Chapter 5

The wrinkled leaves, apple-green and yellow, shivered slightly, rustling as the tree itself shook. Then, as though to show that it wasn't the wind's doing, two dark figures dropped to the ground, a third, glowing, hovering nearby. Link pressed himself against the trunk of the tree, its rough surface scratching his back, his eyes scanning the horizon. There it was – a small tunnel on a mud bank above the river, guarded stoically by a group of armour-clad men. A tunnel that would lead straight into Fortress Jardel itself. Link motioned for Raenie, standing now by his side, to wait.

The Shadow Lord, as silent as the wind, peeled himself off of the wood and then sprinted across the open space to another tree, pressing his back against its thick trunk once more. Peering back, he gestured with his fingers, and waited until Raenie followed him across. She gasped, out-of-breath, as she reached him, Navi hiding in her sleeve so that her glow isn't noticed. Crouching, Link's eyes found a boulder framed in the ethereal starlight, perched next to the tunnel's opening.

Rolling, the Shadow Lord ghosted over to the rock, leaves and twigs clinging to his cloak, then crouched again, using it as cover. He raised his hands, then jerked his fingers – once, twice, three times. Raenie and Navi darted over to him in response.

The young girl peered past him as she pushed the purple strands of her hair out of her eyes. "What about those guards?" she whispered.

The Shadow Lord raised a finger to his lips. "Just watch." Inching forward on the tips of his toes, he crept up to the very edge of the tunnel, one solitary guard standing as a silent sentinel nearby. "Pssst/"

The guard twitched. His eyes darted left and right. His fingers tapped against the hilt of his blade. After a moment's consideration he decided to look dead ahead.

"Mate," Link whispered.

This time it was undeniable. Someone, thought the guard, is speaking to me. His nose twitched. He rubbed the steel visor hanging from his helmet. It certainly felt real enough. After another moment of soul-searching deliberation, the guard bravely ventured with a '"Yes?"

"Busy?"

It wasn't everyday that he had the simple pleasure in engaging in small talk. Especially not on duty. "I am," the guard said, "at this very moment in time, guarding this entrance from intruders on behalf of Spinster Jardel." Reflected waves from the river danced on his polished chestplate before he added, "This very secret entrance."

"Ah."

For some reason, the guard felt that this whole situation was very wrong. Out of habit more than need, his fingers curled around his hilt. With a brief glance at his companions standing straight a distance to the left, he went on, "You wouldn't happen to know of any person or persons who are, at this moment of time or in the very near future, planning to intrude via this very – and secret- entrance?"

"Can't help you there, I'm afraid."

"Oh." The guard frowned. The river gurgled beneath him. He found it very soothing.

The unseen voice continued. "You wouldn't mind popping off for a drink or a bite to eat, would you, mate?"

The guard stiffened. "Sir. That would leave this entrance –"

"Secret entrance."

" – yes, secret entrance. That would leave this entrance wholly and completely unguarded." He decided it would be far better if he just kept his gaze straight ahead. "Besides, I'm not hungry."

"Ah." A pause. "How about this quaint little proposition – you and your little mates go off and have yourselves a little fancy do down in the town while me and my mates guard this secret entrance for you on your behalf. I think it's the least you deserve."

"You'd do that?"

"Yes."

"That's really very nice of you."

"Don't mention it."

A frown wrinkled the guard's brow. He glanced at the other guardsmen, but they were too absorbed in the act of standing and staring to pay any attention to him. "But," he said, his voice low, "what if someone were to try to sneak past you while you were guarding by proxy? Perhaps you're not as well trained as my companions and I."

"Oh, you're truly well-trained, mate."

The guard beamed. "Why thank you."

"Nothing gets past you, mate."

"I know."

"Truly an inspiration."

The guard licked his lips. He still couldn't quite shake off the gnawing sensation that something was terribly wrong, and yet he couldn't quite put his finger on exactly what either. "So," the guard went on, "what if someone tries to intrude?"

"That's the beauty of it," the unseen voice explained. "Since, as you say, this is a secret entrance, no-one is going to try and enter through a tunnel which they know doesn't exist. Therefore, you and your fellow intellectual heavyweights are free to paint the town red as it were while my friends and I keep a looksie out while you're gone. Pure simplicity itself."

The guard's brain began to hurt. Sure, the stranger's words made a lot of sense, but at the same time he felt his heart sink into a pit of uncertainty and doubt. His grip tightened around his sword. If all fails, he decided, stick to the regulations. "I think," he said, injecting his voice with a drop of menace, "you better show yourself, my friend. In case you – and your friends, whoever they are - turn out to be intruders after all."

