Heeeeeeeeere's Johnny! Okay, not really. I have nothing on the great Johnny Carson. But I do have the rest of that last chapter done!

CHAPTER ELEVEN CONTINUED

James and Sirius slowly climbed down from the table, not wanting to trigger any impulsive reactions, and braced themselves for the onslaught of date offers. But nothing happened. Sirius glanced around, but any boy who he made eye contact with quickly blushed and looked at the floor.

"Er – Robin? Can we talk?" James didn't wait for an answer; he clamped onto Sirius' arm and dragged him as far away from everyone else in the room as possible.

"Sirius," James whispered through clenched teeth, "You intimidate them."

Sirius did a double take. "What?"

James looked as if he was having an extremely painful internal struggle. "You. Are. Too. Hot. You scare them off! I'm never getting a date with Lily and it's all your fault!"

"Don't blame me for being really, really ridiculously good looking!"

"Well it's certainly no fault of your mother's!"

"Can't say you're wrong there. But calm down, I know how to fix this!'

Leaving James gibbering in the corner, Sirius sauntered straight up to a quiet mouse of a boy. Or, to be more specific, a rat.

"Your name's Peter, right?" Sirius asked in a high, breathy voice. Peter was obviously floored. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, and just settled for nodding.

"James has told me so much about you," Sirius gushed. "You're an expert on Honeyduke's, is that right?"

Peter nodded.

"Well, I've never been to Honeyduke's," said Sirius, twirling a lock of his blond hair around his finger.

"W – would you like to go with me sometime?" Peter blurted.

"It's a date!" Sirius said, smiling brightly as he turned away.

And that's when pandemonium erupted.

Sirius was being bombarded with date offers when Remus whistled loudly. Everyone paused to stare at him.

"Though I do offer my sincerest thanks for providing the stampede scene for my documentary, I do require some semblance of order, so EVERYBODY GET IN A BLOODY LINE!"

Shocked into submission, everyone rushed to form a single file line in front of the coffee table.

Remus massaged his left temple with his free hand. "That didn't apply to you two."

Grinning sheepishly, James and Sirius sidestepped out of the line.

"James, can you manage the camera for a bit?"

"Sure."

The camera transferred hands, and Remus summoned a quill, ink, and some parchment from their dorm.

"Now," he said as he slammed the materials down in front of the cowering crowd, "anyone wishing to take Miss Agneau on a date will sign here."

"How come you're in charge?" someone called insolently from the line.

Remus narrowed his eyes dangerously. "I," he said softly, "am Miss Agneau's agent."

"Oy!" Sirius whined. "I'm not a prostitute!"

"Shut it," Remus growled. Sirius pouted, but in a very fetching way.

"Start signing, damn it, I've got things to do!"

Galvanised into action, the boys were gone in a flurry of quill feathers and ink spray.

Remus held out his hand. "James, my camera?"

James handed it back to him, his expression bordering on awe. "Way to take charge, mate."

"Always knew you made a good figure of authority," Sirius said cheerily. "Count 'em up, Jamsiekins."

"Way ahead of you, mate," said James, his eyed skimming the sign – up parchment. He let out a yelp of glee.

"How many, how many?" Sirius asked excitedly.

"Twelve! We're nearly halfway there and it's only eleven thirty!"

"I reckon it's time for a victory dance!" said Sirius as he started into the Electric Slide.

James slapped him hard in the back of the head. "Idiot! If someone sees you doing that they'll know it's you!"

Remus opened the portrait hole and yelled, "Nous allons à la salle de manger, mes amis! To the watering hole!"

"Say what?"

"I think he meant the Great Hall, Padfoot."

"Oh. Right."