His Slayer

Disclaimer: Joss owns Btvs

A/N: Hi all. This is a treat for me really. An all Spuffy chapter. We'll catch up with everyone else in the next chapter, but this is solely a Spike and Buffy chapter. And someone suggested I expand on Angel's past adventures while he was human. I think I might just do that. Have him brood some more. And a certain farm boy from Iowa just might be a relation… Even I shudder at that thought, but it'd be fun to write so we'll see. Enjoy. Skyz.

~*~

Chapter Thirteen:

Buffy was certain once she woke up the previous night would have been nothing but a dream. It couldn't possible have been real she reasoned.

She'd obviously been fed too much drugs and had somehow confused Angel with Spike. Internally she cringed as she thought of how Angel would react to that.

Though she and he hadn't spent too much time talking about Spike, she was wise enough to know Angel was certainly jealous of the other vampire.

Hadn't she after all left Angel in the dark to come rescue Spike? She knew he had a certain right to be angry. But she didn't want nor need him to take on his possessive boyfriendly role. She hated when acted like her father.

If she wanted to and she didn't, she could probably analyze that more thoroughly, and find all the roots of her obsession/love for Angel fell at her father's feet.

But as it was she left that can of worms alone and concentrated on remaining asleep a little longer.

She hated this part of waking up.

She'd been in a deep sleep and something had woken her from it. She was on the edge of sleep and wakefulness, and she knew if she tried hard enough she could fall back asleep.

She let out a yelp as cold fingers danced along her bare leg.

Her eyes flew open and she sat up, tossing the covers off her as she did so.

Wiping a hand over her eyes she glared at the offender.

"Angel…" she began but trailed off abruptly as she stared at the man sprawled out next to her.

Ok, she mused, maybe last night hadn't been a dream. Because for as long as she and Angel had been trapped here, he'd never slept on the bed with her. And he certainly hadn't grinned like he was doing right now.

Narrowing her eyes she had to swallow before she could actually speak.

Because right now what she was seeing didn't quite make sense, at least not to her.

"Wh-what are you-What is wrong with you?" she finally blurted out.

Spike kept grinning even as he rolled over onto his stomach to peer up at her. He was sure right about now she was seeing dual images. Him and Angel. The glamour was wearing off, at least for her it was.

Rowan had made his glamour to certain specifications. People who saw Angel saw what they wanted to see. People, who saw him as he was, saw the truth for what it was.

Buffy was seeing…

He frowned she looked confused and he wondered if maybe he was wrong. He hoped those drugs hadn't made her loopy, made her forget what happened last night.

"Buffy," he said slowly as he levered himself up onto his elbows.

"So I guess it wasn't a dream then." Buffy made it a half question, half statement as she looked at him.

He nodded mutely waiting for her to expand on that.

She didn't.

Slowly the grin slipped away and he lowered his eyes.

"So how come I can see you?" she asked abruptly biting her lip and clasping her hands together.

"Cuz you want to see me," he answered somewhat smugly. "Don't you?" he asked as he lifted his eyes and met hers.

Buffy turned her face away and realized abruptly that she was virtually naked, and in bed with Spike to boot.

Discretely as she could she pulled the sheet up to cover herself up to her chest.

"What are you doing in bed with me?" she demanded still not looking at him, wondering how she was going to get out of bed without flashing him, and the camera crew a good bit of her backside.

"I wasn't about to sleep on the floor Slayer," Spike drawled out smirking as he watched her think. He could almost see the wheels turning in her head. He let his hand slide out and he tugged at the sheet.

She kept a tight hold on it.

"Stop," she muttered.

"Don't be shy now luv, I've seen you naked remember?"

She sent him such an astonished look Spike couldn't help but laugh. He lowered his head and fairly shook with it.

"Oh…yeah," Buffy finally managed to strangle out as she glared at his bent head. Tugging the sheet out of his grasp she wrapped it around her and rose. "I guess it wasn't that memorable," she bit out scathingly.

Spike nodded trying to wipe the grin off his face.

"I guess it wasn't. Guess I wasn't up to par huh? Let's talk about that," he suggested as he rolled onto his back.

"Let's not," Buffy countered as she headed for the bathroom.

"We've got a lot to discuss Buffy. I'll be waitin' when you come out. Buffy aren't you forgettin' something?" Spike called out as Buffy swept into the bathroom.

She poked her head out.

Spike inclined his head to the closet.

"Not that I wouldn't mind a show, but I doubt you'd like to give it to everyone who's watching. Get your clothes," he ordered sternly.