"Now what you want to do," the upbeat voice continued, "for your sake more than mine, is to not alert your friends or draw your weapon –"

A sharp whistle flew from the guard's lips, his blade sliding out from its sheath as his companions rushed over to him.

"-which is, in fact, the opposite of what you're actually doing at this very moment."

"Show yourself!" the guard barked, the others huddling around him, their eyes searching.

"If you insist."

Link stepped into the wan light, sword in hand. The guards froze, their muscles tightening, then charged, metal flashing and armour clanking. The Shadow Lord caught one guard in mid-air with his first swing, his sword catching the helpless man, then slamming him against the tunnel wall. Another leapt at him from his flank – a quick, sharp elbow to the man's stomach ending his fight. Link spun around, mud squelching under his heels, letting his blade slice through one arm – a flesh wound – then thrust to block a strike from the very last guard. A feint, dodge, duck and one swift uppercut later and the Shadow Lord stood alone, panting, a pile of mostly unconscious bodies at his feet.

The Shadow Lord glanced back at his two companions. "Wait here," he ordered, then slipped deftly into the tunnel. He didn't, however, notice the one barely conscious guard –the one he'd been chatting to – groggily reach out a hand, his fingers slipping through tall blades of grass, and pulling on a well-hidden and thoroughly rusted lever.

The tunnel sloped upwards, curling tendrils of ghostly mist clinging to the walls and floor, a large wooden door standing quietly at the end of the passageway. Water, dank, dirty, and foul-smelling, sloshed under his boots as Link slowly edged his way in, his sword at the ready. A cool breeze fluttered against his clothes, cold liquid dripping from the spider-web of cracks in the curved ceiling. The walls were tanned with indecipherable stains, the rock crumbling. The Shadow Lord squinted, and chewed on the inside of his cheek. Everything seemed safe.

Link froze. A sudden gust of air washed through the tunnel. A low, metallic growl rang out and, with the deep grinding of gears and pulleys, he saw the wall beside him split apart, spitting dust as it slowly creaked open.

Spinning around to face the new alcove, the Shadow Lord dug his heels in, a metallic tang instantly coating his tongue. He licked his lips, brought his blade to bear.

A pair of liquid-brown eyes peered out of the darkness.

Link's heart froze.

Horns, curved and sharp, made their appearance.

Link's mouth went dry.

With a snort the creature charged. Link screamed, a bellow that ripped through the air. He dived at the last moment, just as the cow's horns were about to pierce him, and rolled on the ground, his blade clinking against the wet, rocky floor. The cow careened into the other wall in an explosion of dust and grit, then vanished into the shadows. Breathing heavily, Link lay still, fear freezing his limbs, until, after his hammering heart had finally calmed down, he dared to look up. Nothing.

"Hey!" Navi's voice echoed from the entrance. "What's going on?! What's wrong?"

The Shadow Lord kipped-up, scooping his sword up on the way. Brushing himself down, he called back, "Nothing, love." His voice rolled in the curved space. "You can both come down." Under his breath, he added, "Cows in a tunnel. Cows in Jabu Jabu's belly – a bleedin' fish, for Pit's sake! Why can't they leave cows in the bleeding fields, eating bleeding grass? What kind of demented, warped, and completely insane person uses a cow as a secret weapon?"

Navi zig-zagged through the air towards him. "Hey!" she said. "Why are you talking to yourself?" She looked him over. "And why did you decide to take a bath now of all times? Really, Link, we have a Princess to save. Try to be a bit more considerate next time."

The Shadow Lord opened his mouth to bite out a sharp retort, his eyes blazing, then realised that he didn't actually have anything to say. His jaws snapped shut, and he opted instead for a suitably steely glare.

Raenie, her face pinched and her eyes fearful, walked past, dragging her heels. Link stopped her with a hand to her shoulder. She glanced up, a quizzical expression on her face. Glancing here and there, the Shadow Lord leaned down then, in a conspiratorial whisper, he advised, "Watch out for the cow." He released her with a wink and the young girl frowned in abject puzzlement in response.

The mist parted as they approached. Link ran up to the door, his cloak flapping in the breeze behind him, then pushed it open with a shove – and skidded to a sudden halt, his arms flying out to stop himself as he found himself standing on the edge of a precipice, a gaping chasm of inky darkness in front of him. Navi and Raenie caught up to him, the former's glow not able to cut through the murk, the latter gasping in shock.

