I don't own Yugioh.
Note: Some reference to suicidal thoughts. Just a warning in case if it bothers anyone.
Chapter 34
"Mess."
That was all Seto Kaiba could say about his friend's conditions as the car drove back to the hotel with his injured friends.
Yugi had fallen asleep, and was curled up next to Yami, dried tears still apparent on his cheeks.
Yami was half asleep as well, resting from the power he has used.
Honda was the only one still fully conscious.
Only when they were safely back at the hotel did Yami and Honda explain what happened. Yugi hadn't spoken a word since he had woken up, and just sat on the bed, a far away look in his eyes. They were all gathered in one room, discussing what they gathered and where to go next. Yami was laying on one of the beds, his injuries patched up. Honda was sitting on one of the chairs after his own wounds had been bound.
"We didn't find a thing," Seto shook his head, "There isn't anything on the Millennium Items."
"Our only lead now, it seems, is the one Yami found for us," Ryou spoke up, "We can stop by my house and pick up the Millennium Ring. My father still has it."
"Good idea," Seto nodded, crossing his arms, "So Egypt's our new destination? Seems like we're traveling all over the place."
"Are you up to it, Sugoroku-san?" Ryou asked.
Sugoroku nodded, smiling, "I traveled a lot, remember. I may be old, but I'm not as feeble as I look."
"We know that," Jou grinned, "How else could you have survived that prison for over two weeks? I nearly punked out after a couple of days!"
That brought a chuckle from nearly everyone in the room.
Yugi, however, wasn't laughing. He wasn't even technically 'there'. His mind was far away…
***Flashback***
Yugi was 10 years old, he had just turned that age recently. He had been held up at school by a group of bullies. It was pouring rain, and they had decided that it would be fun to use him as a punching bag. As a result, he was late in getting home.
He ran as fast as he could across the wet ground, wincing here and there from injuries that the bullies left or injuries from his parents' beatings. His left leg gave out on him halfway there, and he fell to the ground.
He yelped as he heard a horn and was nearly ran over by a car passing by, spraying water all over him and getting him even more soaking wet t hen he already was. He opened his eyes and realized he was alive. Though, he didn't really know why he was alive, or why he stayed alive after all the beatings from his parents.
Yugi got up and kept on running towards home. He was in big trouble. His parents wanted him home by 3:30pm, which was about fifteen minutes after school ended. Just enough time to leave school and walk home. But right now, it was after 4:00pm, so Yugi figured he was in trouble. Big trouble. He kept on running, slipping occasionally, through the rain. He shivered as he reached his house, and turned the knob, running into the house and collapsing onto the landing, closing the door behind him. Coughing and breathing hard and shaking, he didn't hear his mother approach him until pain seared through his face as he went flying a couple of inches and landed on his side. He turned scared eyes to his mother. She glared at him, and Yugi knew he was in big trouble.
"You little bastard," Shike growled, glaring at him.
Yugi looked up at her, fearing the hand coming closer to him.
Shike grabbed him by the collar and dragged him to his feet, then opened the door and threw him out into the rain.
Yugi blinked as he hit the muddy ground, then glanced back.
"Stay out there! That's your punishment for coming home so late!" Shike shouted.
Yugi knew better then to protest, and crystalline tears mingled with the water running down his face.
"All night!" Shike pointed at him, "And I don't want to hear a word from you!" With that, the door slammed shut.
Yugi stared at it for a while, more tears running down his face. He coughed and shivered, going to the steps and sitting by the side, trying to get out of the rain, unsuccessfully. More tears rolled down his face, and he wondered why he even lived on. All his parents did was beat him and scream at him. He coughed, knowing that he was sick. He would be lucky if he didn't have pneumonia. At least that'd allow him to be in the hospital and get some good food and a real bed for a change. He shivered again and submitted to the tears and cold, nearly passing out.