He felt her blush and narrowed his eyes as she strode out and went to the closet. She took her time in selecting an outfit.

"Thanks," he heard her mutter before she retreated into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

"Welcome," he whispered as he closed his eyes and let himself doze.

~*~

Buffy stared at her reflection in the mirror as she finished wiping the condensation off. Really looked and didn't really like what she saw.

She looked haunted.

She had circles under her eyes as big as silver dollars; her face was pale and slightly gaunt. Her collar bone stuck out considerable against her chest.

Grimacing she turned away from her reflection and slowly got dressed. As she pulled on new undies she couldn't forget the fact that Spike was outside the door. Though she'd thought she had imagined last night now she knew she hadn't. It was difficult for her to understand how he could be here.

She'd been sure he, Wes, and Tate would have been long gone from here and yet…here was Spike all ready to rescue her. She didn't like it, not one little bit and she was going to tell Spike just that.

Pulling on her shirt she turned to face the mirror again, and cursed the vain thought of wishing for makeup. She hadn't thought about her appearance much and she resented the fact that Spike was the one to make her think it now. She didn't have to look pretty for him, she thought angrily. She didn't have to do anything for him.

Hell she didn't even have to talk to him.

But she knew he would make that virtually impossible. Talking to him was what he wanted right now and she wasn't sure if she had it in her to do that. He wanted to obviously talk about Angel. How was she going to do that, when she couldn't even talk to Angel about Spike? It certainly didn't seem fair to talk to Spike and not to Angel.

But then, she mused with a shrug, when had her life ever been fair.

But, she decided abruptly, before they ventured into Angel land she had some questions that needed answers. And she was certain he'd answer them.

She opened the door to the bathroom after securing her wet hair into a ponytail and making sure she looked decent.

Her eyes skirted the room and rested on Spike who still lay on the bed, his eyes closed and a peaceful expression on his face.

She narrowed her eyes and took a few steps into the room.

"I want to talk to you," she said as she crossed her arms and took a determined stance.

He opened one blue eye.

"So talk," he invited smoothly.

Buffy nodded.

"How'd you get here?" she asked curiously.

"Saw a bird about a git," Spike said with a small smile, knowing his answer would piss her off.

Buffy frowned as she ran that through her head. It didn't make any sense to her, and she had the sinking suspicion that's the way Spike wanted it.

"That doesn't even make sense," she snapped. "If you aren't going to tell me then fine! Make me wonder and get all worried about-about things. Things like that other thing. The small unexpected thing. I'm sure you don't care about that," Buffy finished with a smugness belied by her unconcerned tone.

Spike wondered if she even understood what she had just said. It was filled with hidden meaning, he thought.

He frowned as he realized she thought he didn't care about Tate, and that perhaps he'd left Wes and the baby high and dry. He couldn't have her thinking that. Nope.

He opened his eyes.

Sat up and beckoned her closer.

When she hesitated he shrugged, and got up off the bed, and slowly wandered towards her. He stood a few inches away knowing he was making her all kinds of nervous.

He loved it so he smiled.

"Now would I do that Buffy?" he asked lightly. "I made sure the-that things were all tucked away safe and sound before I left. In fact things are going rather smoothly. I'm certain," he added confidently.

Buffy wondered how he could be so confident, she knew that no matter how good things were going it couldn't last. She knew that something was bound to go wrong, and she hoped it happened to them and not to Wes and Tate.

"So things are good. How'd you get here S-Angel? It couldn't have been easy with you being where you were," she muttered desperately wanting to take a few steps back. She didn't like him being thins close. Not when he had his sense of self back, and he seemed too amused by the affect he had on her.

With a nonchalant shrug Spike said, "Actually it was. Took a dip and ended up here. So 'bout you and me gettin' naked. How was that? For you I mean? I wanna know everything I mean to you Buffy. Who is Angel to you? At the beginning if you please," Spike stepped back and gallantly swept his arm out on a bow.

Buffy couldn't help the incredulous smile as she side stepped him and lay down on the bed.

Spike took up residence leaning against the wall.

"I don't see why you want-"she began irritated.

"Please, just explain things from your perspective so I'll know what not to do," Spike said speaking about himself now. He wasn't anything like Angel he was sure, and didn't want to repeat the other vampire's mistakes. "Again," he added belatedly.

Buffy scowled and closed her eyes.

It was hard to talk about Angel, she reflected but she guessed Spike deserved to know. After all he didn't even remember Angel and their history.

She wondered if that was a blessing.

She hoped explaining her sordid history with Angel would deter both her, and Spike from thinking about pursuing whatever it was between them.

