Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Harry Potter. That privilege belongs to one J.K. Rowling, of whom I have no relation to. That would mean that I get no money for writing this; I just write it for fun. Please don't sue me. I don't have any money worth mentioning anyway.

A/N: This is just something that has been floating around in my head for a while, and I felt I had to get it out of my system. I'm still going strong in my other fic, "Then Fate Stepped In", so this is by no means a distraction from that. It was just really bugging me, so I wrote it down. If you would be so kind as to review, I would be ever-so-happy. Thanks!

-Prongs' Princess

Confessions of the Last Marauder

Some say it was jealousy. Others say it was insanity. I, personally, don't know exactly the cause, but it doesn't matter. It makes no difference as to why I did it, because the fact remains that I did, indeed, do it.

"Do what?" you might ask.

"Betray my friends" would be the answer. "Betray my best friends" would be even more correct.

Because that's exactly who they were.

My best friends.

We were the Marauders, the four of us. James, Sirius, Remus, and me, usually thought of in that order. The order of the first three could be switched around, but I was always the last Marauder. The least talented, the least smart, the least handsome. But they made me feel welcome all the same.

I was privy to the Marauders' biggest secret: Remus was a werewolf. I became an Animagus- a rat. Sirius was a dog, and James was a stag. We had the best times together during the full moons. We were young, reckless teenagers who loved nothing more than a good adrenaline rush. We got those many a time.

So what, exactly, drove me to betray my friends?

Maybe it was a little jealousy that had been there since I had met them.

The other three were the most lusted-after boys to ever roam the halls of Hogwarts. Every girl daydreamed incessantly about them. Every girl longed for the attention of James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. They shrank away if they got my attention. I was, after all, the last Marauder.

Those three were the top of every class. They were undeniably the best students in our year- except for Lily Evans, the object of James' affection. They never paid attention and always got high marks. I, on the other hand, struggled to pass.

Those three were some of the most talented Quidditch players Hogwarts had ever seen, especially James. James was the Gryffindor captain and led the team to several House cups. He could have played professionally if he had wanted to. Sirius, too. Remus didn't play for the team because of his once-a-month illness, but he was just as good as the others. I used to watch them play around on the Quidditch pitch when the weather was nice, and even sometimes when it wasn't. I never joined in; I could hardly get on a broom.

Those three were infamous troublemakers. They always came up with a new idea to make the Slytherins' lives a living hell. I just went along with it, and the four of us were in detention almost every night. It was fun, at first. I was just glad to have friends. But it got old to be the last Marauder.

I loved watching James pursue Lily Evans. She was the only girl that had ever turned him down. It was amusing to watch her turn him down time after time after time. Finally he knew what it was like to be me! He knew what it was like to constantly be turned down! Yet he didn't give up; he only became more persistent. His schoolboy crush turned into something more. Eventually she gave in. They started dating in seventh year.

The year I sold my soul to the Dark Lord.

I'll admit that I had always been a pushover. Maybe that's why they targeted me. They had an easy time convincing me that the other Marauders really weren't my friends. Six years of resentment had built up in me. Those three were everything I wasn't: smart, talented, popular, and attractive. I didn't fit in. They didn't want me anyway. I took the Dark Mark.

I pretended everything was normal. No one suspected that I was loyal to the Dark Lord, not even the Marauders… and they were supposed to be smart. I stood up in James' wedding when he married Lily not long after we graduated. I wasn't best man; that was Sirius, of course. But I didn't care. I was always the last Marauder.

Just months later my "friends" all joined a secret organization to fight against the Dark Lord. I joined, too, because they let their secret slip. I knew the Marauders' one weakness: you get enough alcohol into any of them and they'll tell you anything.

It was fun to be a double agent. I was finally noticed for being me, not for being the last-minute addition to the Troublemaking Trio. I loved it. I finally realized how terrible it had been, living in their shadows.

In time I completely turned against them. They had no idea; they never paid me much mind anyway. The Dark Lord began asking me questions about the Potters, questions that I gladly answered. I was finally important.

Then one day I was asked if I was willing to hand them over to him. I didn't quite understand why they were wanted, something about a prophecy and the baby Lily had just given birth to. But would I be willing to betray the Potters?

