A/N: I'd like to just quickly thank lilyfan, Neoma, EyesofEmerald, Yavannie, Aerlalaith, The Parrot has ceased to be, BlackKat99, Dark Vampiresss, and The Grim for reviewing chapter 10-you all definately inspired me enough to post chapter 11and I hope that you will all keep reading and reviewing, Why Do You Stare?
Ninde Annare
P.S. Remember everyone, the more responses I get to this chapter I more likely it is that I will update sooner! ; )
Chapter 11:
"Perhaps you should rest a bit…we can do this another night…" His voice is heavy with trepidation.
'Do this another night'?A prickling feeling of realization and guilt swarm my body; each prick penitence for my amnesic mind. I do my best to maintain my composure.
"No, it's alright, Severus…Let's begin…" With a look of concern, he takes out a yellowed piece of parchment. He carefully lays it down on the table, holding down its curling corners, as he puts his index finger down on a cluster of words.
"I have prepared most of the Wolfsbane potion; there is only this one passage that I can't seem to make out…" I lean in closer to read the passage-I can feel Severus' breath against my neck. I can feel its warmth upon my skin; I can feel him draw in my scent…
The words are smeared and difficult to decipher. But I know this potion well-it calls for my blood…
"Severus, would you be so kind as to bring me a sharp knife and a small phial?"
"But of course, Kaida…" He smiles at me, a spark of curiosity in his eyes.
I begin to roll up my sleeves; the slitting of wrists can be a most unfastidious task. Severus returns with a small glass vial and a sharp knife-they both twinkle in the candlelight with a most sinister sparkle, as though they know what is about to come.
"Here you go Kaida." He hands me the blade with its handle turned to me. The knife has some weight to it, which will make the process all the easier. He places the phial down on the table as I inspect the blade-it must be very keen if I am to make a good cut. I tilt my hand back to expose my wrists. I run the knife's edge along my wrist-the feel of the cold metal upon my skin…the feel of it against my veins…it burns with a hedonic agony. My blood pours from my wound; it drips down the sides of my wrists leaving a crimson trail. Suddenly I feel two warm hands upon my wrists, pulling away the numbing bite of the blade.
"Kaida! What are you doing?!" His eyes are wide with shock. His face is pale and devoid of all color.
"Severus, the potion requires vampire blood…" I said these words so calmly that it seemed to make him wince.
"But, Kaida, I've got bottles full in the back…you don't need to do this…" I shake my head in response.
"Severus stop…we need to use my blood…we can't use the blood you've got…it's not the same…Severus stop! Listen to me." His hands are clenched tightly around my wrists- I can see the white of his knuckles. He is holding on to them with such force that had I been mortal he would have surly crushed my arm. He pulls a white handkerchief from his pocket and hastily wraps it around the laceration, all the while applying pressure to my wound as though willing it to stop.
"Severus, the vampire blood you have in your stores was not given willingly…it is the blood of slaughtered vampires…it is of no use to the Wolfsbane potion!" I see his eye dart to a cloth-covered heap on the far end of the table. Breaking his hold of me I walk over to it and lift the rag-a cauldron of beryl sludge stands in its wake.
"You tried to use that vampire blood in this one didn't you? It doesn't work…does it?" I stare back at him; and slowly he nods. I pull off the makeshift bandage, allowing the blood to flow again. I allow two drops of my blood to fall into the viridian depths of the Wolfsbane potion. It fizzes and bubbles in response before turning into a beautiful shade of umber.
"It's ready now…" I try to refasten the handkerchief to my wrist but find that it is far more difficult than I had expected. Severus reaches out and with his thin, nimble fingers secures it to my arm. His hand lingers there-I feel the trembling of his hand upon mine. As though suddenly realizing what he is doing he pulls his hand away and rests it by his side, the rosiness to his cheeks returning. He seems embarrassed by this, and turns to face an adjacent wall.
"I don't understand the difference…they're the same…both blood from a vampire…" His voice carries notes of enmity…or frustration-I cannot tell. But it is not the timbre of his voice that makes me shudder; it is the way he says 'vampire' that sends waves through my core. He says it with such disregard, as though our blood is as common as mud. He speaks as though we are all the same…like we are all vermin.
