"That isn't possible." I said bleakly from the window seat where I was sitting. I didn't look at Jesse as I spoke. I didn't trust myself to look at him. Last night had confused me even more. I had felt…..something. Whenever I was around him I felt different. More alive. And not because he was dead and I was not. He seemed to light a fire within me. One that I half hoped would just disappear. It was the other half of me that was proving difficult.
"I'm afraid to say it is." Jesse replied calmly. I stole a quick breath turning my attention to the man sitting lazily against one of my bedposts. He flashed me an annoyed look. He had already been told off for looking at me once. I couldn't really blame him for his ill feelings towards me.
"And you say that he sent me here?" I inquired softly. Jesse motioned as if to speak, but Paul cut him off, flashing me an evil grin.
"I didn't 'send' you here. I merely gave you a push in the right direction."
"You told her that you'd exorcised me. You knew full well that she would try to help me." Jesse injected angrily.
So they assumed I'd come back because of a ghost. Why on earth would I do that? It was my job to send them onto their next lives after all. I mentioned this to them which earned a chuckle from Paul. Jesse just regarded me sadly. I felt uncomfortable under his unhappy gaze. Like I should be saying something to make him happy again. But what could I say that would ever do that?
"You said my mother misses me?" I whispered. I was glad that that made Paul fall silent. Jesse didn't seem to have expected that either. He had briefly told me of my family and how they had been torn apart after my disappearance. It broke my heart that – if I was to believe them – I may never see my mother again. My real mother.
I looked up at Jesse with tears in my eyes. I wouldn't let myself cry again though. I had to remain calm if I was to understand everything. I gulped and ground my teeth together, looking everywhere but his face. The way he looked at me just then….I couldn't bare it.
"Look Suze, 1850 isn't that bad. You'll adjust. It's your own fault you're here anyway. All you had to do was give up your stupid ideas about you and……" before he finished, Jesse pushed him out onto the balcony and hissed:
"Stay." Before slamming the doors shut and drawing the heavy velvet curtains across.
He then turned to me. I was quite aware of the fact we were alone in together. I felt like running away all over again. I was about to ask him to leave when he came and sat down beside me. My heart stopped. Well not literally but painfully all the same. This close I could see him in even greater detail. The small scar in his brow, the blackness of his dark eyes.
"There is something I have not yet told you." He whispered softly. The sound made me shiver. But not in a bad way. I shifted around so that I was facing him, and was surprised to see his features soften as he looked at me.
"Tell me." I replied taking his hand. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Whatever he was going to say seemed to be very painful. Or maybe it was just hard for him to explain. I hadn't taken very well to his last revelation.
"When we were back in your…..our time. We…." He stopped. But I already could guess what he was going to say. I wasn't even surprised. It explained the strange feelings I had. And why he'd come back for me. It was because he loved me. And I love him. The thought struck me with fear. I wasn't supposed to love ghosts. It wasn't proper. It was against everything I – my family – believed.
But they aren't your family, the little voice in my head told me quietly. And this isn't you.
"Jesse I…." but I didn't get to finish what I was about to say. Mostly because at that exact moment Jesse cupped my face and kissed me.