Just a random Kai x Rei fanfiction, written quite a while ago. I should have posted it up, but didn't. Now it has been, so you can (I assume) enjoy the angst-ridden Rei-ness.
Thank you to Mirai Shinranui (My wonderful Jas-chan!!! XD!) for betaing once again. I don't know what I would do without you, sweetie. I love you so much, thank you for putting up with me and my mistakes.
Frosted specks of ice riddled the corners of the smooth, transparent, glass, depicting the dwindling temperature outside. He placed his hand upon the surface, the warmth from him seeping into the material, and ebbing away into the deep, Russian evening.
'But it's not the only warmth leaving me,' he thought, a bitter taste in his mouth from the words forming in his mind. He removed his hand, smudging finger marks over the otherwise pristine surface.
He stared at his reflection, taking in his gaunt and tired frame, his limp hair, and his heavy eyes. This was not how he wanted to look; not how he wanted to appear to everyone, but it was not as though he had a choice. With little to no sleep, how else would he look, but sick and tired? When it came to eating, he was not doing much of that either, and his weight was fast becoming a worry, not only to himself, but to his teammates too.
He sighed, watching as people busied themselves with running indoors. Each one of them huddled into heat-retaining clothing, hurrying back to their loved ones, he supposed. Why would they be so quick to get out of the weather otherwise? He knew first hand, that as long as you were in warm clothing, the temperature outside could be bearable.
"Rei! Dinner is ready!" Max's singsong voice floated into the room, and Rei stepped back from the window. He should at least make an appearance at the dinner table, even if he was not very hungry. After all, they had made the effort cooking the food.
He exited the room, his yukata drooping, and loose around him. The brighter light of the living room hit him, and he narrowed his eyes to get used to the sudden change. He blinked back the light spots that floated in his vision.
An arm slung around his shoulders. "Rei, you have really got to stop sitting in the dark. It's doing nothing for your eyesight, ya know?"
"I know, Takao." Rei smiled at the younger boy. He felt the momentary weight lift from his shoulders, as Takao sped off toward the table.
"Ah, sweet! Look at all this food!" A greedy hand outstretched to grab at a bread roll. Thwack. "Ow! What the hell was that for, Kai?!"
An icy grin met Takao. "Hn. That's to go with dinner, not before, Takao."
The corner of Rei's mouth twitched into a small smile; so small that it was unrecognisable. He watched as Kai and Takao started arguing. Well, Takao was arguing, Kai was just retorting once the other took a breath. The words spoken by him eluded Rei, no matter how hard he tried, he just could not make out what Kai was saying.
He just stood there, arguing. It was as though Kai was not aware of anything around him, just Takao. Rei felt a small stab at his heart, and berated himself as he felt the urge to cry. He could not cry in front of everyone. He knew he deserved to be recognised, but it just was not happening. He was the one that was always being overlooked, the expendable one. All he wanted, all he needed, was to be seen, even just the once.
They sat down at the table, food spread out on the plates in front of them. Rei flicked the vegetables around on his plate, not feeling hungry in the slightest. Takao, as normal, was gobbling down his own meal at an alarming rate. The remaining bladers just ate at a normal pace, some of them disgusted with their mannerless teammate.
Rei took a small bite of the fish, which sat atop his rice, pulling a face afterwards. It was not as though he did not like it, more that he did not want to eat. With a quick glance in Kai's direction, Rei saw the disapproving look on the other's face. Placing his chopsticks back onto the table, he pushed his plate away.
"Thank you for the meal." Rei started to stand, but stopped in his movement when an overbearing noise startled him.
Kai had slammed his glass on the table. "For fucks sake, what the hell is wrong with you?"
The whole team looked startled, not expecting the outburst from their 'uncaring' team leader. Rei frowned. "Nothing is wrong with me. I'm just not hungry."
"Bullshit." Kai copied Rei, and put down his chopsticks.
Rei felt his cheeks heat up in anger, and bristled. "It's the truth, I'm not hungry."
