Another peaceful day in Wartwood. Johan was off duty today, so he the chance to ride on Bessie the snail with the Plantars and Anne. "Ah, a leisurely outing with Bessie," said Hop Pop. "Why, we could really go anywhere. Do anything."

"Ooh, ooh! Can we get Swamp Slushies? They have new flavors," suggested Sprig.

"Nope."

"Why not?" asked Johan.

"Short on cash, remember?"

"Oh."

"Can we go off-road?" asked Polly. "Do some crazy stunts?"

"Double no," said Hop Pop, making her pout in response.

"Ooh, ooh! Can I drive?" asked Anne.

"Sure."

"Aw, come on, Hop Pop- Wait, really?"

"Absolutely. I've been trying to teach this guy for years," the old frog said, gesturing to his grandson.

"It's true!"

Anne was excited. "All right! Give me those reins. I'm ready to drive."

When they got back to the farm, Hop Pop reached into his bag and placed a large, fat book in her hands. "Not before reading this, you ain't."

"What?"

"This is Bessie's History. Before touching a snail's reins, you gotta know them. Feel their heartbeat next to yours and become one."

"So, it's not like riding a bike," said Johan. "And more like riding a horse."

"I don't know what a horse is," said Hop Pop.

"She's not a horse," said Anne. "She's a snail! Hop Pop, it's just a vehicle. We had a family car back home. It's no biggie."

"Don't care!" Hop Pop said, jabbing a finger in her stomach. "You can't drive Bessie, unless you read this cover to cover. And that's final."

"Are there pictures?" asked Anne hopefully.

"There are diagrams."

"NOOOOOOO!"

"Sheesh. Dramatic much? Now if you'll excuse me, Polly's due for a wash."

"No, no. Wait." Hop Pop grabbed the little pollywog before she could get away. "No! I'll just get dirty again. You can't stop me! I learned this from watching you, Anne!"

Anne looked at the book in her hands and groaned. "I'll be old before I finish reading this thing."

"Yeah, page five is as far as I got," said Sprig. "Too much description, not enough plot."

"I don't need history. I need experience."

"Wow, if this is how you're gonna act, you'll never pass the written part of the exam to get your driver's license," said Johan.

"Don't joke about this!" Suddenly, a devious idea popped in Anne's head. "Hey, Sprig. What do you say we take a harmless test-drive? Prove to Hop Pop we're fast learners?"

"Anne, no."

"JoJo's right," said Sprig. "This is may be one of those decisions we'll look back on and say, 'Ooh-boy, we probably shouldn't have done that'?"

"We'll get Swamp Slushies while we're out," Anne sang.

"Anne, no!"

Sprig hopped onto Bessie's saddle. "No regrets!"

Johan sighed. "Oh, what the heck. This may give Bessie some experience of her own."

"Experience for what?" asked Anne as she and Johan hopped on.

"Derby di demolizione."

Despite knowing little Italian, Anne knew what Johan said. "Demolition derby?!"

"What's demolition derby?" asked Sprig.

"It's a competition where cars smash into each other," explained Johan. "While rules vary from event to event, the typical demolition derby event consists of five or more drivers competing by deliberately ramming their vehicles into one another. The last driver whose vehicle is still operational is awarded the victory. Or in the case of this poster," he said as he took said poster out. "Snail." The poster depicted snails smashing into each other while their drivers screamed in road rage.

Sprig immediately hugged Bessie. "NO! I won't let you smash my snail!"

"Yeah, dude," said Anne. "We're just going for a short drive to get a smoothie, not crash into other snails!"

"I was joking," said Johan. "Besides, with an inxperienced driver like you at the reigns, we may as well be in a demolition derby."

"Oh, yeah? Well, get ready to put your money where your mouth is! Hyah!" Anne snapped the reigns and Bessie took off and out of the pen.

Up ahead, Sadie Croaker was riding on her giant ladybird beetle when she heard something approaching fast. "What in tarnation?" Bessie sped by her, making the ladybird beetle spin out of control.

Sprig showed her his rear and spanked it. "Out of the way, slowpoke!" he shouted.

The old frog lady shook her fist at him and shouted, "Hooligans! Ruffians! Swamp suckers!"

"Whoa," exclaimed Johan. "What was that for?"

"I've always wanted to try road rage."

"You know that's going to come back to haunt you, right?"

"WORTH IT!"

"Live your truth!" shouted Anne. "Yeah!"

Turns out Swamp Slushies was one of the buildings Passione renovated, so that meant Johan got a discount. "Man, I have to remember to take you with me to the renovated stores," said Anne as she drank her slushy. "How many did you renovate anyway?"

"Not many," said Johan admittedly. "Just a clothing store, a massage parlor and Loggle's woodcraft shop. Apparently, his termites got loose and ate the support beams, so they had to be replaced. I had to enforce a new rule, 'No termites!'. Don't think he listens, though." He drank his slushy. "Hey, this is good. What's in it?"

"Earwigs and limes," said the waitress.

