"Are you sure you're okay, Commander? You seem a little spaced out." RO asked as the Commander and her moved to the next scenario.
"Yeah, I'm just reeling from the thought of what could have happened if 416 didn't show up..."
"Ugh...I don't want to think about it..."
As if on cue, the sound of snoring caught the Commander's attention as he stepped into the indicated room. Papasha once again sat slumped over the controls of her construction mech next to a door that the Commander didn't recall being there before, snoring peacefully as empty cans of Red Bull littered the ground beneath her.
"Well, at least today's predictable..." The Commander sighed out as he turned to RO. "Who was it that was supposed to be in charge here?"
"Privyet, Komandir!" A familiar voice cheerfully called out from behind him.
"Oh no..." The Commander quietly groaned before turning to the source of the sound.
AK-12 casually strolled into view, AK-15 tensely following her.
"AK-12, AK-15...What are you ladies doing here?"
"We were asked by...eh, how you say? 'An Esteemed Client' to make sure that you complete some 'Knife Training'." 12 responded.
"And who might this 'esteemed client' be?" The Commander asked.
"I am sorry Komandir, but eh...How you say in English?"
"We could tell you - but then we have to kill you." AK-15 answered sternly.
"Right, exactly, so chill with the questions for now, chuvak." 12 continued.
"Well, can I at least ask what I'm supposed to be doing?"
"It is very simple, moy drug, you just have to go in and eh...'knife the watermelon'."
"You want me to knife watermelons? What, did I take a wrong turn and end up at Hereford?"
"That is very funny, Komandir."
"Speaking of wrong turns, how the hell did you two even get here? Aren't you supposed to be with Ange over in Germany? How the hell does this take precedence over what you're supposed to be doing over there?"
AK-15 approached the Commander and pressed her hand on his shoulder. The Commander and 15 were similar in height to one another, but at that moment, the aura that 15 gave off made it feel as if she was towering several feet over him.
"You are asking questions that are very...how they say...bad for health." 15 growled gutturally.
"Look, do not worry about it, chuvak, just start the course." 12 spoke up.
"No! This doesn't make any-"
AK-12's eyes shot open. "Start the course."
"Alright! Fuck!" The Commander resigned.
"And since this is solo exercise, I am afraid your lady-friend will have to wait outside."
"Hey, we're not-"
AK-12 paid no attention to the Commander's protests as she casually took a knife out of AK-15's sheathe.
"And here you are, it is sharp so careful not to cut self, yes?" 12 condescendingly said as she handed the Commander the blade.
"Do not lose my blade." 15 added assertively.
AK-12 casually opened the door to the course, followed by AK-15 aggressively shoving the Commander into the blinding light shining through the doorway and slamming the door behind him.
The sounds of waves crashing against the shore, the mewing of flocks of seagulls, and the feeling of the sun beating down on him told the Commander where he was even before his eyes adjusted. The Commander looked around, dumbstruck at the sight of the endless sea stretching out before him, and the beach he was on stretching over the horizon on either sign of him. Did Papasha really manage to - No, there had to be some holographic trickery involved in this...
Although he had wished for a day on the beach, the clothes he was wearing were about as far from beach-attire as it could get. The sun's heat was relentless, there wasn't an inch of shade in sight, the humidity was almost suffocating, the sand clung to every inch of clothing it could get to and refused to let go...This kind of sucked.
Clutching the hilt of 15's knife, the Commander was just about to wonder where he was supposed to go when he suddenly turned to find a large Beach Hut that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. Wasn't he just looking this way a second ago? In any case, he set all of his doubts and questions aside for the moment, he needed to get out of the sun and into some shade before he started to cook.
Suddenly, however, a low, ominous siren wailed from the Beach Hut itself, which stopped the Commander in his tracks.
"What the hell..." The Commander whispered to himself as he readied his knife. He didn't know what that sound was, but it didn't sound like anything good, and that was as good of a reason as any to keep his guard up.
Suddenly, a large, ripe watermelon rolled outside of the hut's comparatively pitch-black interior. The Commander's eyes tracked the melon as it daintily rolled down the small ramp and across the sand before stopping a few inches from the his foot.
"Right...I guess I'm supposed to stab it."
