A/N: LOL hello again. sorry i haven't updated in so long. i graduated from uni earlier this year and now i have a really cool job that's keeping me busy! i want to update at least semi-regularly (no promises) to practice both writing and discipline lol. i don't think i'm going to rework the story like i thought, i wanna work with what i have already done! hope you enjoy and any reviews are appreciated so i can continue to improve
October
"His dick was so small! It was hilarious."
I frown, my head resting on my hand as I look at the sinusoidal functions worksheet on my desk. The work itself isn't that hard, and I'm nearly done. What's hard is trying to focus when all I can hear is Ashley Q. blathering on about some guy she went on a date with. I whirl around in my seat to glare at her.
"Would you shut the fuck up? Every class, all you do is talk about nothing. I can't hear myself think."
"Notice how she turned around when you said dick," Ashley B. quips, and the other girls descend into a mess of snickers. I dig my nails into my palms, trying to keep calm. For the last few weeks during math, I've endured listening to the Ashleys gossip about other girls at our school, their families, and even Ashley T. when she was out sick for a few days. What takes up most of their time, though, is gossiping about boys.
"I turned around because it's embarrassing. You think other people can't hear you?" I ask, motioning my pencil in a circle, indicating the other students in the class.
"I don't know why you're such a prude. It's perfectly natural to talk about," Ashley A. says, twirling a bit of her hair around her finger. "Have you ever even seen one in real life?"
Heat rises to my face, so I turn back around in my seat. Hearing them talk about all the boys they've hooked up with makes me feel stupid, and I'm not sure why. Most kids my age have already lost their virginity, but my only physical interaction with a boy besides fist-fighting was that stupid kiss with T.J. in fourth grade. It makes me feel like I'm still a kid, and everyone around me is turning into an adult.
"Guess not," one of them whispers, and they all start giggling again.
Good God, I hate this class.
I pull out my headphones and plug them into my phone, grateful that someone convinced Miss Kim to let us listen to music while we work on assignments. I flip through my Spotify, trying to pick something. The Ashleys must think I can't hear them, because they start whispering again.
I freeze when I hear what Ashley Q. says.
"Was T.J. any good?"
I stare at my worksheet, not quite able to focus my eyes on the words and equations. I know I shouldn't listen, but...
"Ugh, he was the biggest prude. Once it finally happened, though, it was amazing. He was pretty big—"
I stand up, the scraping of my chair causing a few heads to turn. I changed my mind. The thought of sitting here while Ashley A. gives intimate details about my best friend is seriously uncomfortable, even if I have music playing to try and drown them out. I grab my bag off of the chair and stalk up to Miss Kim's desk, handing her my worksheet.
"I'm finished. Can I go to the library?"
She looks at me over her mug of coffee, large, brightly coloured glasses framing her face, and nods. I leave the room without glancing back at the whispering Ashleys.
I intended on going to the library, but when I see T.J. and Gretchen sitting at one of the tables tucked in beside a window, Gretchen waves me over. T.J. turns around and raises his hand in a greeting. I forgot they had the same free period.
"You have math class right now, don't you?" Gretchen asks as I throw my bag on the table and plunk myself down in the chair beside her, across from T.J.
"Yeah, but I couldn't take it any longer. I was about to rip one of the Ashleys' heads off."
Gretchen scoffs, and T.J. rolls his eyes.
"Who knows, Spin? Maybe you could try and get to know them," he says, the corners of his mouth pulling up into a smirk.
"I'd rather stick this pencil in my ear," I say, holding out my pencil in front of me. He grabs it quickly, then tosses it at me. The sharp end pokes me in the shoulder.
"Ow!" I say. I reach across the table to try and smack him, but he grabs my wrist and pulls, yanking me out of my chair.
"Would you both stop that? I'm trying to study for my chemistry test!" Gretchen says, grabbing her open book and pulling it out of the way of our fight. "Would either of you be offended if I studied alone? It's hard to focus when you two are together," she says. I pull my wrist out of T.J.'s grasp, my face warming slightly.
"Not a problem, Gretch. We can find another place where I can beat Spinelli up."
I throw up an obscene gesture as I stand up.
"See you at lunch?" I say to Gretchen.
"Certainly," she replies.
I smack T.J.'s arm as we walk outside to our usual lunch spot.
"Is that how your free periods usually go? Gretchen studying and you being an idiot?"
"Usually. Shouldn't be surprising, though," he says. We round the corner into the outdoor atrium and sit down under one of the trees. I toss my bag down, using it as a pillow as I lay on the grass. I sigh, closing my eyes for a minute. TJ, sits with his back against the tree, one of his legs bent in front of him.
"How's your dad?" he asks.
I fold my hands across my stomach.
"He's okay, I guess. Chemo is shitty, but he's trying to stay positive. I think it's a lot harder on my mom, seeing him sick."
"Yeah, I can't imagine. In sickness and in health, I guess."
Clouds roll through the sunny sky lazily, though there are some darker clouds on the horizon.
"It's weird, seeing him not able to do the things he used to. He wanted to help me with my car the other week, but he couldn't stand for more than a few minutes without needing a break. I told him I could do it myself so he'd stop pushing himself so hard."
"Could you do it yourself?" he asks.
"Kind of. I replaced the brake pads, but I think there's something wrong with one of the control arms."
He nods, thinking.
"I can look at it, if you want."
"I- that would be awesome. But you don't have to."
"Maybe you can do something for me in exchange."
"Uh, sure."
"You're in Ashley's math class, yeah?"
"Uh huh."
"I know it sounds weird but… just, if you hear her say anything about me, would you mind letting me know? Things didn't… end well between us. I don't want her saying anything that's not true, you know?"
I squint up at him, holding one of my hands up to block out the sun.
"Yeah, sure. Whatever," I say.
We sit for a few more minutes, talking about this and that. I want to tell him that I've already heard Ashley talking about him, but the mere thought of telling him what I overheard has heat rising to my face. It's just too awkward. The lunch bell rings, and we go back inside to join Gretchen and the others at our usual lunch table, but I can't get the conversation with T.J. out of my head. I want to know what happened between him and Ashley. I tell myself it's because I don't want to be nosy, but a small part of me, hidden deep away, knows the real reason is that I'm jealous of Ashley. Hearing about it will only make it worse.
I'll leave it. For now.