"Hey!" the fairy cried. "What now? Where do we go?"

Eyes narrowed, the Shadow Lord craned his neck to gaze into the gloom. "This wasn't on the map," he muttered.

A deep sigh rumbled from within the chasm, a gust of hot wind blowing up towards them, scattering dust and stones. Something coiled out from below them, glowing emerald with an ethereal light, then shooting up, unfurling to reveal the shape of some sort of phantom, clad in tattered otherworldly garb. It hovered in front of them, black stumps of what were once teeth grinning wildly, eyes bulging and veined with tiny rivers of blood. "Greetings," it moaned in a voice that chilled the listeners to the core of their hearts.

"Who, and what, are you?" the Shadow Lord demanded.

"I am a Travel Sprite," it cackled, pure menace in its words. "I can take you to any place in the Fortress. Any place! You but just have to ask." It laughed, a hollow, throaty sound.

Link cocked his head to one side. "Anywhere?"

"Try me."

"Would you happen to know where some recently arrived guests would be staying?" Link asked. "A man and fair-haired woman with a scar?"

The Spite's wraithlike form shuddered as it laughed once more. "Of course!" it crowed. "They're in the Chamber on High with Spinster Jardel herself."

Folding his arms across his chest, the Shadow Lord demanded, "Take us there."

The Sprite twitched, suddenly losing a lot of its bluster. "You want to go to the Chamber on High?"

Link nodded. "Yes."

"Where the Spinster is?"

"I think I made myself clear in that regard."

There was a pause. Then: "Are you sure?"

The Shadow Lord sighed. "Yes."

Another pause. "How about the dungeons?"

"No."

Silence hung in the air. The faint breeze played with the loose scree. "I heard the dungeons are really nice at this time of year."

"We. Do. Not. Want. The. Dungeons."

"If you're lucky you might get to see the odd severed head or something."

Link hissed. "Is there a problem with you taking us to Spinster Jardel?"

"Well, yes," the Sprite admitted, a little sheepishly.

The Shadow Lord raised an eyebrow. "And that is?"

"Well," the Sprite stumbled, "Spinster Jardel isn't exactly the most beloved of mistresses. We…er...denizens of the Fortress tend to avoid her as much as we can."

Wearing his sweetest smile and adopting his most patient tone of voice Link said, "You don't have to see her, mate. Just drop us somewhere close by."

The Sprite considered this for a moment, its insubstantial brow creasing slightly. "We have a really wonderful sewer system in the Fortress. Are you sure you wouldn't like to see that? You haven't lived until you've seen our sewers."

Link's hands curled into fists. "Just take us to the bleedin' Chamber!"

"Alright, alright," the Sprite muttered, making an embittered face. "No need to shout."

2

They hung from the ceiling of the Chamber on High, still enwrapped in the net that had captured them, swinging slightly in the air. Kerric had to admit that, despite his somewhat unfortunate circumstances, the Chamber itself was a beautiful creation: glistening marble pillars, sprinkled with some sort of sparkling dust, curved up to the gold-plated ceiling, patterned tastefully in hexagonal shapes, its reflected light shining on the lush crimson carpets below. The Chamber, though, at this moment in time was still enshrouded in shadow, and Kerric could only make out the assassin Steelwater sitting idly at one end of the room, flicking at his crossbow as his assistant struggled valiantly to stifle a yawn, himself flicking at a nearby vase.

Kerric's eyes were drawn to another shape - misshapen and hidden in the shadow - which was shuffling to and fro, busily muttering to itself. With a tightness in his throat, Kerric realised that the shape was none other than Spinster Jardel herself.

"Meh," the Spinster croaked. "This Shhhadow Llooord is taking his ssssweet time getting here."

Steelwater shrugged. "He'll be here, my mistress. Worry not. Clearly, he is under the mistaken assumption that he will take us by surprise. I assure you, ma'am, that no-one takes Steelwater Raven by surprise. No-one."

"Meh," the Spinster said in a dismissive voice. "Too long have I wwwaited. It isss timmmme to feassst agaaain."

The assassin frowned. "Am I to take it," he said, "that your interest with him is more than professional?"

There was a grin in the Spinster's voice when she replied. "Yesssss. Youuu seeeee, there is only onnne way for me to mainntaiin my eternal youth and beaauttyyy."