Suddenly, the melon let out an ominous whirring noise. Before the Commander could react, the melon suddenly lunged upwards and latched itself onto the Commander's shin.
"What the- AAAAAGGGHHH!"
A current of electricity suddenly shot rapidly through the Commander's body, causing his whole body to cramp up. The Commander fell to his back, and as soon as he regained his faculties, he quickly sat up and stabbed the knife directly into the melon, violently jamming the blade directly into its core. The whirring stopped immediately, and the melon unlatched itself and lifelessly clattered to the ground.
"Jesus Christ! These things are real?! R93 and P38 weren't fucking with me?!"
The moment the Commander got to his feet, another ominous wail sounded, and several more melons rolled out on a collision course with the Commander.
"Alright, fine, you guys want some too? Come and get it!""
One of the melons appeared to take him up on the dare, and accelerated towards him before throwing itself into the air directly at his face. As soon as it was within arms' length, the Commander slashed it straight down the middle, AK-15's knife sliced through it like butter. The Melon split into two and splashed him with a torrent of its sugary juices.
"Argh, dammit! My clothes!" The Commander cursed.
There was no time to lament, however, as another melon immediately came barreling towards him and launch itself towards his torso. The Commander once again slashed through it with ease. As soon as it split apart, however, he caught sight of another airborne melon flying straight at him. The Commander reflexively stuck his knife out into its path, and the melon impaled itself on the blade, slipping all the way down to the hilt. This proved to be a mistake - while the Commander tried to flick the sugary fruit off of the blade, a fresh swarm of melons immediately took the opportunity to rush him, latching on to his arms, legs, and torso and knocking him to the ground. The fact that he was now soaking wet made what came after all the more painful...
"12...Is the Commander going to be mad at us after this?" AN-94 asked as she fished another watermelon out of the crate and tossed it over to AK-12, who was standing by the door of the beach-hut in a one-piece swimsuit. The Commander's screams and curses echoed outside.
"Of course not, my dear Annie! Just be sure to smile at him when you see him again, nobody will be able to stay mad at your smile!" 12 cheerfully replied as she haphazardly tossed the melon out the door.
"AAARRRGGHHH GOD DAMN IT, FUCK!" Another agonized howl sounded from outside.
"Is...He okay?" 94 asked sheepishly.
"He will be, Annie. He is not now - but he will be." 12 reassured as she picked up another melon and tossed it out the door.
"I wonder what would cause her to go this far...This seems pretty harsh, not to mention the investment she has made..."
"Such things are of no concern to us. She gets her petty revenge, we get ourselves little Holiday and a bit of money in process, and Ange get to sit alone and brood in peace, everybody win!"
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME! AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!"
"Well, most people."
After what was left of the last watermelon thudded to the ground, the Commander fell to his knees, panting in exhaustion as his entire body cramped, before weakly rolling over onto his back with a thud.
The sound of clapping from the beach hut suddenly caught the Commander's attention. He slowly sat up to find an amused AK-12 giving an applause on the porch.
"It seems your fruit-killing skills leave much to be desired, Komandir!" 12 called from the hut with a chuckle.
"Twelve...You're dead...As soon as I can walk again."
12 let out another chuckle. "As amusing as your attempt would be to witness, I am afraid it is time to take our leave. We have to be back in Germany before Ange realizes we are gone."
As AK-12 was speaking, the Commander leaned back to find AK-15 looming over him. She quietly, but firmly bent down and grabbed the knife out of his hand.
"I will be keeping this." 15 stated, before briskly making her way over to the hut.
Another ominous siren sounded from the hut as a loud rumble began emanating from underneath.
"Now that we are all aboard, eh...How did they say in funny Yaponskiy cartoon?...Ah, right - Team DEFY is blasting off again! Do-Svidaniya, Komandir!" AK-12 gave an Aviator's Salute before a fiery thrust blasted out of the bottom of the hut, lifting it into the air and sending it soaring into the sky.
The Commander watched as the hut grew smaller and smaller as it vanished into the endless blue, before it disappeared with a faint glimmer of light.
"What...in...the...actual...fuck..." The Commander uttered out.
