How I Feel

Chapter the second: But I'm Trying

Conan entered the Kudou home well after midnight. He wanted to be alone more. He'd had his time to think, and he'd decided. He wasn't going to be a detective anymore. He wasn't going to help Mouri solve cases. He wasn't going to care. Kudou Shinichi was dead. He accepted that. He went and sat on the couch in the living room and eventually fell into a deep sleep.

---

"What?! What do you mean you quit the detective league?!" Genta shouted.

"You can't quit the Junior Detective League, Conan!" Ayumi exclaimed.

"But I do. Sorry you guys," he said in a monotone voice. He turned and started to walk away.

"Conan, you can't just leave us," Mitsuhiko said. "Tell us why."

"I just don't want to be a detective anymore, okay? Just leave me alone," he grumbled, walking away and sitting by himself. He didn't speak to anyone else. He didn't raise his hand to answer questions, and he didn't chant his times tables with everyone else. He sat alone on a bench at recess and watched the other children laugh and play, as though they hadn't a care in the word. When he returned home, Ran greeted him worriedly.

"Conan-kun!" she shrieked, hugging him tightly. "Thank God you're okay! I was so worried!"

"Sorry Ran-neechan," he whispered insincerely. She pulled away and looked at him concernedly.

"What's the matter Conan-kun?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said.

"No, no something's wrong, I can tell," she said. "What happened to you, Conan-kun?"

"Nothing happened. I was just on a walk," he said.

"A walk all night? What about Heiji, you were with him weren't you?" she asked.

"I was but then I told him to leave. I don't know where he is now," Conan said, not caring.

"What? You mean you were alone?" Ran shrieked.

"Yeah," Conan said. "I just wanted some time."

"Heiji left you alone? I thought he was going to apologize," Ran said.

"He did. But he didn't leave me alone, I left him alone," Conan said.

"I'll go call him. Why don't you go and play with your little friends?" Ran suggested.

"I don't have friends," he said simply, going into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Ran almost dropped the telephone. What was wrong with her bright, happy little friend?

--- One Week Later ---

Kazuha tapped her fingers idly on the desk at the Tokyo police department, waiting for her father to come out of the meeting he was currently in. She had to admit, it was quite boring in a police station. The phone rang. She ignored it. It kept ringing and ringing...and ringing... and it was getting annoying. Looking around, she saw no one, so she picked up the phone and held it to her ear.

"Umm...hello?" she said.

"Kazuha?" Ran's voice asked confusedly. "Since when do you work at the police station?"

"I don't but no one's around so I answered. What's wrong?" Kazuha asked.

"Have you heard from Heiji? Conan-kun said that he was with him, but then left and he has no clue where Heiji is now. I'm worried, I can't get a hold of Heiji and Conan-kun is acting oddly," Ran said, sounding nervous and maybe frightened.

"No I haven't heard from him. I thought he was with you," Kazuha said. Her father entered from the door to the right, along with Heiji's.

"Come, Kazuha," he beckoned. She nodded.

"Sorry, Ran. I have to go. I'll call you later," she said. "Bye."

"Kazuha, you know that police lines aren't for your own private conversations with your friends!" Mr. Toyama scolded.

"Ran called looking for Heiji. He's gone missing, do you know where he is?" she asked.

"Heiji's missing?" Mr. Hattori asked.

"Ran said that he was with Conan but then Conan left and no one has seen Heiji since," Kazuha said. "You don't think something happened do you?"

"Well, he's a smart boy," Mr. Toyama started.

"He might've gone back to Osaka. We'll fly back and see if he's there," Mr. Hattori said.

"What if he isn't?" Kazuha asked.

"We'll tell Mouri to keep an eye out around Tokyo for him," Mr. Toyama said. "But now we have to go."

"But what if something terrible happened?" Kazuha asked.

---

"I don't want to go to school Ran-neechan!" Conan cried. She frowned.

"Conan-kun, you're acting very strangely," she said. "What happened to you? Now get up, put on your clothes and go to school! You used to love going to school!"

"But not now! Now I'm a normal eight year old and I don't want to go!" he protested, burying his face in the pillow.

"Is that it? You want to be like everyone else?" she asked.

"I am like everyone else," he mumbled, drifting in and out of sleep.

"But you used to be unique! What happened to my happy little boy who loved school?" she asked. He looked at her.

"I don't want to be different anymore," he whispered.

"Why not?" she asked quietly.

"Because I remind you of Shinichi. And Shinichi's not coming back," he whispered, turning over.

"What do you mean Shinichi isn't coming back?" she asked. "Conan-kun, answer me!" she demanded, flipping him over to face her.

"Dr. Agasa said he wasn't coming back. He said that he went to America and that he was staying there," Conan lied expertly.

"He wouldn't do that," Ran said. "I know Shinichi, he wouldn't do that."

"Maybe there's something about him he doesn't want you to know. That's why he left. He knows that if you found out you wouldn't like him anymore," Conan said.

"But that doesn't matter to me. I'd love Shinichi no matter what, he should know that," Ran said. "I'll tell Dr. Agasa to tell him now –," she started, but she was cut off when the phone rang. She stood up and headed out towards the kitchen to answer it. Conan followed, curious to see who would call so early in the morning. Conan got there first and pressed the speaker button.

"Mouri residence," Ran said, looking at Conan suspiciously. The eerie sound of heavy, labored breathing filled the room. Kogoro looked up from the couch and watched and listened interestedly. There was the sound of footsteps and a loud thud noise, followed by a gasp of pain and indistinguishable muttered words. There was a weak cough.

"Hello, is anyone there?" Ran asked.

"It's Heiji," his voice sounded weakly through the room.

"Heiji? What's wrong? Where have you been for the last week? Kazuha's worried sick!" Ran said.

"I haven't been home," he replied, his voice cracking. Conan stared blankly at the machine.

"What's going on, Heiji?" Ran asked.

"I was attacked," he started dizzily. "And now I don't know where I am."

"Attacked?!" Kogoro yelped. "Hattori, what happened exactly?"

"I don't really know," Heiji said, sounding like he'd pass out any second. Conan licked his lips nervously and didn't say anything. "All I know is that I was attacked from behind...and I keep feeling a weird...sort of pinches...like a needle or something...in my neck...and I'm really tired..." he said, drifting in and out of a half-sleep.

"Stay awake, Heiji," Kogoro said urgently, suddenly sober. "Why did you call?"

"Didn't...tied up..." he said vaguely. "Can't remember..."

"Heiji!" Ran cried. There was the sound of the phone shifting. A new voice, being disguised, sounded through the room.

"If you want your little friend to stay alive, you better listen and listen well," it said.

"What do you want?" Kogoro asked.

"We want Kudou," the voice said.

"What?" Ran asked. "Why?"

"We have a score to settle. We'll keep in touch. Say goodbye to your little friend," if they were in the same room, they'd see his evil smirk. There was a shift again and Heiji breathed tiredly into the receiver.

"Heiji," Ran said quietly.

"Ran," he whispered.

"What is it, Heiji?" she asked.

"If you s-see Kudou," he started tiredly. "Tell him – I'm sorry."

---

Sanna - You want the end already? It's only the second chapter!

Lyn Jarewo Wors - lol nice vocab

kristanite - Why thank you

Angie Child - I love Heiji fics too!

Moomoomoody - Jeez have a cow! (laughs loudly) get it? do ya? cuz you're moomoomoody...(crickets chirp) yeah. well i updated