A flicker of doubt crossed Steelwater's features. "And that is?"

A chuckle rolled out from the shadows. "By marrying a hero who yearrrnsss unselfishly to save his trueee love." There was a snort. "And then by conssssummating that marriage. Oh, yessss. Oh, yesss, indeed. Connnssummmatingg."

Steelwater shuddered, his eye twitching involuntarily. "Poor, poor man," he gasped.

"What did you say?!" Jardel snapped.

The assassin quickly cleared his throat. "Nothing! Nothing at all!"

"Goooood," the Spinster said, her voice like the gargle of broken glass. "I kill my husbaaaandsss afterwards, of coursseee. But itsss a small priceeee to payyy for my wonderfully stunning looks."

Steelwater bit his lip, pondering. Spinster Jardel noticed the gesture. "What?" she demanded.

He cleared his throat again. "Isn't your name a little deceptive then?" he asked. "You being married all these times and still calling yourself a spinster."

"It adds to the attraction."

"Attraction?"

"Yes. No man can resisssst me."

"I see."

"Is that doubt I hear in your voice?"

"No, of course not."

"Good," Spinster Jardel snapped. "It better not be."

"So," Steelwater went on quickly. "You were always planning to kidnap this girl then?" He gestured at the Princess Zelda, lying limply in the net.

"I wasn't aware that the woman was the Shhhadow Lord'ssss love," Jardel explained. "If I knew…I would have executed this plot a long time ago. A looong time ago. Yesssss." She paused for a moment. "Now. Disturb me not. I must prepare my bridal bed. Oh yesssss. Yesssss."

Kerric, watching in silent horror, thought that Steelwater Raven looked quite ill. He glanced across at the Princess, saw her working the net furiously, and frowned. "What are you doing?" he hissed through clenched teeth.

Zelda gave him a dismissive glance. "The last thing Link said to me," she said, her brow glistening with sweat as she sawed at the net with a blunt piece of metal, "was that we should rely on ourselves." Her voice had a distracted air to it as she frowned at her work. "I'm not going to just sit here and wait. I'm not going to just whine 'My Link will save me' to myself. I'm going to do something."

"Where did you get that?" Kerric asked, nodding at the twisted piece of metal.

"A Princess is always prepared," Zelda replied.

The doors to the chamber burst open with a tremendous bang. Everyone jumped up, their eyes turning to the new opening, gaping as Link, Raenie and Navi spilled into the room. An incandescent green figure disappeared as quickly as it appeared, but Kerric was too overwhelmed to notice. "Raenie!" he gasped.

"Kerric!" his sister grinned in response. The Shadow Lord was by her side, spinning his sword into position. Steelwater dived ahead, his crossbow at the ready.

"Hold!" Spinster Jardel's voice rang out. "Lllet me mmeeet this Shhhadow Lllloord faccce to faccce."

"Link!" Kerric called, twisting desperately so that he could face his friends. "Don't say anything to antagonise her!"

The Shadow Lord nodded, then waited for Spinster Jardel to reveal herself. Sweat squeezed out through his fingers as he gripped his sword. He focused his mind, his eyes set on the shuffling shadow that crept closer and closer and…

…incredibly thin, like a skeleton with skin hanging limply from its bones, Spinster Jardel moved into the light, her speckled grey skin almost the same colour as the twigs upon her head; twigs that someone could charitably call 'hair'. Her cracked lips split into a gummy smile. "How do you like that, big boy?" She licked her lips, waggling her eyebrows.

Link recoiled in horror, his jaw dropping open, his trembling fingers almost letting go of his sword. "Egads, woman!" he gasped. "No wonder you're a spinster!"

Kerric buried his hands in his face.

Jardel's face crumpled in fury. "What did you say?!"

Raenie pointed. "Are you the cow?"

Kerric whimpered.

Jardel whirled around. "What?!"

The assassin dropped to one knee, swinging his crossbow up with one hand, the other reaching back, pulling free an arrow and locking it into a place. With just a moment's hesitation to aim, he fired, the recoil jolting his shoulders.

Spinning instantly, Link caught the first arrow with a downward slash, twirled around as another was let loose, then tilted slightly and thrust, his blade shattering the final arrow in a violent puff of splinters. With the quickest of glances, he saw Steelwater ready himself again – and then a vase shattered over the assassin's head. Steelwater rocked on his knees, his head lolling back and forth, and then he slumped to the ground, revealing Rohn standing behind him. The apprentice, noticing everyone's stares, merely shrugged. "I never wanted to be an assassin anyway."