He didn't know how long he had been out there, only that he was feeling worse and worse. He had a horrible headache that wouldn't leave him alone, and it felt like there was water in his lungs, forcing him to go into a coughing fit every few minutes. It was getting harder and harder to breathe, and he was soaked to the bone. He blinked as things swam a bit, and he wondered why he stayed alive again. He moved a bit and pulled back his hand when it hit something sharp. He gazed at the blood for a moment, then looked down and saw a broken shard of glass, probably from a beer bottle when his parents got into arguments.
Yugi figured his father was late in getting home, and that was just lucky for him. His father would probably take him out back and beat him. Yugi whimpered in anxiety of it. He didn't want to be beaten, and he didn't want to be hurt anymore. He coughed again and looked at the shard of glass, then at the small cut oozing blood on his hand. His blood…his life. The pain was nothing compared to the beatings…and his fingers and toes were just about numb now in the rain. He couldn't feel his nose anymore, either. He subconsciously reached over and picked up the sharp glass shard, then looked at it. It was slightly green, but in fairly good condition. It didn't reek of alcohol, meaning that either the smell was washed away by the rains or it was old. He inspected it, and didn't find any mold or grit on it. It looked like it had just been shattered.
Maybe his mother had been drinking. Yugi shrugged. He looked at the glass again, not knowing why he kept on inspecting the sharp object.
Sharp.
That's right…it was sharp. It was very sharp. It cut him.
Cut.
It caused him to bleed when he accidentally slid his hand over it.
Blood.
His life…his blood…flowing from the small cut. It had almost stopped bleeding, and the pain was fading.
Pain.
That's what Yugi only knew. Memories of happy childhood eluded him, as did just about everything else. His head hurt, and all he could feel was the pain. The pain of betrayal, of the beatings he got from his family. The pain from bullies at school, and not having any real friends. The pain of being alone and unloved. He momentarily forgot about his grandfather, who did care about him, and looked at the glass shard again.
He wanted the pain to go away. He wanted it all to go away. He started to think that nobody would miss him if he was gone, aside from them having to get a new punching bag.
His mind was spinning as he started to lose touch with reality. Thoughts swirled through his fevered brain as he looked at the shard again. A shard of sharp glass. A sharp object that could cut through skin as if it were a knife through butter.
He couldn't feel the rain around him anymore, couldn't feel his lungs aching, or his head pounding. Didn't see the headlights coming down the street from a car. He didn't hear the sounds in the house of his mother throwing things around, and didn't hear the neighbor's dog barking. He only felt deep pain, and even that was starting to go numb. Everything was going numb. His eyes once again focused on the shard of glass. Almost absently, he held it in his hand loosely. He didn't feel the cough that escaped his lips, only the smooth yet lethal edge of the glass.
If it was a decision, he had no idea of it. All he wanted was for the pain to all go away. And if it meant draining himself of his life, his blood, then that's what he would do.
Yugi held the shard above his left wrist, and pressed it into the skin, then sliced. Pain pushed away feelings of numbness, but it didn't last. He watched a bit in fascination as crimson liquid mingled with the rain dripped down his arm, oozing from the cut on his wrist. Things spun, and went in and out of focus. The last thing he saw was the headlights of a car pulling into the driveway before his world went black.
***End Flashback***
"Yugi?"
"Yugi, are you alright?"
"Yug?"
Yugi blinked, not realizing that tears were running down his face as he focused on the concerned faces of his friends.
"Are you alright, Yugi?" Anzu asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Yugi looked at her for a moment, then burst into tears, throwing his arms around her and burying his head in her shoulder.
Anzu blinked, but wrapped her arms around him. She looked around at the others for some explanation, but they were just as clueless as she was.
Anzu settled for just whispering reassurances to Yugi, rubbing his back in a comforting way and holding him. She then started to hum a song.
Something tugged at Yugi's memory at the tune, which sounded exactly like something he had heard a long time ago. He closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep, trying to recall where he had heard the melody before.