Anne and Johan's eyes widened and they ran to find a bush to vomit in.

"Man, you were right," said Sprig as soon as they were back on the road. "We didn't need to read some silly book. You drive just fine."

"Just fine? Pshh. Boy, I'm a natural," said Anne. "Wanna take this baby off-road?"

"Anne, no," warned Johan.

"Yup!" said Sprig.

"MAJORITY RULES!" shouted Anne as she drove Bessie off the road and into the forest, off a cliff, down a hill and into a pit.

"So, off-roading. Fun," said Johan, feeling a little frazzled. "But how about we go back to on-roading? For the sake of my heart?"

"Good old reliable on-roading, yes, please," said Sprig, who was just as frazzled.

"All right, Bessie. Let's move," said Anne, giving the reigns a crack. But the snail did not move. "One more time. Let's move." Nothing. Turns out, the reason she did not move was because she retreated into her shell.

"Anne, I think you spooked her," said Johan.

"What? That's ridiculous." Anne jumped off the saddle and approached the front of the shell. "Hey, girl. Come on out. There's nothing to be scared of." But Bessie refused to budge.

"Maybe we could coax her out with these leaves," said Sprig, taking a shamrock and putting it in front of Bessie. "Here, Bessie. I got dem good leaves, girl." The snail did not move an inch.

"Maybe we can push her? Give her a jump-start? I'm sure that's a thing," said Anne. The three kids pushed on her shell, but Bessie refused to move.

"I knew this won't work," said JoJo. "She's too heavy!"

"Also, I'm crazy out of shape. Can't you use your Stand to move her?" asked Anne.

"DARE is not that strong. And besides, its powers only effect a human or animal's senses."

"What are we gonna do? We're stuck," said Sprig.

"We don't have any choice," said Johan. "Anne and I will stay with Bessie while you go for help."

Anne groaned in annoyance. "Hop Pop is gonna kill me. I'll never hear the end of it."

"Good idea. It's the right thing to do, even if we get an earful," said Sprig. "Back in a flash," he said as he hopped off.

With the little pink frog gone, the two humans sat down next to Bessie's shell and waited. A trio of leaf-cutter ants passed by. A bird chirped. A leaf landed in Johan's hair. "AAAAHHH! THIS IS SO BORING!" screamed Anne. "Wish I had something to read."

"Well, the only thing we have to read is..." Johan gestured to Hop Pop's manual in the saddle bag.

Anne hesitated for a moment before she finally conceded and reached into the saddle bag. "Fine. But just to pass the time." She placed the book in her lap and opened it. "Okay, let's see here. 'It was an especially cold morning the day Bessie was brought into this world. The leaves had just changed color, and now I shall describe those leaves to you in great detail.' Nope." Anne slammed the book close. "Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope." Her eyes wandered to the book.

Meanwhile, Sprig hopped through the trees until he spotted a vehicle off in the distance. He hopped down to the ground and waved his hands, trying to get the rider's attention. "Over here, over here. I need a ride." The rider stopped. "Oh, thank you so much for stopping. I, uh-" Boy, did he feel sorry when the driver was revealed to be Sadie Croaker and her ladybird beetle steed. "Oh."

"Bless my socks. If it isn't Sprig Plantar," the old frog woman said. Her pet tarantula barked.

"Yep," Sprig said with an awkward chuckle. "Hey, uh, sorry about earlier. Got a little carried away."

"Oh, pishposh. Sadie Croaker never holds a grudge, honey."

"Well, that's lucky," Sprig said, thinking he got off easy. "Will you give me a lift back home? It's urgent."

"Oh, absolutely."

"Oh, my pleasure, honey. Well, go on and get comfy. Watch out for ol' Archie, though. His venom can cause paralysis." Sprig hopped in the saddle next to Sadie and allowed the tarantula to sit on his lap. "Now hold on to your eyebrows. 'Cause here we go!" She gave the reigns a crack and the ladybug moved at a snail's pace. A very, very, VERY slow snail's pace.

"CAN'T THIS THING GO ANY FASTER?!" shouted Sprig. Sadie only smirked.

Meanwhile, Anne and Johan were still reading the book and eating some leaves. "'And it was at that moment I realized Bessie was no ordinary snail, but a kind, clear soul who would help others at a drop of a hat. I raised my bid to 400 copper pieces, winning the auction, and in the process, saving Bessie from the nefarious Jim Snapes.' Yes! In your face, Snapes."

"What was he even nefarious for?" asked Johan. "It doesn't even go into detail about it."

"Dunno, don't care," said Anne. "Man. This is actually pretty good. And I need to stop eating leaves."

"It's better than eating bugs."

Sprig tapped his foot impatiently as the ladybird beetle creeped along. "Come on, come on,"

"You know what would make this ride go a lot quicker?" asked Sadie.

"Anything! What?"

"A song! Ninety-nine jugs of juice on the wall! Ninety-nine jugs of juice! Take one down, pass it around..."

Sprig was in Hell, was he?

