to look at him better.
The sad glint in Anakin's eyes made his heart ache. "What's the matter, dearest?", Obi-Wan asked gently, filling their bond with love and adoration. Anakin's bottom lip trembled and he angrily wiped away at his eyes, the sight making Obi-Wan's heart clench even more.
"Do you want a hug?", Obi-Wan asked softly, Anakin nodded after a small while. Obi-Wan drew him in his arms, squeezing his arms tight around his boy, one of his hands laying atop Anakin's hair and the other is rubbing soothing circles on his back.
They stayed like that for a long moment, Obi-Wan's arms hugging Anakin tightly, and Anakin buried in his warm embrace. Obi-Wan started to hum one of Anakin's songs - the one he told him signals love between family - in an attempt to soothe his child. He's no Shmi Skywalker who hums the melodies with perfect tunes, but the gesture alone is enough.
Anakin calmed down after a while, but he didn't pull away. Obi-Wan didn't either, he let himself hold Anakin close for as long as he could. Force knows he missed doing this.
"Would you like to tell me about it?", Obi-Wan asked gently after the silence stretched for too long. Anakin shook his head slowly. "Alright, love, but you know whatever is bothering you - anything - you can always come to me. I'm here for you and I love you."
He felt Anakin sag with relief at his words, his Force signature shinning with love as well. "Love you too", Anakin mumbled against his tunics. "Thanks.", he added later, as if as an afterthought.
"Of course, love.", Obi-Wan muttered the words into his hair, laying a kiss on it.
"Can we eat here today?", Anakin asked him, finally pulling back to look at him. Obi-Wan hesitated, keeping his cooking skills - or lack thereof - in mind, but Anakin's hopeful gaze kept him from refusing.
"Of course, love.", he repeated, weak for his boy's eyes. Anakin's eyes lit up the fraction of a second before he nodded silently, muttering his thanks.
"You're not feeling well today, aren't you?", Obi-Wan asked softly, Anakin nodded again. Obi-Wan sighed, dragging a hand over his face. "How about you skip classes for the day, hmm? I'm going to send a message to your teachers so they won't write it down in your files."
Again, Anakin just nodded. Obi-Wan frowned, not knowing how to proceed. Perhaps he should call Yan, in the end.
"Go change into something more comfortable, we will spend the day here!", Obi-Wan tried to adopt a cheerful tone in hope of cheering up his Padawan, secretly disappointed at how it didn't help.
Anakin nodded, walking back to his room. Obi-Wan dragged a hand over his face once more, standing up to get his comm. When he sent the messages, he slipped into his room and closed the door behind him, taking the commlink Yan gave him before they left. He called him, patiently waiting for him to pick up.
It only rang twice before Yan's tired but happy face came into view, his eyes lighting up at the sight of Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan felt guilt course through him at the warm expression, he hasn't been calling Yan as much either of them want, he didn't want to attach himself to a life he could not have.
"Obi-Wan", Yan said warmly, happily even. "I'm very glad to see you. Tell me, how are you? Are you well?"
"It's good to see you too, Grandfather. I am doing well, thank you. How are you? I hope you're not stressing yourself much.", Obi-Wan shot the older man a meaningful glance, knowing very well that he loves to drown himself in his work.
"I am well, despite what you think, I do take a rest.", Yan shot him a meaningful look back.
"Because Aunt Jenza and Mum Shmi drag you to rest.", Obi-Wan snorted.
Yan's face twitched. "You're a menace."
"Oh not as much as you. How is the school system going?", Obi-Wan asked, curious.
Yan sighed. "Tiring, the Minister of Education has finally planned a course of how things will be but we will have to think of everything thoroughly and think about the major problems it will cause."
Obi-Wan winced. "I can see that's going to take lots of time."
"You have no idea", Yan said tiredly. Then he looked around Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan already knew what he was going to say before he said it. "Where is Anakin?"
"His room. He's skipping classes for the day.", Obi-Wan replied.
Yan's gaze turned concerned. "Why? Is everything alright?"