"Well you were tall and handsome. Mysterious," she began not looking at Spike as she spoke. "A real turn on. I couldn't figure you out and I really, really wanted too. You were always slipping away right when things would be getting interesting. Of course I didn't know you were a vampire-"

"What?!" Spike exploded. "How could you not know he-I was a vampire?" he demanded incredulously. "Are you not the Slayer? Thus able to sense vampires?"

Buffy gave a small shrug.

"Hormones and all that Sp-Angel. It kinda kept me from really feeling out your aura. Plus whenever you turned up vampires were always near. Kinda hard to distinguish you know? But boy did I ever find out. You kissed me and vamped out-"

Spike snorted in laughter and shook his head.

"Couldn't control himself then," he muttered in amusement. What kind of bloke was this Angel fella? Since he'd heard of Angel he hadn't liked him, and now he knew he was gonna hate the bastard before long.

"YOU couldn't control yourself," Buffy fairly hissed out reminding him he was in the guise of Angel. He couldn't refer to himself in the third person. "But that was my introduction to Angel the vampire. It was a little while later when I found out about your soul. But once I did we became close."

Buffy paused and shook her head as memories flooded through her.

"And…?" Spike asked impatiently. He didn't like the look on her face, he didn't want her getting nostalgic and wanting to run back to Angel.

"And you saved my life when I died-"Buffy began once again.

"What?! How-Why-How?" Spike sputtered out pushing off from the wall and hurrying forward. He took a seat on the bed and crawled towards her.

Batted her hands away when she tried to keep him from touching her. He knew it was insane, but he felt the intense urge to see if she was okay.

He let his hand cup her cheek as he peered at her.

"You're okay right?" he asked softly.

Buffy let out a sigh as she saw he was actually worried. She let her expression soften slightly and nodded.

"That was like almost two years ago," she reassured him.

Spike stared at her a long moment, letting his thumb rub along her cheekbone.

"I'm sorry," he muttered shaking his head fiercely. "Just got me scared-was rememberin'," he mumbled and dropped his hand.

Buffy assured herself she didn't miss the feel of his cool hand on her cheek.

"Well anyway we got along fine, made out a lot and-"she trailed off as she caught Spike's disgusted face. Pursed her lips and vowed to add more of that," then Spike came to town with Drusilla. He was hell bent on helping Drusilla get better. He kidnapped you and I felt as if my heart would break. I loved you oh so much. Like…this much."

Buffy threw her arms wide to demonstrate her love for Angel, she knew she was putting it on thick, but she needed Spike to understand there wasn't a chance for him.

Spike kept his face expressionless as he rose onto his knees beside her, looming over her he wanted to smirk but didn't.

"How much?" he whispered as he leaned down, letting his cheek brush hers briefly, before he began to nuzzle her neck.

A shiver rolled down Buffy's spine as she felt the feather light touch of his lips on her neck. It took her a moment to remember he had asked her a question.

"A-a lot," she stammered out hoarsely as he nipped at her neck with blunt human teeth.

"You smell good Buffy," Spike murmured as he caught her lobe in his teeth.

Buffy sucked in much needed air and blinked slowly.

"That's um…cuz…um…I took a shower," she stated lamely a little breathlessly.

He trailed kisses along the side of her face as his hands cradled her head, watched as Buffy lifted her arms to rest on his shoulders.

He lifted his face and let his mouth brush hers.

"Tell me about Spike," he ordered his eyes intent on hers.

He watched in amusement as her pupils dilated and sharp anger flew into her green eyes, as he felt her whole body tense.

"Spike's a bastard," she spat glaring up at him.

Spike nodded knowingly.

"Translation…you like him. That's okay, I'm quite sure Spike has some fine qualities," he told her smugly.

Buffy arched a brow and smirked.

"That right Angel? When'd you jump on the Spike has fine qualities band wagon? You hate him remember? Almost as much as I do."

Spike tsked.

"See I have a hard time believing that Buffy. You ran off to rescue him. You left me, your boyfriend, to come and rescue Spike. Why? Surely there's a reason. One that will make sense to both of us."

Buffy closed her eyes to get away from the intensity of his blue ones. She wanted to ask him to move, but she knew he wouldn't. He was enjoying this too much. She knew what he wanted from her and she wasn't going to give it to him. Not today.

"I was curious," was all she allowed herself to say. She didn't need to expand on that because it was the truth. She'd been intensely curious when Drusilla invaded her mind. There had been no ulterior motives or feelings to egg her on.

No, a little voice in her head mocked, of course not. These feelings just sort of sprang up didn't they? You've never thought of Spike as sexy… Right!

