A/N: The biggest A/N in the world…ever.: Hello again everyone! Firstly, Merry Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Three Kings Day…whatever rocks your boat! Second, congrats to all of us for the great news that the 6th book will come out on June. Cheers! Third, we just recently realized we haven't updated…in a year. It has a logical explanation though. Too long, too boring…rubbish really. The thing is thanks to all those reviews and e-mails, especially from HAILEY, who made sure we knew we were in the doghouse, we decided to post. The story will take a new course now, not the one we had written already, and that was pure rubbish. Let's just hope you like the following chapters, or else we will be forced to update yearly.
So enough of the blabbing and on with the story!
Last time, on "Dead Blonde Skank":
Tsk, Tsk, Tsk; now, now Granger…" He said in a seductive tone.
OH BLOODY FUCK. I felt a breeze between my legs. Fucking ferret! Using his wand, he took of my cloak, leaving me in my knickers- in a public place. Make that a VERY well known place by EVERYONE and VERY frequently visited by MINISTRY PEOPLE public place. Wizards and witches started staring.
" …When you learn how to lie, you give me a call," Malfoy sent a wink in my direction and stood up, "with that cell phone of yours." He had my cloak in his filthy hands!
Today was the most unmemorable day of my life. As fuck.
It was not a bad day…a HORRIBLE one. And I bet it won't get better.
Finally I got to my flat. I tried not to think of the past hour events. But something caught my attention at that very moment.
Something moving in my couch.
How could I forget! Ginny was home!
"Ginny, what are you doing outside of Hogwarts? I mean, Mrs. Weasley asked you to stay there in the holidays, right?"
"Hermione, I am so sorry to barge in like that! I called you so many times and you didn't pick up your mobiIite or whatever so I came here."
"It's ok Ginny" I interrupted her. "You are more than welcomed in my love shack." I replied to her with my very own impersonation of Sean Connery.
She laughed.
"But still, why aren't you with the twins?"
"I don't like to spend my free time trying to camouflage myself to the house so they won't test me for their new products."
"Good answer Ginevra."
She gave me an icy glare.
"Please, don't call me that." The redhead replied through her teeth.
Wow. Someone's got some P.M.S. case building up. I haven't bothered her in the past for me to call her that so why would she start now. Oh, never mind.
"Ginny, what's wrong honey…you seem so down."
"Oh Hermione, you wouldn't understand…after all, is not like you had a…forget it."
There it goes again.
People making false assumptions about me. Because I graduated top of my class and probably the highest score ever in Hogwarts, doesn't mean I don't have time for "love" or at least some kind of male-female relationship. I HAVE PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT!
"Ginny, you may think I don't know about…as corny as it sounds… love like other girls you know could but yet, I'm still a bloody girl!!!"
"I didn't mean it like that…"
"Whatever Ginny."
"You're totally right Hermione, I mean the thing with Viktor…and umm…"
"Yes?"
"…umm…my brother?"
"Which one?"
"Ron."
"That one? Then I've never been your brother's girlfriend."
"Significant other?"
Bloody Merlin! Maybe Ginny was right. Maybe everyone was right. I've never had a serious relationship with anyone! Not with Viktor, neither Ron…nor Harry. Ew! That would be incest. The only thing I remember close to a relationship was…
Little Riley.
It is a rarely known fact that I actually had a boyfriend in my life. Little Riley was an Irish boy with big blue eyes, and long, spiky brown hair. He always wore these big lame-ass shades. Oh, he had a fixation with eighties cop shows. It was ridiculous. He had the plastic badge. He had his hair styled back, with an open chest shirt. And the worst? He had glued a curly wig to his chest. We were thirteen for Merlin's sakes! He used to ride his bike and shoot everyone with fake gun. It was pitiful. Well, we hanged out a couple of times as we grew up but when I discovered that he still had that ridiculous obsession, I sent him packing. That's the story of my life.
"Oh fuck it Ginny. I'm a pansy I know."
"You're not a pansy! You just…haven't found the right guy yet."
"I guess I'll never find him because…he doesn't exist! There is no one in this ludicrous world that can actually have a sustainable conversation with for at least thirty minutes without mentioning Quidditch as a topic."
"He does exist. I am sure." My red-haired friend said to me with dreamy eyes. Was she still in love with Harry?
I rested my head on her lap.
"So, how was your day?"
"Oh Ginny…it has been the worst so far."
"Even worsen than when you found Snape taking a piss in Dumbledore's loo?"
"No Ginny, that was morbid. This was horrible."
"Tell me laddy." She said as she poured a glass of wine for me.
"You can't drink, you're too young."
"Wow Hermione, a couple of months from you is a big difference don't you think?"
"Oh Ginny…" I started telling her about how psychotic Harry looked, how Ron was hitting on me, about my boss and how over friendly Seamus seemed this days, about Parkinson and…
About Malfoy.
Ginny dropped her glass of wine to my new ivory carpet.
"I'll…I'll be right back I just.... need some fresh air for…a moment?" Her voice sounded shaky.
Shit, my white carpet is ruined…
What is it with people and finding out that Malfoy is dead? Why do they get sacred? Shouldn't they jump and cheer? So…why in hell she went a little berserk?
"Hermione, are you sure of this?"
"Yes. Why?"
"This is big news!" She said slightly happier. "Here."
"What the hell is that?" Why is she so happy now?
"Oh this?" She said pointing at the indigo coloured bottle. "This is a new beverage. It has by far the strongest mix of alcohols. Loads of Fire Whiskey. It will make you drunk for sure. Want some?"