"Of all people I thought you would understand…" My words are harsh and edged with anger. I feel it well inside me-how could he not know better? How could he not understand? I've never grown angry with Severus before but his indifference to others never seemed to radiate with all its flaws until now. I fight to keep my voice steady-I have no reason to be angry with him. He is not at fault for his ignorance. My anger begins to ebb away; now it is only disappointment. All these years I thought he understood me; saw me to be more then just a vampire. I guess I was wrong…but he shouldn't pay for my naivety.
As though suddenly realizing what he has said, he looks at me with his dark somber eyes; he holds my stare, searching my eyes for forgiveness. Finding none, he breaks his stare to gaze upon the always-sympathetic stone of the floors. Dejected, by my words I feel his heart ache…I feel him regret his words… it is only now that I begin to regret mine.
Why had I cut this man so deeply with my words when he has never wronged me before? Why do I feel betrayed by his utterance of a word? I've trusted him with my life for all these years and he has never failed me…I trust him more than anyone I've ever known… Why should my trust in him falter now simply by a slip of his tongue? I would give my life for him, as he would for me-he's always looked out for me, taken care of me…he's always been like a brother to me…
"Severus, don't be alarmed that you do not know…it's quite common for things of this nature to be overlooked…" I try to speak in a soothing voice. Trying to quell the regret he feels. I'm not sure my words are more for his sake or for mine…perhaps I am selfishly trying to pacify the nagging voice in my own head.
"The difference is subtle, it lies in how the blood is given. In our blood, in vampire blood, lies our essence. The very core of who we are, and of what we are. It is a very special gift. When a vampire gives its blood to a mortal, it transforms them into one of us. The blood ties the maker with the fledgling. They will be bonded forever-it will be a relationship that knows no words, that knows no bounds, they become a part of you and you, a part of them. It is a bond that is closer then any relationship known to man-it is stronger then either love or hate." As I speak, flashes of a face appear in my mind. My maker…normally vampires find solace and family with their makers…but mine was destroyed before the bond between us could grow…orphaned yet again…
"When you slaughter a vampire and take their blood it is no longer filled with their essence; it is filled with contempt and anger. That is why the blood that sits in on the shelf of your stores is of no use to us…it is devoid of essence. How can you expect a being that you have slain to willing give you the greatest gift it holds? To give you its very soul? Every drop given willingly contains a piece of us. Many a foolish vampire have given their blood willingly to a mortal only to be betrayed. There are many slayers that pose as confidents lulling us into a false sense of trust, only to take our gift and use it against us... With a fraction of our soul at their disposal, and a bit of dark magic, they can control the vessels, our bodies. That is why there are so few of us now. We have been hunted for centuries but it is our lack of trust for mortals that dooms us…" My voice trails off as I reflect upon the fate of my kind. I pull myself out from my flurry of thoughts.
"It was years ago, when I discovered a text in a small forgotten book. It told of the wondrous healing ability of vampire blood; how a drop of it could heal the largest gash, how a drop of it could stop any pain…I was intrigued. Although the Wolfsbane Potion can do with out the blood, it seems rather cruel to withhold it. For without the vampire blood the patient would still suffer the immense pains of transformation-the tearing of their skin, the splitting of their sides... Do you understand now, that to deny me this right, you not only condemn others to suffer needlessly, you condemn me as well? Knowing that an innocent would suffer so terribly because of me is something I could not bare…" A silence fills the room. I can't hide behind my explanation any longer. I wait for him to say something…to make the first move.
"Kaida, what I said earlier…I didn't mean for it to come out that way…I didn't mean to insult you. The last thing I would ever do is hurt you…" His words hang in the air. The sorrow and regret in his voice hovering like clouds of remorse.
"I know, Severus…I know…"
Taking the small vial, I fill it with my blood. Inside the crystal body of the phial, glows a crimson heart. I take Severus' hand and place the small vial into his palm; folding his thin fingers over its fragile body. "There are very few people in my life that I trust…" He cradles the vial lightly in his palm, as he gazes upon it with a look of amazement, he looks upon it as though it were sacred. "There is enough blood in this vial to help countless people. Guard it well, for with this blood I not only give you the power to save these tortured souls, I give you my very being…"
He looks up at me-a look of surprise upon his thin face, I smile softly. He takes his fist from my hold and places it over his heart. I think he understands now…