***Dream***
He looked around. It was completely dark. Just then, there was a flash of light, and coming from the shining light was a voice. It was a woman's voice, and she was singing. A melancholy song, but it was beautiful. Entranced, Yugi walked towards it, and listened, making out some words with the tune.
"…the past, joining yours…"
Yugi walked faster, trying to pick up more of the words of the tune.
"…of harmony…"
He was running now, but the light was no closer.
"…so it goes on and on…"
It sounded farther and farther away as he reached out with his hand, searching.
"…sky beyond the flying…"
Yugi leapt forward towards the light, trying one last attempt to reach it.
"…and beyond…"
As the voice faded away, the darkness fell around him, and he felt himself falling.
***End Dream***
Yugi woke with a start, and found himself in bed, in pajamas, with the lights out. He looked at the red digits on the clock and was surprised to find them reading 10:32pm. He slowly sat up, remembering the dream and trying to figure out what it was all about. For a brief moment, he swore he saw his mother's pendant glowing, a comforting light coming from it. But it was gone as soon as it came, and Yugi wondered if it was part of the dream as well.
Someone stirred next to him and a sleepy Yami whispered, "What's wrong?"
Yugi blinked and focused on the older boy, wiping tears off his face, "A dream."
Yami sat up. Whenever Yugi said the words 'a dream' these days, he made sure to take it seriously. He didn't know anyone in the group who didn't. He wrapped an arm around Yugi's slightly shaking form, and pulled him close.
Yugi just allowed the embrace, grateful for the comfort.
After a while, Yami spoke up, "Could you tell me? Your dream, I mean?"
"Someone was singing," Yugi whispered, "It was a beautiful melody, and the voice was even more beautiful. It sounded like an angel. Like an angel singing. It was a light…but every time I tried to reach it, I was no closer to it then before. Then, it all faded around me when she finished the verse."
Yami regarded the boy, then embraced him, holding him close.
Yugi buried his head in Yami's chest, "Yami…? What does it mean?"
"I don't know," Yami admitted, "Maybe something from your past?"
Yugi sniffled, "I wish I remembered…"
"We'll find out," Yami assured him, "By the way, are you feeling better?"
"Huh?"
"From when you spaced out earlier. I'm glad to hear you talking again," Yami spoke.
Yugi just shivered at the flashback and nuzzled in closer to Yami, closing his eyes against another wave of tears.
"Yugi…come on, talk to me. I don't know how to help you if you don't," Yami whispered, "I don't know what to say or do for you."
Yugi hiccupped, then wiped at tears.
Yami sighed and rocked him back and forth, "Yugi…aibou…what can I do to take away your pain? Can't I do anything to help? Can't you talk to me?"
Yugi gripped Yami's sleeves and looked up at the older boy, "I…just remembered earlier. Something from the past…a few months ago…it's no big deal…"
"Yugi," Yami looked at him gently yet sternly, "Anything regarding your life a few months ago is a big deal. That was a very trying time for you. Now tell me…what's bothering you?"
Yugi pulled apart a bit, but stayed in the embrace. He didn't meet Yami's eyes, "I never told you, did I?"
"Told me what?"
"When…my foster parents put my life in danger," Yugi whispered, nearly choking on tears.
Yami gently reached over and traced where the scar was on Yugi's abdomen, "You mean, here?"
"One of the times," Yugi nodded, tears running down his face. He reached down and took Yami's hand, his own shaking.
Yami held him, "Shh."
"He had a knife," Yugi whimpered, tears running down his face, "A year ago. They didn't take me to the hospital…it wasn't that deep…but I couldn't do anything about it. He was drunk…and he took a knife. I was scared…"
"Takada cut you?!" Yami looked at Yugi, "Purposely?!"
"I…I don't know if it was on purpose," Yugi stammered.
Yami took a deep breath to quell his anger and just held Yugi close, rubbing the boy's back. "And?"