Spinster Jardel whirled around, advancing on the Shadow Lord. "Commme on, swweeeet lipsss," she cooed. "Commme to yourrrr bellovvvvved. Timmmmme to dannnnnce the dannnnce of ecssttacccyyy."

Link's eyes widened in pure, undiluted terror. "By all that is Holy," he gasped. "What manner of foul attack is this?"

Spinster Jardel crouched, then pounced, colliding into the Shadow Lord, making them both fall in a tangle. She leaned close, her saliva clinging to her open lips.

Link screamed.

Jardel pushed down with all her weight as the Shadow Lord struggled. Her tongue snapped out of her toothless mouth, flicking wildly.

Link screamed some more.

There was a snap of a rope breaking. Spinster Jardel's head spun around, her mouth dropping in horror as she saw Zelda slip out of the now-open net, somersault in the air, and land in a graceful crouch. The Princess reached the Spinster in a few strides and, grabbing her by the scruff of her neck, yanked her off the Shadow Lord. Spinster Jardel tumbled away, bounced up onto her feet – and smacked straight into Princess' Zelda's fist. She wobbled for a heartbeat, her scaly skin swelling, then fell flat on her face.

Rohn stood idly by as Kerric scooped Raenie up in his arms, the twins giggling happily. Navi zipped through the air, laughing as she cried, "Hey! We did it! That was easy."

Zelda watched as Link got to his feet, quickly smoothing down his cloak as he tried to regain his composure. She folded her arms, a smile playing on her lips. "So?"

Link glanced at her. "So?

"You came for me."

"I did."

"But I had to rescue you in the end."

"Glad that you did, too, love."

"You didn't have to come for me."

"Nope."

She reached forward, flicked at his collar. "It was a bit bent."

He glanced at it, and smiled. "Thanks."

"So," said Zelda.

"You said that already."

"Have fun on the way here?"

"Oh, yes," said Link. "Had to strengthen myself up on soup first, though."

"What kind?"

"Cucco."

"Ah," she replied. "Good choice."

"Yes."

"I find it adds that little bit of berserker aggression that's always needed in this type of situation."

"Indeed."

"So," said Zelda, her eyes twinkling. "Why exactly did you come for me? Risk life and limb and all that? You didn't have to."

"No, I didn't."

"So, why did you?"

Link shrugged. "Had nothing better to do." He gazed away, looking wistful.

Zelda tilted her head to one side. "Oh, really?"

"Really."

"Nothing you want to tell me, then?"

Link pondered this, his eyes rolling slowly. "No, love, not really."

"No?"

He cleared his throat, his boots scuffing the floor. "Well…"

The Princess leaned forward. "Well?"

The Shadow Lord mumbled something under his breath.

Zelda's smile grew. "I didn't quite catch that."

Link looked up, his eyes meeting hers. "There was one tiny, insignificant reason why I came for you."

"And that was?"

The Shadow Lord, still holding her gaze, smiled broadly. "I love you."

"Ah." Zelda thought about this for a moment. "Interesting."

Link blinked, an uncertain expression flicking over his features. "Is that all you're going to say, love?"

The Princess pursed her lips, looking thoughtful. "Well," she said. "You never did tell me why you did what you did to the Gorons. And the whole 'slaves' thing."

"Will you listen to me if I do?"

"I will."

"Trust me, you'll understand."

"Somehow I think I will." Zelda clasped her hands behind her back, then let one foot rock back and forth under, skimming the floor occasionally. "I suppose…."

"What?" Link said, a lopsided smile now on his face.

"I suppose…I could collapse into your arms and let you kiss me."

"But?"

"But," she said, a glint in her eye as she grinned wickedly. "You look like you've been rolling around in an open outhouse and, to be frank, you smell like it, too."

Link laughed. "And here was me thinking you were the romantic one, love."

"I am," she said, gingerly taking his hand. "I'm the clean one, too." She continued to grin as they gazed at each other. "I do believe, Shadow Lord, that, though I may regret it – I hope I don't – that I may love you, too."

"Well," the Shadow Lord said, nodding sagely. "You did save me from almost certain conjugal death at the hands of the dear Spinster here."

Zelda glanced at the old woman's prone form. "I think her hands would have been the least of your worries." She turned, saw the twins laughing in each other's arms as tears rolled down their faces, then turned back, her smile still firmly on her lips. "Come on, Link," she said. "Let's go home."