A/N: I wanted to give my usual acknowledgment and thanks to the people who have read and reviewed. As usual, I can also think of nothing else to say.

Chapter Three: The Guy With The Custom Harley

No one said anything to Malcolm the next day. Every time he asked he was told, "Later." It was after they ate dinner that Lois told everyone to wait. "We need to talk about Malcolm."

"What did he do?" Reese asked cheerfully.

Lois scowled. "He didn't do anything. Why would you think that?"

"No reason," Reese said carefully. "Is it because he gave Francis the number of your credit card so he could keep charging phone calls?"

"Reese?" Malcolm shouted.

"Malcolm?" Lois shouted.

"Honey," Hal said soothingly.

"Don't honey me, Hal. Ths is serious."

Hal looked nervous. "Shouldn't we take care of the other matter first?"

"I'd better cancel that credit card right away. You explain it to him." As Lois got up and began pressing the number, Hal turned to look at Malcolm. "Son . . ." he paused. "Have I wished you Happy Birthday yet?"

"Yeah. Last night at midnight."

"Just checking. Do you get your present yet?"

Malcolm stared at his father. "Noooo, you said I had to wait until we had the cake."

"Oh, Right," Hal said, nodding his head. "Did you have your cake yet?"

"Dewey dropped it. Remember?"

"I didn't drop it," Dewey complained. "An evil man ran up and knocked it out of my hands."

"There wasn't any man, Dewey," Reese pointed out.

"He was invisible."

"Shut up, Dewey," Malcolm said. "There wasn't an invisible man. You're just a clumsy little brat."

"Boys," Hal said. "That isn't important. What is important is that I need to run to the store and buy a new cake. Tell your mother where I went."

Hal quickly got up and left the table.

"Hal," Lois yelled. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get another cake for Malcolm's birthday party."

"Did you tell Malcolm?"

"Of course I did."

"You told Malcolm that he was adopted?"

"I'M WHAT?"

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

"Mom," Reese called out. "Am I adopted, too?"

"No, you're ours."

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! This birthday just keeps getting better.

"Hal, you said you told Malcolm."

"I'm sorry, Honey. In all the excitement I forgot."

Lois glared at Hal. "Just get the cake."

Malcolm looked at his mother expectantly. "Is it true, Mom? I'm really adopted?"

"You don't have to look so happy about it."

"I'll fix that," Reese offered.

"Ow."

"Reese, I told you not to hit your brothers. And yes, Malcolm, you really are adopted."

Malcolm became excited. "Then I'm not really related to Reese?"

"You're related all right. You were brought to us after your Dad's half-sister died. You were born as his cousin."

Malcolm looked confused. "But that horse-face sent us a card for Christmas."

Lois sighed. "Not that one. His other sister."

"Yeah, dummy," Reese said. "The one that died." He paused. "There was another one?"

Malcolm paused. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"We were waiting for you to mature a little more, Honey. We wanted to be sure you could handle it. Now, if it were Reese or Francis, we would never get the chance . . ."

"HEY, I'm mature," Reese complained.

"I know you are," Lois said offhandedly.

"I am mature. I AM. I AM. I AM."

"All right, you're mature for God's sake. Now shut up."

"Am I mature?" Dewey asked as he ate his paper napkin.

"In a few years, dear, and don't drop any of that on the floor."

"OK, Mom."

"Mom," Malcolm asked. "If you were going to wait, then why are you telling me now?"

Lois paused. "Reese, Dewey, you can leave the table."

"That's OK, Mom. We don't mind staying."

"IN YOUR ROOM, NOW." Lois paused as the two boys ran into the bedroom. "AND CLOSE THE DOOR." After the door slammed, she turned back to Malcolm. "Malcolm, You do know we love you."

"I know, Mom."

I can think of a half dozen better answers, but if I use any one of them I'll be grounded.

"And you're grounded for the next week for talking to Francis."

