A/N: Hi there! Happy Monday! Thank you all for so many kind words after last chapter. I really do appreciate them and send all the love to anyone who's experienced anything similar to what I've written about. You're all amazing and appreciated.

Hailey pulled on her black shirt, took a minute to breathe, and then grabbed a ponytail to tie her hair up. Glancing in the mirror, she debated putting make-up on. She didn't want it to get ruined, but she also wanted to look presentable, so she stepped over to her dresser and pulled out her make-up bag.

As she brushed the foundation on her face followed by the blush, she wondered what state she'd find Jay in today. Devastated? Angry? Confused? Isolated? Ignorant? She didn't know which she wanted to experience.

Now that Jay's mom had been released from the hospital with a time stamp on her head, their lives had gotten more complicated. Jay had moved back into his family house to spend as much time as possible with her. He was on leave from the physical therapist office indefinitely. He barely texted her first and never called.

It was a rough first week.

Cathleen woke up twenty-three hours after she'd first been put in the medicated coma just to find out she had less than a year to live. No one had expected to hear such horrible news, but they were all grateful the Halstead family had a little bit longer together.

Hailey was keeping her distance for the most part. She didn't know how to best help any of them, so she stuck to sending texts and occasionally calling Jay. Cathleen had gone home two days after waking up, and Jay moved back the day after that, so it'd been a while since Hailey saw her boyfriend.

She missed him.

She couldn't decide if that was selfish or not: wishing she could see her boyfriend. She did want him to spend more time with his mom, and she wanted his family to be whole again, but Will hadn't moved back home. Will continued living his life, went to work, and just visited his childhood home before going to work or for dinner on the way home. Hailey wondered if Jay would eventually feel like he could do the same.

Putting her mascara away, she took a second to calm down then stepped out of her bedroom to see Vanessa and Kevin sitting on the couch together.

"Hey," Vanessa said softly, "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Hailey admitted.

"Mouse said it was rough, but that he's glad he went," Kevin said, "I think you'll feel the same way. I know you will."

"Yeah," Hailey breathed.

"Want us to come with you?" Vanessa asked.

Hailey blinked and shook her head. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she said, "Maybe next week or in a couple days. I-I haven't seen him in a while."

"Of course," Vanessa said softly, "We get it."

"Tell him we're here for him," Kevin said, "We miss him too."

Hailey smiled slightly and nodded.

"Hailey," Vanessa whispered and pushed off the couch. She gently pulled Hailey into a hug and said, "It'll be okay. She's alive."

"For now," Hailey said quietly, "A year isn't a long time."

"It will be," Vanessa said, "I believe that. Maybe she'll even live longer than-"

"Or shorter," Hailey interrupted.

Vanessa shook her head and said, "You need to start believing in the power of love. That woman loves her family, she's not going to leave them any sooner than she absolutely has to."

"Love isn't going to make her cancer disappear," Hailey said.

Vanessa lightly brushed a hand over Hailey's ponytail and stepped back to say, "No, but it'll give you all hope. It'll bring you all comfort too. Everyone needs love, Hailey."

Hailey pursed her lips and looked down at her feet. In a way, she thought Vanessa had a good point, but also…if love and some sort of powers above really were true, then none of this would be happening. She couldn't wrap her head around why any of this was happening.

Vanessa rubbed her arm and said, "You're going to get through this. I believe in you."

Hailey shook her then breathed in deeply before saying, "I hope so."

"He'll appreciate you going over," Vanessa said, "I think they all will."

Again, Hailey said, "I hope so."

"I know so," Vanessa whispered.

Hailey nodded and stepped away. "All right," she sighed, "I'll be back tonight."

"Have fun," Vanessa said.

"Hey, grab that lasagna I made in the fridge," Kevin said, "They can have it. It was good, right?" He looked at Vanessa who smiled and nodded quickly.

"Of course," she said.

Hailey laughed softly on her way over to the fridge. In truth, they'd all thought something was off about Kevin's lasagna, but he made two of them and said the second was for Jay and his family. She didn't want to purposely forget it, especially now that he'd asked her to grab it. It was just…the noodles were kind of hard; he couldn't make Italian food.

Pulling out the casserole dish, Hailey said, "Thanks, Kev. Are the-"

"Wrote the instructions on the foil," Kevin answered.

"You're the best," Hailey said. She took one last deep breath and tightened her hold on the dish.

"You've got this," Vanessa said.