The Commander continued to lay sprawled out on the sand, he was not looking forward to getting up. His whole body ached and cramped, he was soaked from head to toe in sticky fruit juice, and he was covered in sand, a fair share of it had probably made its way inside his clothes too.
A few more moments passed before he opened his eyes to a familiar figure looming over him.
"...Commander..." RO uttered empathetically.
"Just leave me here...Let me cook..." The Commander groaned.
RO shook her head. "No such luck."
The Commander leaned his head back into the sand and sighed. "Let me guess - you didn't learn anything from AK-15."
"Mhm." RO affirmed.
"...And I've still got another scenario to run."
"That about covers it." RO nodded.
The Commander let out an insincere chuckle. "Alright...help me up."
As the Commander and RO walked to the café, the Commander tried fruitlessly to shake the sand out of his clothes. "Jesus...I'm glad Dandelion's holding on to my coat for me, this stuff is never gonna come out."
"It's almost over, Commander. Miss Springfield will help us out, she wouldn't stand for this kind of nonsense. She'll check you off, find out who's doing this, and you can eat something." RO reassured.
"That sure would be nice..."
As the Commander and his adjutant entered the café they found that all of the tables were deserted.
"Huh, isn't it getting close to lunchtime? You'd think at least someone would be in here on a Sunday..." the Commander commented.
"Springfield's supposed to be working today, she should be here somewhere." RO said as she looked around.
"Oh, hello Commander, hello RO635." A voice called out, the duo turned to see SPAS-12 stepping out from the back and walking up from behind the counter.
"Good afternoon, Miss Sabrina...Are you helping Springfield today?" RO asked.
"No, Springfield was given the day off. I'm here to taste-test the Commander's meal preparation exam!" Sabrina replied with enthusiasm.
RO stepped up to the counter. "Oh...Um...Listen, we think someone's pulling a prank on the Commander, and that these exams are a part of it. He's had a long day already, could you just go ahead and check him off so-"
"No." Sabrina suddenly asserted.
"H-Huh?" RO was taken aback.
"Pizza. Now!"
"Sabrina, this isn't the time for-" The Commander tried to speak up, but Sabrina's eyes began to glow red as she hopped over the counter and encroached upon the duo.
"Or you'll be smashed!" Sabrina's voice changed from her sweetly high pitch to a distorted snarl.
"Whoa! Whoa! Hey! Okay! Okay! You'll get your pizza, just calm down!" The Commander resigned.
In an instant, Sabrina reverted back to her cheerful smile. "Great! I want the largest size you can make, with pepperoni!" She stated, before her eyes changed back to an ominous red. "And it better not have pineapple." She snarled out.
"Extra large with pepperoni and no pineapple under any circumstances, got it." The Commander placatingly affirmed.
"Great! I'll be looking forward to it!" Sabrina cheerfully remarked before strolling off, leaving the Commander and RO alone at the counter.
Once Sabrina was out of earshot, the Commander turned to RO. "Do you..uh...know how to make pizza?"
"M-Me? I...uh...don't actually know how to do much other than instant noodles." RO confessed.
"Shit...I don't think I've cooked anything outside of a microwave since before I enlisted..."
"Well, we still have to try."
"Look, there's gotta be a place that does deliveries out here, there's no way S.A.T. 8 really cooks all of that pizza. She's gotta have help from outside."
"You just want to order one? Wouldn't that be cheating?"
"Damn it, RO, this is bigger than the training now! You saw how Sabrina gets when she's hungry, don't tell me you've already forgotten what happened last year! The safety of this entire outpost could be at stake here!"
RO massaged her temples. "God, how could I forget? You're right, we need to resolve this any way we can...Actually, I think there is a place..."
"I.O. Pizza, what can I get for you today?"
RO began the order. "Hi, I'd like to place an order for an Extra Large Pepperoni Pizza."
"Alright, so you want to invest in an Extra Large Pizza."
"Yes, with Pepperoni please."
"An Extra Large Pizza with one-topping."
"Yes, the topping is Pepperoni, please."
"You don't get to pick the topping, Ma'am, the topping is chosen for you."
"W-What?!" RO exclaimed.
"You might get pepperoni, if not, just keep ordering pizzas until you get the topping you want."