"The other time," Yugi was more subdued now, his voice coming out quietly, "I did have to go to the hospital. I…had pneumonia…and…from being out in the rain…cause I was beaten up and got home late, so mother had me stay outside."
Yami held him closer, "It's alright. They can't hurt you again…"
"But what if I hurt me?" Yugi whispered, barely audible.
"What?" Yami blinked, pulling apart a bit to look at the boy.
Yugi couldn't meet Yami's gaze as tears rolled down his face, "What if I hurt me?" He repeated his question.
Yami glanced at him, holding his gaze steady on the shaking boy.
Yugi shivered as he remembered, then sniffled, "I wanted to die back then, Yami. I wanted to just stop existing. That way, I wouldn't hafta feel pain, and I wouldn't hafta suffer. I…I didn't want to…to keep on…living…"
Yami held Yugi close, realizing that he was having trouble telling him.
Yugi cried, burying his head in Yami's chest, "I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking! I know it was stupid! I just…I just…!" He broke down in tears.
Yami remembered that this was how Yugi was after beatings, and then realized that seeing Shike and Takada awakened the memories that Yugi tried to push back. He wondered if anything would ever help the boy to keep on moving forward and not regress.
/Look./
Yami blinked, surprised that Yugi was using their mental link to talk. Then again, the boy was in hysterics, crying openly and shivering.
/Look, Yami. Just look./
Yami frowned and looked at Yugi, who was showing him something on his arm.
"Look at what, aibou?"
/…look at my arm. Look at my wrist./
Yami squinted. "Yugi, it's too dark to see anything."
Yugi sniffled, and hiccupped. He was shaking even worse now in anticipation of showing Yami.
Yami squinted again, then gave it up and reached for the flashlight they kept by the bed and clicked it on. Both of them winced a bit at the light, then looked.
Yami nearly dropped the flashlight. How could, in all the times I've treated his injuries and taken care of him, I could have missed that?!
There was a scar on the underside of Yugi's wrist, about one to two inches long and jagged.
Yami looked up sharply at Yugi.
Yugi had tears running down his face, and flinched occasionally as if expecting to be hit.
Yami turned off the flashlight and put it back, then moved closer to Yugi.
Yugi flinched again and whimpered, visibly shaking now and sniffling from tears that flowed down his face.
Yami reached out, then embraced Yugi, pulling the boy close and just holding him. He rubbed Yugi's back and rocked him back and forth, "It's alright, Yugi. It's okay. I'm not angry. I'm not going to hurt you."
Yugi calmed down a bit, but clung to Yami and buried his head in the older boy's chest.
After some time, Yami stopped rocking Yugi back and forth, but still held him protectively and comfortingly.
"How?" Yami whispered.
"…in the rain…it was cold…I don't know," Yugi sobbed, "…I found a shard of glass. I stopped thinking right. The last thing I saw were the headlights of my father's car as he pulled into the driveway. I don't know why they took me to the hospital…but they did. I was there when I woke up. There were people always watching me. And I had stitches in my wrist." He shook his head, his crying subduing and he looked up at Yami with pleading eyes.
Yami got the message, and held Yugi to him. "I love you, aibou."
Yugi whimpered and a tear slipped down his face again. "I know."
"I wish it could have been easier," Yami whispered to the boy, "I wish I could have been there for you then."
"You're not…angry?"
"Hell no," Yami shook his head, "Angry? When you were wordlessly crying out for help? No. I'm just relieved that you're alright now. That you're alive. I wish it could have been different. I'm not angry." He held Yugi closer and rubbed the boy's back again.
Yugi cried for a bit on Yami's shoulder, then got it under control and just lingered in the other boy's arms.
Yami rocked him back and forth until Yugi fell asleep in his arms. He lay down, taking the younger boy with him, and pulled the covers over them. He leaned over and kissed Yugi gently on the forehead. "Good night, aibou. I love you."
TO BE CONTINUED…