Hailey smiled slightly and nodded.

She really, really hoped so.

Hailey had never been to Canaryville. It was filled with small houses all lined up and screamed old-town suburbia to her. Growing up in a family that owned a diner, she really didn't spend a ton of time out with people on her street since she was constantly working. Even if she had spent more time at home, though, there weren't a lot of kids that lived on her street to hang out with. All her friends from school lived in other neighborhoods, so it was rather dull during the summer.

This street, though, where Jay grew up, seemed to be filled with life. Yes, it was 10-15 years after he would have been a kid running around with friends, but there were still a ton of kids present. Hailey had to slow her car way down while driving so some boys could chase their basketball into the street. She saw some older people sitting out on their front yards talking to each other. It all just seemed to be alive, and she loved it.

Finally, she parked her car in front of a smaller yellow house with a minimalist garden in the front. It seemed old, but well-cared for with a few dirt spots on the siding and a couple cracks in the sidewalk. It was sweet.

Hailey stepped out of the car, grabbed Kevin's lasagna, then walked through the front gate to make her way to the door. Biting her lip, she took a second before lightly knocking on it. Jay had told her she could come over whenever that day, but she still didn't want to interrupt any certain appointments or wake his mom up if she was taking a nap. She just didn't want to overstep. She was new to this family; she did not want to cross any lines.

There was a creek in the floor before the door opened and Jay appeared through the screen. "Hailey," he breathed.

"Hey, you," she said softly.

Jay lightly laughed then opened the door for her to step in. The second she was within a foot of him, he grabbed the lasagna from her to set it on the front table then pulled her into a hug.

Hailey tensed for just a second in surprise then relaxed in his arms. Pushing up on her tiptoes, she whispered, "Hey."

"Hi," Jay mumbled into her hair.

Hailey rubbed her hands over his back and kissed the side of his head. "I missed you," she breathed.

"Missed you too," Jay murmured, "So much."

Tears formed in Hailey's eyes, and she could feel a lump form in her throat, but she pushed past it all to continue soothing her hands down Jay's spine. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere," she whispered.

"Thank you," Jay whispered back.

They remained holding each other in the entryway for much longer than Hailey would have expected, but she refused to let go. She didn't want to be the person who stepped away first because she could tell how much Jay needed this right now. The hug certainly warmed her own heart, but it also seemed to be the comfort Vanessa was saying Jay and his family needed. Maybe…maybe it was love.

Jay finally stepped back and sniffled quietly, covering it with a cough. He weakly smiled at her then said, "So, welcome to my house."

Hailey shot him a small smile and nodded. "It's nice," she said softly.

"Here, I'll show you around," Jay said. Clearing his throat, he grabbed the lasagna then led the way down the hall. He nodded toward the front room where an old couch and TV sat and said, "Living room. Usually that's where my dad is, but he's at work today."

Hailey nodded and looked around the small room filled with old family pictures. Smiling, she said, "Maybe you can tell me about a few of those?"

Jay chuckled and followed her gaze. "Yeah, maybe," he said. He stepped in the kitchen and said, "Kitchen, obviously. Dining room is through there, bathroom there, and laundry room too."

Hailey let her eyes wander as Jay set the lasagna in the fridge. The dining room was clearly being used as some sort of command center as the table was covered with paperwork, a big calendar, and had chargers and a laptop sitting on top. Her stomach twisted at the sight.

"Kev make this?" Jay asked while closing the fridge.

"Uh, yeah," Hailey said, blinking her eyes and turning back toward him, "It's fine."

Jay raised an eyebrow and said, "Yeah?"

Hailey tried holding a smile back then said, "It should be better. Just cook it a little longer than it says. The noodles were weirdly hard."

"Wonderful," Jay sighed, "Well, want to say 'hi' to my mom? She's been asking about you."

Hailey's eyes widened and she asked, "She has?"

Jay nodded and said, "Yeah, she's been wanting to see you."

"Oh," Hailey breathed, "I had no idea."

"I…um…I should have called sooner," Jay said as he rubbed the back of his neck, "You couldn't have known. I know I've been kind of distant. I'm just trying to figure this all out."

Hailey frowned and nodded. "I know," she said softly. Stepping forward, she lightly grabbed Jay's fingers and said, "Let's talk to your mom then talk about us and the past few days, okay?"

Jay nodded slightly and breathed, "Okay."

Hailey tightened her hold on Jay's hand then asked, "Is she upstairs?"