"Look, your little lies may be deluding the likes of Takao and Max, but give me a bit more credit."
Rei's eyes went dark. "Just because you know me that bit more than the rest of the team, doesn't mean you can jump to conclusions. I said there was nothing wrong, and that I'm just not hungry. Why can't you accept that?"
Kai growled. "I can't accept that, Rei, because it's not just the food. It's the not sleeping - don't look at me like that - I know you aren't sleeping, and the sitting in the dark. You have stopped talking to me about your problems… Why?"
"Not in front of the team, Kai…"
"Stuff them. I want an answer. Why?"
A damp feeling pricked the corners of Rei's eyes. "I-I can't… I can't talk to you about it…"
Kai took a breath. "Rei, whatever the problem is, I'm here to listen. You know that."
Rei jerked his head up, tearful eyes looking straight at Kai. "You! You're my problem! Is that what you wanted to hear, Kai?! Is that… what you wanted?"
Silence surrounded them all; the only sound was the sniffles coming from the upset teenager. Kai was the first to break it. "H-how… why?"
"Why? Why?! I don't know if you've noticed, Kai, but our friendship has just stopped recently! There's nothing else to add to it, that's it…and, I know you wanted to have a friend, someone to talk to; you were willing to do anything. But, can't you see…you're not able to do anything else!"
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
"You and me, we're best friends. I trust you more than anyone, but Kai…" Rei took a breath, his eyes becoming heavy. "It's not enough. I know you'd never fall in love. You've told me so many times before; you couldn't love anyone, because you didn't know how.
You wouldn't change, just for one person. I know relationships wouldn't be your thing either, you always told me you didn't like the feeling of commitment to one person alone. So what fucking chance did I have?"
"Rei…"
"I love you, Kai. I really, really, love you. Let me feel this, even if it's hurting me. Don't feel obligated to say something, just because it's making me ill." Rei smiled at everyone. "Thank you for the meal, I-I'm going to go to the room now."
The stunned table of people watched as he retreated, opening the door and disappearing from view. Takao turned to Kai. "What are you going to do? Kai?"
Tears were not in the eyes of only Rei, they were in Kai's too. "I don't know, Takao. I- don't know…"
Rei was on the bed when Kai entered the room. He did not even look over at the door, because he knew who it was without averting his gaze.
"You should have said something."
"Maybe. Hey, do you remember that time you told me that I looked better with my hair down? I wore it in a ponytail for a week, before I got sick of all the tangles!" Rei laughed, it was clear that it was a nervous one.
"Rei…"
"Look, Kai. Don't feel that you have to say anything. It's no big deal, really!"
Kai flopped down onto the edge of the bed. "It is a big deal. Rei, I'm making you ill. It hurts to know I'm the one causing this, I want to do something…"
"Well, you can't. You don't love me. That's what I want, Kai. I want you to love me. The only way you love me is platonically."
Kai frowned. "Rei…"
"No, Kai let me finish! I understand that you don't love me in that way. Honest, it is fine. I know what you're like with feelings and all that. Just, don't worry about me being ill. I'll get better, it might take some time, but I will get better. If not, I'll die, either way it will get me out of your hair."
"Rei, for Gods sake, SHUT UP!" Kai snapped, and Rei recoiled into a ball. "Look, please just let me say something…"
"F-Fine…"
"Rei, I never said I didn't love you. I just, well… I don't know how I feel. I mean, I love you. I want to protect you, do anything for you. But, I'm a little confused is all. Maybe… you could give me a little time to think. Could you do that for me?"
Rei blushed. "I'd do anything for you."
Kai shuffled across the bed and pulled Rei into a tight hug, kissing his forehead. "Good. Promise you won't go dying anytime soon, ok?"
"Promise."
A little bit of a different take on the Kai x Rei confession/get together. It doesn't always run as smoothly as all that. I hope this was satisfactory for you all! Until next time.
Hikari Donya xxx