Dang. I had a free shot and I missed it.

"No problem, Mom." Malcolm kept watching her for signs of what she was going to say.

"Honey, It's just that when your real parents died, it wasn't, um, . . ."

Malcolm swallowed hard. "Mom, how did they die?"

Lois gripped the table hard as she spoke the words. "They were blown up by an evil wizard."

"WHAT?"

WHAT?

"It's true. Then he tried to kill you but something happened. He killed himself or something, and all you got was that scar. I'm sorry, Malcolm."

Malcolm unconsciously rubbed the lightning-bolt-shaped scar on his forehead.

Malcolm was horrified. "Mom, that's sick. That isn't even believable." He began to cry. "Why did you have to lie to me like that?"

"Malcolm."

"I wish it were true. I wish I really was adopted." Malcolm said as he ran out of the room. "I wish I had a better family."

"Honey," Hal said as Malcolm ran past him.

Lois looked up at him. "Your timing is perfect."

"That's a relief," Hal said, not noticing the sarcasm. "But I had to tell you, Mister Hagrid is here."

"He's not supposed to be here until Saturday?"

"I know, dear, but he said things were kind of busy Saturday. It would be easier to take care of this during the week. You know, Malcolm has to buy his school supplies and if we wait until the weekend all the stores will be crowded."

Malcolm ran into the living room. He was upset but not stupid. The last thing he wanted to do was deal with Reese, and that meant not running into his bedroom. Then he saw the salesman sitting on the couch. The salesman broke out in a big smile, then frowned.

"Malcolm? Wha's wrong?"

"Why do you care?" Malcolm sobbed. "We're not going to buy anything."

Hagrid stood up as Hal and Lois entered the room. "Why'd ye tell the boy that? I told ye yesterday I wasn't selling anything."

"Actually that was early this morning," Hal pointed out. "We, uh, just never got the chance to correct him." Then Hal became forceful. "And you were supposed to come back Saturday."

"Oh," Hagrid said. "Sorry I snapped like that, but I saw the boy cryin' and all."

"It's my fault," Lois said sadly, as she put her hands on Malcolm's shoulders to console him. "Stop it," she hissed when Malcolm tried to shrug her off. "I just told him about his real parents."

Hagrid managed to frown. "I'm sorry, Malcolm."

Malcolm stared. "Then it's true. I really am adopted."

Hagrid nodded. "And I got somethin' for ye." He pulled a box out from under his big hairy coat. "I might have sat on it at one point but it should still be good."

Malcolm took the box and opened it up. It was a cake with the words, "Happee Birthdae Harry," written on it, except "Harry" was crossed out and "Malcome" written underneath.

"Uh, thanks," Malcolm said. He looked up at the giant. "Did you know my parents?" He glanced at his mom and dad. "You know what I mean."

"Aye, I did," Hagrid said with a grin which slowly faded. "Everyone knew James and Lily . . ."

"How did they die?" Malcolm asked, hurriedly. "It was a car crash or something, Right? Mom gave me some Bull that they were killed by some wizard. OOOWWW."

Lois instantly pulled Malcolm's hair forcing his head back and his mouth to open. She then took the dish detergent that Hal had gotten for her and squeezed a good portion of it out of the bottle and into Malcolm's mouth. "GARGLE"

"Ghghghghgh," Malcolm replied.

Lois took the bowl that Hal handed her and held under Malcolm's chin as she let go of his hair. "Now, spit."

"Um, right," Hagrid said as he watched the scene. "Well, Malcolm. Yer Mom did tell you the truth. But they died protecting you."

"Ugh," Malcolm replied as he tried to get the taste out of his mouth. "That doesn't make sense."

"Of course it does," Hagrid said. "If ye know one important fact."

"What's that?"

"Yer a wizard, Malcolm," Hagrid said as he broke out into a big grin. "And a thumpin' good one, I'll wager."