"No. I think I'll just stick to the cheap wine. Where did you get that?"
"Knockturn Alley."
"WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING IN KNOCKTURN ALLEY?!"
"Don't worry, I bought this some time ago and I was accompanied."
"O-kay." My face was contortioned with an expression of disapproval. But hell, Ginny was almost of age; she needed to make her own choices.
"Ginny, I need to get to bed. I need to regain my composure. Tomorrow's a big day."
"Ok. Well, see you in the morning sweetness."
Finally. Some time to get my thoughts in order. After I carefully drained my mishaps into my pensive, I decided unanimously that I needed a bath.
Thank you to whoever invented everlasting hot water.
The Next Morning…
"Rise and shine frizz ball!!!"
"Oh shit." I muttered.
"Granger I thought this was not over... For a woman of your wits, you certainly have the mouth of a sailor."
"I've learned to curse. And then again, what the FUCK are you doing in MY flat at…what time is it?"
"3 o'clock…afternoon."
"…yeah, sitting in MY bed, having the balls to wake me up after the ordeal you have putted me through."
"I haven't done anything Granger; it's you who is making an extensive deal out of this." He plastered his best impression of an "angelic" grin. The man is too evil to pull that!
"Do you realize what you are doing to my head? I am desperate to grab you by your white arse and drag you to the Ministry and tell everyone the truth, that you are alive!"
He smirked. Then, he lent forward to my ear and said in an almost silent whisper:
"Who's stopping you?"
"HERMIONEEEE!! WAKE UP, RON SEND YOU AN OWL…OH AND THERE ARE 3 PARCELS FROM THE MINISTRY!!!!" The screeching voice of Ginny Weasley interrupted.
'Shit!!!!!'
"HIDE QUICKLY!!!"
"Where in this hideous pigster?!?!"
"In…in… IN THE CLOSET!!!"
I threw Malfoy in the closet just in time. I rested my body in the closet door making a model-like pose.
"Morning Ginny."
"Who were you talking to?"
"Ummm, no one just…ummm…singing.
Ginny arched a brow.
"Anyway, what were you saying?"
"Oi! There are three owl posts from the Ministry and one from Ron."
"Hand me the Ministry ones first."
And so I read. It was Eggy, as I call him, the Boss. I haven't showed up to the office in exactly one and a half day. Loads of due paperwork. But thankfully no Howlers.
"Blah blah blah… Seamus blabbing some more…Oh my Merlin."
"What is it?"
"A letter…"
"Like…Duh!" Ginny replied. Oh, she looked so much like Parkinson.
"From…" I couldn't believe it.
"From who?" Ginny said.
"No one important." It was a letter from Lucius Malfoy. This man had some nerve!!! Blaming and threatening me! I was re reading the letter when a loud noise came from the closet. It sounded like a lot of boxes and stuff fell from the top shelves.
Maybe Malfoy is dead. That would be smashing!
"But why would he reckon I…" I gasped
"Oh Oh I wanna read this one!!!"
I looked at Ginny "Ron's?"
"Oh yeah. Listen…"
"Dear Hermione…" Ginny read changing her usually girly voice to a manly one "I hope you're doing great. You didn't owled me back so I figured you had a shitload of work." Ginny interrupted herself off and added "How romantic and gentlemanlike"
She continued with the manly voice "I was hoping you don't refuse this invitation for dinner at Cheo, the place where you told me usually all muggle English sportsmen hang out. I wish you can make it. Send your answer with Pig. Love, Ron."
"Are you planning to go?"
"Fat chance Ginny."
"Oh c'mon!!!"
"I don't have anything to wear."
"Of course you do!!! All you have to do is open up that dusty closet."
"NO!!! DON'T OPEN IT!!!" I instinctively extended my arms in order to protect my BIG piece of evidence that inhabited the closet from Ginny.
"Why?" Ginny said in a half laugh.
"Because…ummm…I think I will use that dress that Molly and Ron gave to me on my birthday. The dress that you have amongst your belongings"
Ginny grinned. "Ohhh, that old thing."
"And on your way out do me a favour, send a parchment to Ron and tell him I'm going. Oh, and shut the door, I need to get prepared."
"Yes ma'm."
I let a huge sigh of relieve.
"You can come out now ferret."
"Shit Granger what the hell do you store in this…thing you call a closet?! BRICKS?! My brain is bloody pounding by the shit you own that fell in my expensive head!!!"
I just scoffed.
"I think you have enough grey matter in you head to know when to make an exit."
"How do you even dare to kick me out?"
"No, the thing is you were never invited, is more like…OUT!!!"
"We'll meet again…and we will finish this conversation."
"I recall it has been finished."
He gave me the finger and then vanished into thin air.
A/N: Well, that's it for now…at least. We urge you mates to leave a review…IT'S UTTERLY IMPORTANT THAT YOU DO SO…
Oi!: Before we go out and get blitzed for the third time this week, we have a request. We receive a really wicked mail asking a pretty relevant question, Do you hate Harry? Answer, we don't. There is just one character in the whole series that we loathe with every will of our hearts…HAGRID. WE hate Hagrid goddamit! That is such a boring-arse character! We siriusly despise him. Sorry if any Hagrid fans out there! blush So, since we found this an intriguing question, we really want to know which character you despise the most. Which leads us to this enigma: WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD MAKE A GREAT ENTRANCE RUG FOR DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE? You know our answer already. Fat Oaf. Send us yours!
ShAg On!