Jay cleared his throat again and said, "Yeah, in her room. Come on." Leading the way upstairs, his hand grew clammy, but his grip seemed to get impossibly tight. It was like he was holding on for dear life.

Hailey would have looked around at more of the pictures on the walls and the faded furniture showing years of life as they walked up the stairs, but all she could look at was the way Jay's back was tensed and how he seemed to stumble on some of the stairs he'd surely walked thousands of times before. She wished she would have pushed harder to show up sooner.

They came to a small landing at the top of the stairs. In one direction, she could see a small bathroom next to a closed bedroom door, in the other was a door barely cracked open with the sound of the TV leaking through.

Jay breathed in then dropped Hailey's hand to lightly push on the open door. "Mom," he said as he walked in, "Hailey's here."

"Oh, that's great! Bring her in!"

Jay glanced over his shoulder and smiled slightly.

Smiling back at him, Hailey stepped forward into the bedroom and said, "Hi, Mrs. Halstead."

The last time she'd seen the woman, Cathleen had been sickly, and maybe even deathly, looking in her hospital bed. She'd been connected to a few wires and tubes to help her survive while in the medicated coma. She hadn't looked anything like the woman she'd met at Allie's wedding. Now, though, now she looked more like herself, and Hailey couldn't help but let her face light up. Cathleen was wearing her own clothes and was sitting up in her bed with a photo album in her lap. To Hailey's surprise, she was watching old reruns of a reality show she never would have expected Cathleen to watch. Most importantly, she had a wide smile of her own on her face that just grew the second she met Hailey's eyes.

"It is so good to see you," Cathleen said softly. Putting her arms out, she gave Hailey a tight hug when she leaned forward.

"It's so good to see you too," Hailey replied. Like with Jay, she didn't want to be the first to let go, but this time, the hug didn't last nearly as long and Cathleen didn't appear to be upset when Hailey straightened up.

"Sit," Cathleen said, patting the mattress next to her.

Hailey obeyed with Jay sitting at the foot of the bed as well. She smiled over at him and tilted her head to the side. He chuckled and glanced at the TV.

"Really, Mom?" he said quietly.

Cathleen followed his gaze then said, "You know your father won't let me watch this when he's around. Now's my opportunity."

Hailey laughed softly and said, "I support that one hundred percent."

Cathleen winked at her then asked, "What have you been up to? There's been way too much testosterone around this house. It's exhausting."

Hailey laughed again and met Jay's eyes. "I bet," she said, "Well, I've just been working and hanging out at my place." She hesitated for a moment before looking back at Cathleen.

In truth, she'd been really lonely. She missed Jay. They'd gone from spending so much time together to absolutely nothing. She completely understood what had happened and why Jay had needed to move back with his parents, but it didn't stop the ache in her heart each night when she went to bed without a tight hug or a quick kiss.

If her loneliness showed on her face, it had to have been obvious because Cathleen lightly clicked her tongue and looked at Jay whose eyes widened.

"What?" he asked.

"You know," Cathleen said, "We will talk later."

Jay glanced at Hailey and repeated, "What?"

Cathleen waved her hand then turned back to Hailey and said, "How's your roommate doing? Have you two done anything fun lately?"

"Um," Hailey said and tried to smile, "We actually did a movie night the other day. It wasn't just us; our friends came over too." She couldn't help but let her eyes quickly shift toward Jay. They'd all invited him over too on Saturday, but he just replied that he was busy and couldn't make it. Falling asleep on the couch while watching a movie wasn't the same when Jay wasn't pressed up against her like before. She shook her head slightly, though, to focus back on what Cathleen had asked her: "We had a ton of snacks and went through three of the Stars Wars movies together. It was a lot of fun."

Cathleen smiled at her despite having followed Hailey's gaze and narrowing her eyes at Jay. "That is fun," she said softly, "I haven't watch Star Wars in a really long time."

"They're fine," Hailey said, shrugging slightly, "Not my favorite, but they were fun to watch. Adam made a drinking game too, so that made it even better."

Cathleen laughed softly and nodded. "Alcohol makes everything more fun."

"Most of the time," Hailey said with a smile, "Things can get out of hand every once in a while."

"Oh, for sure," Cathleen said, "I've definitely had my share of mistakes."

Jay straightened up slightly, but smiled and asked quietly, "Like what?"

Cathleen sat up further as well and said, "Just the usual college parties. You know."