"'The snow swirled around us and I knew we were doomed. I could feel the strength leaving my body bit by bit. The sweet embrace of eternity crept closer and closer. Until suddenly I heard a sound pulling me back. Bessie... Bessie was singing!'" Anne paused in her reading to pat Bessie's shell. "You go, girl. You noble, noble creature. Man. This is messing me up. Now let's see. Where was I?"

"Right here," Johan pointed to the paragraph. "'The reason Bessie had hidden in her shell was now very clear to me. A predator was close. And not just any predator. A natural enemy of snails. A hedgehog.'" A sudden shiver ran down his spine when he read that. "Anne, Bessie is as big as a cow. How big do hedgehogs get in Amphibia?"

He got his answer when the bushes suddenly uncurled themselves to reveal they were hedgehogs as big as tigers. Only these hedgehogs looked more like razorback hyenas. Anne and Johan screamed as they jumped into Bessie's saddle to avoid getting bitten. One of them, a blue one, jumped at the kids only to be shot in the face by Johan's pistol. "Anne," he shouted as he shot a few more. "Just speed read until you find the way to get Bessie moving!"

"I'm looking, I'm looking," Anne shouted as she flipped through the pages. "Here it is! 'When Bessie senses danger, you gotta sit on her shell and yell at the top of your lungs, 'BESSIE, THINGS ARE GETTING MESSY!'" All at once, the snail popped out of her shell and sped off. But the hedgehogs chased after her and began shooting their quills at her. Johan countered by shooting his gun at them. And then he heard a dreaded click sound.

"They just keep coming, Anne, and I'm all out of bullets!" A hedgehog managed to catch up to them, but before it could bite them, he summoned DARE and punched it in the face. "MUDA!"

"I'm looking, I'm looking," Anne said as she read as fast as she could. "Here we go. 'If you still haven't escaped, give Bessie some berries from the secret compartment in the front of her shell.'" Anne reached down and pressed the front of Bessie's shell, revealing her internal organs. "Oh, this is gross." She found the bag of berries and leaned forward to feed them to the snail. "Let's do this thing, Bessie."

Bessie's snail trail turned into a pink, slippery oil slick and sent the hedgehogs sliding and crashing into each other. "Way to go, Bessie!" Anne cheered and gave the snail a hug. "You are the queen of the road."

"Queen of all roads," said Johan as he patted her shell.

Bessie purred and nuzzled their faces.

"Now let's get you home," said Anne as she cracked the reigns, making Bessie go forward.

"Take one down, pass it around, no more jugs of juice on the wall," sang Sadie. Sprig thanked the Olms it was over. "One more time!" Sprig buried his face in Archie and let out a scream.

"Hey, kid! Need a lift?" asked Anne as she pulled over beside the ladybird beetle.

"Cause we got one," said Johan.

"Anne! JoJo!" He hopped into Bessie's saddle and gave them a hug. "Thank goodness. Okay, bye, Mrs. Croaker. Thank you."

"Bye, darlin'. Next time, try to keep that road rage in check." The old frog lady cracked her reigns and the ladybird beetle took off like a race car. "Yee-haw!"

Sprig blinked a few times before saying, "Pretty sure I just got played."

"That woman is everything I want to be," said Anne.

"She reminds me of Suzie Q," said Johan.

When the trio returned to the Plantars' farm house and returned Bessie to the pen, it was nighttime and they were exhausted. "We made it," said Sprig. "And it looks like Hop Pop's still washing Polly."

"You'll never take me alive!" Polly's voice rang out.

"Dang it, Polly. You're getting filth everywhere!"

Sprig approached the front door, only to stop when he realized Anne and Johan were still with Bessie. "Hey. You coming?"

"I think we're going to spend a little more time with ol' Bessie here," Anne said, patting the sleeping snail on the shell.

"Suit yourself," said Sprig as he walked in.

Anne and Johan sat down in the saddle and she took out the book from the saddle bag. "Now where were we?"

"Page 217," said Johan.

Hop Pop awoke with a start when something big and heavy slammed on him. "What the hey?" He almost jumped back when he saw Anne and Johan staring at him with wide, bloodshot eyes. "Good morning, Hopadiah," they droned.

"Anne? JoJo?"

"I did it. I read the whole thing. In one night," Anne said in an insane manner.

"I kept us up all night using DARE to stimulate us," Johan said with a maniacal giggle. "No coffee for me, thanks! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He passed out immediately and began snoring.

"Impressive. Kinda scary. But impressive," said Hop Pop.

"I was wrong about Bessie," said Anne as she sat in a chair. "She's not just a vehicle. She's a noble, beautiful creature."

"And now that you've read this, all you need is experience."

When Hop Pop said that, Anne's eyes widened and Johan immediately awoke. "Oh, abbiamo avuto esperienza," he said with an evil laguh. "Abbiamo avuto molta esperienza! Stai attento!" The two of them laughed like a pair of madmen as they left the bedroom.

The old frog stared in fear. "I don't feel safe."

To Be Continued...