Obi-Wan clasped his hands. "Actually, Grandfather, that's why I called you. Anakin has been acting... off."
"Off how?", Yan inquired.
"Off like extremely sad and.. dull. He literally doesn't speak anymore and he only nods at me and refuses to tell me what's wrong, today, he asked if we could eat breakfast here today instead of in the refractories.", Obi-Wan replied, clearly in distress.
Yan looked thoughtful. "When did this behaviour of his start?"
"Somewhere in these weeks at the Temple. He still doesn't have much friends and honestly, Grandfather, I'm worried for him.", Obi-Wan answered.
"It is possible that our little feral youngling is being.. harassed by his age mates.", Yan said dreadfully. Obi-Wan looked at him horrified, denial running through his mind before he managed to get a grip on himself.
"What makes you think that?", Obi-Wan asked, out of breath all of a sudden.
Yan sighed. "He's been silent all of a sudden, withdrawing, extremely upset, refuses to talk about it, doesn't have any friends yet, and is asking to eat here instead of with his class."
Obi-Wan made a wounded noise. All of these signs and he didn't notice anything? How come he didn't even notice how Anakin is coping or if he's being bullied? How come he didn't think of how his Padawan is a brand new member of the Jedi Order and is a target for all the younglings his age?
"It's not your fault, Obi-Wan", Yan comforted gently. "And before you say it is; it really is not. Accidents happen, we make good Masters out of experience and mistakes, we aren't born ready to have Padawans. It took me three Padawans to know all of this."
That made sense. Logically, Obi-Wan knew Yan is right but still, he should've known.
"I should've known though.", Obi-Wan mumbled, gaze on the floor.
"No one could've known. Especially if he didn't tell you.", Yan replied easily.
"But why didn't he?", Obi-Wan asked, pained.
"Perhaps he's scared. Not of you, but what of them. What they will do. I suggest you let him speak to his mind healer about it before confronting him about the problem.", Yan said gently.
Obi-Wan nodded shakily, hanging on the words. "How can I prevent this from happening the next time? Or anything bad from happening?"
"Ask him how his day went after he comes back from his classes. This should be help.", Yan suggested.
Obi-Wan nodded again. "Thank you", he said, voice choked. "So much."
Yan gave him a soft smile. "Anything for you or Anakin, Obi-Wan."
A soft knock alerted them both, Obi-Wan encouraged Anakin through their bond to enter. Anakin's new usual dull face greeted him, the sight almost making Obi-Wan flinch, but he forced himself to stay still and smile at his Padawan.
"Anakin", he held out his hand, not missing how Yan leaned forwards in his seat in an attempt to see Anakin, even if he knew he wouldn't be able to. "Come here, Grandfather called."
Something in Anakin's gaze snapped and he walked a few hurried steps so he could be right in front of the hologram. He held Obi-Wan's hand in both of his hands, tightly.
"Grandpa.", Anakin whimpered.
Yan's gaze softened. "Hello, little one. I see you've grown even more since the last time I saw you."
"I missed you.", Anakin whispered, sounding like he's on the verge of tears.
"I missed you too, Anakin", Yan's gaze softened even further, if possible. "How are you doing?"
Anakin shrugged, but he still stared at Yan like he would disappear any minute now. "Can we go back to Serenno?", he asked in a small voice.
Both Yan and Obi-Wan looked at each other, not knowing what to say. Finally, Yan chose to break the silence. "I'm afraid not, my little one. You and Obi-Wan both are Jedi, you cannot leave the Temple."
Anakin's bottom lip trembled for the second time this morning. "But I miss you. And Aunt Jenza. And Mum."
Yan stayed silent for a few seconds before he answered. "Well then, I guess you will be happy to know we will be visiting in two days."
Both Anakin and Obi-Wan looked at him in shock. "But- Why!?", Anakin cried.
"My grandsons need me, and I'm not about to abandon them because the Jedi cannot tell the difference between love and attachment.", Yan said simply.