"No, I don't," Jay chuckled, "Come on, Mom."

Cathleen smiled at both Hailey and Jay before saying, "I may have had too much to drink the first night I met your dad. We were both at a bar, he was there for your uncle Rob's bachelor party and I was just celebrating a Thursday night-"

"Thursday?" Jay interrupted.

"I just said it was a mistake," Cathleen said. Laughing to herself, she continued to say, "Anyways, thank god phones didn't exist because I was given several shots of fireball-"

"You hate fireball," Jay said.

Hailey laughed at Cathleen's exasperated look. "Hense, why I am sharing this story, Jay Matthew," she said.

Hailey couldn't help but snort and attempt to cover it with a cough. "Sorry," she said through her laughter, "You're just…you're cute."

Blushing, Jay rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You shush, Hailey Anne," he said.

"Hailey Anne?" Cathleen asked. When Hailey nodded, she smiled and said, "I like that. You look like a Hailey Anne."

Hailey laughed softly and said, "Thank you."

"Mom," Jay said and nudged Cathleen's leg, "What were you saying about fireball?"

Cathleen teasingly sighed then said, "Well, I was saying that I had a lot of fireball – way too much for a single night, probably even too much for an entire weekend – and one of my friends pushed me up on stage for karaoke. I attempted to sing some old Pat Benatar song-"

"Hit Me with Your Best Shot?" Jay guessed.

This time, Cathleen's smile widened and she said, "Yes, that one. So I tried singing it, made a complete fool out of myself, then stumbled off the stage right into the bathroom just to empty my stomach everywhere."

"Oh no," Hailey laughed and covered her mouth.

"Oh, it was awful," Cathleen said, "Everything was spinning, I was sweating, I just wanted to die, but I somehow cleaned myself up in the sink and left the room just to run right into Pat. I really don't remember what we talked about, but I do know that he 'bought' me a water and brought me back to his apartment. When I woke up in the morning, I was scared out of my mind. I should have went running and called the cops, but he was asleep on his couch when I left his room. He introduced himself to me again, then treated me to breakfast and the rest is history."

"Where'd he take you?" Hailey asked softly.

"One of those twenty-four hour pancake restaurants," Cathleen answered, "We sat for hours talking. He was the first man I'd ever met that seemed interested in what I had to say."

Hailey breathed in slowly and looked at Jay again, but this time, it wasn't out of pity or longing – it was because she knew that exact feeling. Until she'd met Jay, she didn't think any of her past boyfriends really listened to her. He would give her his full attention and ask questions – even on Day 1 of knowing each other. She'd thought he was just different, but maybe it was in his blood.

"So throwing up all the fireball made you not like it?" Jay asked.

Cathleen let out an exasperated sigh and said, "Really? That's what you got out of that story?"

Jay laughed and put his hands up. "I'm just curious," he said.

"Well, sort of," Cathleen answered after shaking her head at him, "I might have been able to handle it after just throwing it up, but when I went to clean myself up again in your dad's bathroom, he had this cinnamon toothpaste and that just did me in. It was awful; I couldn't handle it."

Jay smiled at her and nodded.

Cathleen smiled back then said softly, "Bear, mind getting me some more water?"

Jay's eyes widened before he nodded quickly and got off the bed. "Yeah, of course."

Before he could run out of the room, Cathleen called out, "Jay. We have a guest."

He stopped and winced. "Sorry," he said as he turned, "Hail? Water?"

Hailey laughed softly and nodded. "Please," she said.

Jay nodded quickly then hurried downstairs.

Cathleen let out a long sigh before swinging her legs off the bed and getting up.

"Oh-" Hailey began and stood up only for Cathleen to hold a hand up.

"Do not treat me like my son," she said, "I can walk to close the door contrary to what a certain twenty-four year-old may think."

Hailey nodded slowly then sat back down. "Okay," she said softly, watching Cathleen go close the bedroom door.

Once done, Cathleen turned and crossed her arms then stated, "He's been ignoring you."

Hailey blushed and looked down at her feet.

Frowning, Cathleen studied her for a moment before returning to her side. Settling on the mattress, she said, "I did not tell him to move back home. I didn't even suggest it. In fact, I said the opposite."

Hailey closed her eyes and nodded again. It wasn't anything she didn't know, yet it was still something that hurt her heart to hear. Jay couldn't let go and live his life. He was too good of a man to walk away from his mom right now, but that was exactly what was bothering her: living his life wouldn't be walking away from his mom, it would be honoring her.

