A/N Chapter 5! Hope you enjoy! And thank you love, for your beta-ing, 'Help', museings and... insperation

Chapter 5 Arthur Troubles

Ford looked at Zaphod and sighed. To Arthur he said 'Ya know, we're never going to get anywhere with interruptions like this. Damn you Arthur!'

Arthur glanced up at Ford looking upset and confused. Ford's expression softened upon finding Arthur's eyes upon him and he reached out for Arthur Dent's hand as he explained, 'Not you Arthur. The Author, the one who's making us do all of this. The one the muse comes to, and then she puts off writing it. Not you Arthur Dent. The Author is giving us this woe.'

'The Author?' said the Authoress. 'What kind of foolishness is this? People have asked for you to get farther in this relationship. You both look as lost as a lemon looking for a gin. What's wrong?' said the very annoyed Authoress.

'Well' said Arthur Dent fearfully 'Personally, I don't have any idea what's going on.'

'Wing it!' cried the disgruntled Authoress.

Ford nodded when Arthur Dent said his bit, and then said 'Well we would bloody wing it, but you…' he cut himself off with one of those frightening grins.

The Authoress raises one eyebrow, and tilts her head.

Ford resumed with a sly smile '…you don't even know what your writing about. You can't even write us kissing properly, can you? What happens if-' he paused and cleared his throat happily at the thought 'When we have sex. It will be a disgrace to me. And we all know that I'm a frood who really knows where their towel is.'

The Authoress is very upset.

Zaphod, Ford, and Arthur Dent gave each other freighted looks at the thought of the upset Authoress.

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about upset Authoress': Should an Authoress become upset and come forth in a story that is presently being written, the charactershowever hoopy they may be, are in a load of trouble. The Authoress will decide what sort of action must be taken, usually to the Authoress' advantage, and then will put it into the story, where it will not belong. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy wonders what all this has to do with Hitchhiking, but doesn't ask questions. It gives answers.

Zaphod had remained silent through this entire conversation, and now decided to put his two cents in. "Well, I do have an idea.' Everyone groaned. 'Hey hey, now. Just listen everybody. What if this great Miss Authoress brought in Outside help?'

At this everyone grins.

The Authoress puts in that this is her story, and the events that are going to take place are going to turn out exactly as she wants them to.

Outside help gives the Authoress a sly grin and places his arm around her shoulder. She gives Zaphod, Ford, and Arthur Dent a quick glance, and all three presently turn their heads (two in the case of Zaphod) and start whistling tuneless melodies.

The Authoress turns back to Help, who is still giving her that sly smile. She shrugs at him, unprepared of what to do. Help leans towards the great, wise but slightly clumsy Authoress as she leans back, almost laying down. Help takes his other hand and places it on her neck, and brings his lips to hers. The Authoress simply sits there, extremely uncomfortable. Help moves his head back slightly, and raises one eyebrow. The Authoress gives a small worried smile. He brings his lips back to hers, nibbling and tugging and pulling at them, until she starts to move her lips, and tug back. As soon as she opens her mouth, his tongue darts in, moving around, learning her every curve. At his bold movement she gasped, opening her mouth wider, and he took full advantage of that, deepening the kiss.

The Authoress gets an idea. She starts rubbing her tongue along his, making him shudder. Her hand flies across her page, as she takes notes. Her hands are busy, Help realizes, but his are simply lying on his lap. He takes one hand and pulls her face towards him, and then moves it to her scalp, running his hand through her hair. He then takes his other hand and pulls the bottom of her shirt up slightly, and lays his hand on her stomach. She pauses both writing and her mouth.

Smack!

'NO! You know my rules, for I am omnipotent! My clothes stay on and my feet stay on the ground!' She pauses. 'Oh what the hell, this isn't my story.'

The two resume as they were, with Help's hand on her stomach, until Ford, Arthur Dent and Zaphod all make small noises to let them know that there are other people in the room still. The Authoress and Help look up with matching blushes on their faces. Help walked out of the spaceship's room. Upon further inspection on the Authoress' hand there was an arrangement of numbers, but this isn't her story.

The Authoress poofed in a cloud of remembrance of simple omnipotence but absence from the story.

Arthur Dent and Ford simply looked at each other and grinned.

Zaphod raised both pairs of eyes brows and sighed at the sight of the two men in front of him as he walked from the room in his usual drunken stupor.

Well. Did you like it? The chapters are getting longer. I'm going to try to have the next chapter even longer, and up by next week. Please Review! You haven't the slightest clue how happy that makes me when you do! Thanks Omega