Obi-Wan gaped at him, still processing what just happened. Anakin laughed loudly for the first time in weeks, and the sound of it almost drove Obi-Wan to tears. Dear Force he missed hearing this laugh.
The Council can jump off of the roof, his Padawan's happiness comes first.
"Obi-Wan?", Anakin called him the next day, staring at him in distress.
"Yes dear?", Obi-Wan abandoned whatever he was doing to turn his full attention at Anakin. They went to their mind healing sessions, Obi-Wan to speak about how he feels like he failed Anakin and to seek advice on how to better approach the sensitive topic and Anakin to discuss said sensitive topic with his own mind healer.
Anakin's eyes were red rimmed by next morning and Obi-Wan decided not to sent him for the classes today as well. Anakin's happiness at staying away from his age mates so obvious through their bond to the point Obi-Wan felt like an idiot for missing it.
"I have to talk to you about something. It's about my classmates...", Anakin trailed off the last part. Obi-Wan gently guided him by his hand to sit on the sofa in the living room. Anakin moved into his lap instinctively now.
"Speak at your own pace, dearest.", Obi-Wan rocked him back and forth.
Anakin seemed to struggle to speak, it took him a great while to finally find his voice. "I- You know, my classmates aren't nice to me. At all. They hate me."
Obi-Wan swallowed, focusing on making Anakin feel better. "What made you think that, dearest?"
He heard Anakin sniff. "They- They always call me names and bother me, and say and do stuff that hurt me."
"Like what, Padawan?", Obi-Wan asked with a calm he did not feel.
"They- One of them once dumped his food all over me and the others laughed. They push me during lunchbreaks and they refused to let me play with them or even sit with them. Maybe something is wrong with me?"
"No", Obi-Wan said tightly. "Never, darling, nothing is wrong with you. Why would you think that?"
Anakin gave a dry sob in response. "They told me that! They said I'm a slave and that I'm a burden for you and I shouldn't even be a Jedi! I'm sorry Obi-Wan! Please, don't send me away! I-I can fix things! And- I'm sorry you are stuck with me because of Qui-Gon but I promise I won't let you down."
Obi-Wan stilled, trying to keep his rage and his sadness caged. Oh his poor boy, his poor child. He's been through all of this and on top of that, is blaming himself.
"Oh dear", Obi-Wan whispered, not daring to raise his voice louder in fear of it breaking. "Oh- No no, Anakin. Look at me, little one."
He pulled back so he could look at Anakin square in the eyes. "What is happening to you is called bullying, Anakin. They're taking advantage of the fact that you're vulnerable right now and are only harming you because they want to. What they say is nothing other than meaningless words fueled by jealousy and anger. If anyone is not a good Jedi here, it's them, not you."
Anakin sniffed. "But you're training me because of Qui-Gon!"
"Perhaps, but do I regret it? Never. I'll always want you around, and I wouldn't trade you for anything in this galaxy. I'm happy to be called your Jedi Master and your brother, I love you and you are certainly not a burden."
Anakin sobbed harder, leaning froward into Obi-Wan's embrace. Obi-Wan caught him halfway, resuming his previous deed of rocking him back and forth.
Obi-Wan was a raging storm as he entered the Council room, the Masters and their insolent Padawans trailing after him. Anakin clung to his hand tightly, hiding behind his leg at the sight of his age mates and that enough should raise alarm bells.
"Masters", he bowed hastily. "I'm here to tell you of something that outrages me and unsettles me deeply."
When all is said and done, Obi-Wan watched in satisfaction as each Padawan apologised to his Padawan and were punished by the Council and their Masters for what they did.
Anakin stared at Obi-Wan in wonder, unbelieving that such justice would happen in his name. Now, he can see that if anyone ever tries to hurt him, there will be people to bring justice to his name.
Good. That had been Obi-Wan's intention when he brought Anakin with him.
A/N : HI! So long huh? Well, here I am. Hope you enjoy and tell me what you think!
Guest : Thank you!
DS2010 : Thank you! And I wanted the boys to stay on Serenno too but alas, the plot demands they stay on Coruscant.