"He's trying," Cathleen said, "And he's struggling. I know he's told you that I have about a year left, but I'm also certain he hasn't told you how hard he's taken it. It's not something I expected him to accept over night. I don't even know if I really knew how he'd react. How do you react to something like this? He's…he's my baby, and the thought of being without him is heart wrenching, but the thought of him limiting his life just to bring me lemonade and watch me take naps is even worse."

Hailey breathed in shakily. She could never imagine what Cathleen was going through, but she could guess that this – the Jay part, even the family part – was the hardest. Watching family members' lives come to a halt because of your own setbacks did not seem like an easy pill to follow – certainly not on top of dealing with your own health struggles.

"I didn't know he was completely not talking to you," Cathleen continued, "And I am very sorry."

Quickly, Hailey shook her head and looked up. "No, no, it's okay. He's-"

"He has no excuse," Cathleen interrupted, "Hailey, I'm sorry my own life got in the way of yours. That was never my intention. When he said he wanted to come back home, I didn't realize he was thinking of it as a permanent thing."

Hailey weakly laughed and said, "Yeah. Kind of threw me for a loop too."

"And skipping work?" Cathleen sighed, "I need to talk to him now that it's been a week."

Hailey chewed her lip for a moment then said softly, "You don't have to do any of this for me."

Cathleen smiled and set a hand on her leg. "Hailey," she said, "You are a very kind girl, but this isn't just for you. It's for him. I can't have him living in this small house for the foreseeable future. His dreams and ambition are much too big for Canaryville; however, getting him out of here will be good for you too. It'll be good for Mouse and Will and even me. He needs to get back in that apartment."

Hailey couldn't help but smile as she tried mulling her thoughts over. Looking down at her hands, she finally said, "You asked me to make sure he didn't push me away; I'm sorry I couldn't hold up my end of the bargain."

"Oh, you didn't fail," Cathleen said and shook her head, "You're here right now. You didn't ignore him. I know you've texted him; I've seen him smiling at his phone. You were perfect – it's my turn now. I'll talk to him, okay? I don't want to make promises, but I do think I'm pretty persuasive, especially when it comes to my youngest."

Hailey laughed quietly again and nodded. "Okay," she breathed.

Cathleen lightly patted her knee and asked, "How're you? Do you need anything else from me?"

"Oh," Hailey said quickly and looked up, "No, no, I'm okay. Thank you, though, but-"

"Hailey."

Hailey hesitated and breathed in slowly. She could admit that she missed Jay deeply. She could say she'd felt unneeded and scared lately. She could say she really wanted to fall asleep in Jay's arms again. She could spill all her deepest darkest family secrets.

She could, but this was Jay's mom, and she was sick, so she shrugged and whispered, "I'll be okay."

Before Cathleen could argue, Jay stepped back in the room with a few water bottles and asked, "Everyone doing good? Mom?"

"I'm good, honey, thank you," Cathleen said softly without taking her eyes off of Hailey. She accepted a water and asked, "Did you show Hailey around the house?"

"Sorta," Jay answered. He opened a water bottle for Hailey then passed it to her. Shooting her a smile, he said, "It's kind of small."

"I like it," she admitted softly, "It reminds me of what a home should be."

Understanding crossed Jay's face briefly, his smile flickering just the slightest amount.

In response, Hailey blushed and quickly took a long sip of water. It wasn't that her house hadn't been a home; just that it hadn't felt like a home. The amount of pictures on Jay's walls completely dominated the amount that had been on the walls in her house growing up. There were a few stains on the carpet she'd passed in the living room that proved life had occurred here; had something been spilled on the carpet in her house when she was young, her mom would have thrown a fit in fear of what her dad would say, so they'd spend hours scrubbing at it till it completely disappeared. There were dents in the walls from messing around and moving furniture – nothing like the hole in her parents' room that had appeared when her dad shoved her mom during one of his drunken rages. She had a feeling that Cathleen was never called an ungrateful bitch just like she assumed Pat was never screamed at for being a crazy bastard.

She would have given anything to grow up in a house like this. She would give anything now to feel the love that had surely existed here. All she ever needed to feel was that she was wanted by the people she called her family, and yet the fact that she never did feel that was the very reason she had a hard time believing in love.

She hadn't wanted to change her past and rid herself of the dark cloud that followed her forever more than she wanted to right now. Not when she could see what kind of life she could have had. Not when that exact life was slipping out of the woman's fingers right next to her.