"Okay...And what's the chance of getting pepperoni?"
"Pepperoni is a 'Five-Star' topping, which means it is going to have a rate of around 0.03%, whereas toppings like Pineapple and Anchovies would have much higher rates. Of course, you could always invest more PizzaCores and Pizza-Contracts to improve your chances of a rare topping!"
"By how much?"
"I'm afraid that's classified, Ma'am."
RO lost her patience. "What the hell kind of business model is this?! I pay money to order something that I probably won't end up getting?! I'd have to buy over 150 pizzas from you to have anything close to a guarantee of getting what I want! This is a scam! How the hell could anybody stay in business doing this kind of thing?!"
"This is Pizza as a Service, Ma'am."
The phone clicked, and the line went dead.
"...Ma'am?."
RO all but slammed the phone back onto the hook. "Well, so much for that place..."
"Are you sure there's nowhere else?" The Commander asked dejectedly.
"Let me just do one last scan...Hang on, it looks like there is! Let me give that one a try!"
After 15 or so minutes, the buzzer rang. RO opened the door to find a deliverywoman with long, silver hair carrying a stack of pizza boxes.
"Wow, that was fast." RO remarked.
"I deliver on time or it's free." The lady spoke as she stepped into the café. Laying the boxes down on a table, she turned to the Commander. "You must be the esteemed Commander, a pleasure to make your acquaintance."
"Esteemed Commander? How would someone like you know of me?" The Commander asked as he stepped over to the pizza boxes.
The Commander lifted the lid of one of the boxes, only to find the box completely empty. "Hey, what the hell?!" The Commander exclaimed as he spun to the deliverywoman
The deliverywoman cackled ominously, "I am not here to deliver Pizza, Commander...My name is Mother Jane, and I am here to deliver your day of reckoning...Courtesy of Paradeus!"
With those words, two large, metallic tendrils snaked out from beneath Mother Jane's jacket, and shot towards the Commander and his Adjutant. RO shrieked as the tendril ensnared her and pinned her against the wall. The Commander suffered the same fate.
"A Nyto?!" RO gasped. "I can't...I can't move!"
The Commander struggled relentlessly as he tried to free himself from the appendage that had constricted around him, but it proved futile.
"Hey! Watch what you're doing with those things! We're going to lose the T rating because of you!" The Commander cried out.
Mother Jane chuckled smugly. "Your sense of humor in the face of the inevitable is charming, Commander - but it won't be enough to save you, or your darling."
RO fought against the Nyto's jamming with all she had. "Don't...you...dare...touch him!" RO snarled out.
Mother Jane cackled once again. "My...how sweet. I think you should be more appreciative, your potential is being wasted at this backwater hovel. You would be much better suited serving Father, he wants your Neural Core intact, after all...Though he did give me permission to tear it straight out of that body of yours if necessary. Perhaps if you go willingly, I will think about killing your beloved Commander quickly." Mother Jane spoke as she walked up to RO, and softly caressed her cheek. "What do you say, my dear? Are you going to be a good girl and come along quietly? Or are you going to do something stupid and cause your Commander so much undue suffering?"
Pfuh!
RO spat directly into the Mother Jane's eye, causing her to visibly flinch.
"That...was stupid." The Nyto snarled out.
"If you lay a finger on him...Then whatever you do to him, you will be wishing you were him by the time I'm done with you..." RO seethed with rage as her whole body tensed up.
Mother Jane erupted into laughter. "I find that very unlikely given the situation that you are in...But I would be more than happy to test that."
Mother Jane intently encroached on the Commander. "So, Commander...Any last words before I tear you apart?"
"I always find myself caught between 'Go to hell' or 'Go fuck yourself', so, I guess...Go to...fuck yourself?"
Mother Jane smirked. "Commander...I am going to enjoy breaking you."
Just then, the door to the café swung open, and SPAS-12 obliviously stepped inside with her eyes fixed on the pizza boxes. "Oh! Pizza's here!" Sabrina cried out and ran to the table, but her expression soured as soon as she lifted the lid to find an empty pizza box."
Mother Jane's attention shifted to the hungry doll. "Another victim...very well, let's see how funny you think you are after I demonstrate what I'm going to do to you on her."