"Wait," Malcolm said as he began to laugh nervously. "This is some kind of demented joke, and you're in on it. Do you really think I'm that stupid to fall for it? Nice try, but I won't buy it."

"Now hold on," Hagrid said. "Did ye ever have something happen to ye or did ye ever do something that ye couldn't explain?"

He can't know about that. No one could find any proof. Not even the police. He's bluffing.

"No."

"What about yer hair? It used to be black."

Malcolm smirked. "I've been though that one before. It was a severe allergic reaction that permanently altered the body chemistry of my hair follicles. Does that answer your question?"

Hagrid looked puzzled. "I've no idea. But ye don't wear glasses."

"Because I have contact lenses." Malcolm took one out to show him.

"Malcolm," Lois said with a smile. "What about Reese?"

Mom's right. There's no explaining him.

"What do you mean?"

"We get complaints twice a week that he hits some kid for calling you names."

"Yeah, he told me."

"Well, son," Hal said carefully. "Think about it. You know what Reese is like. Why would he bother making up a reason?"

WOW. Mom and Dad are right. It must be magic.

"Do you mean it?" Malcolm said to Hagrid. "Am I really a wizard?"

"Ye have to be trained and all, but yes, Malcolm, yer a wizard." Hagrid reached into his coat and pulled out an envelope and handed it to Malcolm, who instantly threw it on the pile with the bundles of other letters. "Malcolm, ye were supposed to open that one."

"Sorry," Malcolm retrieved the letter and noticed that Harry's name was crossed out and his own written above it. "This letter's been opened already?"

"I had to change yer name on the inside, too. I didn't have time to get a new letter."

Malcolm read the letter. "Mom, Dad, it says I'm accepted to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Can I go?"

"Well, Son . . ." Hal said. "The truth is we really can't afford it."

I knew it. It was all a big joke and I fell for it.

"But it's been taken care of," Hagrid said suddenly. "And ye have to agree. It was in the letter when ye accepted little Harry, uh, Malcolm."

"What letter?" Lois asked.

"The one Dumbledore gave yer husband."

"Hal? Where is that letter?"

"Oh, that letter. I have no idea. I, um . . ."

"What happened to it?"

"You know how wonderful those letters burn? I used to start the fire that night."

Lois frowned and Hal smiled weakly. She then turned to Hagrid. "You said it was taken care of? Does that mean it's already paid for?" Hagrid nodded. "And Malcolm has to go?" Hagrid nodded again. "Well, Malcolm, it looks like you're going to Hogwarts."

"Great," Malcolm shouted. "Where is Hogwarts?"

"It's in the borderlands," Hagrid answered.

"In England?" came the surprised response.

"No, in Scotland."

Malcolm frowned. "Where do I catch the bus?"

Hagrid laughed. "Ye don't catch a bus. Ye take the train." Then he understood what Malcolm meant. "And ye stay there. It's a boarding school. They'll send ye home fer holidays, though, so don't worry."

"That means I have to leave home?"

I mean it. This is the best birthday ever. All I need now is to find out that my real parents left me a ton of money.

"Mister Hagrid, how is all this being taken care of? Who's paying for it? Did my parents leave me a ton of money or something?"

Hagrid thought briefly. "It think it's more like a ton and a half."

YES!

"But that's for when he grows up," Lois said, smiling as Malcolm's smile disappeared.

"If yer talkin' about how much he can spend on himself, that would be for you to decide," Hagrid told her. "Until he reaches his legal age . . ."

Great. Now I have to wait ten years.

". . . of seventeen."

Six years? I can do six years.

"When do I leave?" Malcolm asked.

"You take the cake, young man," Lois said, "and share it with your brothers. Your father and I will discuss this."

"Do you really need me?" Hal asked.

Lois scowled. "Hagrid and I will discuss this."

"Great," Hal said as he grabbed the cake and ushered Malcolm into the kitchen.