Hailey felt Cathleen's eyes continue to bore into her, but she wasn't strong enough to meet them, so she shakily stood up and said, "Excuse me, I need to use the restroom."

She rushed from the room to the small bathroom she'd spotted earlier. Steadying herself against the counter, she took a deep breath and turned the sink on. She threw water on her face, effectively ruining the makeup she'd put on earlier that day.

Her mind was spinning with the memories of growing up in a cold house that manipulated her idea of love. She just needed to breathe and remind herself that she did escape. She wasn't living at home anymore, and she'd found a good man to support her.

No.

He wasn't supporting her.

She could support herself.

She just liked him.

A lot.

Jay was a good man that she liked spending time with and kissing and talking to, and that was okay. He wasn't supporting her with money like they'd joked around about as friends; he was supporting her with his company. She could accept that.

Except that, lately, he hadn't been.

He'd been here with his family, and she felt like the worst person in the world to want to take him away from that. She was being selfish. Her feelings for him were getting in the way of what was right for him.

His mom was wrong. Family was important, and Hailey believed that if Jay had a good one, he needed to hold on to it. She wasn't as lucky, so this was her chance to give Jay what he needed: time.

Tears stung her eyes at the thought of stepping away from Jay. She truly did not want to, but she knew she had to. All of this just proved how gross and hard love was: the love you got from your family, if you were lucky enough to get it, needed to trump the love – or strong feelings in Hailey's case – you got from some other person.

In her own case, holding on to Jay was causing her pain. If she tried keeping him in her life just for him to stay away where he needed to be, she was going to be miserable. That was obvious. It wasn't fair to either of them for her to demand his attention. She needed to let go, but that just took her breath away.

It actually all made her head spin and proved to her that love didn't exist. If it did, then why did all of this hurt so badly?

"Hailey?"

She looked over at the door and sniffled. "Sorry, almost done," she said quietly.

Jay knocked again and repeated, "Hail? You okay?"

Hailey rubbed her fist under her eyes and nodded quickly. "Yup," she said, louder now so he could hear her, "Sorry, I-I'm just finishing up."

She sniffled again and shakily washed her hands before turning the water off and stumbling back into the wall. She managed to dry the majority of the water from her hands then opened the door to see Jay leaning against the wall across the hallway.

"Hey," he said and stepped forward, "What's going on? Do you feel okay?"

Hailey nodded quickly and said, "Of course."

Jay raised an eyebrow and said, "I…don't know about that."

Hailey sighed and looked down the hallway at his mom's room where the door was now closed.

Jay followed her eyes then explained, "She wanted to take a nap."

Hailey nodded again and wiped at her eyes.

"Let's go in my room," Jay said softly, taking Hailey's hand in his and gently tugging her toward the other closed door. When he pushed it open, Hailey couldn't help but laugh weakly at what she saw.

The walls were split almost perfectly down the middle horizontally with the top being white and the bottom being a dark navy. A handful of trophies were on a bookshelf that honestly didn't have many books on it. Two twin-sized beds were shoved into separate corners of the room – one had the name 'Will' painted above it while the other said 'Jay.' There were a few White Sox posters and pictures of Chicago throughout. It reminded her of a high-schooler's bedroom, which perhaps made sense: no one had probably really touched this room since Jay and Will had left it for college years before. It was homey.

"How many girls have you taken in here?" she quietly joked.

Jay chuckled and said, "Like two." He led her to his bed and sat down on it, pulling her on his lap without question.

She looked at him with wide eyes and said, "Yes?"

Jay looked at her for a moment before softly saying, "Tell me the truth."

"I…about what?"

"You."

Hailey sighed and looked away, knowing she wouldn't be able to lie to him if she was looking in his eyes. She glanced down at her fingers and slowly picked at the sides of her nails. Shrugging, she whispered, "Nothing."

"Hailey."

Jay's voice broke slightly as it floated to her ears, and her heart shattered even more.

"I'm worried about you," he continued softly, "You just…you kind of shut off in there. I want to know you're okay."

Closing her eyes, the irony wasn't lost on her that Jay was worried about her. It should be the other way around; just another reason as to why she needed to step away from him – it wasn't fair given his situation.

Frowning, she shrugged again and looked up before quietly asking, "And you? I'm worried about you too, Jay. You've literally shut off. I barely hear from you, and I don't know what to do. That…that's the truth." She finished with a deep breath then bit her lip as she waited for his reply.

