Over the Edge
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is, apparently, owned by MGM, Gecko and the Sci-Fi channel (the US, not the UK), I'm just borrowing stuff.
Spoilers: Well, everything up to the Eye since that as far as I've actually seen.
Summary: An accident caused by Shepherd on Atlantis leads to memory loss and some dark times for McKay as his past and a forgotten present collide.
NB: As of now this is not a slash story but it will involve definite McKay/Shepherd friendship and angst. If the direction of the story does change, I will advise readers ahead of time. I'm using UK spelling, so expect things like colour instead of color etc.
"And the sea exploding
With no bottom, or anything on the other side of it,
Whitened by the faces of the drowned"
McKay was standing on the balcony of the grounding station when disaster struck. Disaster in the form of Major Shepherd and his attempts to aid Rodney in the repair of the station in the aftermath of the Genii. McKay had left the Major just inside the door at a control panel trying to activate different parts of the grounding station to check what was still working and what wasn't.
After an hour and a half McKay gave up in frustration and went to stand at the outer edge of the balcony, leaning on the rail. He was lost in thought about the past few days, the Genii, his near death experience at the hands of Koyla and of course, what he perceived as his own personal cowardice, telling Koyla about his plan to save the city.
No-one had said anything of course, no accusations, no sneering remarks, but he could see it in the way they looked at him, in the way they whispered to one another when he walked by. They all believed he was a coward, a selfish, egotistical coward and most importantly of all, he believed it too. He'd been a coward before he ever set foot through a stargate.
His despondent thoughts were broken by Major Shepherd's shout.
"I think I've got something!"
McKay only had time enough to turn around and let go of the balcony before the effects of what the Major had activated took hold. The balcony he'd just been leaning on a second before retracted down into the balcony floor, and the balcony itself began to retract back into Atlantis, the floor sliding in under the grounding station.
McKay managed to yell "Major" as he lost his balance on the moving floor and fell backwards and down, under the water.
He went under immediately, the water rushing upon him almost eagerly. He didn't hear Shepherd shout his name, as his voice was drowned out by the sheer volume of the ocean.
It took McKay a few seconds to come out of his shock and react to the new situation. A few seconds too many as he had sunk down far under the water. He started to kick in reaction, kick upwards towards the surface, but his sense of direction was confused, and he couldn't tell up from down.
On the surface, at the edge of the grounding station, was the Major, his radio in one hand calling for assistance and his eyes trained on the water, searching out any sign of McKay's position. The waves coming in from the ocean were higher suddenly, as if the tide had changed. As a second wave crashed over him, and his grip on the edge of the station loosened, he pulled back a little from the edge.
Less than two minutes had gone by since McKay had fallen in, but it was two minutes too many. Shepherd knew that he needed to surface for air soon. He considered jumping in after him, but unless he had some idea of where McKay was, taking such an action would be futile.
"C'mon McKay, surface, surface, get back up here, that's an order" He whispered these words again and again as he stared out at the hostile ocean.
Meanwhile, in the few seemingly everlasting seconds that had passed since his plunge, McKay had stopped kicking around in a circle and had tried to suss out which way was up, or more precisely, where the light was. His lungs were straining and burning and his now oxygen deprived brain was having trouble telling light from dark, or maybe it was the fact that Atlantis itself seemed to reflect light. Nevertheless, knowing he had no time to waste, he kicked towards what he hoped was the surface.
Kick, kick, kick. His mind kept up the chant, as he struggled and strained. 'Don't open your mouth, don't breathe in the water, don't open you mouth.' He could remember the many times in the past few months when people had told him to shut his mouth. Whether it be because of his complaining, his boasting, his babbling or just because they didn't like the sound of his voice.
Shepherd meanwhile was on the radio to Ford, relaying his position to whoever it was Ford had grabbed to pilot the jumper. He was in the middle of telling them for the third time to hurry up when he saw Rodney's head break the surface, to his right, a good distance away. Without hesitation, having already pulled off his shoes and jacket in preparation, he dived into the water after him.
His first thoughts were that it was cold, so cold. McKay was over a hundred metres away, and Shepherd took a few seconds to orientate himself before striking off towards him.
McKay was overwhelmed with relief to reach the surface, to reach oxygen. Oh how he loved oxygen. His lungs strained to take in as much as possible, to rid his body of the stingingly painful lactic acid in all his muscles. The weight of his wet clothes pulled on him now that he had surfaced, trying to drag him down into the deep.
He wasn't out of danger yet though and this became more immediately apparent when a wave caught hold of him and surged towards the outer wall of Atlantis. McKay didn't even have time to react as he was thrown head first against the wall. Crying out in pain, his mouth filled with water and he went under again.
All of a sudden he surfaced, spluttering and coughing, as the wave dissipated and he was once again threading water. Hearing a muffled shout, caught on the wind and he looked around frantically for the source. He thought he saw a head bobbing in the water, and then heard the familiar sound of a Jumper, but all thoughts of rescue fled from his mind as another wave, bigger this time, shoved him with overwhelming force, towards the reinforced wall of the Atlantian fortress. He felt the impact as his head slammed into the wall, and then his thought faded into blackness.
Major Shepherd had seen McKay slam into the wall the first time and a few seconds later saw him resurface. He shouted to him, trying to warn him to swim out from the wall, and Rodney turned around, searching as if he'd heard his voice. As the next wave grabbed hold of Rodney, Shepherd put all his effort into reaching McKay.
He surfaced near where he'd last seen the scientist, but there was no sign of him.
"McKay!" he shouted. "Rodney!!"
He heard the jumper overhead, but focused on finding McKay. Seeing something out of the corner of his eye he turned. McKay's body, floating horizontally on the water, was just a few metres away. It took him only seconds to reach the scientist and pull him vertical, pulling his head up and trying to ignore the reddish colour of the water.
He turned to see the Jumper coming in close behind him. It came closer and closer and suddenly hands were reaching out to pull McKay from him, and then returning to pull him inside too.
He was wrapped in blankets immediately, heat conserving, military issue blankets. McKay had been lain flat on the floor and someone was bent over his mouth, breathing into him while a second person pressed down on his chest, counting each compression out loud.
Shepherd waited for the inevitable to happen. For Rodney to wake suddenly, coughing and spluttering and spitting out a pool of water, but as the Jumper lowered into the hanger, Rodney was still lying there motionless while people tried vainly to bring him back to life.
Major Shepherd tried to ignore the blood near McKay head, as someone else pressed a towel to the wound. He tried to ignore the blood on the hands of the person giving him mouth to mouth. Most importantly he tried to ignore the blood on his own hands, from when he lifted Rodney McKay out of the water.
'Not dead. He's not dead' These words he repeated in his head, over and over, like an mantra. If he kept saying it, as long as he kept saying it, it would be true. Rodney McKay could not die. Shepherd wouldn't let him.
Beckett was there, as the Jumper landed and the rear door opened. He didn't say anything, not even his customary 'bloody hell'. He just went very pale and started issuing commands, like any good military commander, or any good doctor.
John Shepherds final view of Rodney McKay was him being wheeled away on a trolley, surrounded by medics, the doctor, nurses, one of whom had taken over giving compressions, while another held an oxygen mask over McKay's face.
And then they were gone, disappearing through the doors. Shepherd, shivering and covered in blankets, with shocked people hovering around him in concern, could only stare after them and whisper quietly "What have I done?"
Well, what do you think? Reviews and/or constructive criticism very welcome!!
The quote at the beginning is from the poem Finisterre by Sylvia Plath