Yes.

I was tired of seeing James succeed at everything! He was the best at school, the best at Quidditch, the best at troublemaking! He even got the one girl who ever despised him to fall in love with him and marry him! I was sick of it!

I began reporting their every movement to the Dark Lord. He told me he was only biding his time, that he had to wait for the perfect time to strike. I was getting antsy; my cover could be blown before long.

It was Dumledore who came dangerously close to discovering my secret. He knew there was an informant, and he knew that informant had to be close to the Potters. Time after time I found him watching me. Those eyes of his can see right through you. I thought for sure he knew; I thought I was gone. But he didn't. He became more suspicious of Remus instead.

The Dark Lord was getting closer and closer to getting the Potters. Soon, he said. He would have them soon…but then something unexpected happened.

Damn Dumbledore, that old meddling man. He convinced the Potters to go into hiding, with the Fidelius Charm, no less! I had to do something about it. If I wasn't the Secret Keeper, all would be lost. They were going to use Sirius; he was the obvious choice. I had to convince them to use me. But how would I do that?

Then it came to me. Oh, my plan was cunning. It was sneaky. My Animagus form wasn't a rat for nothing.

I told them the Dark Lord would know that their Secret Keeper was Sirius. He knew James and Sirius were best friends. He knew Sirius was a strong individual. He knew Sirius would never give them away, so why wouldn't he go after him? Use me, instead. I'm weak. I have no resolve. No one would ever suspect me to be the Secret Keeper.

They bought it. I convinced them to tell no one. The only ones who knew of the switch were James, Lily, Sirius and myself. The Fate of the Potters was sealed.

I sold them to the Dark Lord. He murdered them only a week after the charm had been performed. James and Lily were dead. But the baby…

Somehow their son, Harry, though just over a year old, defeated the Dark Lord. The curse bounced off of Harry and all but decimated him. I was blamed for the downfall of the Dark Lord; after all, it was I who had sent him to the Potters. I must have known what would happen.

Other Death Eaters had it out for me. They were going to kill me! I had to do something to prove my loyalty, to prove what happened at the Potters wasn't my fault!

But what could I do? The Dark Lord was gone. I had no one to rely on. Oh what would I do?

Then it hit me.

Bring down the other Marauders.

The easiest would be Sirius. He was supposedly the Potters' Secret Keeper. No one knew of the switch except the four of us, and with James and Lily dead, that made it the two of us.

But Sirius was a step ahead of me. He cornered me in a Muggle street. He was going to hand me over to the dementors because I had betrayed James and Lily.

I wasn't as far behind him as one would think. I quickly hatched a plan right then and there. I declared him a traitor, right there for everyone to hear. I blamed him for their deaths, and then I blew up the street. Twelve Muggles were killed, but I didn't care. I cut off my own finger, then I transformed into a rat. I escaped into the sewers, and Sirius was left standing there. He was blamed for killing James, Lily, the Muggles, and me. All they found of me was that finger. And do you know what Sirius did?

He laughed.

He laughed all the way to Azkaban.

And I put him there.

It was somewhere in the sewers under London that I realized something.

I was responsible for the deaths of fourteen people. Fifteen if you count the Dark Lord. I sent one person to Azkaban for things he didn't do. What had happened to me?

I had nowhere to go. I had no one to run to. The Death Eaters weren't my friends! James and Lily were! Sirius was! And Remus…

Remus would think that three of his friends were dead and one was just as good as dead. Poor Remus…

What had I done? I had killed two of my best friends! I had sent one to Azkaban! They really were my friends!

So what if they were always better than me at different things? They always looked out for me. They always laughed with me and made me feel wanted. The Death Eaters lied; the Marauders were my friends.

But we were no longer the Marauders.

I ruined us. I killed us. It was all my fault. How could I do such a thing?

Maybe it was jealousy. Maybe it was insanity. Maybe it was both. It doesn't really matter, anyway. The reasons aren't important. I murdered my best friends, and I truly am repentant for that. I live a cursed life now. I would do anything to turn back time and not sell my soul to the Dark Lord. But I can't turn back time, and I can't back out now. I helped the Dark Lord return. I'm committed. I am no longer the last Marauder. I am the first Death Eater.

End.