His lips gaped for a moment before he blushed. Now was his turn to look away as he seemed to struggle for the words.

Hailey felt tears prick her eyes, and she slid off his lap just to push up on her knees and lightly trace his ear with her pointer finger. "We're all worried," she whispered, "But we also all miss you. I miss you. I-I don't know what to do. I feel awful for it."

Jay nodded slowly then met her eyes. "We just started dating," he breathed.

"Yeah," Hailey hummed, "And I do care about you so, so much. I do. I want you happy, and I don't want to force you into doing something you regret. Hell, I don't think I could. My heart agrees with what you're doing. Your family is so-"

"Broken?" Jay guessed.

"No," Hailey weakly laughed, "It's perfect. This house is perfect. I love it here, and I've only been here this one time. It reminds me of those happy homes you'd see on TV and read about in books."

"Hailey," Jay breathed.

She shook her head and continued lightly running her fingers along his hairline. A tear finally fell down her cheek, but she didn't bother wiping it away. She couldn't lose her connection with him right now. If she was touching him and pressed up against him, then she didn't need to step away from him. They were both safe if they stayed here on his childhood bed.

"I know you and your dad have fought," she continued softly, "And I know things are really hard right now, but you have a family, and I cannot get in the way of that."

Jay's eyes widened and he straightened up. "What are you talking about?" he asked despite Hailey having a sinking feeling he knew exactly what she meant.

She shook her head again because she didn't want to say the words she knew were necessary.

"Hailey," Jay repeated for the umpteenth time, "You…I…I can take you out. I can leave for a little bit."

"Jay," she whispered and set her hand on the side of his face, "I can't ask you to do that – it wouldn't be fair for you, but it also wouldn't be fair for me. You need to stay here right now. It's where your heart needs to be, right?"

He swallowed hard and said, "I…maybe."

Hailey nodded and said, "You love her, and I do not blame you at all for wanting to be here for her. This is your life, and I can't be the person who tells you what to do. I can't, Jay, I can't do it."

He gripped her hand that was resting on his thigh and asked, "Did my mom say something to you?"

Hailey closed her eyes because while Cathleen did talk to her, what she was saying had not exactly stemmed from that conversation. Cathleen wanted her son to return to his real life, but Hailey didn't want to be the one who forced him to do that. She'd been asked weeks before if she'd make sure Jay didn't push her away, and she'd agreed to do that, yet now…now it was too hard to hold up her end of the bargain – not when life got too real and her view on love started to blur at the edges.

"She did?" Jay guessed.

Hailey sighed and looked back up at him. "We talked," she said softly, "But we both want the same thing; we just have different ideas of what that is."

Jay blinked then asked, "What're you talking about?"

Hailey swallowed herself then said, "We want you happy. I know you're happy here and that your heart is telling you to stay here. I'm not taking that away from you, I promise. I'm just…I can't…I can't get hurt." She winced as her words cracked and she internally hated herself for being so vulnerable and emotional in Jay's childhood home when he was the one who was currently hurting more, but she also knew her words were important: Jay needed to hear what she had to say, and she needed to admit her fears.

"Hurt?" Jay repeated.

Hailey nodded and breathed, "I can't dive head-in to this relationship when you're trying to balance all of this. I'm not mad at you, Jay, I'm just…"

He stared in her eyes for a moment, his own reflecting the tears she knew she had too, and then he quietly guessed, "Scared?"

This time he was right.

Hailey nodded again.

Jay closed his eyes for a moment before slowly nodding as well.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "This is not at all what I thought the first part of our relationship would be."

Hailey sadly smiled and shook her head. "We couldn't control it," she breathed, "It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. We just need…we just need to take a bit to breathe and figure this all out, okay? You need to find your place here with your mom, and I need to relax and remind myself that you're happy here."

"I can't be happy without you," Jay said quietly.

"Hey," Hailey breathed. She quickly moved forward to hug him tightly as she whispered in his ear, "You need to be with your family, and I'm not at all upset, all right? I'll be okay. You can't get time back."

Again, Jay slowly nodded despite the broken look on his face.

Hailey blinked past tears in her eyes and said softly, "I'll be here for you when you're ready. When we're ready to figure this all out and can give each other what we both need, we'll really go for it. I do want you, Jay, I do. I…I want to try. I believed you when you said you would teach me about love, but I understand now's not the time."