She squashed that voice viciously.

"Curious," Spike repeated and decided to leave it at that. "Tell me how you first met Spike. What did you think of him? And open your eyes," he added flicking her nose with his finger.

She shoved at his hand.

"Don't do that again," she said in a deadly voice.

"Then open your eyes."

Her eyes flashed open.

"I met Spike in an alley. I was fighting another vampire, and when I dusted him Spike stepped out of the shadows. Clapping. I asked who he was and he said I'd find out on Saturday. I asked what happens Saturday. Spike said I kill you. He ran off and left me there."

Spike hid a grimace as buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"Sorry," she heard him mumble. She rolled her eyes even as she let her fingers tunnel through his hair.

"I thought he was the most gothic looking vampire I'd ever seen. And the most arrogant. Cocky and too sure of himself. Bastard. He made me angry. And then he couldn't even wait until Saturday! He had to attack me on Parent-Teacher night, and if my mom hadn't hit him over the head with that axe I'd be dead!"

Her words fell between them.

"Then why did you rescue him?" Spike whispered as he lifted his head and met her eyes.

Buffy opened her mouth to repeat what she'd said before, but no words came out and she closed her mouth.

She didn't like all the unchecked emotions she was seeing in Spike's eyes at the moment. He obviously thought there was more to it than curiosity.

To be honest so did she, but she wasn't about to tell him that.

"I-I don't know," she said at last on a deep sigh.

Spike cocked his head to the side and considered that a moment.

A large part of him wanted to push her for an honest answer. To make her reveal everything to him now.

But the saner side of him rebelled and he backed off.

Physically and emotionally.

He rolled away from her and rested his hands behind his head. Studied the gray ceiling and tried not to dwell upon what she'd said about him and Angel.

He knew of course that he'd tried to kill her; his memories were made up of them fighting and arguing.

But it still caused him all sorts of discomfort to have her state it aloud like that. They hadn't had the best start granted but there was still hope.

There was always hope.

He felt Buffy shift and roll, felt the sting of her eyes on him and abruptly closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk because he knew if he did then he'd pounce, and demand she give him everything she had to give.

Her heart, her soul, and her body for starters.

"Why do you love me?" she asked her voice demanding an answer.

"Who said anything about love?" he asked in return. Clenched his jaw when she laughed at that.

"No one has to say it Sp-Angel! I just…know. I don't understand why-or even how for that matter! It doesn't make sense to me and I want you to tell me. Now!"

"Isn't it enough to know that I love you?" he growled out as he rolled to face her. "Why must you know more? It's here."

He thumped his fist over his dead heart.

"And here," he pointed to his head. "See you're all around me. I can't escape you Buffy. And I wouldn't even if I could. You're all that's left Buffy."

It pained her to hear him say that. Beyond words, it hurt in a place she hadn't known she'd allowed Spike access to.

"I'm sorry," she told him quietly. "But it's hard for me to grasp. Vampires shouldn't be able to love. Especially- Well you know Angel when we had sex and you lost your soul…you didn't love me then," she gritted out.

Spike blinked as he absorbed what she'd said.

"Then he-I was a fool. A soul doesn't matter. Not to me. All I know is what I feel and it's not gonna go away just because you want it to Buffy. What I feel is true and right. I feel it. So do you. Don't you?"

Buffy licked her suddenly dry lips.

"I…I don't love you," she said as calmly as she could.

She didn't love him.

She didn't, she assured herself. She couldn't love him. Love didn't just strike like lightning and shoot you down.

It had to grow, she reasoned. Her love for Angel had grown, and broken, and had sort of grown again.

He stared unblinkingly at her and stupidly she wondered if he really needed to blink. After all he was dead and his central nervous system was dead too. Did he really need to blink?

Why was he staring at her still?!

Why couldn't she look away?

She wanted things to go back to the way it'd been years ago. Before Angelus, before sending Angel to hell, having him come back, and her rescuing Spike.

It hadn't been easier, she thought darkly, but it sure as hell made more sense back then.

Before she knew it she was talking, forgetting all about their pretense of Spike being Angel. At the moment she was too angry to think or even care about being heard.

"Spike…" she considered stopping but ignored the urge, "I just can't! Okay? I will not go down that road again! No matter what you think it's not going to happen. I don't know why you think you love me-but you can't. It's not- I don't believe it! I won't ever believe it. I will never, never, feel the same way! Ever."