Yet another appendage snaked out from beneath the Nyto's coat and ensnared Sabrina in an instant.
"Wha-What happened to the pizza?!" Sabrina cried out.
"Don't you get it, you buffoon! There is no pizza! There never was any pizza! Your foolish Commander caught all of you right in my trap!" The Nyto hissed.
Sabrina's brow furrowed, her eyes turned a radiant crimson. "What the hell?! You've got to me kidding me!" Sabrina snarled out and straight up tore her arm out of the Nyto's grasp, gripping the tendril hard enough that it deformed in her hand.
"Wha-?! Unhand me at once you gluttonous wench!" Mother Jane cried out in shock.
"NO! GET SOME GODDAMNED PIZZA HERE! NOW!" Sabrina shrieked out as she tugged on the appendage.
"H-How are you-"
"NOW!"
Sabrina violently ripped the appendage backwards. The sound of tearing flesh filled the room as the tendril was torn straight off the Nyto. The Commander and RO were released immediately and fell to the floor, while Mother Jane shrieked in pain, hobbling around as blood sprayed from the bloody stump where the appendage had been attached.
The pain was too much, stars and spots clouded the Nyto's vision as she lost her balance, slipping on the blood pooling beneath her and banging her head on a table as she slammed to the floor, writhing and moaning in agony as a raging torrent of blood continued to spew incessantly.
Meanwhile, RO breathed a sigh of relief after verifying that the Commander was uninjured...or at least, didn't have any new injuries. She then turned to Sabrina. "Sabrina, thank god! How did you...?"
"She lied about pizza...I didn't hesitate to kill." Sabrina replied as she grabbed one of the Nyto's remaining tendrils.
"Wait, what are you doing?!" RO asked with concern as Sabrina began pulling the Nyto towards her.
"If I can't have my pizza, I'll be happy to have a Nyto Sandwich!" Sabrina excitedly replied.
"No...NO!" Mother Jane suddenly cried out and dug her nails into the floor. "DON'T LET HER DO THIS!" She shrieked, her nails clawed deep into the floor as she was dragged backwards unabated. "SHOOT ME! KILL ME! JUST DON'T DO THIS! PLEASE!"
RO's eyes widened. "Uh...Sabrina...I don't think you should..."
Tears began streaming from Mother Jane's eyes as Sabrina drew closer and closer. "NOOO! NOOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
The sounds of crunching metal and churning flesh soon followed. RO's face went ghost-pale as she clasped her hands over her mouth.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Oh my god..." RO gasped out.
"Damn it, RO! Just run!" The Commander cried out.
RO's legs refused to move, and although Dolls supposedly couldn't puke, the sight before her made her stomach feel as if it was about to invert itself.
"Ah, hell..." The Commander grumbled out.
Scooping RO off her feet, the Commander tore out of the room like a bat out of hell carrying his adjutant in his arms.
"NOOO! DON'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! NOOOOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Even after they were far out of earshot, the Nyto's screams still echoed within them. So much for going back to bed after lunchtime, the Commander was lucky if he was going to sleep at all tonight.
"Commander...You can put me down now..." RO sheepishly uttered.
"Huh? Oh...Right..." The Commander gently set RO back down on her feet.
Both of them leaned against the wall, panting with exhaustion and relief.
"That was too fucking close..." the Commander huffed out.
"Yeah..."
"Tell me...Tell me that was the last thing."
"I think so...Hold on, there's a new notification..."
"A new one?..."
"...'If you want to find out who is responsible for this, come to the parking garage...'" RO read the message.
"So...they're finally going to reveal themselves."
"Yeah...And there'd better be a good reason for it." RO affirmed.
"That's supposed to be my line - whoever's doing this is going to be making this outpost fucking sparkle down to the last speck of dirt."
"Speaking of cleaning...What are we going to do about...her?..."
"Get a message to Agent...Tell her to bring a bucket and a mop...Or ten..."
And with that, the Commander and his adjutant set off to the last piece of the puzzle. Was the culprit really going to reveal themselves? Or were they walking into another wacky trial? Whatever the case, there is no way what was waiting for them could possibly be worse than what had just transpired...Right?
He swore to fucking god...