Jay's jaw set as she repeated his own words back at her. Looking down at his shaking hands, he breathed in shakily and whispered, "You're right. And…it's not you at all – it's me. I need to figure out this new…thing."

Hailey scooted impossibly closer to him and pressed her lips to his cheek. Her eyelashes brushed against his skin as she closed her eyes, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so close to him. In her heart, despite how it felt cracked right now, she felt connected to Jay. Taking a step back so that he could spend time with his mom felt mature. She felt like she'd grown up in the short time she'd known Jay: he taught her that good people were worth the wait.

"I'm gonna go home," she whispered, sitting back on her heels.

Jay grabbed her hand tightly and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. He seemed to struggle for the words before giving up and leaning forward to catch her lips in his.

She couldn't help but gasp softly underneath him. Everything in her screamed to lay back on the bed and let him climb on top of her…everything but her head. She knew it wasn't smart to let happen no matter how much her heart told her they needed one last time for who knows how long.

"I'll wait for you," she breathed as she reluctantly pulled away.

Looking back, it was certainly some sort of line from a TV show or corny romantic movie – the kind that she couldn't stand because of the unrealistic expectations it placed on love – however, she found that she meant it. It wasn't something she just said without thinking, it was something her heart wanted to say. She needed Jay to know that she wasn't giving up on him; she was just doing the right thing.

It's what she told herself the entire drive home.

Walking away from Jay and giving him time and putting herself first by ridding herself of expectations…that was doing the right thing.

It needed to be the right thing.

When Hailey broke up with her first boyfriend in college, she cried for two days straight, drank herself straight to the ground on the third day, then got really into running. She ran every day before her classes and every night before bed. It became her stress reliever and worked well at clearing her head. Her favorite place to run was along the river – the fresh air and breeze made her skin feel alive and reminded her to keep pushing even through the hard times.

It was a simple pattern: whenever she'd break-up with a guy or experience some sort of heartbreak whether it be with her family or even a job or school, she'd find herself running along the river. Typically, it lasted a little over a month before she would feel good enough to just go on a treadmill once a day or even skip exercising altogether. Vanessa and Kim knew that if she was running, she was also hurting, and they did their best to help her when she'd come home.

This time…this time was completely different.

Hailey couldn't find it in herself to get out of bed. She took two sick days and was thankful for a scheduled day off in the lab on the third. She had no desire to eat and the thought of drinking until her head spun seemed exhausting. Her pillows and blankets became her only company. Vanessa and Kim tried talking to her, but all they could do was offer a shoulder to cry on – she wasn't interested in any of their ideas or plans to drag her back out in the real world.

Occasionally, she wondered why this time was worse. Why leaving Jay in his childhood bedroom with his sick mom down the hallway caused all her drive and motivation to fly out the window. It was like her body just completely shut down. It wasn't even painful; she was just numb.

She didn't want to even consider that maybe she had been starting to experience the L word with Jay. It wasn't real. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't.

But Jay was.

He was very real with real emotions and a real family and a real home to live in and a need for real, actual time.

She knew stepping away was the right option, but she still prayed to the powers above that it wouldn't last forever. She missed the feeling of his body pressed against hers and how her heart would flutter when he'd smile.

That hadn't been the L word. That had just been infatuation.

It was a necessary reminder to keep her sane.

A big argument against thinking she was experiencing the L word was that Jay hadn't reached out to her. If he felt the same way, he surely would have called her or texted her. Taking a break to breathe and figure their lives out didn't have to mean that they avoided each other. She thought a simple 'hey' would have turned everything around – at least she hoped it would; it could also send her into a deeper spiral at the thought of having some dull conversation with Jay after all their previous real conversations.

Vanessa had been gone about twenty minutes when Hailey decided to pull herself out of bed for the first time that day. She still felt exhausted and broken, so it wasn't going to last long, but she did want water and maybe a cookie. It'd hopefully give her enough energy to at least watch a whole episode of the same trash reality show Jay's mom had been watching a few days before. It hurt to watch, but it did make her feel somehow connected to Jay. Plus, it distracted her; maybe that's why Cathleen liked it so much.

On her way back to her room with a bottle of water and chocolate chip cookie in hand, she heard a knocking on the window. Rubbing her face, she glanced to her left only to gasp and drop her water.

Jay was standing on her fire escape.

A/N: Let me know your thoughts! And good luck if you're gonna try to get Taylor Swift tickets tomorrow! :)