"I've got forever pet," Spike snapped. "I've got bloody eons! I don't give a damn about what you believe or don't! We both know who's lying here don't we? I'm not going to sit here and listen to you tell me I'm some sort of repeat of you and that bloody bastard Angel! I am not!"

"But it would be! You're a vampire Spike," she yelled as she got to her feet, and tried to put as much distance between them as she could. "Slayers and vampires don't mix!"

Spike got off the bed as well and glared at her.

"One vampire didn't work," he spat. "One soulful vampire didn't work. You talked about him losing his soul and not loving you. Well that's not a problem with me is it? 'Aven't got a soul to lose luv. I'll be anything you want me to be Buffy- do you understand what I'm saying? I've got nothing besides you and-and the other thing. But it was you. The Slayer. Buffy who kept me alive. Kept me somewhat sane. How do you think I can stand even being in this room Buffy?" he shouted throwing his arms out.

Buffy swallowed hard as his words hit her like physical blows.

"You think I'd come into this place if it was just a fleeting fancy?" he asked his voice lowering dangerously as he stalked closer to her. "With all this fancy magic just so I could pretend that I love you? I came here knowing if things go wrong I'm back where I started. I've been tortured Buffy, by these people, and I came so it wouldn't happen to you too. I came because I love you. And you will love me," he vowed on a growl.

Buffy was dumbstruck as she gaped at him.

She shook her head trying to dispel his words, and the truth behind them as well. If he believed it, if she let herself fall for it, then she would start to question everything. Specifically Angel and Angelus. Two beings embodied in the same vampire.

Why couldn't he love her?

Spike let his glare slip away as he watched Buffy's stricken face, watched as she stood open and vulnerable before him.

Emotions skirted across her face and he read each and every one of them.

"I don't know why he didn't love you Buffy. But don't compare us. It's not right or fair. I love you. And the why is different, from why Angel loves you. I know you feel for me. Tell me," he pressed urgently striding towards her.

Buffy shook her head and took a quick step back from him.

"No," she gasped out.

He backed her into the wall and kept her there as he lifted his arms, and planted them beside her head.

"Why can't you give me something?" he whispered hoarsely. "Anything will do. Would it be so bad loving me then?"

Buffy bit her lip.

She wanted to lie as she opened her mouth and spoke.

And knew she couldn't.

"No," she whispered back. "It wouldn't be bad. I…"

"Say it," he urged again.

"Can't you see," she muttered angrily, "that I just can't? I'm n-"

"Say it."

She glared at him as she shoved him and had the satisfaction of seeing him stumble back about a foot.

"What do you think's gonna happen if I say it Spike? Loving you would be a huge mistake. You've got so much going on right now. So do I. You've got that…thing. You'll have to care for it forever. How would I explain all this to my friends? Much less my mom? Or even Angel. I couldn't. I just couldn't."

Spike narrowed his eyes.

"You know what I heard in what you just said? I heard about everyone but you Buffy. What do you want? You want a nancy boy like Angel? Someone you can't ever really be close to? Want the vamp that'll go soulless on you? Or me? I might be soulless but at least I know what love is. I know how to love. And I love you. You tell me and make me believe you could never love me and I'll let it go. I will let you go," he declared passionately.

Buffy closed her eyes.

"I can't-I don't- dammit," she swore angrily as she rubbed a hand over her face. She couldn't even say it.

What the hell was she doing? She wondered frantically. She couldn't possible be thinking about-

She cut that thought off abruptly. She wasn't going to say anything to him, she told herself. What was the point?

There was Angel to think of and Tate.

And herself obviously.

It had torn her apart dealing with a soulless Angel once, and she couldn't even think about going through it again with Spike.

What did she want?

She knew what she wanted.

She just didn't know why she wanted it, she mused resignedly.

It made no sense.

She looked up at him and sighed.

"I feel for you. Is that what you want to hear Spike?" she asked angrily.

Spike tried to keep his smile dimmed but it was useless as he grinned.

"Yeah pet that's what I wanted to hear," he told her.

"Really? Well why leave it at that? Let's let it all hang out. You want it all well here you go! I think I'm in love with you! What am I going to do about it? Not a damn thing! Why? Because it's wrong. On so many levels I won't even bother going-"

She broke off as he came closer.

"Don't," she snapped lifting her hand.

"Wha?" Spike asked as he advanced closer.

"Don't touch me, don't kiss me. I'm explaining things to you," she told him as she skirted around him.

"But you just told me you love me. That deserves a kiss," he mused. "A lot more than a kiss luv," he drawled.

"Spike…" She stated warningly.

"Buffy…" he mocked back.

They both turned sharply as the door was suddenly unlocked opened.